January 16, 2015

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Friday, January 16, 2015        Edition: #5377

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

★ Olympic star-turned-TV personality Bruce Jenner’s radical transformation on today’s cover of “In Touch Weekly” magazine has a lot of people talking. Jenner appears on the latest edition of the gossip rag in an obviously doctored photo sporting bright coral-colored lipstick, blush-covered cheeks, and a female-style haircut over top the headline, “Bruce’s Story: My Life As a Woman”. An insider quotes his ex-wife Kris Jenner as saying: “It’s just mean to do, whether or not it’s true.” (A somewhat weak denial, no?)
– TMZ.com
★ Dylan McDermott is reportedly engaged to Maggie Q (Margaret Quigley), his co-star on the CBS-TV series “Stalker”, on which they play a pair of LA detectives investigating stalkers. McDermott, former star of TV series “The Practice, and the “Live Free or Die Hard” actress first sparked rumors of a new romance back in September. They made their red carpet debut together at the Golden Globes this week. (So far there’s no official engagement confirmation.)
– “New York Post”
★ After only 4 months on “The View”, Rosie Perez is leaving the morning TV talk show. Perez has taken January off to appear in the Broadway play “Fish In the Dark”, but it’s now understood she won’t be coming back. It’s unclear when ABC-TV will officially announce her departure, but producers have already been trying out other co-hosts in her seat at the round table. “The View” has experienced a dramatic tumble in ratings in its 18th season. It’s thought Perez just never got the hang of the show, having trouble reading a TelePrompTer for instance. (BS translation: She be axed.)
– Variety.com

• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Tearist (“Living”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show” (CBS/Omni 1) – Tonight Gavin DeGraw (“Finest Hour: The Best Of Gavin DeGraw”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Tonight Ella Henderson (“Chapter One”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Train (“Bulletproof Picasso”).
• “Motown the Musical” (NYC) – Sunday Berry Gordy’s Broadway show based on Motown hits of the 1960s-70s closes for 17 months so it can go on the road. A production is planned in Britain this Summer. It again hits the stage at NYC’s Lunt Fontanne Theatre in July 2016.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Kevin Hart (“The Wedding Ringer”); musical guest Sia (“Elastic Heart”).
• “Whitney” (Lifetime) – Saturday actress Angela Bassett makes her directorial debut with this made-for-TV biopic about tragic superstar singer Whitney Houston, who passed away at age 48 in 2012. Houston is portrayed by Arlen Escarpeta. Whitney’s family is less than thrilled.

• Brad Paisley – He’s extending his “Country Nation World Tour” through March, with a new leg beginning Saturday in Morgantown WV, his home state. Special guests throughout the trek are Parmalee and The Swon Bros.
• Fleetwood Mac – They lead a new “Forbes” ranking of high-priced live acts, with average ‘secondary’ ticket prices (aka scalped) of circa $305 for gigs during their “On With the Show” tour. Maroon 5 ranks 2nd at $280, Taylor Swift 3rd at $260.
• Mark Ronson w/Bruno Mars – “Uptown Funk!” is the week’s most-downloaded single; it’s now broken the 2-million mark in total sales.
• Maroon 5 – Would you want them to crash your meticulously planned wedding? The new video for their single “Sugar” seems to suggest no one would mind if they arrived unannounced and performed. Inside word has it the stunt was far more pre-planned than the video lets on.
• Nicki Minaj – Sunday night she’s getting a 2nd MTV documentary special. The follow-up to 2010’s “My Time Now” is entitled – what else? – “My Time Again”.
• Nirvana – Web retailers eBay and Etsy have removed listings for T-shirts printed with Kurt Cobain’s suicide note after an online petition by outraged fans stated it was disrespectful to be making money off his tragic death. Who would have thought this a good idea in the first place?
• Taylor Swift – “1989” is spending its 9th week at #1 on the ‘Billboard 200’ album chart for next week. Swift’s 5th album has now sold 3.94 million units, making the 4-million target an easy one to hit.

• “Blackhat” (  R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Chris Hemsworth stars as a furloughed convict who, alongside his American and Chinese partners, hunts down a high-level cyber-crime network from Chicago to Los Angeles to Hong Kong to Jakarta. Directed by Michael Mann. Co-stars Viola Davis (“How to Get Away With Murder”), Wei Tang, Leehom Wang.
NET: http://blackhat.legendary.com
• “Paddington” (  PG Family Comedy ): A young Peruvian bear finds himself lost and alone at London’s Paddington Station, where he meets the kindly ‘Brown’ family who offer him a home. Stars Hugh Bonneville (“Downton Abbey”), Sally Hawkins, Julie Walters. Based on the Michael Bond children’s books. Has already earned $50 million at the UK box office.
NET: http://www.paddington.com/us/home
• “The Wedding Ringer” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Josh Gad plays a socially awkward groom-to-be with no best man lined up for his wedding. With less than 2 weeks to go until he marries the girl of his dreams (“Big Bang Theory” actress Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting), he runs into the owner of Best Man Inc (Kevin Hart), a company that provides flattering best men for guys in need.
NET: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/theweddingringer
• Opening in limited release: “American Sniper” (War Drama); “Little Accidents” (Drama); “Spare Parts” (Drama); “Still Alice” (Drama); and “Son Of a Gun” (Crime Drama).

