July 2, 2009

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Thursday, July 2, 2009        Edition: #4053
Get a Load of This Sheet!


The co-founders of file-sharing website Pirate Bay may be spending a year in the slammer and paying fines totaling $3.6-million, but they’ve somehow managed to sell off their company to Swedish gaming concern Global Gaming Factory X for $7.7 million (smooth criminals!) . . . Looks as if “Love Is In the Mix: Making Meals Into Memories”, the planned book by Kate Gosselin (“Jon & Kate Plus 8”), may simmer on the back burner – perhaps forever (her divorce has put a damper on this ‘inside look at one of America’s most close-knit families’) . . . Actor Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”) tells “Playboy” an Ohio law firm is encouraging him to launch a political career by running for Governor in 2012 (he admits ‘the desire is there’) . . . Former “Sopranos” actress Drea de Matteo (‘Adriana La Cerva’ 1999-2006) is joining the cast of “Desperate Housewives” (ABC) for the upcoming 6th season (she was certainly a ‘hit’ in her last show) . . . Movie actor Sacha Baron Cohen has landed teachers at a Los Angeles high school in trouble after racy photos of him as his outrageous gay Austrian character “Bruno” cavorting with Birmingham High School football players appeared in the new issue of “GQ” (the school board is not amused) . . . And Courtney Love has reportedly been diagnosed with malnutrition, but she blames the ‘stress of her ongoing fraud case’ for the dramatic weight-loss (BS translation: my favorite dessert is two fingers).


• “The Bob Dylan Show” – Dylan, Willie Nelson, and John Mellencamp share the bill during a summer tour of minor league baseball parks, kicking off tonight in Sauget IL.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Jonas Bros (“Lines, Vines and Trying Times”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Smashing Pumpkins (“Zeitgeist”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Phoenix (“Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (CBS) – Asher Roth (“I Love College”).
• Roskilde Festival (Copenhagen) – The 39th edition of Denmark’s major 4-day music fest opens. Among performers scheduled: Coldplay, Kanye West, Lil Wayne, Lily Allen, Nine Inch Nails, and Oasis.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – 2 of the top 14 dancers are eliminated; Kelly Clarkson performs.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Black Eyed Peas (“The E-N-D”).

• Aerosmith – This week drummer Joey Kramer has released the autobiography “Hit Hard: A Story of Hitting Rock Bottom At the Top”. As well as revealing inside details of the band’s history, the book chronicles his personal struggles with depression.
• Chickenfoot – The supergroup’s drummer Chad Smith (Red Hot Chili Peppers) has torn his biceps during a performance in Paris, France, causing postponement of last night’s concert in Madrid, Spain. The band is due to kick off the North American leg of their tour August 2nd.
• Mariah Carey – In her new video for “Obsessed”, she slams ex-boyfriend Eminem by cross-dressing to look like him while singing stinging lyrics about him. It’s a bit of payback for his anti-Carey taunts in “Bagpipes from Baghdad”.
• Michael Jackson – Today a 30-car motorcade will escort his body to his Neverland Ranch near Santa Barbara CA, according to CNN. Public viewing is set to begin tomorrow; while the family plans a private funeral Sunday.
• Ray Price – The Grammy-winning country singer is home in Texas recuperating after surgery to remove polyps from his colon. The 83-year-old plans to be back on the road within weeks.
• Rick Astley – The 80s pop singer is fighting off sick rumors that he’s been found dead in Germany, after becoming the latest in a handful of celebrities ‘killed off’ by Internet hoaxers.
• Soulja Boy Tellem – An Oldham UK couple has been getting thousands of calls ever since their unlisted phone number appeared in the chorus of his latest hit, “Kiss Me Thru the Phone”. Gerry Matley & Catriona Howard-Smith have been getting about 60 calls a day. If the number is called with the proper dialing code in front of it, it leads to a recorded message from Tellem.
PHONER: 1.678.999.8212
• Tim McGraw – His first studio album in 2-and-a-half years will be released this fall. It’s titled “Southern Voice”. The project’s first single, “It’s a Business Doing Pleasure With You”, is co-written by Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Cloudburst” – Production starts this month in Nova Scotia on this road trip comedy starring Olympia Dukakis & Brenda Fricker. The story centers on 2 mature women who have lived as partners for 30 years. After one is committed to a nursing facility, they decide to break out. Dukakis most recently starred in director Sarah Polley’s “Away From Her” with Julie Christie & Gordon Pinsent.
• “Ghostbusters III” – 59-year-old actress Sigourney Weaver was reportedly joining former castmates Bill Murray (58) & Dan Aykroyd (57) in a new sequel planned for 2012, but she now insists she isn’t part of producers’ plans. Aykroyd has suggested the new film, in which the original “Ghostbusters” (1984) hand over control of their spook-chasing responsibilities to a team of hot young ladies, could start shooting before the end of the year. Perhaps Weaver is as skeptical as the rest of us that this lame idea is going to fly?
• “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows” – The final instalment of the wizard franchise, which is being split into 2 movies, brought traffic in London to a standstill while filming earlier this year. Now producers have rented part of the woodland at Windsor Castle to shoot the final scenes. Queen Elizabeth II herself granted permission for the shooting to take place over the summer.
• “The Kids Are All Right” – Shooting is just underway on this comedy about a brother & sister that set out to find their same-sex parents’ sperm donor, who totally upsets the family dynamic once he enters their lives. Josh Hutcherson & Mia Wasikowska play the kids; Annette Bening & Julianne Moore the parents; and Mark Ruffalo the donor. The flick debuts in theaters next year.

