Friday, July 4, 2003        Edition: #2577
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS WEEK in Australia the 3-month shoot on the latest “Star Wars” episode, “An Empire Divided”, got underway and obsessive fans can watch some aspects of production via live Internet Webcams – but they’ll have to pay $19.95 for the privilege! (http://starwars.com) . . . Mick Jagger has revealed he keeps his voice exercised by singing or just humming along to karaoke versions of ‘60s soul hits (it takes him back to when he was young and virile and in his 40s) . . . ‘Shrek’, the lovable green ogre who made nearly $300 million for DreamWorks on the bigscreen, is lumbering toward Broadway and expected to debut in “Shrek, the Musical” within 3 years . . . Insiders say things are looking serious for Anna Kournikova & Enrique Iglesias, so serious they may be planning children (makes you wonder – are moles hereditary?) . . . Pop singer Lisa Loeb, who’s career has pretty much tanked since her 1994 hit “Stay”, will co-host an upcoming cooking show on the Food Network with Dweezil Zappa (who’s career has pretty much tanked since he was born) . . . Word is rapper 50 Cent & singer Mya have become an item, as she’s often seen in his dressing room and accompanying him on tour (Mya says his “Magic Stick Is Like…Whoa”) . . . 8-months-pregnant “Hulk” actress Jennifer Connelly is planning a ‘water birth’ in London for her 2nd child, but she’s worried it might be a weirder experience than she’s been led to believe (“OK everyone out of the pool, someone’s had an accident!”).

HAIR TODAY, GONE FOREVER:
Guys, how much would you pay to never have to shave again? Cosmetic surgeons say men are quickly discovering the joys of modern hair removal technology. With just 3 sessions of laser treatments, your face will permanently be as smooth as a baby’s butt (and smell like it too if you use Aqua Velva). The procedure costs about $1,000. (Perhaps a little more if you’re member of ZZ Top.)

SLOUGHING OFF ON-THE-JOB:
In his new book “Time Management for Dummies”, Chicago corporate consultant Jeffrey Mayer claims that most office workers waste 80% of their time. How can you possibly fritter away that much time? By doing things that, though work-related, fail to bring results, and by letting e-mail, phone calls & conversations with co-workers eat into the workday. Mayer says wasting time ends up costing workers in the long run because they have to work late and work weekends to catch up. (If this is true, shouldn’t you be able to have an 8-hour work-week if you work really hard?)

HAS PETA HEARD THIS?
File this one under ‘things that make you go huh?’ – Corona CA anti-porn crusader Rev Craig Gross has produced a TV spot that he plans to air in San Diego and Orange counties which shows cute little kittens playing while the narrator tells viewers that every time someone masturbates – ’God kills a kitty’. (If that’s true, [co-host] is pretty much responsible for the extinction of domestic short hairs.)

GOOFY GADGETS & GIZMOS:
• A retailer in Sweden is launching a new line of underwear – made from paper. (They can’t be washed … but you can clean them with an eraser!)
• ‘The Dog Slinger’ is a slingshot-like gizmo that shoots tennis balls up to 100 yards for Fido to go fetch. Saliva-soaked balls can then be reloaded without even bending over. (Uh, how lazy are we getting?)
• ‘PawSense’ is a software utility that helps protect your files from your feline. It analyzes keystroke timing & combinations to block accidental cat ‘keyboarding’ within a couple of paw steps. And whenever your puss walks on the keyboard it makes a sound that’s annoying to cats, which purportedly teaches it that pouncing on the PC is bad even if humans aren’t watching. (You know your cat’s been using your computer if your mouse has teeth marks and a strange territorial scent to it.)

ALL-TIME WORST MOVIE ACCENTS:
1. Sean Connery in “The Untouchables “ (1987)
2. Dick Van Dyke in “Mary Poppins “ (1964)
3. Brad Pitt in “Seven Years In Tibet “ (1997)
4. Charlton Heston in “Touch Of Evil “ (1958)
5. Heather Graham in “From Hell “ (2001)
6. Keanu Reeves in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula “ (1992)
7. Julia Roberts in “Mary Reilly “ (1996)
8. Laurence Olivier in “The Jazz Singer “ (1980)
9. Pete Postlethwaite in “The Usual Suspects “ (1995)
10. Meryl Streep in “Out Of Africa “ (1985)
Source: “Empire” magazine’s AUGUST edition.

BS AMAZING FACT:
According to a new McAfee Security survey, 49% of Internet users spend at least 40 minutes a week deleting spam e-mails.

THE BULL SHEET 07.04.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1930 [73] George Steinbrenner, Rocky River OH, NY Yankees owner/shipping magnate

1943 [60] Geraldo Rivera, NYC, obnoxious journalist/former talk show host (Fox News) FACTOID: In his autobiography “Exposing Myself”, he claims his affairs have included Bette Midler, Liza Minelli, Judy Collins, Chris Evert, Margaret Trudeau & about a thousand other women.

1963 [40] Matt Malley, rock musician (Counting Crows-“Big Yellow Taxi”, “American Girl”, “Mr Jones”)  FACTOID: Counting Crows & John Mayer co-headline a summer concert tour that kicks off MONDAY in Englewood CO.