Revenge just got a whole lot more sparkly. For a small fee, a new Australian company will send an envelope filled with glitter that’s ‘guaranteed to go everywhere’ to the enemy of your choosing. The envelope is sent anonymously and includes a note saying what a jerk your victim is (only in more colorful language). The glitter is mixed in with the note, thus increasing maximum spillage. The service, launched on Monday, costs $9.99 in Aussie dollars. It’s already received more than 800 requests and has temporarily suspended accepting new orders until it catches up. (If you’re still vacuuming glitter from carpets that came off Christmas wrap 4 years ago, you know how truly cruel this can be.)
NET: http://shipyourenemiesglitter.com
– Sourced from “Washington Post”

Racked with guilt over the hundreds of Keurig cups (or similar product) you’re tossing in the trash to fill up the local landfill? A few ideas on repurposing the little plastic containers …
✓ Explore Nature – Got kids who are obsessed with bugs? Give them tiny pods to keep critters enclosed (and not crawling around the house) when they bring their latest finds indoors.
✓ Get Organized – If you’d rather not purchase yet another bin for all the bits and baubles in your life, just make yourself a K-cup of coffee. Poof! Instant paper clip container.
✓ Preserve Herbs – When you need only a pinch of parsley, for instance, but have to buy the whole bunch, empty K-cups work well for freezing herbs for later.
✓ Start Seeds – These pods are the perfect size for coaxing seedlings along in their early days of life. Plus, bits of leftover coffee grounds in your soil can benefit acid-loving plants.
✓ String Up Lights – Get your patio party-ready by hanging tiny lightbulbs poked through the little cups to create a soft glow.
(Even better, pressure the company to make the damn things recyclable! How hard can it be?)
– Adapted from GoodHousekeeping.com

A new pot spray promising to help women have better sex hits the shelves at a marijuana boutique in Aspen CO next week. The makers of ‘Foria’, which contains marijuana extract, claims the relaxing and aphrodisiac properties of cannabis (now legal in Colorado) helps women to have better and more satisfying sex. The edible coconut oil-based lubricant is meant to be spritzed on 30 minutes before sex. The product is being launched at the “X Games” in Aspen, which begin January 22nd. It’s the latest in a burgeoning line of marijuana-infused products, from lotions to candies to patches. Observers say there’s little scientific evidence to back up the new product’s efficacy. (But we’re talking sex & drugs … so who really cares?)
– USAToday.com

• Drinking water made from human waste actually tastes great after extensive filtering. In fact, philanthropist Bill Gates is helping introduce the process to countries in need of fresh water..
– “The Independent”
• There is enough water in the Great Lakes’ Lake Superior alone to cover all of North & South America in 1 foot of liquid.
– List25.com
• Men are twice as likely to drown as women.
– “The Journal”


1959 [56] Sadé (Helen Folasade Adu), Ibadan, Nigeria, pop-jazz singer (“Soldier of Love”, “Smooth Operator”)

1974 [41] Kate Moss, Addiscomb UK, fashion model who’s appeared on over 300 magazine covers  BS FACTOID: This week she publicly supported disgraced designer John Galliano as he made his fashion comeback in London 4 years after his anti-Semitic rant scandal.

1980 [35] James Young, Denton TX, country guitarist (Eli Young Band-“Drunk Last Night”, “Crazy Girl”)

1981 [34] Nick Valensi, NYC, rock guitarist (The Strokes-“Last Nite”, “Juicebox”)

1985 [30] Joe Flacco, Audubon NJ, NFL quarterback (Baltimore Ravens since 2008)

1985 [30] Renée Felice Smith, Long Island NY, TV actress (‘Nell Jones’ on “NCIS: Los Angeles” since 2010)

TV actress Betty White (“Hot in Cleveland”) is 93; Former heavyweight boxing champ Muhammad Ali is 73; TV actress Joanna David (“Downton Abbey”) is 68; TV personality Steve Harvey (“Family Feud”) is 58; Movie actor Jim Carrey (“Dumb & Dumber To”) is 53; US first lady Michelle Obama is 51; Country-rock singer Kid Rock (“All Summer Long”) is 44; TV actress Zooey Deschanel (“New Girl”) is 35; DJ-producer Calvin Harris (“Let’s Go”) is 31; Folk-rock drummer Jeremiah Fraites (The Lumineers) is 29.

