Thursday, July 6, 2006                  Edition: #3321
Sheeters Always Prosper!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS MORNING actors Julia Louis-Dreyfus & Brad Garrett announce the nominations for the 2006 “Emmy Awards” live from Hollywood at 5:39 am PDT (will Paula Abdul get an ‘acting’ nomination?) . . . TODAY the first ‘table read’ of scripts for the final 8 episodes of “The Sopranos” (HBO) is scheduled after most of the cast received substantial salary bumps, including last-minute hold-outs Tony Sirico (‘Paulie Walnuts’) & Steven Van Zandt (‘Silvio Dante‘) who finally settled for $170,000-per-episode after demanding 200 (meaning 2 less people are gonna get whacked on the show) . . . TONIGHT “Big Brother: All Stars” (CBS/Global) reveals which former house-guests have been selected for the next round (word has it producers have opted to stock the house with 14 people, instead of 12) . . . TONIGHT a special episode of “Rock Star: Supernova” follows the debut of “Big Brother 6“ (great thinking – keep moving the show around so fans can’t find it) . . . The Hard Rock Café chain, with over 120 restaurants worldwide as well as casinos & hotels, is being put up for sale by current owner, the Rank Group (reported asking price – circa $1 billion) . . . A TV version of “Monopoly” will be the first show developed by Donald Trump’s as-yet-unnamed new production company for which he’s hired former “Apprentice 2“ contestant Andy Litinsky to run (he’s the one who was ‘fired’ for creating a crappy Pepsi bottle and being rude to Pepsi employees) . . . A tribunal has ordered ABC News to pay $180,000 to correspondent Richard Gizbert, who was fired by the TV network for refusing to go to Iraq (Gizbert sued in London using Britain’s Health & Safety Act, a bit of a pyrrhic victory since he was seeking $3.7 million) . . . And officials at the All England Lawn Tennis Club where the annual Wimbledon Tournament is being played are denying that 53-year-old semi-star David Hasselhoff (“America’s Got Talent”) has been ejected by security guards because he was drunk, but merely because – he ‘lacked proper accreditation’ (translation from proper British understatement: he was hammered!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – TONIGHT their 35-date “Freedom of Speech” tour is scheduled to begin at the Tweeter Center in Camden NJ, then moves into Canada FRIDAY with a show at Scotiabank Place in Ottawa.
• Death Cab For Cutie – TONIGHT they do the “Late Night With Conan O’ Brien” (NBC).
• Jewel – TONIGHT she’s on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Rihanna – TONIGHT she’s the guest on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• TI – TONIGHT he guests on the “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Willie Nelson – He’s just purchased the Methodist church where he honed his musical skills as a boy in Abbott TX, hoping to save a piece of his hometown history. Can you picture Willie as a choir boy?

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
• “Big Stan” – Comedian Rob Schneider is back helming his movie directorial debut after recovering from heatstroke and food poisoning on the set in a derelict Stockton CA prison. Schneider is also starring in the comedy about an imprisoned weakling who hires a martial arts guru so he can fight off inmates who want to hurt him … or love him. The film’s due NEXT YEAR … but likely not in art houses.
• “Casino Royale” – After 20 minutes of footage was screened at the recent Amsterdam Cinema Expo, reporters say Daniel Craig’s ‘James Bond’ is much grittier than the glossy character played by Pierce Brosnan. Director Martin Campbell apparently reveals a dark side to the character’s psyche by digging into his past. For example, one black-and-white scene flashes back to 007’s first-ever kill which is apparently brutal and clumsy. BTW, Virgin Corp billionaire Richard Branson has a cameo in a check-in scene set at Miami Airport.
• “Factory Girl” – Actress Sienna Miller burst into tears when she visited the grave of her character, Andy Warhol protégé Edie Sedgwick, in Santa Barbara CA recently. Coincidentally, her on-and-off boyfriend Jude Law just happened to catch the ‘strong reaction’ on video, which director George Hickenlooper says he may run during the film’s credits. The movie is scheduled to debut in SEPTEMBER.
• “Pirates Of The Caribbean 3“ – 62-year-old Keith Richards’ cameo role as the father of Johnny Depp’s ‘Captain Jack Sparrow ‘ will be filmed when the Rolling Stones complete the European leg of the “Bigger Bang” tour in SEPTEMBER. Johnny Depp famously channeled Richards for   the body language and mannerisms of his character. “POTC” fanatics should circle their calendars for the scheduled opening date of MAY 24, 2007.
• “21 Jump Street” – Johnny Depp is considering starring in a movie version of the FOX-TV show that jump-started his career (1987-1991). Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn & Shannen Doherty also cut their teeth in the cult police drama, whose original creator/director Stephen J Cannell is developing for the bigscreen. There’s still one major hurdle to jump – Depp and Cannell had a bitter split when the TV show ended.
• “Wolverine” – The movie masterminds behind “X-Men” are keeping the title simple for the first spinoff from the series … just one word. Hugh Jackman of course will star in the title role and he’ll get a co-producer credit this time (meaning a cut of the action). In his Marvel Comics character’s back story, researchers have replaced his bones with a metal skeleton. No release date has been scheduled as yet.

