Friday, July 22, 2005        Edition: #3078
You’ve Got Yourself in Deep Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Michael Jackson has lined up a spectacular 1,000-guest bash at the Estrel Hotel in Berlin, Germany to celebrate his father Joe’s 76th birthday (among those expected: Elizabeth Taylor, Diana Ross & Mike Tyson) . . . Meantime, the Jackson family patriarch tells Germany’s “Bild” newspaper that Michael wants to move to Berlin because he’s ‘fallen in love’ with the city (because there’s no bylaw against baby dangling?) . . . SATURDAY & Sunday The Killers, Liz Phair, the Pixies & Weezer are among over 60 acts playing “Lollapalooza”, not a tour this year but a stationary, single event in Chicago’s Grant Park (NET: http://www.lollapalooza.com) . . . ABC-TV’s new reality show “Brat Camp”, in which troubled teens are taught discipline at a wilderness camp, looks like a hit, attracting over 10 million viewers for its debut . . . The ashes of late actor James Doohan, who played ‘Scotty’ on “Star Trek”, will be launched into space per his request (beam him up!) . . . And the surviving members of comedy troupe Monty Python’s Flying Circus (John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin & Terry Jones) are developing the new 6-part series “Monty Python’s Personal Best” for PBS which will include both new material and some best-loved clips from their original BBC series (1969-74).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Backstreet Boys – TONIGHT they launch a 28-city comeback tour in West Palm Beach FL, in support of their new album “Never Gone”.
• Black Eyed Peas – Fergie is denying recent tabloid reports that she’s become engaged to actor-boyfriend Josh Duhamel.
• Carrie Underwood – The latest “American Idol” winner will sing classic jingles in a new TV ad campaign for the Hershey Co.
• Jack Johnson – TOMORROW he’s on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”.
• Madonna – She’s hired a team of fashion experts to catalogue every costume she’s used in her career. Her goal is to create a traveling exhibit.
• Sum 41 – TODAY they’re on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Usher – He’s reportedly forked out over $1.7 million for a watch with his own face on it. The Damon Dash-designed timepiece is encrusted with 1,106 diamonds.
• Velvet Revolver – Scott Weiland has apologized to German fans for the controversy surrounding the Nazi SS uniform he’s been sporting at recent gigs.
• Wynonna – SATURDAY she’ll lead a ride of Harley-Davidson owners across middle Tennessee to show support for US troops. The ride ends at Nashville’s Superspeedway with a few victory laps.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Island” (PG-13 Sci-Fi Action): In the future, the wealthy can have themselves cloned to provide organ transplants for later in life. The doubles are duped into thinking that a lottery spin will send them to an island paradise, but in reality they’re on the way to get their body parts harvested. One of the clones (Ewan McGregor) suspects the true nature of the facility in which he was raised and plots an escape with a friend (Scarlett Johansson).
NET: http://www.theisland-themovie.com
• “Bad News Bears” (PG-13 Comedy): After a lawsuit forces Little League teams to accept all players regardless of ability, a surly, half-drunk baseball coach (Billy Bob Thornton) turns a team of misfits with a long losing streak into unlikely contenders. Co-stars Greg Kinnear & Marcia Gay Harden. A remake of the 1976 film that starred Walter Matthau & Tatum O’Neal.
NET: http://www.badnewsbearsmovie.com/badnewsbears.php
• “Hustle & Flow” (R-rated Musical Drama): “Crash” actor Terrence Dashon Howard plays a streetwise Memphis hustler who tries to kick-start a rap career with the help of his friends ‘Key’ ( Anthony Anderson), a sound engineer, and ‘Shelby’ (DJ Qualls), the most unlikely producer ever to enter a studio. If they can attract the attention of successful rapper ‘Skinny Black’ (Ludacris), they just might make it big.
NET: http://www.hustleandflow.com
• “The Devil’s Rejects” (R-rated Horror Thriller): Rob Zombie’s “House of 1,000 Corpses” follow-up follows the serial-killing ‘Firefly’ family as its members go on the lam after a bloodbath. They’re pursued by ‘Sheriff John Wydell’ (William Forsythe), who’s looking to avenge his brother’s murder. The names of several of the film’s characters (‘Rufus Firefly’, ‘Otis Driftwood’, etc) are named after characters originally played by Groucho Marx.

