January 17 2018

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Wednesday, January 17, 2018 – Edition: #6137

Another Sheetload of Bull!

★ Get set for ‘Harry and Meghan’ – the TV movie.  Lifetime has put a film chronicling the romance of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle into development.  Casting is currently underway. No premiere date has been set, but the film appears set for a May launch, in the lead-up to the May 19 royal wedding.
(As if there was any doubt!)
★ Keanu Reeves is set to reprise his role as John Wick – though in a more brief capacity – in a spin-off  TV series called ‘The Continental’.  It will follow the drama within the hotel of the same name which appears in the movies as a kind of sanctuary for assassins.  Reeves is an executive producer, though he will only be making an appearance in the series as opposed to being the main star.  There are also plans for a third John Wick movie, set for Spring of 2019, and Reeves is confirmed to star in that.
★ Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson were reportedly spooked by spirits when they held a seance. The mother and daughter were enjoying an evening with friends at Goldie’s home when they decided to use a Ouija board.  But things apparently took a serious supernatural turn when an ”uninvited guest” showed up and began speaking through the letters and numbers on the board and freaked everyone out with a series of ”frightening” comments.
★ Millie Bobby Brown says she felt ”so empowered” when she shaved all of her hair off for her role in ‘Stranger Things’.  She says that the last strand of hair cut off while they were filming, so she couldn’t hide behind her hair like she used to.  She says she feels more confident with her short ‘do, and that, “Shaving your head is so empowering. You don’t need hair to be beautiful. You are beautiful with or without”.
(Speak for yourself…)
★ Sharon Stone was given a “5 percent chance” of living when she was struck by a brain hemorrhage in 2001.  Stone says she had to relearn “everything” when her life was “wiped out” as a result of the ruptured blood vessel.  In a candid interview, Stone said she believes work dried up following her recovery because she was considered to be a “broken person.”  She returns to TV in Steven Soderbergh’s “Mosaic” later this month.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Bill Maher, Lauv
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Savannah Guthrie, Hoda Kotb, Edgar Ramirez, French Montana
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Ricky Gervais, Matt Czuchry, Jon Bon Jovi
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sean “Diddy” Combs, Luke Evans, Nicole Sullivan, John Stanier
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kyra Sedgwick, Ed Helms, Lena Waithe, Stefflon Don
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Molly Shannon, Aaron Sorkin, Mo Welch
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, Gerard Butler
• “The View” (ABC/CTV):Jeremiah Brent, guest co-host Alicia Menendez
• “The Talk” (CBS): Allison Janney, Scott Evans
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): J.K. Simmons, Darren Criss
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Sarah Jessica Parker, Camila Cabello
• “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” (FX):  The anthology’s second installment will focus on the 1997 murder of fashion designer Gianni Versace (played by Edgar Ramirez) in Miami. Darren Criss, Penelope Cruz, and Ricky Martin also star.
• ” The Amazing Race” (CBS): The race continues in Tangier, Morocco, where racers participate in a fishy challenge and scale buildings.

• The Cranberries – singer Dolores O’Riordan, died Monday in London while there for a recording session.  A rep for the band would only say she died “suddenly.” Some reports say she had attempted suicide by OD in 2013.  In May 2017, she told an interviewer that she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years earlier and had struggled with the symptoms for years.
• Camila Cabello – The former Fifth Harmony member has broken an iTunes record with her debut solo album ‘Camila‘.  Since its release on Friday, the album has gone to Number One on 99 iTunes charts around the world, making Cabello the first solo artist to achieve that many top spots in the platform’s history.
• Iggy Azalea – blew up over a report that she had a “dinner date” with her ex-fiancé Nick Young in L.A .on Sunday.  She says it was pure coincidence that they were at the same place at the same time, and said she would never share a table with the guy “who created a full human behind my back.”  The pair split in 2016, after the Golden State Warriors player impregnated his ex.
• Journey – are expected to announce a co-headlining tour with Def Leppard, reportedly starting in May. Details haven’t been revealed yet, but guitarist Neal Schon seems to have confirmed it at the end of the caption on an Instagram post where he wrote,  “Journey and Def Leppard comin’ soon!”
•  Fleetwood Mac – are streaming a previously-unheard early version of their song ‘Monday Morning’ ahead of this Friday’s  release of an expanded reissue of their self-titled 1975 album.
• Carrie Underwood – has released her highly anticipated new single ‘The Champion’, which features Ludacris. The song was written for the Super Bowl, and she says she tested it out on her husband and former professional hockey player Mike Fisher.  She says he loved it and wanted to play it for his team before playoff games, but she couldn’t let him.
• Johnny Cash – ‘Jurassic World’ producer Frank Marshall will be involved in an upcoming Johnny Cash documentary. Thom Zimny, the award-winning filmmaker behind numerous Bruce Springsteen documentaries and HBO Films’ Elvis Presley: The Searcher documentary, is set to direct the untitled movie.  Marshall will co-executive produce.
• Zac Brown Band – has announced the ‘Down the Rabbit Hole Live Tour’, which kicks off on June 8 in Lincoln, NE. OneRepublic and Leon Bridges will serve as opening acts. The tour runs through Sept. 22 in San Diego, CA, when the band performs with the Eagles and the Doobie Brothers.