A new study from Wake Forest University psychologists has found there’s much more consensus among men about who they find attractive than there is among women. When over 4,000 participants rated photos of the opposite sex, men tended to rate women highly who looked thin and seductive. Most also rated pics of women who looked confident as more attractive. Women, on the other hand, showed some preference for thin, muscular types, but generally disagreed on which men were attractive. In fact, some gave high marks to guys that other women considered totally unattractive. (Cat fight!)
– “Social Studies”

A small marsh rabbit with short, dark brown fur & a greyish-white belly, named in honor of “Playboy” founder Hugh Hefner, is now an endangered species. University of Central Florida’s Rosanna Tursi is studying the Sylvilagus palustris hefneri in the Florida Everglades and says there may only be 300 left of the species first discovered in 1984. Their natural habitat is being destroyed as human population growth and development intrudes. (At 83, Hefner himself is an endangered species.)
– Discovery Channel

Some insider info from bartending experts …
• Make eye contact and smile, and you’ll get service ASAP.
• Know what you want and have your money ready. Don’t create a traffic jam.
• Start a tab. If your card has to be swiped 5 times in an evening, that’s 5 times as much paperwork at closing time.
• You want a drink made ‘strong?’ Then order a double … for double the price.
• A lot of bars have comp tabs, which allows a bartender to give away drinks. It’s smart business and helps build a base of regulars.
• Your ‘buck-a-drink’ tipping practice doesn’t fly when you order a $12-cocktail. Tip at least 15%.
• At some bars, sliced fruit garnishes sit out until they’re gone, sometimes for days. Munch accordingly.
• Don’t order a round of drinks after last call. Last call applies to everyone … even you.
• Some bartenders get a cut from the cab company when they call a taxi for a tipsy patron.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”.


Doctors say the new fad of staging ‘Swine Flu Parties’ in an attempt to gain immunity to the H1N1 virus while it’s still in a mild form is not a good idea. It seems some harebrained people have been intentionally mixing with friends with flu, thinking it’s best to be infected before winter when the virus could become more deadly. Public-health expert Dr Richard Jarvis says the practice could undermine the coordinated fight against swine flu, which involves a strategy of containment in order to buy time until a vaccine is developed. (This weekend [co-host] is throwing an SDS party.)
– BBC News


• Men fall in love more easily than women.
• Insecure people fall in love faster than those who are confident.
• Your relationship with your parents when you were a child shapes the kind of lover you are now.
• Love and money seem to be closely linked. Women like ambitious men with money.
– “Woman’s Own”

