Tuesday, July 18, 2006        Edition: #3329
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT “The One: Making a Music Star” debuts (ABC/CBC) in which singing wannabes compete for a recording contract á la “American Idol”, but in this 16-part series cameras follow the 11 contestants around 24/7 (hosted by CBC-TV’s “The Hour” host George Stroumboulopoulos) . . . TONIGHT in Denver CO, a date with actress Jessica Biel (“Elizabethtown”, “Blade: Trinity”) is up for bid at what’s being called “Mollypalooza”, a fundraiser for local teen Molly Bloom who lost a leg in a prom night limo accident . . . TONIGHT Hillary Duff’s little sister Haylie makes her Broadway debut as she joins the cast of “Hairspray”, playing ‘Amber Von Tussle’, the nemesis of ‘Tracy Turnblad’ . . . Canadian-born Hollywood directors James Cameron (“Titanic”) & Paul Haggis (“Crash”) will play themselves in upcoming episodes of HBO’s “Entourage” (apparently what they really want to do is act) . . . Double Oscar-winner Hilary Swank appears au natural and in silhouette in a hot new European perfume ad for French fashion house Guerlain’s ‘Insolence’ fragrance (hey, that’s not a silhouette, that’s a pinstripe) . . . After becoming fed-up with unflattering maternity wear, 33-year-old “Project Runway” host Heidi Klum has designed her own maternity jeans to get her through her 3rd pregnancy, and approached clothes-maker Earnest Sewn to custom-make them (likely soon in a store near you for a price you can’t afford) . . . Brit model Kate Moss has signed another million-dollar-plus deal, her 5th big contract since her drug scandal, this time to promote Italian clothing company Belstaff (her 2006 income is now estimated at over $9 million) . . . And out-of-control model Naomi Campbell has gone on yet another rampage, reportedly causing some 50-grand in damage to her boyfriend’s yacht (Dubai-born prince Badr Jafar) while docked on Italy’s Tuscan riviera because – she didn’t like the onboard chef’s menu or wine selection (would somebody get this witch a straightjacket?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Def Leppard – TONIGHT they guest on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Jessica Simpson – Starting TODAY fans can customize her new single “A Public Affair” with 3 personalized shout-outs of their own name. For the next week, Custom Cuts will be available exclusively at Yahoo! Music where users can purchase the tune and choose from 500 common names. If you have an unusual name (Aloicius?) , you’ll have to wait up to 3 weeks for delivery.
NET: http://music.yahoo.com/
• Keith Urban – Word is he’s such a gentleman that he always opens the car door of his black Bentley for new wife Nicole Kidman … even when she drives. Gag!
• Korn – TONIGHT they perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Los Lonely Boys – TODAY they release their new album “Sacred”, featuring guest appearances by Willie Nelson and Enrique Garza Sr, father of the bands’ 3 members … Henry, JoJo & Ringo Garza.
• Nelly Furtado – She tells gay mag “Gus” that she’s often attracted to women and she believes that we’re all bi- to some degree.
• Tim McGraw & Faith Hill – THIS WEEK they’re on the cover of “People” magazine together while Faith graces the current cover of “Ladies Home Journal” solo.
• Also on CD TODAY: Billy Ray Cyrus’ “Wanna Be Your Joe”; Lisa Germano’s “In the Maybe World”; Steve Miller’s “Fly Like an Eagle: 30th Anniversary”; and the “Lady in the Water” soundtrack.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “ATL” ( Dramedy ): Rapper TI stars in this story of 4 friends who plan life after high school while hanging at their local rollerskating rink. Outkast’s Big Boi (Antwan Andre Patton) has a small role. The original title of the movie was going to be “Jellybean” after the skating rink but was changed to “ATL” for ‘Atlanta’.
• “Edison Force” ( Crime Thriller ): Despite co-starring with Oscar-winners Kevin Spacey & Morgan Freeman, Justin Timberlake’s first major acting effort playing a young journalist investigating corrupt cops is being released straight-to-video. Maybe he should take some acting lessons from Cameron Diaz? On second thought, that might make things worse. Shot in Vancouver.
• “She’s the Man” ( Romantic Comedy ): Amanda Bynes stars as a soccer-mad girl who disguises herself as her identical twin brother in order to play on the boy’s team … where, of course, she falls for the star player. Gender issues ensue. A teen-movie take on Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night”. Also shot entirely in Vancouver, including Granville Mall, UBC, and Vancouver Tech.
• “Tsotsi” [pronounced ‘SAWT-see’] ( Crime Drama ): This South African film, based on a novel by Athol Fugard about a young thug in the slums of apartheid Johannesburg, won an “Academy Award” for ‘Best Foreign Language Film’. Has optional English subtitles.
• Also on DVD TODAY: “The Pee-Wee Herman Show: Live at the Roxy Theater”; HBO’s “Carnivale: The Complete 2nd Season”; and “SpongeBob SquarePants: Karate Island”.