Counting sheep.  A hot bath.  Warm milk. Avoiding electronics for an hour.  There are many things that people swear by in order to be able to fall asleep shortly after their head hits the pillow.  Here’s the latest, and it is scientist-approved.  Write out your next day’s ‘to-do’ list. Psychologists at Baylor University in Texas decided to see if keeping a pre-bedtime journal influenced people’s ability to fall asleep. In the study, half the participants were asked to write a “completed list,” describing everything they accomplished in the past few days. The other half wrote a to-do list, laying out what they needed to remember to get done in the next few days.  They found that people who wrote to-do lists before bed fell asleep nine minutes faster than the ones who wrote about what they had accomplished.  In fact, the longer and more specific their to-do lists were, the quicker people fell asleep. Oddly enough, the opposite was also true; people who wrote longer completed lists took longer to snooze.  Their conclusion: “To facilitate falling asleep, individuals may derive benefit from writing a very specific to-do list for five minutes at bedtime rather than journaling about completed activities.”
( #1: Fall asleep…)
(Just what I wanted.  Homework.)
(On the other hand, my life is so boring that I’d probably do better writing about my accomplishments…ZZZZZ)

GM has introduced the world’s first  production car that has no driver controls whatsoever. That means no steering wheel. That means no pedals. That means no gear selector. You are at the mercy of your robot chauffeur.  At last week’s Consumer Electronics Show, they revealed their new autonomous vehicle, the ‘Cruise AV’, which they plan to mass-produce by 2019.  It is designed to drive safely with no driver, no steering wheel, no pedals or any other manual controls. GM did say there will be a button that passengers can press to stop the car on demand in case of an emergency.
(Hey, can I at least play with the radio?)
(If this car is looking after everything, does that mean I’m allowed to text?)
(The fact that there is a button to stop it ‘just in case’ kinda freaks me out…)

The best jobs to have in 2018, based on things like salary, employment rate, stress level and work-life balance (All figures U.S.):
1. Software Developer:  $100,080 Median Salary – 1.6% Unemployment Rate

2. Dentist:  $153,900 Median Salary – 0.4% Unemployment Rate

3. Physician Assistant:  $101,480 Median Salary – 0.7% Unemployment Rate

4. Nurse Practitioner:  $100,910 Median Salary – 0.7% Unemployment Rate

5. Orthodontist:  $208,000 Median Salary – 0.4% Unemployment Rate

(I’d like to thank my kid’s orthodontist for allowing me to put his kids through college, so THEY too can become orthodontists!)

Highest-paying jobs:
1. Anesthesiologist:  Mean salary: $269,600

2. Surgeon: Mean salary: $252,910

3. Obstetrician and Gynecologist:  Mean salary: $234,310

4. Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeon:  Mean salary: $232,870

5. Orthodontist:  Mean salary: $228,780

(Weird I don’t see ‘CEO’ in here.  Or ‘Major-league Pitcher’.  Or even ‘Washed-up rock star who hasn’t had a new album in 15 years but still packs stadiums every summer’…)

-U.S. News & World Report


1922 [96] Betty White, Oak Park IL, TV actress (“Betty White’s Off Their Rockers”, “Hot in Cleveland” 2010-15, “The Golden Girls” 1985-92)/movie actress (“The Proposal”)

1931 [87] James Earl Jones, Arkabutla MI, movie actor (voice of “Darth Vader” in the “Star Wars” franchise, also known for “This is CNN”and as the voice of ‘Mufasa’ in the 1994 Disney film “The Lion King”)

1939 [79] Maury Povich, Washington DC, TV show host (host of “Maury” since 1991)

1957 [61] Steve Harvey, Atlanta GA, TV personality (“Steve Harvey” 2012-17, “Family Feud” since 2010)/movie actor (“Johnson Family Vacation”, “Madea Goes to Jail”)/standup comedian

1962 [56] Jim Carrey, Newmarket ON, movie actor (“Dumb & Dumber”, “Ace Ventura”)

1964 [54] Michelle Obama, Chicago IL, US First Lady 2009-17/wife of 44th US president Barack Obama/fashion icon/poverty awareness and healthy eating advocate

