Thursday, January 20, 2022 – Edition: #7150
Sheet For Brains!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Valerie Bertinelli is learning to ignore her inner critic. Her journey to self-acceptance inspired her new book “Enough Already: Learning to Love the Way I Am Today” (available now). Throughout the collection of essays giving insight into her self-doubt, her relationship with Eddie Van Halen, and the troubles plaguing her second marriage, the actress and Food Network star also documents her preoccupation with her size. At 13, she started weighing herself twice daily, quote: “without ever being happy or satisfied with the number I see.” Dieting began at 15, her age when her show “One Day at a Time” premiered.
★ Willem Dafoe will make his “Saturday Night Live” hosting debut on Jan. 29, with Katy Perry as musical guest. It’ll be Perry’s 4th time on the show. She’s in the midst of headlining her first Las Vegas residency, “Katy Perry: Play, at the Theatre at Resorts World Last Vegas”, which runs through March. This week, Dafoe also told an interviewer that he’d like to play a “Joker imposter” alongside Joaquin Phoenix’s ‘Joker’ character. Dafoe has long been a fan favorite to take on the iconic Joker role, but says he’d love to star opposite Phoenix – who played the complex character in 2019’s “Joker” – in a film where his alter-ego would be imitating the Joker. Quote: “It opens up the possibility of an interesting story”.
★ Paris Hilton’s “Cooking With Paris” is done, even if it wasn’t well-done. Netflix has opted not to renew the cooking reality series for a second season. The show’s 6 episodes saw the media personality tackle a range of recipes, from savory main dishes to succulent desserts, with guests including Kim Kardashian West, Nikki Glaser, Demi Lovato, Saweetie, Lele Pons, and Kathy and Nicky Hilton. Cooking With Paris showcased Hilton’s unconventional — and often chaotic — cooking practices, such as flattening burgers with a diamond-encrusted spatula and dredging meat while wearing a flashy feathered ensemble.
★ PBS Kids is celebrating the end of “Arthur,” television’s longest-running animated show for kids, with a 250-episode marathon and 4 new episodes that will culminate with a look at the characters all grown up. The marathon will also feature back-to-back movie specials on the PBS Kids 24/7 channel. But even this isn’t the end for all Arthur content. This year and beyond, the famous aardvark can be seen and heard in digital games, a new podcast and video shorts that tackle timely and compelling topics.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jason Bateman, Ashley Park, Ghost
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Will Forte, Jennifer Coolidge, Gunna
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Ricky Gervais, Edi Patterson, Daniel Fang
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Ed Helms, Rachel Brosnahan, Samm Henshaw
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Laura Linney, Kristin Davis
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Ricky Gervais, Sharon Gless
• “The Talk” (CBS): Ed Helms, Randall Park
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): David Boreanaz, Monica Mangin, Jeanette Jenkins
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Mahershala Ali, Martha Stewart, Colby Stevenson
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Valerie Bertinelli, Chris Kattan, Matteo Bocelli
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Kyle Mooney, John Early
• “Women of the Movement” (ABC): Season 1 finale
• “Joe Millionaire: For Richer or Poorer” (FOX): The ladies are invited to a movie night that unexpectedly turns the spotlight back on them; the men’s emotions get the best of them and motives are questioned.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Katy Perry – has “loads more surprises” for fans this year. She’s currently completing a stint in Las Vegas, recently dropped the single ‘When I’m Gone’ with electronic music star Alesso, and reportedly has another tune lined up with her ‘365’ collaborator, Zedd.
• DJ Khaled – posted a video clip to his 27.3 million Instagram followers, saying that he and Drake are working on another project. Quote: “I gotta bring it out to the world in a certain way, because our records are special.” Drake added to the suspense by following up with a picture of himself in the studio.
• Jimmy Eat World — It’s official: the 2000s emo revival is here. When We Were Young fest has revealed its lineup, consisting entirely of emo bands that first arrived 20 years ago. In addition to Jimmy Eat World, My Chemical Romance, Paramore, Avril Lavigne, Bright Eyes AFI and Dashboard Confessional will all appear. When We Were Young fest takes place October 22-23 at the Las Vegas Festival Grounds.
• John Mellencamp – likes the effect smoking has had on his voice. He says the song ‘Gone So Soon’ from his new album “Strictly a One-Eyed Jack”, out tomorrow, sounds “like Louis Armstrong”.
