Friday, July 21, 2006        Edition: #3332
We Give a Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
SUNDAY one of the first fiddles ever used by Maritime music legend Don Messer goes under the hammer, a 1929 model that’s been housed at the Nova Scotia Archives in Halifax since Messer died in 1973 (apparently his offspring need a new car) . . . 18-year-old movie actor Haley Joel Osment (“The Sixth Sense”) has been hospitalized after losing control of his 1995 Saturn while driving home about 1am (this is unbelievable – a movie star driving a 1995 Saturn?) . . . THIS SUMMER actor Tom Hanks, director Ron Howard & comedian Dennis Miller are doing an MLB ballparks tour (3 down, 4 to go – Hanks birthday present to himself) . . . Contestants on the local version of reality TV show “Celebrity Big Brother” in India will be banned from touching each other (what’s the point of watching then?) . . . Actor Jude Law has cut short a family vacation in France and flown to Toronto, reportedly to see if the rumors are true about his on/off girlfriend Sienna Miller having an affair with co-star James Franco on the set of “Camille” (these 2 hedonists actually deserve one another) . . . Former sitcom actor Kelsey Grammar (“Frasier”) has picked up his 5th “Emmy Award”, this time in the juried category ‘Outstanding Voiceover Performance’ for his role on “The Simpsons” as ‘Sideshow Bob’ (he’ll have to wait until AUGUST 19th to pick up his prize) . . . According to “Advertising Age”, CBS-TV is attempting to buy up ads on CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC to promote Katie Couric’s takeover at the helm of the “CBS Evening News” (they’re trying to sneak them into slots reserved for local station sales) . . . ABC-TV has changed the name of its evening newscast from “World News Tonight” to “World News with Charles Gibson” (they would have attracted more viewers with “World News with Charles Gibson … Naked”) . . . After listing it for 2 years, Britney Spears has finally sold her 4,400 sq-ft, 4-story Manhattan penthouse that was once owned by Rolling Stone Keith Richards for $4 million (sounds like a lot – but she was asking for 6-mill) . . . And director Sam Raimi’s 1981 cult-hit horror film “The Evil Dead” is being adapted as an off-Broadway musical to debut later THIS YEAR, and some performances will feature a section of front row seats designated as ‘The Splatter Zone’ (eww, patrons will be scabbing over left and right!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee Simpson – She’s just signed on as spokesmodel for Skechers. She’ll do her first photoshoot for the footwear in AUGUST and the ads will run through 2007 … likely long after her singing career is over.
• Daniel Powter – His hit debut single “Bad Day” has now officially exceeded 1.5 million downloads off the Internet … 1.69 million to be exact.
• Dave Matthews Band – Their recent 2-night stand at Boston’s Fenway Park will be released in a 4-CD set as part of the band’s “Live Trax” series.
• Foo Fighters – TOMORROW they’re the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC).
• Jewel – TONIGHT she guests on the “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• John Mayer – TODAY he’s on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Madonna – THIS WEEK she’s demanded that air conditioning be cut off during her shows at NYC’s Madison Square Garden in order to save her vocal cords. With indoor temps reaching the 90s, she may kill off her fans!
• Sam Roberts Band – TONIGHT they play on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Clerks II” ( R-Rated Comedy ): In this sequel to the 1994 film, ‘Dante’ (Brian O’Halleron) & ‘Randal’ (Jeff Anderson) are back at age 33, now working in a fast-food restaurant. When ‘Dante’ decides to get married, his buddies give him one last send-off. Rosario Dawson co-stars as the burger joint manager; Jason Mewes & director Kevin Smith reprise their roles as ‘Jay & Silent Bob’; Ben Affleck & Jason Lee have cameo roles.
NET: http://www.clerks2.com/
• “Lady in the Water” ( PG-13 Fantasy Thriller ): Director M Night Shyamalan says the storyline for this film grew out of a bedtime story he used to tell his daughters (no wonder they rarely slept). Paul Giamatti stars as a hotel clerk who finds a young woman (Bryce Dallas Howard) in the swimming pool one night. However, it turns out she isn’t a woman at all, but a ‘narf’ (some sort of sea nymph) trying to make her way back to her own world. Creepy music here …
NET: http://ladyinthewater.warnerbros.com/
• “Monster House” ( PG Animated Adventure ): 3 kids discover that the house across the street isn’t just haunted, it’s actually a monster that consumes anything foolhardy enough to approach it. Features the voices of Steve Buscemi, Nick Cannon, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kevin James, Jason Lee, Catherine O’Hara, Kathleen Turner, and others. Shot using the innovative ‘motion-capture animation’ pioneered in “Polar Express”. Being screened in 3-D in select theaters. Wow, an animated film with no talking animals! Music & clips here …
NET: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/monsterhouse/site/
• “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Uma Thurman stars as a mousy woman who morphs into ‘G-Girl’ after her boyfriend (Luke Wilson) dumps her for a co-worker (Anna Faris). The superhero uses all her powers, including superhuman strength & the ability to fly, to try to bust up the new relationship. Co-stars Rainn Wilson (“The Office”) , and comedians Eddie Izzard and Wanda Sykes. Directed by Ivan Reitman (“Ghostbusters”). An “LA Times” survey picks it as one of the most likely sleeper hits of the summer. Music and trailer here …
NET: http://www.mysuperex.com/

