Tuesday, July 22, 2003        Edition: #2584
Sheet For Brains!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Rumor has it that ‘Monica’ & ‘Chandler’ will adopt a child on the upcoming season of “Friends” . . . Meantime, sources say talks are accelerating between NBC-TV and Matt LeBlanc for a post-“Friends” spinoff revolving around his ‘Joey Tribbiani’ character . . . Democratic Party zealot Barbra Streisand must be steamed hubby James Brolin will play former Republican prez Ronald Reagan in a CBS-TV mini-series THIS FALL (actually, considering his acting skills – maybe she put him up to it?) . . . 15-year-old movie star Hilary Duff is denying reports she’s had a boob job, claiming the camera angle used for publicity shots may have given the misleading impression her assets were suddenly larger (not to mention air-brushing) . . . Soon-to-be-60 Mick Jagger has reportedly been trying to win back ex-wife Jerry Hall with a barrage of love letters, but Hall just isn’t interested in a reconciliation (only alimony) . . . 26-year-old Coldplay singer Chris Martin has been ordered to appear in court after allegedly smashing a reporter’s windshield on an Australian beach, apparently miffed the photog had snapped shots of him surfing . . . So perhaps it’s understandable Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are rumored to be splitting up (again) after a string of loud arguments over the pressures of fame . . . Newlyweds Russell Crowe & Danielle Spencer have announced they’re expecting their 1st child in JANUARY . . . Hollywood actors Josh Brolin (“Hollow Man”) & Diane Lane (“Unfaithful”) have announced their engagement . . . And so has 2′-8″ actor Verne Troyer, famous for his role as ‘Mini-Me’ in the “Austin Powers” movies, who will wed 29-year-old yoga instructor Genevieve Gallen in NOVEMBER – who’s 6′-2″ (hey, get that lewd picture out of your mind!).

GREATEST POP CULTURE ICONS:
THIS WEEK VH1 is counting down the top 200 Pop Culture Icons. Here’s their top 5 – 
1. Oprah Winfrey
2. ‘Superman’
3. Elvis Presley
4. Lucille Ball
5. Tom Cruise

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Ararat” (DVD) – Director Atom Egoyan’s drama that explores the horrors and meaning of the Turkish genocide of millions of Armenians in 1915.
• “Spun” (DVD) – A gritty comedy in which a speed freak (Jason Schwartzman) is introduced to the local crystal meth cook (Mickey Rourke) through his dealer (John Leguizamo) and agrees to become his personal driver in exchange for free drugs.
• “The Life of David Gale” (DVD) – Kevin Spacey stars with Kate Winslet in this critically-panned thriller as a philosophy professor who advocates abolition of the death penalty, only to wind up charged with rape and murder and facing death row.
• “Read My Lips” (DVD) – Sexy French actors Emmanuelle Devos & Vincent Cassel star in this award-winning film-noir thriller about a 35-year-old woman with a hearing deficiency trying to change her humdrum life.
• “Final Destination 2″ (DVD/VHS) – In this sequel to the 2000 sleeper horror hit, 9 people avoid a massive freeway pileup thanks to a premonition by a teenager (AJ Cook), but Death comes a’calling and begins to get its due.
• “Nicholas Nickleby” (DVD) – A no-name drama based on one of Charles Dickens’ most beloved novels in which a compassionate young man struggles to save his family and friends from the exploitation of his uncle.

THE INTERIOR DECORATING GENE:
Scientists at Chicago’s Foundation for Reproductive Medicine have created hybrid human ‘she-males’, mixing male and female cells in the same embryo. Dr Norbert Gleicher believes the technique of injecting male cells into female embryos could lead to better treatments for single-gene disorders. However, the experiment has outraged fertility experts and anti-abortionists who question its morality. (But enough about Elton John.)

HOW TO SMOKE:
Court decisions have forced Health Canada to release a ‘Users Manual’ for medicinal marijuana as it begins distributing it to 582 approved patients THIS WEEK. Government-certified marijuana, grown in Flin Flon MB, has a standard THC level of 10% and costs $5 a gram. It’s available in 30-gram bags. Among the tips in the 59-page manual –
• “Marijuana should not be administered to children up to 16 years of age or to those 65 years or older.” (There are children over 65?)
• “Administration by smoking is not recommended.” (What then … suppository?)
• “Smoking marijuana can be more dangerous to the lungs than tobacco.” (But after a couple hits, you won’t care!)
• “Users who choose to smoke are warned that smoking should be gentle and should cease if the patient begins to feel disoriented or agitated.” (Or really freakin’ hungry!)
• “Naive smokers should take great care and be supervised.” (“Here man, let me help you out with that bong …”)

YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE … LATER:
A Russian cosmonaut is planning to become the first to get married from space. Cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko is scheduled to marry Ekaterina Dmitriev by looooong distance telephone from the International Space Station on AUGUST 10th. (The next morning, they’ll attempt re-entry.)

LARGE DOUBLE CHEESE BEATS BIG C:
Italian scientists at a Milan pharmacology center have found that eating one or more pizzas a week dramatically reduces the incidence of some types of cancer. A study of 8,000 Italians found that regular pizza-eaters are 59% less likely to contract cancer of the esophagus and 26% less susceptible to cancer of the colon. (However, it was also found that inhaling several pizzas a week dramatically decreases your odds of getting lucky.)

