January 26, 2016

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Tuesday, January 26, 2016        Edition: #5617

Get a Load of This Sheet!

★ Chris Rock is still onboard to host the Oscars and he and his writing staff have locked themselves in a room to rewrite the entire script in the aftermath of the diversity row, according to the show’s producer. Reginald Hudlin says some provocative gags about the debate surrounding the ceremony are being added. Rock has already joked about the Oscars race issue by tweeting a promo for the show captioned: “The White BET Awards”. The 88th Academy Awards take place February 28th.
– “Entertainment Tonight”
★ Lena Dunham is ending her successful TV show “Girls” after its next season, saying she doesn’t want the series to “overstay its welcome”. The creator, director, producer, and writer of the hit HBO comedy-drama, which also stars Alison Williams and Adam Driver, has told an audience at the Sundance Film Festival that she doesn’t want the series to “soften” over time and lose it’s meaning. She also notes it’s already taken up a large chunk of her professional life. Quote: “I was 23 when I wrote the pilot; I’m gonna be 30 as we shoot the 6th season.”
– WENN.com
★ And a group of Production Assistants is suing Paramount Pictures, claiming they regularly put in 60-to-100 hours a week but never got overtime pay while working on some of the studio’s highest-grossing blockbusters like “Wolf of Wall Street”, “Noah”, and “Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon”. It gets worse … the class action lawsuit alleges the PAs weren’t allowed to leave their posts to get food or use restrooms. It got so bad, they say, they had to pee and poop into bottles and buckets in their cars. And you thought their movies were crappy …
– TMZ.com

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Josh Ritter (“Sermon On the Rocks”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Lanita Smith (“Listen to Your Heartbeat”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – NOFX (“Self-Entitled”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – DNCE (“Swaay”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Sleater-Kinney drummer Janet Weiss.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Woke (“The Lavishments of Light Looking”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Carly Rae Jepsen (“Grease Live”, airing Sunday).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Andy Grammar (“Magazines or Novels”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – 1970s-80s singer Billy Ocean.

• Adele – YouTube has announced she’s smashed yet another record as “Hello” has been viewed 1 billion times in just 87 days. That crushes the record set by “Gangam Style”, which took 158 days to reach that benchmark.
• Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band – The Boss was due to perform at NYC’s Madison Square Garden Sunday but the gig was called off due to Storm Jonas. The concert will eventually be rescheduled, but he’s offered an immediate treat to those left disappointed … a free recording of a tour stop in Chicago IL earlier this month on his website.
• Chris Brown – Police in Las Vegas have dropped an assault case against him due to lack of evidence. He was accused of punching Brazilian model Liziane Gutierrez at a New Year’s Day party, but maintained all along that she made the incident up because she was upset about being ejected from the private bash at The Palms resort.
• Kanye West – He isn’t known for being humble, having declared himself the greatest living rock star on the planet during his Glastonbury 2015 headline slot. Now he’s claiming his upcoming new album “Swish” (February 11th) is the best … of all-time.
• Marilyn Manson – He has a new acting gig, guest starring on the WGN America TV drama “Salem”. He’ll play a barber and surgeon in the town of witches.
• One Direction – Zayn Malik’s 1st solo single, “Pillowtalk”, is coming out Friday. It’s the first material from his debut solo album due in March. Zayn tells “The Times” he has “no beef” with his former bandmates, only having left them because he “didn’t wanna do that any more”.
• Panic! At the Disco – “Death Of a Bachelor”, the follow-up to 2013’s “Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die!”, has debuted atop the new ‘Billboard 200’, giving the band its first #1 album and it’s best opening sales week to date.
• Thompson Square – Shawna & Keifer Thompson have welcomed their first child into the world. According to E! News, their son Rigney Cooper Thompson was born on Sunday.

Out today on DVD, Netflix, Google Play and/or other video providers …
• “A Brilliant Young Mind” ( PG-13 Drama ): Inspired by true events, the story of a teenage math prodigy who struggles when it comes to building relationships. In his confusing world, he finds comfort in the predictability of numbers. Stars Asa Butterfield, Rafe Spall, Sally Hawkins, Eddie Marsan.
• “Goosebumps” ( PG Action Adventure ): A teenager teams with the daughter of young adult horror author RL Stine after the writer’s imaginary demons are set free on the town of Greendale, Maryland. Stars Jack Black, Dylan Minnette, Odeya Rush, Ryan Lee. Based on RL Stine’s “Goosebumps” series of books.
• “Night Will Fall” ( NR War Documentary ): The story of the incredible effort made by British cameramen to document the unbelievable atrocities the Allies encountered during the liberation of German concentration camps in 1945. Narrated by Helena Bonham Carter. Debuted on HBO to mark International Holocaust Remembrance Day last year (January 27th).
• Also released today: “Da Vinci’s Demons: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); “Downton Abbey: The Final Season” (TV); and “Jesse Stone: Lost in Paradise” (TV Movie).