NEW BS GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• ‘Octodog’ – You just insert a wiener into this gizmo, push down and you get an 8-legged hot dog that resembles an octopus. Makes for an odd-looking BBQ but we’re guessing kids love it.
• ‘Patricia Day Bag’ – A new custom-designed women’s handbag whose discreet zippers allow for the quick drawing of a concealed handgun. High-end Florida fashion company Philip Clements Group is selling them for a whopping $295.
• ‘SmartWater’ – An automatically activated spray system that’s mounted on walls and/or ceilings for security. When activated, it squirts intruders with a solution containing a unique forensic code that remains detectable on skin & hair for weeks and on clothing indefinitely. (Your priceless painting is still gone, but you get your revenge by ruining the thief’s shirt.)

KARAOKE CONTROL:
Censors with China’s Ministry of Culture have created a pilot program to ban ‘unclean’ songs from the country’s karaoke parlors. The new listing of pre-approved songs is being tested in 3 cities and may expand nationwide. Karaoke is a $5 billion-a-year industry in China, providing a relatively inexpensive source of entertainment for all kinds of people. (What one song should never be allowed in a karaoke bar? “Margaritaville”? “American Pie”? “Bohemian Rhapsody”?)
– “Los Angeles Times”

UK CRIME WAVE:
An 8% increase in the number of street robberies in Britain is partly being blamed on the increase in the number of cellphones and iPods being carried around. It seems more and more young people, in particular, are being mugged for their expensive electronics. (And because they’re artificially deaf from tunes and talking, they never hear it coming!)
– Reuters

WE’RE NOT BUYING IT:
Consumers are more likely to be influenced by the writing on packaging or friends’ recommendations than celebrity endorsements, according to a new report from the National Consumer Council. A poll of 2,000 consumers found that shoppers are becoming skeptical of celebrity ads, with just 1 in 10 admitting that celebs influence their decisions. (Have you ever decided NOT to buy something because of who endorsed it?)
– “Focus”

BS AMAZING FACT:
A Bridgeport, Connecticut man is charged with 2nd-degree assault and disorderly conduct after allegedly throwing a carrot at his wife – and putting her eye out with it!

THE BULL SHEET 07.21.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [80] Norman Jewison, Toronto ON, filmmaker (“The Hurricane”, “In the Heat of the Night”)/1999 Irving G Thalberg Memorial Award at the Oscars/established the Canadian Centre for Advanced Film Studies in Toronto (1986)

1943 [63] Edward Herrmann, Washington DC, TV actor (grandfather ‘Richard Gilmore’ on “Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

1948 [58] Garry (Garretson Beakman) Trudeau, NYC, political cartoonist (“Doonesbury”)/Mr Jane Pauley since 1980

1951 [55] Robin Williams, Chicago IL, movie actor (“RV”, Academy Award-“Good Will Hunting”)/standup comedian (Grammy Award-“Robin Williams: Live 2002″)

1957 [49] Jon Lovitz, Tarzana CA, movie actor (“The Producers”, “The Stepford Wives”)/former TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1985-90)/ad pitchman (“Subway Dinner Theater”)

1972 [34] Paul Brandt (Belobersycky), Calgary AB, country singer (“Alberta Bound”, “I Do”)

1978 [28] Josh Hartnett, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Lucky Number Slevin”, “Sin City”)  COMING UP: The crime thriller, “The Black Dahlia”, opening SEPTEMBER 15.

SATURDAY –
TV game show host Alex Trebek (“Jeopardy”) is 66; Movie actor Danny Glover (“Saw”) is 60; Movie actor/director Albert Brooks (“Finding Nemo”) is 59; Classic rock musician Don Henley (The Eagles) is 59; Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe is 59; Movie actor Willem Dafoe (“Spider-Man”) is 51; Comic actor David Spade (“The Benchwarmers”) is 42; Movie actress Franka Potente (“The Bourne Supremacy”) is 32.

