Monday, July 12, 2004        Edition: #2820
Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

TACKY TABLOID BS:
• Courtney Love had some 40th birthday on FRIDAY! First, she failed to show up for arraignment in LA court and the judge promptly issued an arrest warrant. Then an EMS team was summoned to her NYC apartment. “E! Online” reports she’s in hospital due to a ‘serious medical condition unrelated to drugs’, according to her lawyer. Word is she may have suffered a miscarriage. (Guess that means that somewhere out there’s a guy with an ELEVEN-foot pole.)
• The Paris Hilton sex video “1 Night In Paris” has sold over 300,000 copies in just over a week. Meantime, “Daily Sport” reports that Paris Hilton & boyfriend Nick Carter recently went to an LA tattoo parlor where Nick got Paris’ name inked on his wrist and Paris got Nick’s … on her butt. (That way if she dumps him for someone else, she can always turn the other cheek.)
• “Star” magazine claims it has learned that Britney Spears’ wedding to boyfriend Kevin Federline will be on NOVEMBER 20th. Meantime, Spears’ 55-hour previous hubby Jason Alexander has been no doubt lured by cash to tell all about their honeymoon to “News of the World”. Among the ‘highlights’ – “She wasn’t shy in showing what she wanted”, “She was an animal in bed” and “At times she was noisy.” (Forget Bowie, be still MY heart!)
• Irish actor Colin Farrell lost patience with a drunken fan who refused to get out of his face at Le Bar in the Plaza Athenée hotel in Paris. After several warnings, Farrell reportedly dropped the guy to the floor with a single punch. “Page Six” says security then disposed of the annoyance and the party went on as if nothing had happened. (Wow, for once someone got hammered and it wasn’t Farrell.)
• Univision Television is confirming the “NY Post” scoop that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant. The Miami-based Hispanic channel claims both friends and family members have confirmed it. (Hey, the old biological clock must be ticking loudly … she’s 35 in a couple weeks!)
• According to “National Enquirer”, Marlon Brando secretly taped phone conversations and now that he’s gone, some of the biggest names in Hollywood are terrified their darkest secrets will be exposed. Audio edit some “Godfather” clips for ‘exclusive excerpts’ from the tapes …
NET: http://www.folloder.com/sounds/soundbites.htm
• “Daily Dish” reports that Penelope Cruz & Matthew McConaughey, who met on the set of upcoming adventure movie “Sahara”, are touring his home state of Texas together – in an Airstream trailer. Even though they continue to deny they’re in a relationship, a fellow camper at one campground says they looked ‘very cozy’ together. (What would celebrity campers have that the rest of us don’t? Designer sleeping bags? A ‘firewood assistant’? Monogrammed marshmallows?)

THE WEEK’S WACKIEST TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Saturn Is a Giant UFO!”
• “Government Training Alien-Sniffing Dogs!”
• “Dick Cheney Is a Robot!”
• “Hole in Ozone Layer Is Sucking World’s Penguins into Space!”
• “Ex-Wife’s Face Keeps Appearing on Toast!”
• “Loch Ness Monster Is a Giant Duck!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Tim McGraw – He’s extending his concert tour through the early fall to promote the release of his 9th album, “Live Like You Were Dying”.
• David Bowie – That ‘pinched nerve’ he was said to be suffering from LAST MONTH when he collapsed on stage in Europe turned out to be much more. It’s been revealed the 57-year-old underwent emergency heart surgery, an angioplasty procedure to treat an acutely blocked artery. He’s now back home in NYC convalescing.
• Nina Sky – Natalie & Nicole Albino are identical twins from Queens NY. ‘Nina’ is taken from a portion of each of their names. The ‘Sky’ part represents their shared aspirations.
• John Mayer – He tells “Esquire” magazine he’s worn the same jeans every day since MARCH.
• U2 – “Spider-Man” has been such a huge hit at the box office, it may be headed to Broadway. A “Spider-Man” musical is reportedly in the works and U2’s Bono is said to be involved.
• Clay Walker – TODAY he performs at Major League Baseball’s “Home Run Derby” in Houston, an annual event the night before the baseball “All-Star Game”.

