Friday, July 19, 2002        Edition: #2338
Sheet Rocks!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TOMORROW Harley-Davidson’s traveling “Open Road Tour” kicks off in Atlanta, celebrating the 100th anniversary of ‘the hog’ with 10 consecutive weekends of mega-concerts featuring the likes of Tim McGraw, Ted Nugent, Bob Dylan, Alison Krauss and Hootie & The Blowfish . . . SUNDAY the pregnancy-delayed season of HBO’s “Sex and the City” finally premieres, but the show will only run through SEPTEMBER when it will be replaced by the new season of “The Sopranos” . . . 18-year-old Carrie Van de Polder of Vancouver has won a Britney Spears look-alike contest run by America Online and will spend THIS WEEKEND with 3 friends in Dallas where the real Spears is in concert . . . Former “Dynasty” star Joan Collins is joining the cast of daytime TV drama “The Guiding Light” this SEPTEMBER for a 6-month stint playing – what else? – a bitchy, ruthless shrew (her own life is a better soap opera)  . . . A spokesman for Paul McCartney has apologized for a brash pitch for Big Mac’s latest single on his official Website that reads “Show your American spirit by purchasing a copy today!” (the text will be changed so there’s no hint of him trying to cash in on terrorism) . . . Meantime, suggestions that Heather Mills only married McCartney for his money have caused her to respond that if she wanted money she would have married somebody ‘a lot richer’ (as if) . . . Insiders say Madonna has been driving crew members nuts with her demands for changes to her just-completed movie “Swept Away”, but one who isn’t listening is the director, husband Guy Ritchie, who’s apparently given up on the film and already moved on to his next project (the biggest change may be the movie going ‘straight to video’) . . . And former San Jose CA radio jock ‘Weird Old Uncle Frank’ is attempting to line up an on-air comeback after undergoing a sex change operation — but now he wants to be known as ‘Aunt Fran’.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Harrison Ford & Liam Neeson star in the thriller “K19: The Widowmaker”, the true story of Russia’s first nuclear submarine which suffered a malfunction in its reactor on its maiden voyage in the North Atlantic in 1961 . . . Michael J Fox is back to provide the voice of “Stuart Little 2″ in the sequel to the hit 1999 live action/computer animated family comedy about a coot widdle mousie . . . The tongue-in-cheek horror flick “Eight Legged Freaks” about poisonous spiders that grow to monumental size after being exposed to a chemical harkens back to the old B-movie matinees of the 1950s (after the spiders, the movie’s biggest star is David Arquette).

FOR THE RECORD:
Here’s an eccentric new ‘sport’ – mobile phone hurling. Competitors from 10 countries lined up in Manchester, England to see who could throw a mobile phone the furthest. After 3 rounds it was 19-year-old local dude Richard Shirman who took gold, flinging an early 1990s Siemens GSM a massive 150 ft. (This would be even more fun if you grabbed phones out of people’s hands while they’re using them in their cars and threw them.)

IS THERE A SECRET ENTRANCE?
TODAY is the grand opening of the ‘International Spy Museum’ in Washington DC. The new spook house features a wide variety of spy-related exhibits from around-the-world such as photos snapped by camera-carrying pigeons, shoes embedded with transmitters and eyeglasses equipped with cyanide capsules. Upon entering the museum, visitors have to memorize a cover — name, nationality, age, background, purpose of trip — and are tested at various points by a ‘Suspicion-o-Meter’ to gauge how well they remember their new identity.
PHONER: 202-654-0946 (Jennifer Saxon, Media Relations)
NET: http://www.spymuseum.org/index.asp

GOOFY NEW GIZMOS:
• A British ice cream maker has come out with new alcohol-infused ice cream. Purbeck Ice Cream’s new product line includes ‘gin & orange’ and ‘blackcurrant & rum’, which contain up to 5% booze. Not much of a buzz to the stuff though — if you want to get tipsy, you’d have to gulp down about 4 or 5 tubs. (Tough to do…unless you’re pregnant.)
• Gizmo retailer ‘The Gadget Shop’ is now offering a ‘Remote Control Jammer’ which at the flick of a switch prevents someone else in possession of the TV remote from changing the channel. (Cheaper than a 2nd TV!)
• A new hard hat for construction workers is being tested in the UK. The ‘Hatcam’ is fitted with a camera and radio transmitter that allows employers to see exactly what workers are doing at all times. ([Whistle SFX] “Hey baby, c’mere and take at look at what I’m erecting!”)