Movie actor-director Kevin Costner (“Draft Day”) is 60; Rock singer Jonathan Davis (KoRn) is 44; TV/movie actor Jason Segel (“How I Met Your Mother”) is 35.

• “Customer Service Day”, an annual reminder of just how important it is for any business.
• “International Fetish Day”, the 3rd Friday of the year, celebrating the various kinds of kink that the kinky get off on.
• “Hot & Spicy Food International Day”, encouraging us to spice up our lives in order to add some zest to a Winter’s day. What’s the absolute hottest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?
• “Religious Freedom Day”, when you all have the right to believe the same stuff I do.

• “Hot-Buttered Rum Day”, a sure cure for a cold Winter’s day. (Mmm, butter and rum. Now if they could just add bacon somehow …)
• “Judgment Day”, a day to look at yourself in the mirror and see how you’re doing on your New Year’s resolutions. Some dissenting folk somewhere have named this “Ditch New Years Resolutions Day”, a day to be honest with yourself and admit that you’re never gonna do it.
• “Kid Inventors Day”, to acknowledge past & present accomplishments of kid inventors and encourage the creativity of future kid inventors. It’s estimated a half-million children and teens invent things each year. Among them – waterskis, earmuffs, and the Popsicle.
NET: http://www.kidinventorsday.com

• “Thesaurus Day”, celebrating the birthday of the author of “Roget’s Thesaurus”. Peter Roget was born on this day in 1779. (Say, what’s another word for thesaurus anyway?)
• “Winnie the Pooh Day”, honoring the birth date of “Winnie-the-Pooh” author AA Milne (1882-1956) in London UK. (Disney says thanks for the profits, dude.)

2011 [04] “The Social Network” is the big winner at the 68th Golden Globes, picking up awards for ‘Best Drama’, ‘Best Director’, ‘Best Screenplay’, and ‘Best Original Score’

2006 [09] Africa’s 1st female elected head-of-state, Liberia’s new president Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, is sworn in

2005 [10] Romanian university lecturer & novelist Adriana Iliescu gives birth at age 66 to a daughter, Eliza, breaking the record for ‘World’s Oldest Birth Mother’

[Mon] “The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore” premieres (replacing “The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central)
[Mon] Martin Luther King Day (USA)
[Mon] World Day of Migrants & Refugees
[Tues] Penguin Awareness Day
[Tues] Disc Jockey Day
[Tues] Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day
This Week Is … Fresh Squeezed Juice Week
This Month Is … Personal Self-Defense Awareness Month


• “5 Best Foods to Put in Your Thermos” – Chatelaine.com
• “Should You Crowdfund the Cost of Having a Baby?” – Cosmopolitan.com
• “The Pros & Cons of Morning Sex” – Glamour.com
• “5 Bad Habits That Make Your Boobs Sag” – Redbook.com
• “Famous Brazilian Butt Model Is Now Rotting From Botched Thigh Injections” – Cosmopolitan.com
• “9 Unfailing Ways to Finally Get Over Your Ex So You Can Meet Someone New” – AskMen.com
• “What Your Favorite Shoes Say About You” – MensHealth.com
• “How to Resole Hiking Boots” – MensJournal.com
• “How to Look Good With Wild Hair” – Maxim.com
• “Lose Your Gut” – MensFitness.com

You run down the list while a caller/studio guest/crew member selects their top choice …
• Movies made out of old school TV shows – OR – TV shows made out of old school movies?
• A handwritten thank-you note on expensive vanilla parchment sent by mail – OR – A 140-character thank-you text using acronyms and short-forms dashed off on a smartphone?
• Toothpaste tube rolled up neatly – OR – toothpaste tube squeezed flat and twisted into a sticky mess?
• French-press coffee made from freshly-ground beans – OR – environmentally disastrous lazy-ass K-cup brew?
• Toilet paper roll delivering tissue over the top – OR – mounted disturbingly and incorrectly to deliver tissues underneath?
• Personal gifts for wedding couples – OR – impersonal gift registries where guests cannot comparison shop?
• An online gallery of cute kittens doing mischievous things – OR – yet another online gallery of Miley Cyrus with no clothes on (again)?
• Watching movies on giant screen in a theater – OR – watching movies on your smartphone while wearing bifocals?
• A vacation baking in the sun on an endless beach – OR – a vacation freezing your tush at a ski resort where you fall on your face (12 times)?

☎ What’s the most embarrassing body problem you’ve ever Googled?

I’m in therapy now. I used to be in denial, which is a lot cheaper.

Question: 55% of people who own one of THESE say it relaxes them after a hard day at work.
Answer. A dog.

It’s better to be lost in the shuffle than just shuffle along with the lost.

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