Monday, July 29, 2002 Edition: #2344
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing!
BS TITILLATING TABLOID TRASH:
• Here’s the week’s big news according to “Weekly World News” – “Beer Helps You Live Longer!”, “Graveyard Golf is Heating Up the Sports World!”, “Aliens Capture Top-Secret NASA Moon Base!”, “1980s TV Shows Raise Your IQ!”, and “Vatican Has Secret Time Machine!”.
• “Toronto Sun” reports that Nickelback has won a lawsuit against their former manager over ownership of the unreleased album “Curb”. A BC Supreme Court justice has ruled that the band should be the owners of the master copy. (It’s either worth millions of dollars or so bad they’re worried about being embarrassed.)
• “PeopleNews” reports that Jennifer Lopez has filed for divorce papers to end her grueling 9-month marriage to Cris Judd. Reason cited — irreconcilable differences (“I’m a star, he’s not”). Lawyers say they have reached an ‘amicable financial settlement’ (“Here’s some dough – take a hike!”). Ironically they met while she was shooting the video for “Love Don’t Cost a Thing”, but because there was no pre-nup agreement, speculation is love may have actually cost her upwards of $15 million!
• According to “Sun”, Russell Crowe once pursued a career as a dancer. The tab quotes the actor as saying, “I once applied to be a tap dancer with the Russian ballet.” (He’s either speaking tongue-in-cheek or is a tad ignorant of ballet footwear.)
• “National Enquirer” claims OJ Simpson is being blackmailed by ‘drug lords’. According to the tab, cartel kingpins wired up a bar girl who tricked OJ into talking about the infamous 1994 murder of his wife when he was high. Now they’re threatening to release the tape. (This would make a great little story except for a couple catches – he’s already been tried and found innocent, and furthermore, the guy’s virtually busted. What are they going to ask for as blackmail – autographs?)
• “E! Online” reports that Britney Spears has apologized after being spotted ‘flipping the bird’ as she left a Mexican airport LAST WEEK. Brit says she made the gesture out of frustration at the swarming paparazzi. (Health problems…..weight gain….accusations of song theft….whining about Justin….this girl’s career is soooo over.)
• Seems this relationship is ‘on’ — “NY Daily News” reports there are rumors that Harrison Ford & ex-”Ally McBeal” actress Calista Flockhart may be planning a Christmas wedding. On the other hand, this seems to be ‘off’ — just as she’s about to embark upon difficult hepatitis C treatments, Pamela Anderson is hinting that her relationship with Kid Rock is on the rocks, reports “Buzz”.
• London’s “Sun” tabloid reports that an unemployed man is betting that Elvis Presley will one day arrive at the Wimbledon Tennis Championships — on horseback — and play in the finals. The odds have been set at 20 million to 1, meaning that Ian McMillan stands to rake in $1.75 million if his bet comes to pass. (Wait a sec. What are we saying…‘if’? Yeah, right.)
RETIREMENT SUCKS:
Any husband ready to retire had better be willing to vacuum. According to a study in “Woman’s Own” magazine, a marriage promptly goes south when a husband retires and then doesn’t help with household chores — especially if his wife is still working. On the plus side, if a man retires because he longs for more family time and does a share of the housework, the marriage often gets even better!
THATSA SAD:
An international study finds that Italian men cry more often than their counterparts in 28 other countries around-the-world. (Luciano Pavorotti for instance, when his kitchen runs out of pasta.)
WORKING TO DEATH:
A British medical journal reports that people who feel little or no control over their life at work have a 50% greater risk of heart disease than their bosses in top management. (But their bosses are 98% more likely to die as a result of a crazed shooting spree by a disgruntled employee who feels little or no control over his life.)
WOMEN DRIVERS:
A so-called secret diary has reportedly been found that reveals the man who captained the legendary luxury steamer ‘Titanic’ into legend by hitting an iceberg on April 14, 1912 was a woman! A German report claims Captain EJ Smith was actually Eleanor Janine Smith. The diary is purported to give details of how she posed as a man to get a better job with White Star Lines and eventually worked her way up to become captain of the world’s most famous ship. (In related news, it’s been revealed the ship was actually christened the ‘Bi-tanic’.)
WHAT MEN WANT:
Highlights of a new poll of men about the opposite sex —
• A man is most vulnerable to a woman’s charms during 2 periods in his life — from age 20 to 25, and then when he reaches 40 he becomes vulnerable again for a couple of years.