DID YOU KNOW?:
• 53% of us read horoscopes regularly.
• 59% of us say we’re ‘average-looking’.
• 81% of us say we would tell an acquaintance to zip up his pants if it was needed.
• 90% of us depend on alarm clocks or clock radios to wake us.
• There are 100 million acts of sexual intercourse a day world-wide. 910,000 result in conception!
• The average North American is 99.8% likely to live at least one more year.
• Approximately 40% of all murders occur during arguments. (“Do not.” “Do so.” “Do not”…)

THE BULL SHEET 07.19.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [55] Brian May, Hampton ENG, classic rock guitarist/songwriter who collects royalties each time “We Will Rock You” is played at a sports event (Queen-“Bohemian Rhapsody”)

1960 [42] Atom Egoyan, Cairo EGYPT, Toronto-based film director (“Felicia’s Journey”, “The Sweet Hereafter”, “Exotica”)/wife Arsinée Khanjian appears in all his movies  NOTE: His new drama “Ararat” will open the Toronto International Film Festival SEPTEMBER 5

1962 [40] Anthony Edwards, Santa Barbara CA, TV actor (Dr Mark Greene-“ER” 1994-2002) who’s leaving the show even though his salary was $10 million-plus  FACTOID: Got his big break in the 1982 movie “Fast Times At Ridgemont High”, along with Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Judge Reinhold and Nicolas Cage

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [55] Carlos Santana, Autlan de Navarro MEX, rock musician (Santana-“Smooth”)/tied Michael Jackson’s record for most awards in one night at 2000 Grammy Awards by winning 8

1966 [36] Stone Gossard, Seattle WA, rock guitarist (Pearl Jam-“Last Kiss”)

1973 [29] Peter Forsberg, Ornskoldsvik SWE, NHL superstar center (2001 Stanley Cup champion Colorado Avalanche)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

TODAY IS “Flitch Day”, based on an old custom in which bacon was given to any married couple who could prove they had lived in harmony and fidelity for an entire year. Very few ‘took home the bacon’.

TOMORROW is the grand finale of the 12th “National Baby Food Festival” that burps and slobbers annually in Fremont MI, the so-called ‘Baby Food Capital of the World’ because it’s the home of the Gerber Company.
PHONER: 800-592-2229/231-924-0770
NET: http://www.fremont.chamcom.org/festival.htm

TOMORROW is “Moon Day”, the 33rd anniversary of the first lunar landing in 1969. Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first to walk on the moon as he proclaimed “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” while nearly 700 million Earthlings tuned in. Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin joined him later. (Killer trivia question – who was the 3rd astronaut stuck orbiting above? [Michael Collins])

JULY is “Ice Cream Month” and SUNDAY is “National Ice Cream Day”. Here are some BS ice cream facts . . .
• Possibly first invented by the Chinese around 200 BC, who mixed snow with milk and rice.
• Roman Emperor Nero Claudius Caesar was served a dessert made of snow and fruit juices.
• Explorer Marco Polo returned to Europe from the Far East with a recipe for an ice and milk dessert that became popular among the wealthy.
• The ‘portable hand-cranked ice cream freezer’ was invented in 1846.
• The ‘ice cream cone’ was invented in 1904 and presented at the St Louis Exposition.
• In 1977, Dennett D’Angelo set a world record for eating 3 lbs, 6 ozs in 90 seconds!
MOST POPULAR ICE CREAM FLAVORS:
1. Vanilla (20% of all sales)
2. Chocolate
3. Butter Pecan
4. Strawberry
5. Neapolitan
Source: International Ice Cream Association
PHONER: 202-737-4332 (Marci Cleary or Dave Landau)
NET: http://www.idfa.org/facts/icmonth/page1.htm