A new listing of the best jobs for 2016, based on openings, remuneration, and career opportunities …
1. Engagement Manager – The main point of contact for clients or vendors, engagement managers deal with finances, resource planning, and project monitoring. $125,000.
2. Solutions Architect – An IT position tasked with designing solutions to unique problems pays a median base salary is $119,500.
3. Data Scientist – A tech position which involves working with and analyzing data via database management, statistics, and machine learning. The median base salary is about $117,000.
4. Tax Manager – The need won’t drop off much after tax season because companies are now paying more attention to their tax responsibilities year-round. Median salary $108,000.
5. Mobile Developer – Building mobile device applications for smartphones, tablets, etc. The median base salary is $90,000.
– GlassDoor.com

✓ Boudreaux’s Butt Paste … Eases diaper rash thanks to high zinc oxide content.
✓ The Baby Shusher … A portable white noise machine to get your little guy to sleep.
✓ Lillebaby All Seasons Carrier – A strap-on baby carrier that your can wear in 6 different ways.
✓ NoseFrida ‘The Snot Sucker’ Nasal Aspirator – One bad cold and you’ll be sold.
✓ Baby Backseat Mirror For Car – Allows view of your baby in a rear-facing car seat.
✓ Boogie Wipes – Might seem silly until baby’s nose is sore from crusty boogers.
✓ Munchkin Fresh Food Feeder – Fill it with frozen fruit for teething or for trying cooked foods.
✓ BumGenius 4.0 Pocket Cloth Diapers – Clean/dry easily at a reduced cost vs disposables.
✓ The Windi – This product helps babies relieve gas … hence the name.
✓ The Mommy Hook – Hangs on your stroller or shopping cart to hook your purse, bags, etc.
– Condensed from BuzzFeed.com

You tend to veer to the left when you’re anxious.
– “Daily Telegraph”


1949 [67] David Strathairn, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“The Bourne Ultimatum”, “Good Night, and Good Luck”)

1955 [61] Eddie Van Halen, Nijmegen, The Netherlands, plastic-hipped classic rock guitarist (Van Halen-“Jump”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2007)

1958 [58] Ellen Degeneres, Metairie LA, TV personality (“Ellen DeGeneres Show” since 2003, “American Idol” 2010-11)/former sitcom star (“Ellen” 1994-98)

1960 [56] Charles Gillingham, Torrance CA, pop musician (Counting Crows-“Accidentally In Love”, “Big Yellow Taxi”)

1961 [55] Wayne Gretzky, Brantford ON, Hockey Hall of Fame former NHL player (9-time MVP)/all-time greatest hockey player?

1981 [35] Colin O’Donoghue, Drogheda, Ireland Ireland, TV actor (‘Captain Hook’ on “Once Upon a Time” since 2012)

1982 [34] Brahim Takioullah, Guelmim, Morocco, Guinness World Record holder for ‘World’s Largest Feet’ (left foot: 38.1 cm/15 ins; right foot: 37.5 cm/14.76 ins)/also 2nd-tallest living person (2.46 m/8 ft-1 in)

• “Australia Day” (aka “Anniversary Day” or “Foundation Day”), the national day for our mates Down Under that commemorates the 1788 landing of Captain Arthur Phillip at Sydney to establish a penal colony (guess that means men only). Records of an annual celebration date back to 1808.
• Unveiling of world’s largest beer can pyramid.
• Busload of Australian Rules footballers doing city-to city ‘mooning tour’.
• Prime Minister opening a bottle of beer with his eye.
• Live national telecast of drunken koala set loose in a convenience store.
• Cultural Minister to shotgun 6-pack while singing “Waltzing Matilda”.
• All schoolchildren are given souvenir mugs of 3.2 beer.
• Keith Urban to be released naked in outback and hunted for sport.
NET: http://www.australiaday.com.au

• “Peanut Brittle Day”, celebrating the yummy treat that sticks to your fillings. A little sugar, a little corn syrup, a little more sugar, some peanuts, a little butter, a little more sugar …

• “Republic Day” in India, celebrating the date in 1950 when the country’s constitution came into effect, making India a sovereign state. One of only 3 national holidays, it is celebrated with pomp and military parades in New Delhi and across the nation.

