Friday, July 14, 2006        Edition: #3327
No Sheet? No Service!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Well, this would be Earth-shaking if it’s true – those oft-quoted ‘friends’ say that Brad Pitt has walked out on Angelina Jolie and reportedly wants to use his time on the Las Vegas set of “Ocean’s Thirteen” as a trial separation . . . There’s still no sign of the rumored ‘Suri’ – Katie Holmes, rarely seen in public since allegedly giving birth APRIL 18th, has been spotted window-shopping near Tom Cruise’s Telluride, Colorado home, but the only thing the new mom was cradling was a cappuccino . . . New figures from the Digital Entertainment Group show that only about 740 million DVDs were shipped to retail stores during the first half of THIS YEAR as compared to 772 million during the first half of 2005 (with the increase in digital downloads, both DVDs & CDs are likely to soon become outmoded) . . . Actress Cameron Diaz has fueled speculation she’s set to marry long-time boyfriend Justin Timberlake after she was snapped with a ring on her wedding finger while leaving the swanky Nobu Berkeley restaurant in London (celebs just do this stuff to toy with us) . . . The latest TV ratings show that LAST WEEK the 4 major American TV networks collectively drew their lowest audience – ever (that’s cuz we were all watching the ‘Home & Food Outdoor Life of Comedy Discovery Channel’) . . . Despite the phenomenal success of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel, Disney Co is set to slash the number of films it makes to 8 per year from the current 18 and reduce its workforce accordingly (coincidentally, next year’s 8 films will all feature ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’) . . . And Britney Spears’ hapless hubby Kevin Federline is reportedly now getting up to $20,000 per personal appearance and has earned circa $700,000 in the last 4 months alone (sadly, even Z-listers can make money off fame these days) .

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Arctic Monkeys – TOMORROW they’re the musical guest on a rerun of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by actor Matt Dillon.
• Beyoncé Knowles – She’s been slapped with a $1.5 million lawsuit over the launch of her ‘House of Dereon’ clothing line. Businessman Greg Walker claims he’s owed the moolah for hooking up a licensing deal with Wear Me Apparel which paid her approximately $15 million.
• Bon Jovi – THIS WEEK Jon Bon Jovi toasted bandmate Richie Sambora’s 47th birthday on stage in Hollywood, Florida and offered sage advice about the guitarist’s new relationship with actress Denise Richards: “This time, sign a prenup!”
• Mary J Blige – TONIGHT she kicks off her 30-date “Breakthrough Experience” tour in the St Louis, Missouri suburb of Maryland Heights.
• Nelly Furtado – She’s set to coach “Canadian Idol” wannabes on the show’s first ‘Top 10′ episode MONDAY. She’ll also appear on TUESDAY’s results show.
• Nickelback – TODAY they do “MuchOnDemand” (MuchMusic) at 5 pm EDT ahead of a show at Toronto’s Molson Amphitheatre with Three Days Grace and The Road Hammers.
• Shakira – SATURDAY she’s giving profits from her show in Croatia to fund a liver transplant for a local boy whose parents can’t afford it. He’ll attend the concert in Velika Gorica.
• The Who – They’re webcasting 66 shows live during their world tour starting with TONIGHT’s concert in Switzerland. Perhaps not many will be willing pay 10 bucks to see the wrinkle rockers live online, but the idea of webcasting an entire tour is a first.
NET: http://www.thewholive.tv

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Little Man” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Another over-the-top comedy from the Wayans brothers (“White Chicks”), with Keenen Ivory Wayans directing brothers Marlon & Shawn in this story of an extremely short criminal on the run who masquerades as a baby left on a doorstep. He finds that impersonating an infant has its drawbacks, such as diaper changes, but also its pleasures, such as snuggling up with hottie Kerry Washington. A clever ‘Little Man Soundboard’ is here …
NET: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/littleman/site/
• “You, Me & Dupree” ( PG-13 Comedy ): In what could almost be a sequel to his role in “Wedding Crashers”, Owen Wilson plays a best man who loses his job for taking time off to be in the wedding of his friend (Matt Dillon). The groom invites his newly homeless pal to crash at his place, much to the annoyance of his new bride (Kate Hudson) and her father (Michael Douglas). Cycling champ Lance Armstrong has a cameo role playing himself. Music & sound clips here …
NET: http://www.youmeanddupree.com/

