Tuesday, July 11, 2006        Edition: #3324
Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“American Idol 5” contestant Chris Daughtry has signed with 19 Recordings/Arista, joining runner-up Katharine McPhee & winner Taylor Hicks on the label (owned by the same company that produces the show) . . . Speaking of Katharine McPhee, she’s a no-show so far for “American Idols on Tour” because she’s been ‘too sick’ to perform but reportedly showed up for a Cosmo Girl photo-shoot in LA looking pretty healthy, and is also scheduled for a guest seat on “The View” (ABC) over the next few days (is it stage fright or is she a budding diva?) . . . After the famous-but-doomed 33-year-old NYC rock club CBGB closes its doors SEPTEMBER 30th, owner Hilly Kristal is planning to reopen it in Las Vegas with the same stage, same bars, even the same urinal once used by the late Joey Ramone . . . “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” is the first film in history to break the landmark box office total of $100 million in just 2 days . . . Production on “Survivor: Cook Islands” (near Tahiti) is now underway, causing a good deal of disruption – an airline has had to change its routes, almost all accommodation is booked until the end of August due to the 200-odd people involved, and the local lagoon cruise is being re-routed to avoid the islands being used as tribe locations . . . And the top-rated reality TV shows of the summer so far, in order, are “America’s Got Talent”, “So You Think You Can Dance”, “Hell’s Kitchen”, “Big Brother 7″, and “Rock Star: Supernova” (“Treasure Hunters” – aka ‘Product Placement by the Minute’ – is lagging behind).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carrie Underwood – TONIGHT she performs the anthem prior to Major League Baseball’s “All-Star Game” at PNC Park in Pittsburgh PA (FOX).
• Kelly Clarkson – She’s landed a lucrative deal to have a flavor of ‘Vitamin Water’ named after her under one condition … she has to lose a few pounds. Tell ‘em to take a hike!
• Madonna/Nelly – TODAY they’re guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (CityTV).
• Nelly Furtado – TONIGHT she performs on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Rolling Stones – TONIGHT the “Bigger Bang” tour relaunches in Milan, Italy now that Ron Wood is out of rehab & Keith Richards’ noggin is healed. The European leg wraps up in Horsens, Denmark SEPTEMBER 3rd.
• In music stores TODAY: Aretha Franklin’s “Live at Filmore West”; “The Devil Wears Prada” soundtrack; Muse’s “Black Holes & Revelations”; “Now That’s What I Call Music 22”, a compilation of the latest hit tracks from Rihanna, Daniel Powter, Kelly Clarkson, Nickelback, Beyoncé & more; Steve Earle’s “Live at Montreux, 2005”; and Thom Yorke’s “The Eraser”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Basic Instinct 2” ( Psychological Thriller ): Almost 15 years after the original film, Sharon Stone returns (with some new & improved body parts) as seductive crime novelist ‘Catherine Trammell’, this time in Britain where she begins a torrid affair with the criminal psychologist (David Morrissey) assigned by Scotland Yard to look into the latest body left behind by her creepy games between the sheets. The ‘Unrated Extended’ version features 10 deleted scenes and an alternate ending.
• “Grilled” ( Comedy ): Sitcom stars Ray Romano (“Everybody Loves Raymond”) & Kevin James (“King of Queens”) team up to portray meat salesmen who hit a slump and go after one big sale to save their jobs. Instead, they wind up in the middle of a mob ‘beef’. Burt Reynolds, Michael Rapaport & Juliette Lewis co-star.
• “Tristram Shandy: A Cock & Bull Story” ( Literary Drama ): A movie within a movie, this is the story of a Hollywood attempt to make a bigscreen version of the notoriously ‘unfilmable’ English literature masterpiece “The Life & Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman” by Laurence Sterne. The film flips back & forth between the 18th-century story and the hapless efforts of the 21st-century filmmakers. You’ll need your thinking caps on for this one! Stars Steve Coogan, Rob Brydon & Gillian Anderson.
• Also on DVD TODAY: Ellen DeGeneres’ groundbreaking sitcom “The Ellen Show: The Complete Series” (2001-2002); and John Frankenheimer’s classic F-1 auto racing film “Grand Prix: 40th Anniversary 2-Disc Special Edition” (1966).