CYBER CHEATING:
According to a University of Florida study, Internet chat rooms are the fastest-rising cause of relationship breakdowns. Researcher Beatriz Mileham says the Internet will soon become the most common form of infidelity … if it isn’t already. In the vast majority of cases, spouses who have Internet encounters with the opposite sex don’t think they were doing anything wrong yet research shows that ‘on-line adultery’ causes the same feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal as skin-to-skin contact. (The thing about cheating in person is – you can see the guy’s a 300-lb slob no matter what he claims.)

BOREDOM’S A KILLER:
New research finds that a boring job can actually kill you. Howzat? You may adopt high-risk behaviors to relieve the boredom, thus leading to a higher risk of death. Here’s a few of the jobs rated highest for boredom –
1. Tollbooth operator
2. Doorman
3. Assembly-line worker
4. Lighthouse keeper
5. Exterminator
(And what about doing all-nights at the smooth jazz station?)

BS AMAZING FACT:
A Chinese contraceptive-maker claims its 80-meter-high (263-ft) condom erected in southern China is the world’s largest. (Thereby disputing [co-host’s] claim.)

THE BULL SHEET 07.22.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [63] Alex Trebek, Sudbury ON, TV game show host (“Jeopardy” since 1984)

1947 [56] Albert Brooks (Einstein), Beverly Hills CA, movie actor (Marlin-“Finding Nemo”, “Out of Sight”, “Broadcast News”)

1947 [56] Danny Glover, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Lethal Weapon 1-4″, “Angels in Outfield”)

1947 [56] Don Henley, Gilmer TX, classic rock musician (“Boys of Summer”, Eagles-“Hotel California”)

1947 [56] Gilles Duceppe, Montréal QC, federal Bloc Québecois leader

1955 [48] Willem Dafoe, Appleton WI, film actor (Gill-“Finding Nemo”, Green Goblin-“Spider-Man”, “Platoon”)

1964 [39] David Spade, Birmingham MI, movie actor (“Joe Dirt”, “Lost & Found”)/TV  actor (“Just Shoot Me” 1997-2003)

1964 [39] John Leguizamo, Bogota COL, movie actor (“Spun”, “Moulin Rouge!”, “The Fan”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Rat-Catchers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the fabled ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ (Germany) piping the town’s rats into the Weser River back in 1376.

TODAY is “Spooner’s Day” honoring the 1844 birth of William Archibald Spooner in London ENG, who accidentally invented ‘spoonerisms’ (slips of the tongue like ‘queer old dean’ instead of ‘dear old queen’ or ‘blushing crow’ for ‘crushing blow’).

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1948 [55] Newfoundlanders vote 52% in favor of joining Canada, narrowly resulting in the addition of a 10th province

1979 [24] 1st pro golfer to shoot below his age (67-year-old Sam Snead shoots a 66)

1979 [24] 1st ‘Sony Walkman’ goes on sale (kids have been saying “What??” ever since)

1995 [08] 1st #1 hit for Shania Twain as “Any Man of Mine” tops “Billboard” country chart

1998 [05] 1st ‘all whale radio station’ (ORCA-FM signs on in Vancouver, featuring all whale sounds, all the time)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1989 [14] Youngest pilot to fly around-the-world (11-year-old Tony Aliengena-CA)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[Thurs] Cousins Day
[Sat] Mick Jagger turns 60
[Sun] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
This Week Is . . . Avoid Boredom Week
This Month Is . . . Hay Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS BENEFITS OF BEING SINGLE:
10. You don’t have to tolerate moodiness & nagging.
9. You can gain weight without worrying.
8. You can use your free time however you wish.
7. You control your own finances.
6. You have more time for your favorite activities.
5. You don’t have to deal with another’s personal habits.
4. You can be as spontaneous as you want.
3. You can focus on your career.
2. You never have to compromise.
1. You can flirt as much as you please.
Source: Condensed & edited from AskMen.com.

BS ‘THIS OR THAT’ TUESDAY:
• Go away for vacation or stay at home?
• Carefully planned vacation or play it by ear?
• Long weekends here & there or a full 2-week vacation?
• Destination: mountains or beach?
• Hotels or camping?
• Air-conditioning or fan?
• Concert or baseball game?
• Strawberries or blueberries?
• Hamburgers or hot dogs?
• Boating or hiking?
• Suntan lotion or sunblock?
• Lemonade or ice cold beer?
• Swimming pool or beach?
• Sneakers or sandals?

WHICH IS WORSE?
• Being dumped for your best friend or for your worst enemy?
• Working for a really bad boss or being unemployed?
• Being single or in a relationship that’s going nowhere?
• Having to work on a holiday or being stuck with your relatives?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Just remember, no matter what the weather is: hot, cold, wet or dry … it’ll always find a way to mess up your hair.
• I’ve put my foot in my mouth so many times, I can actually tie my shoelaces with my tongue.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: You’ve just been pulled over for speeding. What’s the most common excuse you’ll use to try to get out of the ticket?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Didn’t know the speed limit.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The things that come to those who wait are what’s left behind by those who got there first.