• “Spouse’s Day”, a time to enjoy and appreciate your better half. (Just before you deposit this month’s alimony.)

2009 [07] 8 children are born to Nadya Suleman, who becomes known as ‘The Octomom’ in numerous media appearances (public reaction turns negative when it’s discovered the unemployed single mom already has 6 other children via in vitro fertilization)

2007 [09] Rolling Stones top the music rich list for the 2nd year in-a-row after racking up over $150 million in 2006

2008 [08] Alicia Keys hits #1 with her 3rd album “As I Am”, thanks to the largest-ever first week sales for a female R&B artist

2003 [13] Tampa Bay Buccaneers win their 1st NFL championship, routing the Oakland Raiders 48-21 in Super Bowl 37

2015 [01] Libby Lane becomes the 1st woman to ordained as a Church of England bishop

2010 [06] James Cameron’s film “Avatar” surpasses his 1997 movie “Titanic” to become the highest-grossing film of all-time (eventually totalling $2.8 billion)

[Wed] Holocaust Memorial Day
[Wed] International Mobile Phone Recycling Day
[Wed] Thomas Crapper Day
[Thurs] Data Privacy Day
[Thurs] Kazoo Day
This Week Is … Clean Out Your Inbox Week
This Month Is … Get a Balanced Life Month


• ‘Stop Looking At the Clock While I’m Talking Face’
• ‘This is All a Bunch of Bureaucratic Nonsense Face’
• ‘All the Things You Just Said About Your Baby are Really Very Interesting Face’
• ‘Thanks So Much For Your Unsolicited Advice Face’
• ‘I’m Trying Not to Judge You But I Am Face’
• ‘You’re So Right That It’s Amazing That I’m Pretty and Not Married Face’
• ‘You are Still Talking About Yourself Face’
• ‘This Is an Astonishing Waste of Time Face’
• ‘Please Quit Checking Your Phone Face’
• ‘Will You Be Talking For Much Longer? Face’
• ‘This Smile Must Look Fake Because It Totally Is Face’
• ‘The Vacation You Just Told Me About Is My Worst Nightmare Face’
– Thanks to Susan Harlan

Australia Day is a good excuse to see if you can guess what these Aussie expressions mean …
• ‘Bush Oyster’ … Nasal Mucus, Snot.
• ‘Spliced’ … Married.
• ‘Grinning Like a Shot Fox’ … Very Happy, Smugly Satisfied.
• ‘Trough Lolly’ … Deodorant Puck in a Men’s Urinal.
• ‘Aerial Ping-Pong’ … Australian Rules Football.
• ‘Pig’s Arse!’ … No Way! I Disagree.
• ‘Brekkie’ … Breakfast.
• ‘Pommy’ … A Brit.
• ‘Stickybeak’ … Nosy Person.
• ‘Drop Your Strides’ … Take Off Your Pants.
• ‘Old Fella’ … Penis.
• ‘Mozzie’ … Mosquito.
• ‘Piece of Piss’ … An Easy Job or Task.
• ‘He’s Got the Wobbly Boot On’ … He’s Drunk!

Ah, I see the F-up fairy has visited us again …

• Only 1-in-100 people actually sleep on-the-job. (BS. Cornell University research finds that 38% of us now take naps at work … but most do it in secret.)
• ‘Mark Twain’ didn’t graduate from elementary school. (True. Neither did Samuel Clemens.)
• Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses. (True. Are we talking smell?)
• ‘Spontaneous Human Combustion’ is mostly likely to happen after ingesting sauerkraut. (BS. Studies show it most often occurs during a period of strong magnetic disturbance.)
• 1-in-4 Canadians would like to hold an American passport. (True, according to a “Maclean’s” magazine poll.)
• Over 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment each year. (True. We’re guessing it’s usually while carrying it out for a garage sale.)

☎ What are your 3 must-have smartphone apps?

Question: Close to 50,000 people needed medical attention last year due to THIS.
Answer: Bites from other people.

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

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