• U2 — Bono recently discussed his dislike of the band’s name, most of their discography and his own singing voice. He says he only learned how to sing “recently,” and “I’ve been in the car when one of our (early) songs has come on the radio and…I’m just so embarrassed.”
• Iron Maiden – want to perform their latest album “Senjutsu” in full on an upcoming tour. Frontman Bruce Dickinson has confirmed they plan to plot a tour of intimate venues, aimed at “diehard fans” who would enjoy seeing the album performed in its entirety.
• CMT Awards — The 2022 Grammys has a new date after being moved from its late-January slot amid a surge in COVID-19 cases. That has resulted in the bumping of the CBS debut of the CMT Awards. The Grammys will now happen on April 3. Previously set for the same date, the CMT Awards will move to a later date in April.
• Kane Brown — Late last year he spoke about the musically diverse batch of songs he’d written for his next album, indicating that its influences ranged from “heavy rock” to ’80s country to Motown. Now, however, he has rethought that plan. Quote: “I think I’m gonna keep those (pop songs) off and use those as singles and just actually release a full country album this time.” No official release date yet.
• Justin Moore – has announced his 12-date “Country on It Tour”, kicking off in late April. Granger Smith will serve as support for all but one show, and other openers include Sean Stemaly, Lucas Hoge, Heath Sanders, Scott Stevens and the Reeves Brothers.
SHOOTING THE BULL
NO SNOW DAYS:
With the recent blast of winter weather experienced in much of Canada and the US, it seems, same as in many industries, there’s a shortage of qualified workers – in this case, snow plow drivers. How bad is it? Bad enough that some towns in Massachusetts are offering as much as $310 an hour plus a $2,000 “snow bonus” for those with a commercial driver’s license. The shocking salaries are an attempt to compete with private companies for qualified workers as people flock to higher-paying delivery and trucking jobs created during the pandemic. Snowplow drivers with their own commercial vehicles such as construction loaders will be among the highest-paid this storm season, but if you’re fortunate enough to own a “snow melter”, you might be able to catch on with Watertown, Massachusetts. That city is willing to pay a whopping $5,500 per hour. The problem? The required machine can cost up to $3 million.
($3 million? How much would that be per month?)
(Can I pick my own hours?)
(I’ve worked in delivery. It’s NOT a higher-paying job!)
As you may know, NASA’s Curiosity rover has been on a nearly decade-long mission to determine if Mars was ever habitable for living organisms. And, it turns out, maybe it was. A new analysis of sediment samples collected by the rover revealed the presence of carbon — and the possible existence of ancient life on the red planet is one potential explanation for why it’s there. Carbon is the foundation for all life on Earth. And while scientists have come up with 3 possible origin stories for the presence of carbon on Mars, one of them involves biological roots…or as you or I might put it: a result of the presence of a life form in the red planet at some point. The rover will return to the spot where it collected those samples in about a month for more analysis.
(So, they’ll be “carbon dating” these carbon samples?)
(Well, I DO know this: There are no living felines on Mars. So it must be true what they say about “Curiosity”!)
LEFTOVERS ARE ALL RIGHT:
It’s never fun trying to figure out what to feed the family for dinner, but it’s definitely handy when you have a ton of leftovers from last night in the fridge all ready to be heated up. But what’s your FAVORITE food to have lying in wait for you at the end of a long day? According to a poll of 2,000 people, surprisingly, it’s not pizza. Soups top the list of “good” leftovers, with 79% agreeing that it is a handy and delicious meal to enjoy a second time. Pizza came in second (63%), with meat (62%), pasta (60%), and rice (55%) rounding out the top 5. Just over half of respondents said Chinese food takeout and roasted potatoes are leftover-worthy foods. And 47% even think tuna and egg salads are good to save for later.
(What are these “leftovers” that you speak of? Never mind me . . . I have teenagers!)
(I used to LOVE Thanksgiving leftovers – but last year, I quit cold turkey!)
(We’re great at saving leftovers at my house. Then once a month, when we notice all the Tupperware’s missing, we know it’s time to clean out the fridge!)
SONG LYRICS WE’VE PRETTY MUCH ALL GOTTEN WRONG:
✗ “Hold me closer, Tony Danza” – ‘Phoebe’ on “Friends” isn’t the only one who got Elton John’s ‘Tiny Dancer’ wrong.