ALL-TIME SHOW BIZ ‘MELTDOWN MOMENTS’:
1. Tom Cruise losing control on “Oprah”.
2. Michael Jackson dangling his baby from a hotel balcony in Berlin.
3. Farrah Fawcett spacing out on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
4. Mariah Carey breaking down on MTV.
5. Whitney Houston’s ‘crack is whack’ speech during an interview with Diane Sawyer.
– “TV Guide”

BOOBY PRIZE:
SATURDAY night Penticton BC nightclub The Element is staging a ‘Sextreme Makeover’ contest that offers female patrons the chance to win – free boobs. The grand prize is $3,000 toward breast implants by a doctor of the winner’s choice. 40 contestants will be picked from the club floor and their names placed on a spinning wheel. One will be eliminated per spin until the winner is announced just before closing time. It promises to be an eventful promotion – members of the local Bible Holiness Movement plan to stage a protest.
– CNEWS

COMING SOON – INADVISABLE THEFT AUTO:
The producer of the popular video game “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas” has ceased manufacturing it after the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) upgraded its ‘Mature’ rating to ‘Adult’. Rockstar Games has announced it’s working on a new version of the game that will contain a block against the controversial sexual content. It’s offering retailers the choice of either slapping the new ‘Adult’ rating sticker on store copies or returning current stock for the tamer version of the game due THIS FALL.
– CBC Arts & Entertainment

DRUNK DRIVING AS A CAREER:
Auto maker Volvo has asked the Swedish government to waive the country’s strict drunk driving laws to allow its test drivers to booze on-the-job. Why? It wants to test a new technology that’s designed to allow the vehicle to take over steering control whenever a driver’s reaction time is slowed due to booze or fatigue. If the request is granted, it would be the first exception to Sweden’s drunk driving laws which are among the world’s toughest – a single beer or glass of wine can land a driver in jail for up to 6 months.
– Associated Press

IN THE NAME OF ART:
• A work of art that features a mannequin lying face down in a garden next to the Metropolitana Art Gallery in Santiago, Chile is getting complaints. Artist Juan Inca says his work aims to generate fiction, causing people to think the dummy is either drunk or dead. And that’s exactly what’s happening – numerous frantic calls to local cops.
• UK artist & environmentalist Mark McGowan created his work “The Running Tap” by simply going into the backroom kitchen of a London gallery 3 weeks ago and flipping on the cold water. He doesn’t plan to turn it off for an entire year. His ‘work’ is designed to make people consider all the water that’s routinely wasted. The gushing faucet is an expensive exhibit that could waste about 3.9 million gallons of water, costing over $23,000. It may also land McGowan in a legal battle with Thames Water, the local utility company.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 90% of DVR users skip TV ads.
• 80% of us say we have experienced rudeness at work.
• 40% of women who get breast implants eventually have them removed.
• 33% of parents cut crusts off bread for their kids, the reason a UK bakery has developed the ‘Invisible Crust’.
• 22% of sleep time is occupied by Rapid Eye Movement (REM).
• 20% of us are repelled by the thought of eating raw tomatoes.

FOR THE RECORD:
• It appears a new record for ‘Blind Dates En Masse’ has been set in Singapore. Organizers at Nanyang Technological University paired 536 people into 268 couples who spent at least 1 hour together during a single 12-hour period. The previous record of 123 couples was set in London in 2001.
• Is it hot where you are? It’s getting close in the world’s most northerly community, Svalbard, situated on Norwegian islands north of the Arctic Circle. Temperatures there have soared to the highest ever recorded – 19.6 C (67 F), a full degree-and-a-half above the previous record.

BS AMAZING FACT:
New figures from StatsCan show that Canada’s crime rate is 12% lower than a decade ago.
Impotence is grounds for divorce in 24 US states.

AND WE QUOTE:
“There is absolutely no truth to the recent tabloid reports.”  – Pam Anderson on MSNBC, dismissing claims that she’s going to wed ex-husband Tommy Lee a 3rd time. Meantime, in an e-mail to “Access Hollywood”, Tommy Lee insists the wedding is on. (Do you smell publicity stunt?)

