Monday, July 25, 2005        Edition: #3079
Bully For You! 

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• Paris & Paris reportedly isn’t going to happen – the wedding’s off! After jetting to his native Greece for a month-long vacation, Paris Hilton & fiancé Paris Latsis have reportedly had a tiff and she’s left in a huff. Latsis’ father, Gregory Kasidokostas, says, “My son is much too young to marry. His studies come first.” Other members of the discreet Latsis clan are said to be ‘quietly delighted’. (“Star Magazine”)
• Coldplay’s Chris Martin is the ‘World’s Sexiest Vegetarian’ according to a new PETA poll. He beat out David Duchovny, Andre 3000, and Prince to top the 5th annual list. On the female side, “American Idol” winner Carrie Underwood tops Avril Lavigne, Reese Witherspoon and Joss Stone. (“Daily Dish”)
• Elite Modeling boss John Casablancas hasn’t worked with model Naomi Campbell since 1989 and says he never will again because she is ‘nasty and temperamental’. Finally, someone’s saying openly what the fashion world has long known. (“NY Daily News”)
• YESTERDAY philandering Jude Law reportedly held ‘crunch talks’ with fiancée Sienna Miller in a desperate bid to win her back. Sienna’s family and friends have made no secret that they think Jude is a complete rat for cheating with his kids’ nanny. So what do you think – should Sienna forgive Jude? (“News of the World”)  Meantime, Sienna has exited the $3.5-million mansion she shared with Jude and secretly checked into London’s Dorchester Hotel. (“The Sun”)
• There’s reportedly a move to build a dossier of ‘just cause’ for dumping 73-year-old Regis Philbin as host of TV’s syndicated “Live With Regis & Kelly”. Word is Regis could be toast by the end of the year and “Dancing With The Stars” host Tom Bergeron favored to take his chair. Yes, it seems there actually is someone more annoying than Reg’. (“National Enquirer”)

“WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:
• “Wacky New Crime Fighter – Wedgie Man, Master of the Atomic Wedgie!”
• “Generous Kids Ship Their Uneaten Peas to Starving Children in Appalachia!”
• “Scientist Clones Husband – Then Marries the Younger Version!”
• “Potatoes Develop Intelligence!”
• “Man Takes Out Restraining Order Against Imaginary Friend!”
• “Sleepwalking Burglar Ordered to Stay Awake 10 Years!”
• “Police Artists on Strike – All Suspects Look like Stick Figures!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alanis Morissette – TONIGHT she’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Ashanti – A NY jury has ordered her to pay $630,000 for breach of contract to her first producer Gerard Parker, whom she abandoned when she became commercially successful.
• Eminem – He’s now denying reports that he’ll ‘retire’ later THIS YEAR … likely after he was warned about how it would affect record sales.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s blaming her former management for her diva reputation, because they used to make extravagant demands on her behalf. Right.
• Jessica Simpson – She says she’s afraid that her new movie “The Dukes Of Hazzard” will flop because people see her as a singer and not as a movie actress. Actually that’s completely wrong … most don’t see her as either.
• Neil Diamond – TONIGHT he kicks off the 34-city US leg of “Neil Diamond’s World Tour” in Omaha NE, after concerts in Australia, New Zealand and the UK. We wonder … is the stage wheelchair accessible?
• Oasis – Liam Gallagher will marry his long-time girlfriend Nicole Appleton (ex-“All Saints”) later THIS YEAR in a low-key ceremony in Scotland. They already have a 4-year-old child together.
• R Kelly – THIS WEEK Chicago prosecutors will be back in court, fighting his lawyers’ attempt to have charges on 14 counts of child pornography against him tossed.
• Spice Girls – Victoria Beckham, Geri Halliwell & Emma Bunton are said to be holding secret comeback talks after both Mel B & Mel C refused to participate in a full-scale reunion.

YUPPIE FLU IS REALLY TRUE:
A new study by doctors at Imperial College London finds that what’s often derided as ‘Yuppie Flu’ by sceptics, ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, is in fact a genuine physical illness, not a psychological condition. (For proof, check any golf course on a Friday afternnoon.)
– “Times of London”

ALL-TIME TOP BEACH BEAUTIES:
Women who look especially beautiful on a beach, as picked by a panel of 100 ‘experts’ …
1. Ursula Andress (‘Bond girl’ in “Dr No”)
2. Kelly Brook (model/”The Italian Job” actress)
3. Elle MacPherson (42-year-old former supermodel)
4. Halle Berry (“Catwoman” actress)
5. Gisele Bundchen (model/Leo Dicaprio girlfriend)
– Newly-released Evian water poll.