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• In England, 21-year-old Keith MacDonald of the northern town of Washington, who became a father for the first time at the age of 15, says he’s now looking forward to his 7th child – each from a different mother. In fact, 3 of his ex-girlfriends were pregnant simultaneously. If that’s not cause enough for shame, the unemployed loser who survives on government benefits brags that he’s never paid a penny of child support. (No “Father’s Day” cards coming this guy’s way.)
• In Germany, a prankster has injured several “World Cup” fans by leaving soccer balls chained to fences in Berlin along with a message that reads: “Can you kick it?” Unfortunately, at least 2 men tried, and were treated for foot injuries at a nearby hospital because the balls were filled with – cement. Cops suspect they may have been left by someone who’s sick to death of the “World Cup”.
• In Greece, a tourist visiting a northern lake near Ioannina who decided to take a shot at fishing hauled up a lot more than he expected. After hooking something heavy, he reeled it in to discover he’d caught – a semi-automatic handgun and a bag full of ammo. (Sounds like an episode for “CSI: Athens”.)
• In Scotland, a new dad says his wee daughter ended up being born at home because an American-born ambulance dispatcher was unable to understand his Dundee accent. It seems the confused woman couldn’t grasp the Scotsman’s brogue even when he spelled out street names and landmarks. And this was after his poor pregnant partner had already been to a hospital – where she was told she wasn’t ready to deliver and should go home and have a hot bath. The good news is the homemade baby appears healthy.

WHEN THE GLIDE PATH BEGINS:
A joint study by Harvard researcher Enrico Marcelli & University of Southern California professor Richard Easterlin shows that happiness among adults seems to peak at age 51, earlier than previously believed. Their work also suggests that men start becoming happier than women after the age of 48. One possible reason may be that men who survive into old age are more likely to be married than older women. Many senior females live out their lives alone, either widowed or divorced. (Great, now that they’ve extended our lives to a hundred years, we find out the last half is gonna be miserable. Thank-you science.)
– “LA Times”

JINXED JACKPOT?
A pair of gamblers are demanding that a Winnipeg casino pay out the jackpot promised in error by one of its nickel slot machines. Manitoba Lotteries Corp says a displayed message telling the men they had won close to $210,000 was a software error because the nickel machines usually don’t offer payouts above $3,000. A lawyer representing the ‘winners’ claims there was no sign on the Keno machine stipulating a maximum payout and the men were promised 4 million nickels for successfully matching 5 numbers. (Seems obvious who’s right – better go rent a dumptruck, guys!)
– UPI

SAFER SOARING?
Thanks to recent safety enhancements, a passenger hasn’t died in a US-registered airliner accident in more than 4-and-a-half years, the longest stretch in modern aviation history. The risk of an airline passenger dying is now just 1 flight in 22.8 million, a 60% drop from the 1990s. And as much as you may worry about terrorism, the actual leading cause of aviation deaths around-the-world is – pilots accidentally flying their planes into the ground. (You should never drive an airplane on more than 6 martoonies.)
– “USA Today”

TRICKED-OUT OLDIES:
The hot wheels for under-30s these days are vintage Oldsmobiles, Buicks, Chevrolets & Cadillacs from the 70s through early-90s. The so-called ‘Grandpa Cars’ are often painted bright colors, outfitted with hi-end sound systems, and jacked up on monster-truck-style wheels. MTV’s car make-over show “Pimp My Ride” and car-fan rappers like Snoop Dogg are helping to drive the craze. There’s even a new magazine called “Donk, Box & Bubble” that’s dedicated to the phenomenon. (Think Smart cars be the hot rods of the future?)
– “Wall Street Journal”

REALLY CHEAP DRUNKS
A psychology study at New Zealand’s Victoria University has found that test subjects who thought they were drinking alcohol began acting drunk even though they were only consuming – water. In experiments, all participants were fed several glasses of pure tonic water, but half were told it was laced with vodka. That group began exhibiting unusual behavior including giggling and flirting. They also had poorer recall when compared to the ‘sober’ students in memory tests. (You could drink these rookies under the table with a thimble!)
– BBC World News