SUNDAY –
Radio personality Don Imus is 66; Movie actor Woody Harrelson (“A Prairie Home Companion”) is 45; Rock guitarist Slash (Velvet Revolver) is 41; Movie actor Philip Seymour Hoffman (“Capote”) is 39; Country singer Alison Krauss (& Union Station) is 35; Comic actor Marlon Wayans (“Little Man”) is 34; Country singer Shannon Brown (“I Won’t Lie”) is 33; Pop singer Michelle Williams (Destiny’s Child) is 26; Movie actor Daniel Radcliffe (“Harry Potter”) is 17.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Junk Food Day”. If your health wasn’t a factor, which junk food would you mow down on every chance you got – burgers, pizza, hot dogs, tacos, fries, chocolate?

SATURDAY –
• “All-American Soap Box Derby”, the 69th annual international championship in Akron OH (ESPN). Don’t kid yourself, these streamlined, hi-tech racers aren’t made out of soap boxes any more. Come to think of it … what the heck are soap boxes, grandpa?
NET: http://www.aasbd.com/
• “Hammock Day”, a day to hang one up between 2 trees and wile away the hours, ya slug. How many people can you get in a single hammock?
• “Rat-Catchers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the fabled ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ (Germany) piping the town’s rats into the Weser River back in 1376.
• “Spooner’s Day”, honoring the 1844 birth of William Archibald Spooner in London UK, who accidentally invented ‘spoonerisms’ – slips of the tongue like ‘queer old dean’ instead of ‘dear old queen’ or ‘blushing crow’ for ‘crushing blow’.

SUNDAY –
• “Darwin Beer Can Regatta”, a 32-year tradition at Mindil Beach in Darwin, Australia. Participants take to the water in boats made of beer cans (presumably after emptying them first). Competing vessels must be capable of staying afloat with a crew of at least 4 people. ‘Darwin Stubbie’ seems to be the beer of choice, perhaps because it holds 75 ounces, or roughly 1.25 liters. Related festivities include a concert and ‘Thong-Throwing Contest’.
• “Gorgeous Grandma Day”, either honoring every kid’s favorite spoiler … or some sort of weird fetish that we won’t get into.
• “Hot Dog Day”, celebrating one of the favorite treats of summer. Hey what else are they gonna do with all the leftover ears, lips, eyelids and hooves down at the abattoir?
• “Hot Enough For Ya? Day”, when it should be legal to assault anyone who asks you this overused, plain-as-the-end-of-your-sweat-dripping-nose question.
• “International World Championship Bathtub Race” in Nanaimo BC, the 40th annual competition featuring high-powered ‘racing tubs’. Be careful not to pull the plug!
NET: http://bathtubbing.com/

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1990 [16] 250,000 attend “The Wall” benefit concert organized by Pink Floyd founder Roger Waters in East Berlin where the Berlin Wall once stood (performers include The Band, Scorpions, Joni Mitchell, Bryan Adams & Van Morrison)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1984 [22] 1st documented case of a robot killing a human occurs in Jackson MI as an industrial  robot turns and wedges a 34-year-old worker against a safety bar, crushing him

1991 [15] Former Chicago Cubs pitcher Ferguson Jenkins (Chatham ON) becomes 1st Canadian inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown NY

1998 [08] 1st male to compete in competitive synchronized swimming (USA’s Bill May at “Goodwill Games”)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1992 [14] Armenian strongman pulls 2 railroad cars 7 meters (23 ft) … with his teeth

1996 [10] Record for ‘Group Spaghetti-Eating’ is set as 3,000 residents of Alkbissola Marina, Italy consume 300 kg (662 lbs) of pasta, cooked in a single pot and topped with 200 kg (440 lbs) of tomato sauce

COMING UP . . .
[Mon] Cousins Day
[Mon] Virtual Love Day
[Wed] All or Nothing Day
[Wed] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Thurs] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
This Week Is … Oil Heritage Week (visit a wallet-sapping service station near you!)
This Month Is … Disaster Awareness Month (yeah, thanks for listening this morning)

BULL’S BITS

BS GOOD OR BAD?
You run down the list while a listener or studio guest rates each as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• 4-day ‘mini vacation’ packages as a break from the daily grind.
• Collagen lip injections as a body enhancement.
• New Age alternative medicines as a cure for what ails you.
• Toaster waffles as a breakfast item.
• Hitting nose with newspaper as a form of canine discipline.
• Wax museums as a pastime.
• Blogs as a source of information.
• Bocci as a backyard game.
• Drinking blood as a Goth fetish.
• Hamburger buns as a use for sesame seeds.
• Gigantic oversized pickup trucks as a mode of transportation.
• Ketchup as a condiment.
• Scientology as a way of life.
• Kool Aid’s “Oh yeah!” pitcher as an ad huckster.
• Celery sticks as food.

THE WEEK’S TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Young Dro – “Shoulder Lean”
4. Ne-Yo – “Sexy Love”
3. Rick Ross – “Hustlin”
2. Field Mob – “So What”
1. Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When it comes to helping out with housework, men do just 29% of THIS chore.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Laundry.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s not what happens to people that’s important. It’s what they do about it.