Thursday, July 25, 2002 Edition: #2342
Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
LAST NIGHT FOX-TV’s new reality show “30 Seconds to Fame” debuted in which contestants have a half-minute to showcase their oddball ‘talent’ in an attempt to win cash (perfect morning show contest!) . . . THIS FALL ‘Niles’ (David Hyde Pierce) and ‘Daphne’ (Jane Leeves) will get married in the season premiere of “Frasier” . . . Now that Angelina Jolie and serial groom Billy Bob Thornton (a 5-time husband) are headed for splitsville, what’s she going to do with the giant ‘Billy Bob’/hissing dragon tattoo on her left arm? . . . “Friends” star Courteney Cox-Arquette reportedly keeps a bucket of bricks under her bed because a Feng Shui expert told her the presence of clay blocks helps women have better orgasms (you misunderstood, Court’ — Clay Blocks is a porn star) . . . Backstreet Boy AJ McLean & fianceé Sarah Martin are already in marriage counseling — and they aren’t even getting married until FEBRUARY 14 (this can’t be a good sign) . . . Rob Lowe is said to be leaving “The West Wing” over money — Martin Sheen gets $300,000 an episode to play ‘President Josiah Bartlet’ while Lowe only gets about $70,000 to play deputy communications director ‘Sam Seaborn’ (this would be a dumb move for both him and the show) . . . NBC is rushing a made-for-TV movie on Martha Stewart into production, hoping to capitalize on her recent alleged involvement in shady deals (but we don’t know the ending yet!).
MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
Word has it that Hugh Grant has agreed to shoot a cameo role for “American Pie 3“ (in the backseat of a BMW?) . . . Former “Felicity” star, Toronto actor Scott Speedman, has signed on to star opposite Kate Beckinsale in “Underworld”, a romance revolving around a vampire and a werewolf . . . “Sopranos” tough guy James Gandolfini will sing and dance in the Coen Brothers upcoming movie musical “Romance and Cigarettes” . . . Ashley Judd will next play a cop investigating a murder in the thriller “Blackout”, co-starring Andy Garcia & Samuel L Jackson . . . Next up for wrestler-turned-actor The Rock – a movie based on the classic video game “Spy Hunter” . . . “Everybody Loves Raymond” star Ray Romano will make his bigscreen debut in “Action Abramowitz” playing an accountant who believes he’s his favorite action star after getting hit in the head . . . “Scooby-Doo’s” Sarah Michelle Gellar will next star in “A Semester Abroad” as an American girl who travels to London to attend university . . . And Sharon Stone is in negotiations to play the female lead opposite Dennis Quaid in the thriller “Cold Creek Manor” (she could use a hot role — her career’s been ‘stone’ cold since 1998).
TOP TISSUE USERS:
According to a paper consumption survey, Thailand uses the least bathroom tissue — just 2 lbs per person annually (those banana leaves are so handy!). Israelis use the most — 20 lbs per person per year (hey, if you had bombs going off in your neighborhood at all hours, you’d probably be using more, too!).
HAVE YOU EVER PICKED UP A HOE?
Stats show that gardening is now North America’s #1 leisure time activity with some 78.3 million people now sporting green thumbs. (Hey, it’s a chance to grow something that you have control over when it’s older, and also something to do outside while spying on the neighbors.)
STOP THE AMBULANCE!
Statistics show that accidental deaths in hospitals are 4 times more likely to happen than deaths in auto accidents. (So if you survive a car accident, but have injuries that need treatment — where the heck should you go?)
BIG BANG:
Astronomers are carefully monitoring a newly discovered 1.2 mile-wide asteroid to determine whether it is on a collision course with Earth. Initial calculations indicate there is a chance the asteroid, known as ‘2002 NT7′, will hit the Earth on February 1, 2019. But scientists said YESTERDAY that the calculations are preliminary and the risk to the planet is low. (This is really freaking scary — Bruce Willis might make “Armageddon 2″!)
WHY IS THE PAINT MELTING?
A report in the “Annals of the Royal College of Physicians & Surgeons” suggests that 55 to 65% of all adults suffer from halitosis, commonly known as bad breath. The problem is amplified by the fact that you can’t smell your own breath, so some brave soul has to have the guts to tell you, “You stink!”.
GRUMPY GUESTS:
A new poll by eBrain Market Research shows that less than 47% of seniors enjoy attending weddings, compared to 60% of the rest of the population. But if you’re getting married, it’s a
good idea to invite them anyway. Why? The survey shows seniors give the most expensive gifts!
THE BEST MEDICINE:
Students at a Malaysian university have found that ‘laughter therapy’ can help improve their work. Universiti Malaya students taking part in the laughter therapy research found it made them more relaxed and focussed on their studies. Over a 9-day period researchers found students developed a good appetite, slept well and felt healthier.
MOST POPULAR BABY NAMES OF THE PAST YEAR:
GIRLS —
1. Emily
2. Hannah
3. Madison
4. Samantha
5. Ashley
BOYS —
1. Jacob
2. Michael
3. Joshua
4. Matthew
5. Andrew
Source: Cherished Moments Website
WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• Offenbach, Germany residents called police after becoming concerned about terrified screams they heard in the neighborhood. Upon investigation, cops discovered a 76-year-old man yodelling Bavarian folk tunes. (“Little old lady whooooooooooo!”)