THE BULL SHEET 07.22.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [65] Alex Trebek, Sudbury ON, TV game show host (“Jeopardy” since 1984)

1946 [59] Danny Glover, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Lethal Weapon 1-4″, “Angels in Outfield”)

1947 [58] Albert Brooks (Einstein), Beverly Hills CA, movie actor (“Finding Nemo”, “Broadcast News”)

1947 [58] Don Henley, Gilmer TX, classic rock musician (“Boys of Summer”, Eagles-“Hotel California”)

1947 [58] Gilles Duceppe, Montréal QC, federal Bloc Québécois leader since 1997

1955 [50] Willem Dafoe, Appleton WI, movie actor (“The Aviator”, “Spider-Man 1 & 2″)

1964 [41] David Spade, Birmingham MI, movie actor (“Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star”, “Joe Dirt”)/TV actor (Comedy Central’s “The Showbiz Show with David Spade” coming in SEPTEMBER, “Just Shoot Me” 1997-2003)

1974 [31] Franka Potente, Dulmen, Germany, movie actress (“The Bourne Supremacy”, “The Bourne Identity”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Radio personality Don Imus is 65; Guitarist Blair Thornton (Bachman-Turner Overdrive) is 55; Movie actor Woody Harrelson (“White Men Can’t Jump”) is 44; Rock guitarist Slash (Velvet Revolver) is 40; Country singer Alison Krauss (& Union Station) is 34; Country singer Shannon Brown (“It Must Be The Rain”) is 32; Pop singer Michelle Williams (Destiny’s Child) is 25; Movie actor Daniel Radcliffe (“Harry Potter”) is 16.

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Toronto retailer/theatrical producer (‘Honest’) Ed Mirvish is 91; Baseball slugger Barry Bonds (San Francisco Giants) is 41; Movie actress-singer Jennifer Lopez (“Monster-in-Law”) is 35 or 36 (depending who you  believe); Movie actress Anna Paquin (“X-Men”) is 23.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is —
• “Rat-Catchers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the fabled ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ (Germany) piping the town’s rats into the Weser River back in 1376.
• “Spooner’s Day”, honoring the 1844 birth of William Archibald Spooner in London UK, who accidentally invented ‘spoonerisms’ – slips of the tongue like ‘queer old dean’ instead of ‘dear old queen’ or ‘blushing crow’ for ‘crushing blow’.

SATURDAY is –
• “Gorgeous Grandma Day”, either honoring every kid’s favorite spoiler … or some sort of weird fetish we won’t get into.
• “Hot Enough For Ya? Day”, when it should be legal to assault anyone who asks you the overused, plain-as-the-end-of-your-sweat-dripping-nose question.

SUNDAY is –
• “Cousins Day”, to honor all cousins who are living and pay homage to those who aren’t. (Or, as it’s known in [co-host’s] family, ‘Spouses Day’.)
• “Virtual Love Day”, a day for those who have experienced the ‘excitement, joy, and sorrow’ of Internet relationships. In other words, a day for losers.
• “World Championship Bathtub Race” in Nanaimo BC, the 38th annual competition featuring high-powered racing tubs.
NET: http://bathtub.island.net

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [07] 1st ‘All Whale Radio Station’ (ORCA-FM signs on in Vancouver, featuring all whale sounds, all the time)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1967 [38] Jimi Hendrix decides he can no longer be the opening act for The Monkees and quits the tour

1979 [26] ‘Sony Walkman’ debuts (and soon all kids ever say is “What?”)

1995 [10] Shania Twain tops the charts with “Any Man of Mine”, her first #1 hit

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1948 [57] Newfoundlanders vote 52% in favor of joining Canada, narrowly resulting in the addition of a 10th province

1979 [26] 1st pro golfer to shoot below his age (67-year-old Sam Snead shoots a 66)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1989 [16] Youngest pilot to fly around-the-world (11-year-old Tony Aliengena of California)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] All or Nothing Day
[Tues] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Wed] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
[Thurs] Accountants Day
[Thurs] Drive-Thru Day
This Week Is . . . Captive Nations Week
This Month Is . . . Doghouse Repairs Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS GOOD OR BAD?
You run down the list while a listener or studio guest rates each as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• Staying home on Friday night.
• Staying home on Saturday night.
• Lasered-on fruit labels instead of hard-to-peel stickers.
• Humidex readings.
• Self checkouts in supermarkets.
• Extending Daylight Saving Time by an extra 2 months.
• Styrofoam coffee cups.
• Jewelry for dogs.
• MP3 players that automatically shuffle your playlist.
• Backyard vacations.

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Missy Elliott – “Lose Control”
2. Ciara – “Oh”
3. 50 Cent – “Just A Lil Bit”
4. Mike Jones – “Back Then”
5. Destiny’s Child – “Cater 2 U”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 15 years ago THIS didn’t even exist but this year sales will top $1 billion. What’s the modern convenience?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pre-packaged salad.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Sterility is hereditary.