MOST VALUABLE TEAMS:
2006 survey of the priciest Major League Baseball teams (and their current value) …
5. Chicago Cubs ($448)
4. LA Dodgers ($482)
3. NY Mets ($604)
2. Boston Red Sox ($617 million)
1. NY Yankees ($1.03 billion)
(Toronto Blue Jays rank 22nd out of the 30 teams, valued at $286 million US.)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays rank last of the 30 teams, valued $209 million.
– “Forbes”

NEW ATOMIC CLOCK:
The world’s most accurate timepiece has been created using a single atom of mercury. The clock, developed by researchers at the US National Institute of Standards & Technology, keeps time by measuring the oscillations of an electrically-charged mercury atom held in an ultra-cold electromagnetic trap (is that painful?). The physicists say that it’s capable of measuring the speed of light and, if run continuously, would neither gain nor lose a second in 400 million years. (Yeah yeah, but does it have a snooze button?)
– “New Scientist”

SCANDALOUSLY EXPENSIVE SCOTCH:
THIS WEEK the Ardbeg distillery on the Scottish island of Islay is making available 261 bottles of an exclusive, 1965-vintage, single-malt Scotch whiskey that’s 41.3% alcohol. Each bottle is made of hand-blown glass and includes a numbered wax seal to prove its authenticity. It’s expected the limited release will be quickly snapped up by collectors. Even among Scotch connoisseurs, not many would actually drink this stuff – it’s priced at nearly $3,700 a bottle!
– “The Independent”

KEYS TO COMPATIBILITY:
University of London psychologist Glenn Wilson has spent 20 years developing his so-called ‘Compatibility Quotient’, which measures what couples have in common. Among his findings, agreement on some of the most basic things is important. For instance …
• Couples who like similar foods are 3 times more likely to stay happy.
• Couples who like the same TV shows are 3.5 times more likely to be compatible.
• Couples with differing opinions on politics are most likely doomed in the long run.
– “Observer”

WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• A 294-lb British man was ordered by his doctor to lose some weight by joining a fitness club. Unfortunately … the fitness club has decided his blood pressure is so high that it would be dangerous for him to work out and they’ve rejected his application!
• A pair of pals who missed the ferry home to Dublin, Ireland after a night out in Wales stole a 30-ft fishing trawler and tried to sail the 67 miles across the Irish Sea. Unfortunately … the dumb duo had no boating experience and ended up lost, sailing in circles for hours. They finally put out a Mayday call, prompting a rescue mission that required an RAF Sea King helicopter, a lifeboat and a coastguard cliff-rescue team.
• A  24-year-old White Plains NY man who was anxious to get home after a night out in Boston MA climbed atop an express train and … unfortunately … came in contact with 25,000 volts from the overhead wires that provide the high-speed train’s power. Boston firefighters found him aflame and rushed him to Massachusetts General Hospital where’s he’s in critical condition with 3rd-degree burns to about 85% of his body.
• German soccer club Hamburger SV is planning to develop a cemetery for … fans. Team chairman Christian Reichert says the cemetery, to be located opposite the team’s stadium, will have room for more than 150 true fans to find their final resting place. Seems some people just love their team to death!

THE BULL SHEET 07.18.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [66] James Brolin (Bruderlin), LA CA, movie actor (“Catch Me If You Can”, “Traffic”)/Mr Barbra Streisand since 1998  UP NEXT: Co-stars with Sylvester Stallone in “Rambo IV” (2007).