• Surveys show that most men think women between the ages of 20 and 25 are most attractive. A lesser percentage think women have the most appeal in their late teens.
• The #1 thing men dislike about their wives is ‘crankiness and irritability’. After that, it’s ‘being too fussy’, ‘talking too much’, and ‘spending too much money’.
• The #1 topic of conversation among men is ‘work’, followed by ‘money’. After that comes ‘talking about other guys’. ‘Talking about women’ ranks a distant 4th.
• On average these are the choices a man would make for the ‘ideal wife’ — 5 ft-5 ins, good figure, lots of sex appeal, no glasses, must be courageous, helpful and able to meet people, but must NOT be domineering.
GOOFY NEW GIZMOS:
• ‘Cashless parking meters’ that are activated by mobile phones or ‘Smart cards’ are being test-marketed in Sydney, Australia. (If you think about it, EVERY parking meter is cashless, provided you carry around a paper bag with ‘Out of Order’ written on it.)
• A Japanese company is now marketing a musical knife. The ‘Slasher’, a 9-inch switchblade knife, comes with a radio built into the handle. (The boss has been giving them out to all the jocks here — in the back. What’s next a combined steam iron-cell phone?)
• Motorola plans to market a range of Disney-themed electronics for young children including 2-way radios and phones designed to appeal to children as young as 6! (Leading to the future parental problem of deciding what type of phone plan makes the best sense for your 6-year-old.)
SKITTER PATTER:
Unusual mosquito facts –
• Can smell human beings up to 115 ft away.
• Maximum flight speed is 1.5 mph.
• 150 species in North America, 2,700 worldwide.
• Females can lay as many as 3,000 eggs over the course of 30-day lifespan.
• Have been known to drink blood until they burst .
• Swelling and itching from a typical mosquito bite comes from the insect’s saliva.
• Unusual repellents include slathering on Avon’s Skin-So-Soft or Vick’s VapoRub, and consuming garlic and/or vitamin B.
BS SHOCKING FACT:
TODAY is the worst day of the week for auto accidents. 24% of all collisions occur on Mondays.
THE BULL SHEET 07.29.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1938 [64] Peter Jennings, Toronto ON, TV news anchor (“ABC World News Tonight” lead anchor 1965-1968, co-anchor 1978-1983, lead anchor 1983-present)
1953 [49] Geddy Lee, Willowdale ON, rock singer/bassist (Rush-“Vapor Trails”, “Different Stages”, Roll the Bones”)
1953 [49] Patti Scialfa, Deal NJ, classic rock singer (E Street Band-“Hungry Heart”)/Mrs Bruce Springsteen since 1991 (some sources say she’s 3 years younger, meaning she likely lies about her age)
1966 [36] Martina McBride (Schiff), Medicine Lodge KS, country singer (“Independence Day”, “The Time Has Come”, “The Way I Am”)
1974 [28] Wanya ‘Squirt’ Morris, Philadelphia PA, R&B singer (Boyz II Men-“I’ll Make Love to You”, “End of the Road”) whose singles had some of the longest chart runs in music history
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Lasagna Day” celebrating the famous Italian heart attack on a plate that’s become a worldwide fave. Almost all recipes for the ‘perfect lasagna’ feature ricotta as the cheese of choice. However, everybody seems to have their own secret ingredient. What’s yours? (Ours includes TWO eggs and slices of ham.)
TODAY-Wednesday stylists from at least 30 countries compete in the “World Championships of Hairdressing” in Las Vegas. World-class coiffeurs have been practising their blow-dry and combing techniques on mannequins and models to contend in various hair Olympics categories such as ‘Hair By Night’ and ‘Fashion Short Cut’. Word has it Russia and Germany are the teams to beat this year because of their ‘fresh and difficult-to-achieve looks’.
PHONER: 866-871-0656/312-321-5152/312-464-6610 (HairWorld)
NET: http://www.behindthechair.com/content/212/hairworld_wc_2002.asp
NET: http://www.hairworldusa.com
TODAY-August 10 the 84th annual “World Horseshoe Tournament” pitches in Red Deer AB at the Westerner Park complex. Over 800 competitors from around-the-world will be competing to ring up some of the $102,000 in prize money. The oldest participant is 92-year-old George Greeott of Healdsburg CA, the youngest is 9-year-old Randy Juell of Montana. The current world men’s champ is Alan Francis of Defiance OH. The women’s champ is Sylvianne Moisan of Chertsey QC. Ask for tips on technique and how the game was originally invented.