TOP DOGS:
Some dog breeds are better learners than others, and Labs are among the best, according to a ranking by Stanley Coren in his book “The Intelligence of Dogs”. Breeds like Poodles and Dobermans rank best. They understand new commands in 5 or fewer tries and perform them correctly 95% of the time. At the other end of the scale, dogs like Basenjis and Chows may take 100 tries to learn a command. (Only command my lazy old dog knows is ‘play dead’ … at least, I think he’s playing.)
– “Social Studies”

2005 “WORLD STUPIDITY AWARDS”:
The so-called ‘Oscars of Idiocy’ awarded FRIDAY at Montréal’s “Just for Laughs” comedy festival …
• Dumbest Moment of the Year – Ashlee Simpson’s lip-synching performance on “Saturday Night Live”.
• Stupidest Statement of the Year – “They never stop thinking of ways of harming America … and neither do we.” (George W Bush)
• Stupidest Movie of the Year – “Alien vs Predator”
• Stupidest Trend of the Year – crystal meth.
• Stupidity Award for Reckless Endangerment of the Planet – North Korean dictator  Kim Jong-il.
• Media Outlet Which Has Best Furthered Ignorance – Fox News.
• Dumbest Government of the Year – Canada.
• Stupidest Award Show of the Year – The World Stupidity Awards.

WHISTLE WHILE YOU – DRIVE:
A University of Sheffield study has found that singing along to music while you’re driving helps you concentrate more, which means you won’t fall asleep at the wheel. Rock & roll isn’t the only music that’ll keep your car from slamming into the guardrails; easy listening and soothing classics should keep the blood pumping and the eyelids open as well. However, if you insist on taking chances with your life, throw on some Eminem or 50 Cent. The study reports that hip-hop or aggressive classical numbers can actually distract drivers. (Now, if only someone did a study on how to change CDs without driving over the median.)
– “Chart Magazine”

HOLLYWOOD’S MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS:
1. Colin Farrell (“Alexander”)
2. Jesse Metcalfe (“Desperate Housewives”)
3. Orlando Bloom (“Pirates of the Caribbean”)
4. George Clooney (“Ocean’s 12″)
5. Jamie Foxx (“Ray”)
– “In Touch” magazine.

JACKPOT!!
Japan’s Ogaki Kyoritsu Bank has introduced slot machine-style games of chance which run on ATM machines to keep customers occupied while they process their more mundane transactions. If 3 sevens roll up, the withdrawal fee is waived; 3 golds in-a-row wins a jackpot of 1,000 yen (circa $9). A bank spokesman says the purpose of the gimmick is simply … fun. (Not to mention increasing your time waiting in line even longer.)
– BBC News

YOUR DESK JOB IS MAKING YOU FAT:
According to Queensland University researchers, the more people sit at a desk, the more likely they are to be overweight. The Australian study finds that the average worker sits for more than 3 hours a day, but 25% are sedentary for more than 6 hours a day. A higher total daily sitting time is associated with a 68% increase in the odds of having a Body Mass Index above 25. (The benchmark figure known as ‘fatso’.)
– ANI

WORLD’S LARGEST CORPORATIONS:
The biggest companies (their annual sales) …
1. Wal-Mart ($288 billion)
2. BP ($285 billion)
3 Exxon Mobil ($271 billion)
4. Royal Dutch Shell Group ($269 billion)
5. General Motors ($194 billion)
– New “Fortune” magazine ranking.

WHERE’S WALDO?
British parents can now keep track of their kids using cellphones. The new ‘KidsOK’ system can track the whereabouts of youngsters’ handsets to within 500 meters, using state-of-the-art GPS technology. Parents who sign up for the service receive a full description of the location and a map on their phone screen after text messaging in a 5-digit PIN number. The numbers are encrypted and parents’ identities checked as a safeguard. (How long before mommy’s using this on daddy?)
– “The Sun”

BS AMAZING FACT:
The eye of a human can distinguish 500 shades of grey. (62 alone in [newsman’s] hair!)