THE ALCOHOL PILL:
Scientists have developed a pill that mimics the effects of alcohol and gets you drunk but prevents the onset of a hangover the morning after. The pill, which makes users feel relaxed and sociable, does not cause the nausea and loss of coordination usually associated with liquid alcohol. Scientists hope the development of the pill will have major health benefits for people who regularly binge-drink. (Who’ll be dissolving these in their tequila.)
– “Science”

SECRET OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE?
A Harris Interactive poll of some 2,000 married adults asks what’s most important to a successful relationship. Of the 3 choices, ‘money’ was least popular (72%), behind ‘good health’ (78%). The #1 key to satisfaction for the 40-to-70 year-olds polled? ‘Physical intimacy’ (84%). (Seems grandma’s still got it goin’ on.)
– “Arizona Republic”

NOT A FIXER-UPPER:
One of the most expensive homes in the world is up for sale for circa $135 million. The 95-acre Starwood Ranch in Aspen, Colorado boasts 16 bathrooms and 15 bedrooms, and is said to make the White House look small in comparison. Owned by Saudi Arabia’s Prince Bandar, a former ambassador to the US, the estate comes complete with a racquetball court, an indoor pool and a heated driveway. (Because Princes don’t shovel.)
– UPI

BOLDLY GOING ONLINE:
Fine art collectors will be able to bid for lots live over the Internet in a new system launched by Christie’s Auction House. ‘Christie’s Live’ allows online browsers to watch and listen to the saleroom while bidding using their computer mouse. The innovation was launched THIS WEEK for a furniture sale in NYC, but will be expanded in OCTOBER for a giant “Star Trek” memorabilia sale. (When your cat accidentally steps on your mouse button here, you owe like 2 million!)
– “Focus”

NATIONAL NUDE DAY NEWS:
If you dream about being naked in a public place, don’t worry. According to research from the American School of Metaphysics, being in the buff in a dream is quite normal and actually very common. (However, if any type of livestock is involved, you better get some help, creep.)
– “Social Studies”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Half of all Americans who’ve won the “Nobel Prize in Literature” have been alcoholics.
• The pet ferret was domesticated more than 500 years before the house cat. (But cats became more popular cuz they don’t crawl up your pant leg.)

THE BULL SHEET 07.14.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1913 [93] Gerald Ford, Omaha NE, 38th US President (1974-77)/1st non-elected Vice President & non-elected President

1966 [40] Matthew Fox, Crowheart WY, TV actor (‘Dr Jack Shephard’ on “Lost” since 2004)

1966 [40] Ellen Reid, Selkirk MB, classic rock keyboardist/singer (Crash Test Dummies-“Um Um Um Um”, “The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead”)

1975 [31] Taboo (Jamie Gomez), LA CA, hip-hop musician/MC/dancer (Black Eyed Peas-“My Humps”, “Where Is The Love?”)

SATURDAY –
Oldies singer Linda Ronstadt (“You’re No Good”) is 60; TV actor Terry O’Quinn (“Lost”) is 54; Rock drummer John Dolmayan (System Of A Down) is 33; TV actor Scott Foley (“The Unit”) is 34.

SUNDAY –
Classic rock drummer Stewart Copeland (The Police) is 54; Movie actor Will Ferrell (“Old School”) is 39; Rock singer/guitarist Ed Kowalczyk (Live) is 35.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bastille Day”, the national holiday of France that commemorates the beginning of the French Revolution in 1789 when patriots stormed the Bastille prison. Celebrate by head-butting someone today!
• “Cow Appreciation Day” and that’s no bull! It’s a day of recognition for all the things that cows give us. So open up your calfskin wallet and buy yourself a tasty T-bone.
• “National Nude Day”, a highlight of “Nude Recreation Week” recognizing the naturist lifestyle as a natural alternative. Also a good way to keep cool on a hot, sticky summer day!
• “International Auctioneer Championship” with some 85 auctioneers from across North America in a bid-calling battle at the 57th “International Auctioneers Conference” in Orlando FL. They’re judged on appearance, speed, and clarity of bid-calling as they compete for a grand prize of 6 … now we have 65 … 7 … and it’s at 8 … now at 9 … and uh 95 … and we’re finished at $10,000!
NET: http://www.auctioneers.org/publicRelations/pressReleases/CandS2006/IACCompetitionOnline_07-05-06.php

SATURDAY –
• “Be A Dork Day”, recognizing the stupid, inept and foolish people we’re surrounded by. Just another day for [co-host]. In spite of what you may have read on thousands of web pages, the word ‘dork’ does not mean a whale’s um, er … package. That’s just an urban legend.
• “Canada’s Parks Day”, a celebration of our National Parks. Special events are listed here …
NET: http://www.parksday.ca/eng/canadamap.html
• “Respect Canada Day”, as declared by the US-based ‘Wellness Permission League’, a day to ‘show we know it’s not some strange northern province of America’. In Canada, this is known as “Up Yours Day”.
• “St Swithun’s Day”, in honor of an obscure British bishop who was buried in the rain in 971 AD. That spectacular feat led to the belief that if it rains on this day, it will rain for 40 more. And if it’s fair, there’ll be no rain for 40 days.
• “Shark Awareness Day”, time to spare a thought for the endangered and rare species of shark … and for your missing left leg.