• Viagra has been banned from greyhound racing in South Australia. (Apparently, as they chase the rabbit around the track, eating it is no longer the goal.)
• A candy factory worker in Hatfield PA has died after falling into a 1,200-gallon vat of liquid chocolate. (Police say he came up for air 5 times.)
• Over 400 sheep have leapt to their deaths in a ravine in a mountainous region of southern France in what’s believed to be a panicked attempt to escape from wolves. (Now mommy sheep are scolding their lambs, “And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you would too….”)
BS AMAZING FACT:
Despite the recommendation of dentists, Canadian consumers average less than 1 new toothbrush every 12 months according to research in the “Journal of the Canadian Dental Association”.
THE BULL SHEET 07.25.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [47] Iman (Abdulmajid), Mogadishu SOM, former model/sometime actress/Mrs David Bowie since 1992
1967 [35] Matt LeBlanc, Newton MA, $1 million-per-episode TV actor (Joey Tribbiani-“Friends” since 1994)
1982 [20] Brad Renfro, Knoxville TN, movie actor (“The Client”, “The Cure”) most notable for his frequent arrests, including driving under the influence of marijuana, possession of cocaine, and (duh!) attempting to steal a yacht
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Puerto Rico] “Constitution Day” (1952)
TODAY is the opening of the “Commonwealth Games” in Manchester ENG featuring a hi-tech baton that’s been carried by 5,000 runners throughout the Commonwealth. The aluminium baton is fitted with sensors that monitor the runners’ pulse rate which is then transformed into a blade of blue pulsating light. Queen Elizabeth’s opening address is contained in a capsule inside the baton.
TOMORROW-Sunday tons (literally) of diehard fans of ‘The King’ are expected for the 8th annual ”Collingwood Elvis Festival” in Collingwood ON, which includes Elvis look-alike and singing contests, and the ‘World’s Largest Elvis Parade’. But why is this in Collingwood? And will Elvis be making an appearance?
PHONER: 705-444-1162 (Rosemarie Garrity)
NET: http://www.collingwoodelvisfestival.com
TODAY the annual “Bagelfest” begins in Matoon IL, highlighted by Saturday’s ‘World’s Biggest Bagel Breakfast’ for more than 60,000 people!
PHONER: 217-258-6286 (Shelby Schoonover)
THIS WEEKEND is the annual “Gilroy Garlic Festival” in the ‘garlic capital of the world’, Gilroy CA. Among the events is the ‘Great Gilroy Garlic Festival Recipe Contest & Cook-Off’ where contestants must create a dish using — whoa!! — at least 6 CLOVES of fresh garlic. By the way, Listerine PocketPaks are the ‘Official Breath Freshener’ of the 2002 festival.
PHONER: 408-842-1625
NET: http://www.gilroygarlicfestival.com
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1871 [131] 1st ‘merry-go-round’ (William Schneider-Davenport IA)
1871 [131] ‘Perforated toilet paper’ patented (Seth Wheeler-Albany NY)
1978 [24] World’s 1st ‘test tube baby’, the 1st baby conceived outside the mother’s body using what is then the new technique of ‘in-vitro fertilization’ (Louise Joy Brown of Oldham ENG is born under the sign of Pyrex)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] All or Nothing Day (created by O-Town?)
[Fri] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Sat] Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day
[Sun] Parent’s Day
[Sun] Accountants Day
National Farm Safety Week (when walking through the pasture, be careful!)
Eye Exam Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS QUICK PICK TRIVIA:
Q: What time of the day is the busiest traffic time?
a) 7:30 am
b) 8 am
c) 5 pm
A: According to “Canadian Social Trends”, some 2 million people or 8% of Canada’s adult population is on the road at 8 am on a weekday. But the busiest time is actually just after 5 pm, when a whopping 12% of Canadians are traveling by car.
Q:In cooking, how many drops to a teaspoon?
a) 6
b) 16
c) 60
A: There are 60 drops in a teaspoon.
Source: “Totally Trivial”
Q: Who is the highest-paid woman in professional sports?
a) Martina Hingis
b) Anna Kournikova
c) Anna Nicole Smith
A: Tennis star Anna Kournikova. She’s pulling in more than $15 million-a-year for tournament appearances and endorsements, even though she rarely wins. Why? Looks and personality!
Source: “Forbes”
Q: How long can one sheep remember another sheep’s face?
a) 2 hours.
b) 2 years.
c) It can’t. They all look the same.
A: They can remember another sheep’s face for 2 years.
Source: “Harper’s”
Q: How many humans in total have walked on the Moon?
a) 2
b) 12
c) 22
A: Exactly 12 humans have set foot on the moon.
Source: “Focus”
ON DIETS & DYING:
• The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians or Americans.
• The Italians eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians or Americans.
• The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians or Americans.
• The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than Canadians or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!
WEB GOODIE:
Check this scam out! A Website called ‘Time Travel Fund’ is offering the chance to invest $10 that will purportedly compound in value to billions — in 500 years. This money will pay for ‘time travelers’ to come back for you and whisk you into their future world. This is all provided of course that time travel becomes possible, that people of the future still use money, that a list with your name on it still exists somewhere, and that these people are honest enough to honor an agreement made 5 centuries previously. (It would be more worthwhile to go out into the middle of the street and throw your money away!)
NET: http://www.timetravelfund.com
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent survey it takes the average guy 27 seconds to do this using both hands.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Remove a bra (presumably from a woman).
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