AND WE QUOTE:
• “Whatever the media writes about Scientology would go against what you would think of me. I’m fiercely independent and defiant and it’s all the stuff that I’ve done in Scientology that has helped reinforce that and make me even more of an individual. It’s a true non-conformist religion; it’s just the media makes it really negative.”  – Actress-turned-singer Juliette Lewis spouting her support for the sect … without even using cue cards.
• It’s unbelievable! It’s like getting pregnant when you’re 85.”  – Actor Peter Gallagher (the father ‘Sandy Cohen’ on “The OC”) on getting a record deal with Sony at age 49. Hey, Pete … it ain’t cuz of your singing.

THE BULL SHEET 07.25.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [50] Iman (Abdulmajid), Mogadishu, Somalia, former model/sometime actress/Mrs David Bowie since 1992

1965 [40] Marty Brown. Maceo KY, country singer (“You Can’t Wrap Your Arms Around a Memory”)

1967 [38] Matt LeBlanc, Newton MA, TV sitcom actor (“Joey” since 2004, “Friends” 1994-2004)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Parents’ Day”, to pay tribute to those whose devotion as parents strengthens society and forms the foundation for a bright future. (Is there a kid anywhere who’ll actually claim to have parents like this?)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1999 [06] “Woodstock ’99” music festival in Rome NY ends with rowdies setting fires and looting

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1871 [134] ‘Perforated Toilet Paper’ is patented (Seth Wheeler, Albany NY)

1923 [82] 1st ‘Home Movies’ shown (undoubtedly to an excruciatingly bored audience)

1978 [27] Louise Joy Brown of Oldham UK becomes world’s 1st ‘Test Tube Baby’ (conceived outside the mother’s body using the new technique of ‘in-vitro fertilization’)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] All or Nothing Day
[Tues] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Wed] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
[Thurs] Accountants Day
[Thurs] Drive-Thru Day
[Fri] Lasagna Day
[Fri] “Must Love Dogs”, “Sky High” & “Stealth” open in movie theaters

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Animal Agriculture Week
Salad Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS QUICK-PICK TRIVIA:
Q: What time of the day is the busiest traffic time?
a. 7:30 am
b. 8 am
c. 5 pm [CORRECT. Some 2 million people or about 8% of Canada’s adult population are on the road at 8 am on a weekday, but the busiest time is actually just after 5 pm when a whopping 12% of Canadians are traveling by car.]

• What is thought to be the largest object ever to have disappeared entirely into quicksand?
a. An oil well.
b. A train. [CORRECT]
c. John Madden’s Barcalounger.

• How many humans in total have walked on the Moon?
a. 2
b. 12 [CORRECT, according to “Focus” magazine.]
c. 22

LAMEST BS SONGS OF ALL-TIME:
The antiMusic Website editors make it clear that their “101 Lamest” poll isn’t scientific, but judging by the top 10, it’s not far off …
1. Limp Bizkit – “Nookie”
2. Kelly Osbourne – “Shut Up”
3. Metallica – “St Anger”
4. Avril Lavigne – “Sk8r Boi”
5. Warrant – “Cherry Pie”
6. Partridge Family – “I Think I Love You”
7. Sheryl Crow – “Sweet Child Of Mine”
8. Hole – “Gold Dust Woman”
9. Crazy Town – “Butterfly”
10. Vanilla Ice – “Ice, Ice Baby”
All 101 lamest are listed here …
NET: http://www.antimusic.com/specials/lame

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 10,000 marriages a year are the result of couples who first meet while doing THIS daily activity.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Getting coffee.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

WELCOME NEWBIES:
BS salutes returning subscriber Russell MacKenzie @ C102 [CJRW ] Summerside PEI; and samplers this week that include Jerry Anderson @ WTOL-TV Toledo OH; Carl Guzman @ 103.5 K-LITE [DWKX] Manila, Philippines; Marcia Burns @ 92.1 BOB-FM [KBDB] Sacramento CA; Brad Brown @ Mix 106 [WDXE] Lawrenceburg TN; Selina Temple @ Country 102 [WKIX] Calypso NC; and Paul Brothers @ K-ROCK 102.3 [CKXG] Grand Falls-Windsor NL. Remember BSers, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH of service for each & every new subscriber you refer!