MEET MY SON ‘KERMIT’:
An Iranian woman claims to have given birth – to a frog. Or at least a strange frog-like creature of some type. Medical experts have been examining the critter and claim that it resembles an adult frog with some human characteristics. They believe the woman might have picked up larva while swimming in a dirty pool of water, and that the creature might have grown into a full adult frog inside her body. (Yeah sure. They’re shooting another “Alien” sequel, right?)
– BBC

CAMP CANINE:
In the past 15 years, more than a dozen summer camps for dogs have sprung up across North America. For instance, at ‘Dog Scout Camp’ pooches can earn merit badges in 60 different activities, ranging from ‘Backpacking’ and ‘Cart-Pulling’ to ‘Search & Rescue’ and ‘Picking Up Litter’. (Why don’t they teach them to stoop n’ scoop on their own?)
– “Christian Science Monitor”
NET: http://www.dogscouts.com

IT KEEPS GOING & GOING …
The ‘TV remote control’ has been voted the ‘Best Battery Powered Invention’ of the past 70 years in a new survey conducted by Energizer batteries. The ‘cellphone’ came in 2nd,m followed by the ‘personal stereo’. And oh, buzzing in at #6 …. the ‘vibrator’! (It’s not #1 but it’s right up there!)
– “Sun”

REASONS YOU FORGET:
In his book “Thank You Brain For All You Remember (What You Forgot Was My Fault)”, Texas A&M professor Bill Klemm claims your memory can be sharpened through a regular workout for the brain. Klemm notes there are 4 major obstacles to remembering things – information overload, multi-tasking, stress, and lack of sleep. (Coincidentally, 4 of the major hurdles for morning radio hosts.)
– ANI

ULTIMATE FANS:
A Belgian couple whose obsessive love of Elvis Presley has caused them to give each of their 15 children names related to him are stuck for a name to give their 16th child, a new baby boy. So far they have children named ‘Elvis’, ‘Priscilla’, ‘Dakota’ and ‘Tennessee’. Proud pop Jean-Pierre Antheunis says if the baby had been a girl, they would have called her ‘Linda’ after an early girlfriend of Presley’s but they’ve run out of ideas for a boy.” (How ‘bout ‘Hound Dog’ … or maybe ‘Stiff’?)
– Ananova

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Earlier reports suggested he was flat broke, but Marlon Brando has apparently left an estate worth $21.6 MILLION … enough to cause a lot of bickering among his 10 surviving children.
• Under a new proposal to help reduce population, couples with 2 kids in Pakistan’s Punjab province would be offered the equivalent of about $85 to get a vasectomy done. (Would you have a snip job for a lousy 85 bucks?)
• Volunteer work performed by Canadians 65 or older amounts to 161.2 million hours annually, which would translate into almost $2-billion of paid work, according to University of Guelph psychology professor Benjamin Gottlieb. (Among the volunteer jobs performed … slowing down traffic.)

THE BULL SHEET 07.12.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [84] Pierre Berton, Whitehorse YT, celebrated Canadian author of some 46 books (“Winter”, “The Last Spike”)

1937 [67] Bill Cosby, Philadelphia PA, comedian/former #1 TV actor (“The Cosby Show”)

1943 [61] Christine McVie, Birmingham UK, classic rock singer (Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”)

1948 [56] Richard Simmons, New Orleans LA, chubby weight-loss guru (“Sweatin’ to the Oldies”, “Deal-a-Meal”)

1967 [37] Bruny Surin, born Cap-Haitien HAITI (raised Montréal), Canadian sprinter (4X100 m relay 1996 Olympic Gold)

1977 [27] Brock Lesnar (‘The Next Big Thing’), Webster SD, WWE wrestler famous for the finishing moves ‘Brock Lock’ and ‘F-5 Helicopter Spin’

1991 [13] Erik Per Sullivan, Worcester MA, TV sitcom actor (‘Dewey’ on “Malcolm in the Middle” since 2000)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Swimming Pool Day”, a good day to call a friend who has one and invite yourself over.