THE FIRST ‘AEROTROPOLIS’:
Within 6 months, a massive $4-billion airport will open just outside the suburbs of Bangkok, Thailand situated on a piece of swampland. When fully operational, Suvarnabhumi (‘soo-WAH-na-poom’) International will handle more than 100 million passengers a year. What makes this airport different is that a city of 3.3 million will be built around it within the next 30 years. It’s the fulfillment of a once-outlandish vision by urban-planning renegade John Kasarda who suggested that instead of banishing airports to the edges of cities, we should make them the center and build cities around them. (So everyone is kept awake equally?)
– “Fast Company”

ROCK-A-BYE BABY ON THE LEFT ARM:
British research shows most parents cradle their infants in their left arms. About 80% of both right- and left-handed mothers hold babies on the left. Is it to keep the right hand free to do other things … or do you think there’s another reason?
– “Nature”

ONE RED PAPER CLIP UPDATE:
On July 12, 2005 Kyle MacDonald of Montréal began a web blog on which he attempted to trade up from ‘one red paperclip’ for a house. TOMORROW, exactly 1 year and 14 trades later, he’ll swap a role in a Corbin Bernsen movie with the town of Kipling, Saskatchewan for a local house at 503 Main Street. Along the way, he’s appeared on stage with Alice Cooper, had a rent-free pad in Phoenix AZ, and owned everything from a cube van to a  recording contract to one red electricity generator. His story is a testament to modern life in the blogosphere.
NET: http://oneredpaperclip.blogspot.com/
PHONER: 514.833.3980 (Kyle MacDonald cellphone)
PHONER: 306.736.2515 (Kipling Town Office)

IN DA CLUB:
The Hollywood social scene is abuzz about Xenii (‘ex-EE-knee’), a private members society that helps the rich geeks of California get a social life. For a stiff $2,500 per month, a Level 3 membership gets you unlimited use of a nightclub, after-hours club, beach lounge, ski lodge & spa. But there’s more, including priority access to music, sports & fashion events around-the-world; plus invitations to Xenii’s own legendary secret parties. And it’s a good place to meet a billionaire – Google’s Larry Page, for instance, is a member.
NET: http://desirelosangeles.com/article.php?ArticleID=229
– PopBitch.com

MEAT FOR PETA:
The technology already exists to make lab-grown meat in small batches, but it’s estimated large-scale manufacturing would cost up to $10,000 a pound. However, researchers believe that price will come down to $1-per-pound by 2009 at the current rate of development. Along with the ethical benefits of no longer having to slaughter millions of animals, proponents of lab-grown meat claim it can be genetically altered to be far healthier than animal flesh. While the ability to create an animal-free steak is still at least a decade away, scientists hope to satisfy the demand for ground meat relatively soon, which constitutes about half of all meat eaten worldwide. (Wouldn’t it be great if you could graft it onto … say your cherry tree, and then later pick your own sirloin?)
– “Wired”

THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN:
A recent study suggests that most men lose an average of 1.4 inches in height during their lifetime. Most of the causes can be found in the back – loss of fluid in the spinal discs, weakening of the muscles that support the spine, and just plain poor posture. (Maybe this is why old men have baggy pants?)
– “Men’s Health”

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• In Turkey, chaos broke out in a store in Karabuk where footwear was on sale for as little as $6. When the store was closed due to overcrowding, customers started a riot and a store employee shot his gun in the air. A customer was taken to hospital after the bullet struck her … in the foot.
• In Vietnam, a teen’s 19 years of shame over his name has ended after his father finally agreed to change it. His new name is the traditional ‘Mai Hoang Long’ (‘Golden Dragon’). His previous name? ‘Mai Phat Sau Nghin Ruoi’ (‘Fined 6,500’), the amount of the fine for ignoring Vietnam’s maximum 2 children-per-family law.
• In Ireland, a hearse driver in County Donegal has been pulled over for speeding – while leading a funeral procession. Cops fined undertaker John Carr $102 for driving 19 km/hr (12 mph) over the limit. Several other vehicles in the cortege were also fined and the drivers threatened with prosecution if they do not pay.

BS AMAZING FACT:
1 in 3 male motorists picks their nose while driving.

HE SAID IT:
“When I’m drunk at a family wedding, I like to strip down, put a bandana on my head and sing Guns N’ Roses.”
– Imported “America’s Got Talent” judge Piers Morgan. Hmm, seems Britain has ‘talent’ as well.