Hot peppers have been a part of the diet in the Americas since at least 7,500 BC. Not only do they spice things up, they’re thought to have health benefits that include pain relief & disease prevention. The ‘hotness’ of chili peppers is measured in Scoville Heat Units. Bell peppers rank at 0 SHU; jalapenos 3,000–6,000; and the Guinness Record-holding hottest pepper, the Naga Jolokia, measures over 1 million SHU. (Cooking with these is against the Geneva Conventions.)
– NaturalNews.com


1947 [62] Larry David, Brooklyn NY, TV actor/director (“Curb Your Enthusiasm” since 2000)/TV producer/writer (co-creator of “Seinfeld” 1990-98)/movie actor (“Whatever Works”)

1949 [60] Roy Bittan, Queens NY, rock keyboardist (Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band)

1956 [53] Jerry Hall, Gonzalez TX, former model/sometime movie actress (“Batman”)/reality TV personality (“Kept” 2005)/stage actress (“High Society”)/ex-Mrs Mick Jagger (1990-99)

1979 [30] Joe Thornton, London ON, NHL center (San Jose Sharks)

1983 [26] Michelle Branch, Flagstaff AZ, country singer (The Wreckers-“Leave the Pieces”)/pop singer (w/Santana-“The Game of Love”)

1985 [24] Ashley Tisdale, West Deal NJ, movie/TV actress (“High School Musical” films)

1986 [23] Lindsay Lohan, NYC, movie actress (“Freaky Friday”, “Mean Girls”)/multi-visit rehab veteran  FACTOID: She’s been paid a staggering $70,000 to host her own poolside birthday bash last Saturday at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. As part of the deal, she was expected to pose for snappers, and she did … changing her swimsuit 5 times.


• “Be Nice to People You Don’t Like Day”. Just for one day … then tomorrow you can go back to being the grouchy old boor you usually are.

• “I Forgot Day”, set aside to make up for all the birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions that you forgot to acknowledge over the past year. (What’s the lamest excuse anyone ever laid on you?)

1959 [50] Ed Wood’s “Plan 9 From Outer Space” goes into wide release, the movie many cite as the worst of all-time (so bad, it took 3 years to find a distributor)

1988 [21] Michael Jackson becomes the 1st music artist to have 5 different #1 singles from 1 album (“Bad”)

1985 [24] Microsoft releases the 1st version of “Windows” but few computers are powerful enough to run it

2002 [07] Adventurer Steve Fossett becomes the 1st person to fly solo around-the-world nonstop in a balloon (later disappears during a 2007 flight and is declared legally dead in 2008)

1982 [27] Using a lawn chair hoisted by 42 helium-filled weather balloons, Larry Walters slowly rises 16,000 ft over San Pedro CA

2005 [04] Paul McCartney & Bono’s performance of “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” at “Live 8″ sets Guinness World Record for ‘Fastest Concert Recording to Digital Download’, becoming available online just 44 minutes, 39 seconds after it is performed live


[Fri] Green Day North American tour begins (Seattle WA)
[Fri] Compliment Your Mirror Day
[Fri] Stay Out Of the Sun Day
[Fri] Calgary Stampede begins
[Sat] US Independence Day
[Sat] Independence From Meat Day
[Sun] American Idols Live! tour begins (Portland OR)
This Week Is … Unassisted Home Birth Week
This Month Is … Bikini Month


• Prime Number License Plate Hunt
• Find the Science-Fiction Character in the Clouds
• Acceleration Calculation
• Movie Quote Marathon
• Aluminum Foil Hat Making
• Name the Periodic Table of Elements Symbol
• Twenty Equations
• Duct Tape Sculpture Contest
– Adapted from BBspot.com.

• When looking for a motel to spend the night, you should look for one that’s …
a. Close to good restaurants and entertainment.
b. Close to the highway.
c. Close to the garage that’s repairing your car.

• When it’s all over, what’s the one thing that tells everybody you had a good vacation?
a. A deep, rich tan.
b. Plenty of photos recording your wonderful memories of the trip.
c. A trunk full of stolen Comfort Inn towels.


The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!


How many years would you be willing to reduce from your life expectancy in order to become extremely attractive?


Today’s Question: THIS is the most common complaint of expectant fathers.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Stomach cramps.


Anything is easier to take apart than to put together.

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