TODAY is “Pecan Pie Day”, celebrating one of the most decadent of all desserts. (The crust and pecans aren’t necessary … just the yummy goo in the center!)

TODAY is “International Town Crier’s Day”, recognizing the ‘ancient and honorable art of town crying’. (“7 o’clock and all’s well!”)

TODAY is “Orangemen’s Day” in Northern Ireland, a national holiday commemorating the Battle of Boyne in 1690 when Protestant forces defeated Catholic. (Always a good excuse for a riot.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1976 [28] “The Family Feud” game show debuts on ABC-TV

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1949 [55] 1st ‘warning track’ in front of a MLB outfield fence (proposed by exasperated outfielder Bobby ‘Flatface’ McCormack)

1981 [23] 1st woman ordered to pay alimony to her ex-husband

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Gruntled Workers Day
[Tues] 75th Major League Baseball All-Star Game
[Thurs] Respect Canada Day
[Thurs-July 25] 22nd Just For Laughs comedy festival (Montréal)
[Fri] “A Cinderella Story” and “I, Robot” open in movie theaters
[Sun] Cow Appreciation Day
[Sun] National Ice Cream Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Mosquito Week
Therapeutic Recreation Week
Special Recognition Week
Take Charge of Change Week
National Farriers Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit we say ‘funny as hell’? Are all the comedians down there?
• Whyzit we’re always trying to ‘get ahead’? Is something catching up?
• Whyzit only a grown-up would tell you to “Stop playing with your food!”?
• Whyzit we say ‘falling down’? Is there another way to do it?
• Whyzit doughnut shop employees carefully use a tissue to pick up your doughnuts, then toss it in the doughnut bag, germs and all?
 
BS ‘CUISINE QUIZ’:
Here’s a fun way to give away a dinner prize. You name the dish, your contestant attempts to name its country of origin. 3 correct out of 5 wins!
GAME #1 –
• Tempura [light batter for deep frying-Japan]
• Moussaka [layered meat & eggplant-Greece]
• Crêpes Suzette [thin pancakes-France]
• Bobotie [curried minced beef-South Africa]
• Yabby [local crayfish-Australia]

GAME #2 –
• Cheese Fondue [melted Swiss cheese for dipping-Switzerland]
• Fat Rascal [spiced biscuit with currants-England]
• Rumbledethumps [mashed potatoes & cooked cabbage-Scotland]
• Peach Cobbler [fruit topped with batter-USA]
• Nam Pla [fermented fish sauce-Thailand]
• Poutine [french fries smothered in cheese curds & gravy-Canada]
– “Our Canada” magazine

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Cripes, this morning we’re busier than a one-eyed cat watching 9 mouse holes.
• After this weekend I’ve had enough of gardening. I’m about ready to throw in the trowel.

WEB GOODIES:
• ‘The Origins of Band Names’ Website features an alphabetical listing of recent and classic rock and pop groups and the derivation of their names. For instance, did you know Our Lady Peace named themselves after a 1940 poem by Mark Van Doren? Or that Radiohead is named after a Talking Heads song? Excellent site to bookmark for quick reference.
NET: http://www.heathenworld.com/bandname/a-e.html
• If you were a movie villain which would you be? The ‘Liquid Generation’ 16-question online quiz will reveal all!
NET: http://www.liquidgeneration.com/quiz/villain_quiz.asp

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: On the average, a person will get 50 of THESE in their lifetime.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Credit card applications.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
When I grow up, I want to be like a child.

HOWDY!!
“BS” salutes new subscriber Jeff Jeffries @ MIX 100 Yellowknife NT and this week’s samplers that include Dave Collins @ CFM Carlisle UK; Wahoo Napoles @ Killer Bee FM General Santos City, the Philippines; Virginia Gonzales @ KVIL Dallas TX; Jean Hetherington @ KVOO Tulsa OK; Lou Bedor @ WBTN Bennington VT; Stacy McClain @ WQXB Grenada MS; Shawn Southwick @ KIOA Des Moines IA; Omer @ Korna 99 Samsun, Turkey; Tricia Bade @ KAHM Prescott AZ; and Jade D’Amico @ Love Talk USA. Welcome all!