SUNDAY –
• “National Ice Cream Day”, observed annually on the 3rd SUNDAY in JULY. A few fun facts …
– Perhaps surprisingly, the most popular flavor is vanilla, snagging about 26% of total sales. Chocolate comes in a distant 2nd, with about 13% of the market.
– One of the major ingredients in ice cream is air. Without it, the stuff would be as hard as a rock.
– Among the most unusual flavors ever concocted are avocado, garlic, azuki bean, jalapeno, and pumpkin. Perhaps the weirdest of all – dill pickle ice cream – was once targeted at expectant mothers. Sales were disappointing.
– 1 out of every 5 ice cream eaters has shared their treat with a pet dog or cat.
– The largest ice cream sundae in history was made by Palm Dairies in Edmonton AB on July 24, 1988. It weighed in at over 24 tons.
– It takes an average of 50 licks to polish off a typical single-scoop ice cream cone.
Ice cream sales & trends …
NET: http://www.idfa.org/facts/icmonth/page2.cfm
The history of ice cream ….
NET: http://www.foodsci.uoguelph.ca/dairyedu/ichist.html

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1992 [14] Actress Demi Moore appears on “Vanity Fair” magazine’s cover wearing nothing but a painted-on birthday suit

2000 [06] “X-Men” opens in theaters with a then-record take of $57.5 million, the largest non-sequel, non-holiday movie opening (in an even-numbered year, during a month that begins with ‘J’ …)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [08] WYHY Nashville offers $1 million to anyone who can prove Elvis Presley is still alive

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1868 [138] 1st ‘Tape Measure’, patented by Alvin J Fellows (CT)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1990 [16] Prince Edward Island’s ‘Fast Eddy’ McDonald completes record 8,437 loops with a yo-yo in 1 hour

1990 [16] World’s ‘Largest Cherry Pie’ weighs in at 37,740 lbs and is served up from a 20-ft-diameter pan in Oliver, British Columbia

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Caviar Day
[Tues] Stick Out Your Tongue Day
[Tues] Get Out of the Doghouse Day
[Thurs] Moon Day
[Thurs] Ugly Truck Day
[Thurs] Special Olympics Day
[Thurs-July 29] Edmonton’s Capital Ex
This Week Is … Mosquito Week (someone’s actually promoting them?)
This Month Is … Tahiti Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Why do men’s bicycles have crossbars?
• How come in the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing but when we’re out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about work?
• If  a chicken coop had 4 doors, would it be a ‘chicken sedan’?
• Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all’?
• If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

BS ‘CASTING CALL’:
You name the 3 movie co-stars; your contestant tries to name the movie they were all in …
• Marlon Brando, Al Pacino & James Caan [“The Godfather” 1972]
• Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet & Billy Zane [“Titanic” 1997]
• Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres & Willem Dafoe [“Finding Nemo” 2003]
• Charlie Sheen, Tom Berenger & Willem Dafoe [“Platoon” 1986]
• Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst & Willem Dafoe [“Spider-Man” 2002 & “Spider-Man 2” 2004]
• Tom Hanks, Ian McKellen & Paul Bettany [“The Da Vinci Code” 2006]
• Sam Neill, Laura Dern & Jeff Goldblum [“Jurassic Park”1993]
• Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz & Eddie Murphy [“Shrek” 2001 & “Shrek 2” 2004]
• Bruce Willis, Haley Joel Osment & Toni Collette [“The Sixth Sense” 1999]
• Kate Hudson, Matt Dillon & Owen Wilson. [“You, Me & Dupree” 2006]

BS Q&A:
Q: Which vegetable has the fewest calories?
A: Cucumber.

BS PHONE STARTER:
You’re going on vacation and – other than money, tickets, etc to get you there – you can only pack one item. What is it?

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• Let me show you how the guards used to do it …
• Money can’t buy love … but it can rent a very close imitation.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize … you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent poll, 72% of men have not had THIS in the past year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A vacation.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.