PHONER: 403-309-0223 (World Tournament HQ)
NET: http://www.2002wht.ab.ca
NET: http://www.horseshoepitching.com/start.html
TODAY is “Rain Day” in Waynesburg, Pennsylvania where they claim it has rained on this date every year since 1796. Today’s forecast – 50% probability of showers or thunderstorms.
PHONER: 724-627-5926 (Chamber of Commerce)
PHONER: 724-627-5555 (WANB Radio)
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2001 USA’s Lance Armstrong wins 3rd consecutive ‘Tour de France’ cycling race (YESTERDAY he added his 4th)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1907 [95] 1st ‘Boy Scout troop’ organized by Sir Robert Baden-Powell in London ENG (A study shows that these days in Britain, Boy Scout groups are closing down at the rate of about 4 a week due to a shortage of adult volunteers. The problem — men don’t want their association with young boys to be misconstrued.)
1936 [66] 1st ‘TV program’ includes dancing, fashion show & comedy (and NO damn laugh tracks!)
1958 [44] ‘NASA’ established (next day, the 1st space probe goes missing)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1926 [76] ‘Most kisses in a single movie’ as the film “Don Juan” racks up a smooch total of 127
1986 [16] Record for ‘hammock swinging’ begins (ends after 240 hours of lying around)
1988 [14] Reg Morris of Walsall ENG crawls on his hands & knees for a world record 28.5
miles (the world groveling record)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] National Cheesecake Day
[Tues] Bruce Springsteen releases “The Rising”, his 1st studio album in 18 years
[Wed] National Orgasm Day
[Sat] 2002 NFL Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony
[Mon] Holiday in 7 provinces & NWT (BC Day, AB Heritage Day, Civic Holiday, Simcoe Day, etc)
Outdoor Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS LEAST POPULAR RADIO SLOGANS:
• “It’s better than a poke in the eye!”
• “Fine, don’t listen. See if we care.”
• “Our music is more likely to be pleasant than that of those who also have radio stations, but can’t boast of this with the same degree of confidence as we.”
• “Jean Chrétien sound-bites all day, every day!”
• “Less talk, more veal!”
• “We let you listen for free!”
BS Q & A:
Q: Virtually everybody has at least one of these in their home and it will last an average of 50 years before it needs to be replaced. What is it?
A: A toilet. Nice to know that something is actually built to last!
Q: Some 750 million TV viewers watched their wedding 21 years ago TODAY (1981). Whose?
A: Prince Charles & Lady Diana Spencer wed in an elaborate ceremony at London’s St Paul’s Cathedral. They separated in 1993, divorced in 1996, and of course she died in a car accident in Paris in 1997.
Q: What is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life?
A: Honey. (A cow has to eat grass to produce milk — and grass is living!)
Q: Do any animals besides human beings have sex just for fun?
A: Yup, but only dolphins and pygmy chimps according to the book “Why Is Sex Fun?”.
BS QUICK PICK TRIVIA:
Q: What is an ‘octotroph’?
a) The ‘pound’ key on your phone.
b) A feeding bin for 8 pigs.
c) An operation to remove your liver.
A: It’s the name of the ‘pound key’ symbol on your telephone keypad (#).
Q: What is an ‘ecdysiast’?
a) A female model.
b) A mortician.
c) A stripper.
A: It’s a peeler.
Q: What does a pilot drop to slow a plane so it can land?
a) Rudder
b) Flaps
c) Pants
A: Flaps (or maybe his drink?).
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “You can only have 2 cable channels. Which would you pick?”
• “You can have $250 million or be healthy until you’re 90. Which would you pick?”
• “What’s the most difficult occupation for a woman to succeed in?”
• “Have you had your ‘15 minutes of fame’? What was it?”
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 99% of people who do this will do it by the time they turn 40.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Go to prison.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
All men are animals, some just make better pets.
WELCOME NEW BS-ERS!
Welcome aboard to new samplers this week that include Sukasah @ Paramuda in Bandung, Indonesia, Gerry Potts @ THE HAWK Cape Breton NS, Joan Arenyes @ Radio Club 25 in Barcelona, Spain, Chuck Manning @ KWNR Las Vegas NV, Frank Gonzalez @ KICK-FM Dallas TX, Adam White @ WQCB Brewer ME, and Maheesha @ TNL Radio in Colombo, Sri Lanka.