THE BULL SHEET 07.11.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [72] Giorgio Armani, Piacenza, Italy, fashion designer (Armani suits)

1950 [56] Liona Boyd, born London UK, raised in Canada, ’The First Lady of the Guitar’/classical guitarist (“Dancing on the Edge”)

1959 [47] Richie Sambora, Perth Amboy NJ, rock guitarist (Bon Jovi-“Who Says You Can’t Go Home”, “Have A Nice Day”)/estranged husband of Heather Locklear who’s hooked up with Denise Richards

1965 [41] Scott Shriner, Toledo OH, rock bassist (Weezer-“Perfect Situation”, “Beverly Hills”)

1970 [36] Justin Chambers, Springfield OH, TV actor (‘Dr Alex Karev’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1972 [34] Michael Rosenbaum, Oceanside NY, TV actor (‘Lex Luthor’ on “Smallville” since 2001)

1975 [31] Lil’ Kim, Brooklyn NY, hip-hop artist (“Came Back For You”, “Lady Marmalade”)/reality TV personality (“Lil’ Kim: Countdown To Lockdown”)/ recently released from prison after serving 10 months for conspiracy & perjury (word is she gained 40 lbs … on prison grub!)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cheer Up The Lonely Day”, an opportunity to make a lonely person happy by spending some time with them. Hey, it’s a good day to give (co-host) a call.

• “International Town Criers Day”, honoring the news announcers of yesteryear who wandered throughout towns proclaiming the latest events & announcements of importance, even the weather. The practice has come back into vogue in recent years, but more as ceremonial bit of theater for special events. The champ at THIS YEAR’s “International Town Criers Competition” held in Britain was Hans Van Laetham from Ninove, Belgium.

• “Pet Photo Day”, a day to pose your little darlin’ and snap off a few JPEGs. And don’t forget to further humiliate the critter by decking it out in a dress and funny hat. And be sure to Photoshop the result and add the torso of a platypus.

• “World Population Day”, declared by the UN as a day to focus on the problems of overpopulation. About 150 people are born each minute or close to a quarter-million people daily. World population crossed the 5-billion mark in 1987; the 6-billion mark in 1999; and is expected to hit 7 billion by 2013.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [07] Gross-out comedy “American Pie” tops movie box office (spawns 2 sequels)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1088 [918] 1st ‘Clock’ is built (before that, no one was ever ‘late’ for anything)

1906 [100] Canadian Senate passes ‘Lord’s Day Act’, officially making Sunday a national ‘Day of Rest’ (well, so much for that idea)

1946 [60] 1st ‘7-Eleven’ convenience stores open (Oak Cliff TX), originally named for the store hours – 7 am to 11 pm – and never changed when they went to 24 hours (now owned by a publicly-traded Japanese conglomerate)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Swimming Pool Day
[Wed] Pecan Pie Day
[Wed] 2006 “ESPY Awards”
[Thurs] Gruntled Workers Day
[Thurs] Embrace Your Geekness Day
[Fri] Cow Appreciation Day
[Sat] Canada’s National Parks Day
This Week Is … Farriers Week (honoring people who shoe horses)
This Month Is … Doghouse Repairs Month

BULL’S BITS

TONIGHT the annual “MLB All-Star Game” goes in Pittsburgh PA.
BS PLAYER EXCUSES FOR NOT MAKING THE ALL-STAR TEAM:
• Wanted some time off from the crushing, day-to-day grind of standing around, spitting tobacco and adjusting cup.
• Desperately needed in the minor leagues.
• Would have made it if they’d make it legal to cork your pants.
• Still no statistic for scoring AFTER the game
• Rehab center won’t allow a day-pass.
NET: http://AllStarGame.com

TRUTH OR BS?
• To find out if your crop of cranberries is ready for harvest you should squeeze them. [BS, you bounce them – a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.]
• Cats will come more readily if they’re called by a woman than if they’re called by a man. [True. Why? They respond to high-pitched sounds better than low ones.]
• Auto racing is the world’s most dangerous sport. [BS. Based on injuries and deaths, the most dangerous sport is … fishing. That’s due to boating accidents, drowning, bee stings and getting stuck by fish hooks. Not to mention alcohol poisoning.]
• Simply standing for 5 hours straight will burn 500 calories. [True. Guess that means you can lose 20 lbs a day waiting in line at (local amusement park).]
• On average, men blink nearly twice as much as women. [BS. It’s actually the other way
around … especially if you count ‘batted eyelashes’.]

BS PHONE STARTERS:
What do married couples argue about most? (In a “Redbook” poll, almost half of respondents say ‘money’, followed by ‘husband’s lack of communication’, ‘household chores’, and ‘in-laws’.)

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• Talk is cheap … unless you hire a lawyer.
• You know your diet’s screwed when even your overalls fit tight.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Someone with far too much time on their hands has calculated that it would cost slightly over $1.522 trillion to do THIS to planet Earth.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Cover it with carpet.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Just because 2 people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And vice versa.