1971 [47] Kid Rock (Robert James Ritchie), Romeo MI, country-rock singer (‘All Summer Long’, ‘Picture’)

1980 [38] Zooey Deschanel, LA CA, TV actress (‘Jessica Day’ on “New Girl” since 2011)/movie actress (“500 Days of Summer”)/pop singer (She & Him-‘In the Sun’/’I Can Hear Music’)

1984 [34] Calvin Harris, Dumfries, Scotland, DJ/singer-songwriter/producer (f/Rihanna-‘This Is What You Came For’, f/Ne-Yo-‘Let’s Go’)

• “Customer Service Day”, an annual reminder of just how important it is for any business.

• “Hot-Buttered Rum Day”, celebrating the warm alcoholic beverage flavored with butter, salt, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, and cloves. These ingredients form a batter that is then mixed with rich, dark rum.

• “Ditch New Years Resolutions Day”.  Face it, some have already been broken and the rest you were never going to keep anyway, right?  (My ‘Ditch New Years Resolution Day happened about 2 weeks ago!)

• “Kid Inventors Day”, to acknowledge past & present accomplishments of kid inventors and encourage the creativity of future kid inventors.  It’s estimated a half-million children and teens invent things each year.  Among them – waterskis, earmuffs, and the Popsicle.
NET: http://www.kidinventorsday.com

• “Cable Car Day”, on this very date in 1871, the first cable car railway patent was bestowed upon Andrew Smith Hallidie. Legend has it that Hallidie invented the cable car after he saw a horse-drawn streetcar slip and fall on San Francisco’s steep roadways (unfortunately resulting in the death of 5 horses)

• “Bootleggers Day”, honoring the makers of ‘hooch’ throughout history. Why today? January 17 is the birthday of famed bootlegger Al Capone  (also because Templeton Rye Whiskey came up with this lame excuse for free promotion).

[Thurs] Gourmet Coffee Day
[Thurs] Winnie the Pooh Day
[Fri] Popcorn Day
[Fri] New Friends Day

2008 [10] KISS’ Gene Simmons is the third contestant fired by Donald Trump on Season 7 of ‘The Celebrity Apprentice’

2007 [11] Humorist, journalist, and author Art Buchwald dies at age 74, and has his video obituary posted in which he declares, “Hi. I’m Art Buchwald, and I just died.”

2006 [12] Kristen Hall announces she is leaving country band Sugarland so she can “stay home and write songs” (the band continues with only Jennifer Nettles and Kristian Bush)

2015 [03] Police are called to the Cromwell Hotel in Las Vegas where a fight involving The Weeknd is raging (he’s arrested after allegedly punching a cop who tries to intervene)

2016 [02] David Bowie reaches #1 on North American album charts for the first time with “Blackstar”, released 2 days before his January 10th death

1995 [23] NFL’s Los Angeles Rams announce their move to St Louis (the USA’s #2 market goes without a pro football team for 20 years, but in the 2017-18 season there were two – the returned Rams and the former San Diego Chargers)


✓ More photos were taken in the last two minutes than in the entire 19th century.
✓ Humans have collectively spent 6 million years playing “World of Warcraft.”
✓ Tennis balls were usually black or white until 1972, when it was determined that yellow tennis balls were more easily seen on TV.
✓ Paper money can transport live flu virus for over two weeks.
✓ In the United States, ransom payments to kidnappers are tax-deductible.
✓ The dark side of the moon is actually turquoise.

• Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
• At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
• One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your beer-to-urinal cycle becomes synchronized with a complete stranger’s.
• Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
• You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your backyard.
• Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
• It’s impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee.
• You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
• Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
• Every guy has at least once flushed half way through when peeing and then raced against the flush.

Highlight bits culled from 25 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
✓ Assemble the family for your yearly ‘Naked Snow Angel’ ritual.
✓ Wear your entire wardrobe at once.
✓ Crank up the heat, open all the windows, and see if it’ll form a stratocumulus cold-front.
✓ Dress your snowman in a Speedo.
✓ Drink a pail-full of Extra Strength NyQuil, hibernate till Spring.
– First published in “BS” 2012.

☎ Would you rather live for a week in the past or the future?

• How much did the first microwaves sold for domestic use cost? (USD)
a. $99.99
b. $1295 [CORRECT – 1957]
c. $1995

• How much did the first laptop computer cost? (USD)
a. $250
b. $4000
c. $8000 [CORRECT – 1980]

I once dated a magazine collector and let me tell you, man, she had some issues!

Question: A study shows that men who have this tend to be very smart.  What?
ANSWER: A hairy chest.

Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say.

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