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [60] Robbie Robertson, Toronto ON, rock musician (“Storyville”, The Band-“Music From Big Pink”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2003)

1950 [53] Huey Lewis (Hugh Anthony Cregg III), NYC, oldies singer (& the News -“I  Want a New Drug”, “The Power of Love”)/sometime actor (“Duets”, “Back to the Future”)

1963 [40] Edie Falco, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (2 Emmy Awards as Carmela Soprano-“The Sopranos” since 1999)

1980 [23] Jason Wade, Camarillo CA, rock singer/guitarist (Lifehouse-“Hanging by a Moment”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] “National Country Music Day”

TODAY the world famous “Calgary Stampede” kicks off, the 10-day bash billed as ‘The Greatest Outdoor Show On Earth’ and home one of the richest rodeos, in which winning cowpokes get $50,000 in each event.
NET: http://www.calgarystampede.com

TODAY is the “Independence Day” holiday in the USA. Among the more unusual “4th of July” festivals – the “International Cherry Pit Spitting Contest” in Eau Claire MI, the “World’s Greatest Lizard Race” in Lovington NM, and the “13th Annual Sidewalk Egg-Frying Challenge” in Oatman AZ.

TOMORROW is “Workaholics Day”, encouraging us to remove our noses from the grindstone once in a while. Hey if you’re working on a Saturday when you don’t have to, you need to get to ‘Workaholics Anonymous’!

SUNDAY is the beginning of the 9-day “Fiesta de San Fermin” in Pamplona, Spain, famous for the daily ‘Running of the Bulls’ (followed by ‘the driving of the ambulances’ and ‘the carrying of the caskets’). The annual festival was made legendary by Ernest Hemingway in his novel “The Sun Also Rises”.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1937 [66] 1st successful ‘helicopter flight’

1939 [64] NY Yankees ‘retire’ 1st baseball uniform (Lou Gehrig’s #4)

1970 [33] Casey Kasem hosts syndicated radio show “American Top 40″ for the first time

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1993 [10] Some 2,000 naked participants attend the “Nude Chili Cookoff” (Devore CA)

1999 [04] Tampa Bay Devil Ray Jose Canseco smacks his 30th HR of the season vs Toronto to become 1st MLB player to hit 30 homers with 4 different teams (also did it with Texas Rangers, Toronto Blue Jays, and with the Oakland Athletics 5 times)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Fried Chicken Day
[Mon] Carricom Day (aka Caribbean Day)
[Mon] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day
[Tues] Video Games Day
[Tues] “American Idol” summer tour begins (St Paul MN)
[Thurs-July 20] Just For Laughs comedy festival (Montréal)
This Week Is . . . Character Counts Week / Pleasure Week
This Month Is . . . Anti-Boredom Month / Picnic Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE WACKY BS PROMOTIONAL STUNTS:
• ‘Can You Connect?’ – A morning crew member challenges people on the street to hit a fungo with a ball and a bat (use a Nerf ball if you’re indoors or in a high traffic area). If they hit the ball on the first try, they win baseball tickets.
• ‘Diamond Dig’ – In cooperation with a local jewelry store you invite women to compete for a chance to win diamonds. The 10 finalists are each given a paint stirring stick and allowed to tear up the field after a sports event or concert in a search for winning tokens.
• ‘Win a Used Car’ – Classic rock or oldies stations announce the ‘Classic of the Day’. First listener to call in when it’s played wins a car of the same year. Who wouldn’t want to win a vintage classic? For a laugh, throw in the odd lemon like a ‘78 Gremlin.
• ‘Bald Is Beautiful Night’ – Salute hairless men at a sports event or club party that celebrates baldness. Hand out ‘Bald is Beautiful’ T-shirts, stage a ‘Bald Parade’ and have station personnel wear bald skull caps. Perfect for a game in a ‘dome’.
• ‘Paper Poker ‘ – Ask people on the street to pull a bill out of their wallet and play serial number poker with a morning crew member. If they lose, give ‘em a token prize. If they win, they get the bill your crew member is holding – a 100-dollar bill.
• ‘Dash for Cash’ – Contestants come onto the field at a concert or during intermission of a sports event when a helicopter hovering 50 feet in the air drops money. Contestants run around picking up as much as they can while it blows all over the place.
• ‘Millionaire for a Minute’ – Winner gets to live the high life, but only for a day. Line up sponsors to provide an exotic car rental, gourmet meals, luxury accommodation, etc.
• ‘Stroller Derby’ – Young dads race while pushing baby dolls in strollers. When they get to the end, they have to change the doll’s diaper and then race back to the start. More times than not, the dolls will go flying because the dads are more concerned about winning than delivering the doll.

YOU’RE AN ‘80S CHILD IF …
• You wondered what Lisa Bonet was doing married to that loser Lenny Kravitz.
• You admired Bill Cosby’s taste in sweaters on “The Cosby Show”.
• You thought the Stray Cats were bringing guitars back to rock ‘n roll.
• You thought the lead singer of Poison was hot … until you realized she was a he.
• Your favorite GI Joe figure was ‘Snake Eyes’.
• You thought Burt & Loni were a fairytale romance.
• You thought George Michael was straight.
• You owned a home Beta video recorder.
• You rolled up the sleeves on your sports jacket for the ‘Sonny Crockett’ look.
• You thought Clint Eastwood would one day be president.
Source: VH1.com

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Ever feel like your guardian angel needs to go in for a halo re-alignment? I mean I still haven’t won the lottery and I still have this job!
• Good news: I got here on time. Bad news: the station won’t pay for my speeding ticket.
• Researchers at Melbourne University say that taking a power nap for an hour at 2 in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say by the time you wake up you’ll feel so good, you’ll be able to start looking for a new job.

BS BRAIN BUSTER:
A man is found dead in a hotel room surrounded by 53 bicycles. What happened? [Bicycles are a brand of playing card and there are normally 52 cards in a deck. The other players likely shot him for cheating.]

BS TRIVIA:
Q: You just booked an airline ticket to ‘Xianggang’ [ZHANG-gang]. Were the heck are you going?
A: To what we used to call ‘Hong Kong’. 6 years ago THIS WEEK (1997) it was returned to Chinese control after 156 years as a British colony.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 72% of us store THIS in ascending order.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: We sort the bills in our wallets according to denomination.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.