✗ “Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tangerine” – No matter what YOU sing, ABBA sings “tambourine”, not “tangerine”!
✗ “I’m gonna take my horse to a hotel room” – Nope, nope, nope! Lil Nas X actually sings that he’s taking his horse to the “Old Town Road” in the title, pardner.
✗ “Kickin’ your cat all over the place” – Queen’s Freddie Mercury was a big fan of cats, so it’s unlikely he’d sing about kicking one. Cans, however…
✗ “It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not” – As far as we know, the fictional couple Tommy and Gina in Bon Jovi’s ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’ were fully clothed, but unconcerned “if we make it or not”.
✗ “There’s a bathroom on the right” – CCR’s John Fogerty gets such a kick out of this mishmash of “bad moon on the rise” that he sometimes uses the wrong lyrics in concert.
✗ “I got my first real sex dream” – Bryan Adams definitely enjoyed the ‘Summer of ‘69’, but spent at least part of it playing his “first real 6-string”…when he was awake.
✗ “I’m a lion, I’m a vinyl, I’m a skittle, I’m a beetle” – It’s pretty hard to tell what Kurt Cobain is singing in ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’, but that ain’t it. Try “A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido.”
✗ “Let’s pee in the corner, Let’s pee in the spotlight” – Bad idea. In the 90s hit ‘Losing My Religion’, REM’s Michael Stipe actually sings: “That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight”.
✗ “I’m farting carrots” – As much as it sounds like Selena Gomez is singing those words, what’s she’s actually singing is “I’m 14 carats”.
(Now, admit it, what line did YOU get wrong for years?)
DID YOU KNOW?
Just in case you were under the impression that the glory years for video games are firmly in the past, consider this: Microsoft has announced its plan to buy Activision Blizzard Inc. for $68.7 billion, acquiring a legendary game publisher responsible for Call of Duty and World of Warcraft. Microsoft’s largest purchase ever will help the software giant expand its own offerings for the Xbox console and push it into the fast-growing markets for mobile gaming and the metaverse. The deal, if approved, would make Microsoft the world’s #3 gaming company.
BS CHRONOMETER 01.20.22
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cheese Lover’s Day”, celebrating the more than 2,000 known cheeses of the world. Which is best? Mmm, 18-month-old Comté from France. LINK: http://tinyurl.com/jsnxhp7
➢ Cheese was created over 4,000 years ago — by accident.
➢ It takes 10 pounds of milk to make just one pound of cheese.
➢ Of the more than 2,000 varieties of cheese available worldwide, mozzarella is the favorite.
➢ If a cheese is named after a city, it’s capitalized. Examples include Asiago, Brie, Camembert, Gouda, and Parmesan.
➢ Mice don’t particularly like cheese. They prefer sweets and carbs.
• “Penguin Awareness Day”, to increase awareness of the interrelationship between humans and marine animals. FUN FACT: 37 million years ago, one species of penguin grew to a height of 6 foot 8 inches (2.03m).
• “Camcorder Day”, a tribute to videography of all varieties. Perhaps you’re a professional and enjoy shooting wildlife (with a lens, not a gun), or an extreme sports fan who attaches a GoPro to your helmet before jumping out of a plane.
• “International Day of Acceptance”, a day dedicated to the social acceptance of disability and to honor the late Annie Hopkins, founder of 3E Love and creator of the International Symbol of Acceptance.
• “National Disc Jockey Day”, dedicated to the pros who play the tunes at clubs, bars, weddings, and even concerts. But since ‘disc jockey’ is also a term used to describe what WE do, we’re taking ownership!
BS WAYS EVERYONE CAN CELEBRATE “DJ DAY”:
• Whenever you’re talking to someone, hold a hand over one ear.
• Throw a party where everyone mingles about, telling the time & temp.
• Give away stuff that’s not yours.
• Get laughs by using cheap sound effects instead of coming up with actual jokes. (***SFX***)
• Do play-by-play of the traffic on your way to work.
• Talk DEEP!
COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Sweatpants Day
[Fri] Granola Bar Day
[Sat] Celebration of Life Day
[Sat] Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1930  [Edwin] “Buzz” Aldrin, Glen Ridge NJ, astronaut (The second person to walk on the moon, he piloted NASA’s 1969 Apollo 11 mission)/fighter pilot/engineer
1946  David Lynch, Missoula MT, filmmaker (“Dune”, “Blue Velvet”)/TV director (“Twin Peaks”)
1952  Paul Stanley [Stanley Eisen], New York City NY, rock singer/guitarist (Kiss-‘Rock & Roll All Nite’, ‘I Was Made For Lovin’ You’)
1956  Bill Maher, New York City NY, TV talk show host (“Real Time With Bill Maher” since 2003, “Politically Incorrect” 1994-2002)
1966  Rainn Wilson, Seattle WA, TV actor (“The Office” 2005-13)/movie actor (“Juno”)
1970  Skeet Ulrich [Bryan Trout], Lynchburg VA, movie actor (“Scream”, “The Craft”)/TV actor (“Riverdale” since 2017)
1971  Questlove [Ahmir Thompson], Philadelphia PA, alt hip-hop drummer/DJ (The Roots w/Duffy-‘Well, Well, Well’, house band on “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon”
1985  Brantley Gilbert, Jefferson GA, country singer (‘Bottoms Up’, w/Lindsay Ell-‘What Happens in a Small Town’)
1987  Evan Peters, St Louis MO, TV actor (“American Horror Story” since 2011)/movie actor (“X-Men” franchise, “Kick-Ass”) COMING UP…”Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story”, 2022
THIS DAY IN SHOWBIZ . . .
2008  “Breaking Bad”, created by Vince Gilligan and starring Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul, premieres on AMC
2020  Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus divorce after a year of marriage
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1982  Ozzy Osbourne is forced to undergo rabies shots after biting the head off a dead bat thrown at him during a concert in Des Moines IA (he apparently thought it was plastic)
1988  The Beach Boys, The Beatles, The Drifters, Bob Dylan, and The Supremes are inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in its third round of inductions
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2017  Donald Trump is inaugurated as the 45th President of the United States
2021  Joe Biden is inaugurated as the 46th President of the United States. Lady Gaga sings the national anthem, and an evening socially-distanced concert features Bruce Springsteen, John Legend, Demi Lovato, Tim McGraw and Katy Perry.
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2007  A 3-man team, using only skis and kites, completes a 1,093-mile (1,759 km) trek to reach the Southern Pole of Inaccessibility for the first time ever, without mechanical assistance
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ There was no punctuation until the 15th century.
✓ In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
✓ The tiger’s skin is striped, just like its fur.
✓ Monkeys floss their teeth.
✓ To help speed up the solving-time for Rubik’s Cubes, lubricants can be used to grease the joints. These include “Cubicle Lubicle”, “Cosmic Lube” and “Lubix Cube”.
✓ People cannot pass gas forcefully enough to propel them in zero gravity (it’s been tried…)
Best of BS . . .
BS “OK BOOMER” MOVIES:
• Get Off My Lawn in 60 Seconds
• 8 Mile to School in the Snow
• Nursing Home Alone
• No Patience for Old Men
• Miracle on 401K Street
• Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Forgot What the Question Was
• Bill and Ted’s Excellent Dentures
• Sixty Candles
• Mighty Morphin Power Scooters
• Back In My Day to the Future
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2020
TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ A report claims that people feel more spiritual in the morning. (Mostly because they see Joy Behar on TV and think, “Thank God I’m not that”!)
➠South Carolina once named a road after singer Darius Rucker from Hootie & the Blowfish. (The strip of road starts off in a vaguely rocky area, and then goes straight into the country, then back to more rock…)
➠ Colorado scientists say their research suggests snake venom could cure cancer. (Well, you either ignore science or go down in HISSSSS-tory trying…)
➠ Filthy air kills 3.3 million people a year. (And that’s not even counting the poor souls who are unfortunate enough to wander by the IT Department on Taco Tuesday…)
➠ Did you Know: 4.8 billion people own mobile phones, whereas only 4.2 billion own a toothbrush. (I’m smelling a new invention: The iBrush!)
BS WEB GOODIE:
Probably Chuck Norris’ cat (sound up): https://tinyurl.com/2p9hcdbh
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Technically, most orchestras are just a glorified 1800s cover band.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What is your absolute favorite store in the world?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to a Match.com survey, 27% of singles say they have done THIS. What is it?
Answer: Had a video date
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.