1940 [66] Joe Torre, Brooklyn NY, MLB manager (4 World Series championships-NY Yankees)

1950 [56] Jack Layton, Hudson QC, federal NDP party leader since 2003

1962 [44] Jack Irons, LA CA, rock drummer (Pearl Jam-“Life Wasted”, “Last Kiss”)

1967 [39] Vin Diesel (Mark Vincent), NYC, movie actor (“The Pacifier”, “The Fast & the Furious”)

1975 [31] Daron Malakian, Glendale CA, rock guitarist (System of a Down-“Hypnotize”, “BYOB”)

1980 [26] Kristen Bell, Detroit MI, TV actress (‘Veronica’ on “Veronica Mars” since 2004)

1982 [24] Ryan Cabrera, Dallas TX, wannabe pop singer (“Photo”, “Shine On”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Caviar Day”, saluting the mega-expensive roe (eggs) of the sturgeon fish, proving once and for all that we’ll eat just about anything if we give it an attractive name.

• “Chrysanthemum Day”, a favorite of spelling bee organizers everywhere!

• “Get Out of the Doghouse Day”, a day to ask for final forgiveness for whatever minor crimes you’ve committed.

• “National Baby Food Festival”, the 16th annual through Saturday in Fremont MI, home of Gerber Products. Events include a ‘Baby Food Cook-Off’, a ‘Baby Crawl’ where little gaffers compete for a $5,000 life insurance policy, and a ‘Baby Food Eating Contest’ … for adults!
PHONER: 231.924.2270
NET: http://www.nbff.org

• “Stick Your Tongue Out Day” for some long forgotten reason. But now that you have it out, try rolling it into a cylinder … only 1 in 14 people can do that!

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1992 [14] Whitney Houston weds Bobby Brown in a gazebo at her Mendham NJ estate in front of 800 guests including Ray Charles, Dionne Warwick, Quincy Jones, Patti LaBelle, Aretha Franklin & Donald Trump

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1978 [28] Intel Corporation is founded, producer of the most widely used microprocessors in the computer industry

1994 [12] Crayola introduces 1st ‘Scented Crayons’ (mmm, smells like wax!)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1980 [26] World record set for ‘Catching a Grape in Your Mouth’ (319 feet, 8 inches)

1994 [12] Italian Rosanna Della Corte becomes ‘World’s Oldest-Known Woman to Give Birth’, at age 62 (son Ricardo now changes HER diapers)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Moon Day
[Thurs] Ugly Truck Day
[Fri] Junk Food Day
[Fri] “Clerks II”, “Lady in the Water”, “Monster House” & “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Lyme Disease Awareness Week
This Month Is … Outdoor Month

BULL’S BITS

PARENTAL-SPEAK:
A recent poll of kids reveals the sayings they most hate to hear from their parents. Among the most hated …
• “Because I said so, that’s why.”
• “Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know.”
• “Is your room clean?”
• “Go ask your father.”/”Go ask your mother.”
• “Eat it, it’s good for you.”
• “We’ll see.”
Ask kids to call in more!

BS TABLOID TEASERS:
Only one of the following is NOT an actual tabloid headline. Which?
GAME #1 —
• “Farmer Suffers Heart Attack & Rides Cow 5 Miles for Help!”
• “Pig Bowling Has Animal Lovers Squealing!”
• “Tabloid Newspaper Headline Found to Be Fake!” [FAKE]

GAME #2 –
• “Bearded Lady Gives Birth to Toupee!”
• “Boy With Giant Hand Signed By Red Sox to Play Center Field!” [FAKE]
• “World’s Tiniest Earthquake Destroys Just One House!”

GAME #3 –
• “34-Year-Old Man Still Has Umbilical Cord … Attached to Mommy!” [FAKE]
• “Man Has 97 Personalities … All Exactly Alike!”
• “Fountain of Vermouth Discovered!”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A recent survey shows that THIS is the #1 complaint in the office these days.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: ‘Its too cold’. Somebody ought to turn the AC down!

BULL’S EAR:
Traffic reports on radio can be a real tune-out. Why? Many traffic reporters are under such time constraints, they bombard listeners with machine-gun style info that’s impossible to decipher. And when there’s little happening, reports are cluttered with nonsense expressions like ‘normal volume’, ‘traffic is building as usual’ or ‘freeways are filling in’, etc. If traffic reports are just extra gibberish that have to air because of sponsors, it’s time to re-think their value. A few ideas on how to streamline traffic reports …
• Sell traffic reports as ‘floating’ features that only air when the situation warrants.
• Encourage reporters to eliminate all excess verbiage during reports, restricting themselves to clearly and succinctly describing main problem areas as well as providing alternative routes as solutions.
• Cut out the back-and-forth chatter during traffic report intros and extros. It’s often inane inside humor that’s simply an annoyance to listeners.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A fool and your money are soon partners.

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