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1695 [307] 1st ‘personal ad’ looking for a spouse is printed (These people have a language of their own. Here’s an actual recent ad from a newspaper — “5’-7″, M, S, S/D, S/S, with GSOH, DTE, career person, ARA, Fin. Sec. Seeks active VTPR companion. Must be well educated. “ What the hell does all that mean?)

1848 [154] 1st-ever ‘women’s rights convention’ begins in Seneca Falls NY at which activist Amelia Bloomer introduces pants for women which immediately come into vogue as ‘bloomers’

1877 [125] 1st ‘Wimbledon Tennis Championships’

1961 [41] 1st ‘in-flight movie’ shown, on TWA (“In Love Possessed”)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1985 [17] 7′-10″ George Bell of Durham NC wins title of ‘Big Foot’ with his size 28.5 shoe (and you know what they say about a guy’s shoe size….)

1994 [08] ‘Largest bubble-gum bubble’ measures 23 inches in diameter (Fresno CA)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Chess Day
[Sat] National Lollipop Day
[Sat] Special Olympics Day
[Sun] National Junk Food Day
[Tues] Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[Tues-July 29] Pope’s World Youth Day celebration (Toronto)
[Wed] Cousins Day
[Wed] Virtual Love Day
[Thurs] Commonwealth Games begin (Manchester ENG)
[Fri] Aunt & Uncle Day
Coral Reef Awareness Week
Outdoor Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SIGNS IT’S BEEN TOO DAMN HOT THIS SUMMER:
• Hot dog vendors dab sweat from forehead with open bun.
• Arsonists take week off to set fires at seashore.
• It is now legally acceptable to stab anyone who asks, “Hot ’nuff for ya?”
• Chefs place cool salmon fillets on their backs.
• Drivers spray themselves with ‘Pam’ to keep from sticking to car seats.
• Kids using asphalt instead of ‘Play-doh’.
• CN Tower all droopy and bent.
• Before telling you the temp, your thermometer says, “My friend, you better sit down.”
• Heatstroke makes you so delirious you find watching golf exciting.

BS REAL ESTATE TO ENGLISH DICTIONARY:
• “Charming” — Tiny. See “Cute,” “Enchanting” or “Good Starter Home.”
• “Much Potential” — Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities. See “Ready to Rehab” or “Fixer Upper.”
• “Unique City Home” — Used to be a warehouse.
• “Daring Design” — Still a warehouse.
• “Hi-Tech/Contemporary” — Lots of steel shelving with little holes (the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement).
• “Completely Updated” — Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa.
• “Sophisticated” — Black walls and no windows. See “Architect’s Delight.”
• “One-of-a-Kind” — Ugly as sin.
• “Brilliant Concept” — Do you really need a 2-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See “Makes Dramatic Statement.”
• “You’ll Love It” — No, you won’t.
• “Must See to Believe” — An absolutely accurate statement.

BS FACT OR CRAP?
Two of the following are true, one pure BS. But which one?
1. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space.
2. Smelling bananas can help you lose weight.
3. In the Middle Ages, onion soup was thought to be an aphrodisiac. (BS. But chicken soup was!)

BS PHONE STARTER:
“Which singer or music group did you follow as a teen that you’re now embarrassed about?”

BS Q & A:
Q: How many days of hot weather are needed before a ‘heat wave’ is declared?
A: 3 consecutive days.
Source: National Weather Service

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Only 4.4% of men find it sexy if a woman has these, while 18.8% say it doesn’t matter either way.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hairy armpits.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What happened?’.