HANDY LITTLE TEST:
The average male has an index finger (‘Peter Pointer’) that’s about 96% as long as his 4th finger (‘Ring Finger’), while the average female’s index and ring fingers are almost exactly the same length. However, research has shown that many normal, healthy men and women have finger-length ratios that are more characteristic of the opposite gender. So does it mean anything? According to a new Dutch study, women with a more ‘masculine digit ratio’ seem to have fewer children. And earlier research shows that men with more ‘feminine digit ratios’ are more likely to be less fertile. (So single women should pay less attention to large feet and seek out stubby pointers?)
– “Philadelphia Inquirer”

SHE SAID IT:
“I’ve got a lot of experience with anorexia. My grandmother and great-grandmother suffered from it, and I had a lot of friends at school who suffered from it. I know it’s not something to be taken lightly and I don’t.”
– 21-year-old actress Keira Knightley denying that she suffers from an eating disorder at the premiere of “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”. What would bring on that kind of rumor – other than the fact that she looked like a skeleton in a golden gown?

THE BULL SHEET 07.06.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1921 [85] Nancy Reagan (Anne Frances Robbins Davis Reagan), NYC, former US First Lady/Mrs Ronald Reagan (1952-2004)

1946 [60] George Walker Bush (aka ‘Dubya’), New Haven CT, 43rd US President

1946 [60] Sylvester Stallone, NYC, movie actor (“Rambo I-III”, “Rocky I-V”)/TV personality (“The Contender”)

1948 [58] Peter Mansbridge, London UK, TV journalist/anchor (“The National” since 1988) who began working at the CBC in 1969/Mr Cynthia Dale/ex-Mr Wendy Mesley

1951 [55] Geoffrey Rush, Toowoomba, Australia, movie actor (‘Barbossa’ in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series, Academy Award-“Shine”)

1976 [30] 50 Cent (Curtis Jackson), Queens NY, rapper (“Candy Shop”, “In Da Club”)/wannabe actor (“Get Rich or Die Tryin’”)  COMING UP: The home-from-the-war drama “Home of the Brave”, due in DECEMBER.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Fiesta de San Fermin” in Pamplona, Spain, infamous for its annual ‘Running of the Bulls’. The 9-day festival was made legendary by Ernest Hemingway in his book “The Sun Also Rises”.
NET: http://spainforvisitors.com/sections/sanfermin.htm

• “Fried Chicken Day”. Don’t know who started it; don’t know why. But then … who cares? Nummers!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [01] “G-8 Conference” of world’s wealthiest nations at Gleneagles, Scotland is highlighted by a giant rally of the ‘Make Poverty History’ campaign, spearheaded by Bob Geldof and U2’s Bono (leaders get additional pressure from worldwide “Live 8“ concerts 4 days earlier)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [22] Michael Jackson and his brothers begin their 5-month “Victory Tour” in Kansas City MO (the 55 concerts gross a then-record $75 million)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1933 [73] In 1st MLB “All-Star Game”, American League wins 4-2 as Babe Ruth connects for 1st “All-Star” home run (Comiskey Park, Chicago IL)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1928 [78] ‘World’s Largest Recorded Hailstone’, measuring 1.5 lbs and 17″ in diameter, falls in Potter NE

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day
[Fri] “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Intern Appreciation Day
[Fri-July 16] Calgary Stampede
[Sat] Video Games Day
[Sun] Barn Day
[Mon] Full ‘Buck’ Moon
[Tues] MLB All-Star Game (Pittsburgh PA)
[Tues] Rolling Stones relaunch “A Bigger Bang” tour (Milan, Italy)
This Week Is … Character Counts Week
This Month Is … Baked Bean Month

BULL’S BITS

BS ‘TAKE YOUR MEASURE’ QUIZ:
What would you be sizing up when using each of the following scales of measurement? The (clue) may help contestants take a guess …
• Torino Scale (this could have been used to measure the recent near-miss) … asteroid or comet impact hazard.
• Glasgow Scale (one way to tell if you’re ‘with it’ or not) … the depth of a coma.
• Zhubov Scale (it measures caps that aren’t hats) … ice coverage of polar seas.
• Apgar Scoring (for many of us, it was our first test) … the health of newborns.
• Richter Scale (thank goodness there’s never been a ‘10′) … energy released by earthquakes.
• Danjon Scale (one way to measure your moon) … lunar eclipse brightness.
• Q Score (gauges a star’s brightness in a way) … the familiarity & likeability of celebrities.
• Beaufort Scale (really useful for blowhards) … wind velocity.
• Scoville Units (they can make your eyes water) … the hotness of chili peppers.
• Fujita-Pearson Scale (it was developed too late for ‘Toto’) … tornado intensity.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to the book “Be Safe! Simple Strategies for Death-Free Living”,
you should always remove THIS when staying in a motel room in order to avoid germs.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The bedspread.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Happiness is good health … and a bad memory.