More From the Sheethouse!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Troubled 24-year-old starlet Lindsay Lohan has been placed in ‘lockdown’ in an isolation cell following a hysterical outburst in her Lynwood, California prison. A report says the screaming meltdown occurred after other prisoners began taunting her about her sexuality by repeatedly chanting ‘fire crotch, fire crotch, fire crotch …’. One inmate says Lohan’s subsequent all-night wailing kept everyone awake all night. (Wow, and this is only week #1!)
– “Daily Mirror”
• 41-year-old actor David Boreanaz has been slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit from a former extra on his FOX-TV show “Bones”. Kristina Hagan, who’s hired top celeb lawyer Gloria Allred, accuses Boreanaz of sending inappropriate text messages, aggressively attempting to touch her and, when rebuffed, pleasuring himself in front of her … more than once. Boreanaz is currently undergoing marriage counseling with his 9-year wife, former “Playboy” Playmate Jaime Bergman. (Well dude, nice career while you had it. Likewise with the wife.)
– TMZ.com
• John Daly has made a play to be this year’s most embarrassing pro golfer with his release of a country album, “I Only Know One Way”. Not only does it have a cover of “Knocking On Heaven’s Door” but it was produced and co-written by one of Hootie’s Blowfish. But he’s a poor, distant second if a rumor going around the golf world turns out to be true. And the rumor? That there are some spicy photos of a pro golfer dressed in women’s lingerie and ready for action. (Tiger, is that you?)
– PopBitch.com
• An assistant prop master is suing Universal Studios, claiming he was fired from the TV show “House MD” for not taking part in on-set shenanigans, like going to strip clubs, drinking, getting stoned, and having sex in on-set trailers. The insubordinate malcontent goes on to complain that some people would get drunk on tequila, then throw knives at a target. (Sounds like a typical Friday after-work get-together around here.)
– TheToiletPaper.com
• Actor Orlando Bloom and Australian actress Miranda Kerr kept their Los Angeles wedding plans top secret by taking a honeymoon before the big day. The newlyweds exchanged vows on Thursday after a brief Caribbean break masked as a Victoria’s Secret photoshoot. (Interesting to see how easy it is to fly under the radar when so many celebs complain about lack of privacy.)
– People.com
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – 4 more acts make it to the top 24; Train performs.
• “The Bachelorette” (ABC) – Ali faces the bachelors she rejected; a surprise guest comes forward with a shocking revelation.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Adam Lambert (“For Your Entertainment”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Grace Potter & The Nocturnals (“Grace Potter & The Nocturnals”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – OK Go (“Of The Blue Colour Of The Sky”).
• “Last Comic Standing” (NBC) – The 5 remaining stand-up comedians perform.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – She & Him (“Volume 2”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Hanson (“Shout It Out”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Jimmy Webb (“Just Across The River”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Lyle Lovett (“Natural Forces”).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Joe Perry tells “Guitar World” magazine he really would have hit the road with another singer if Steven Tyler’s hiatus from the band had continued, because they’d already committed to a string of 2010 shows.
• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi is sharing his passion for soccer with Australian fans by buying up 4 season tickets to Melbourne Heart Football Club which will be given away before each game to those without financial means to attend. Nice PR job, dude!
• Carrie Underwood – She’s become the first former “American Idol” to go 7-times platinum after selling 7 million units of her debut album “Some Hearts”. She just heard the news while honeymooning with NHL player Mike Fisher in the French Polynesian islands.
• Eminem – He tells “Spin” magazine that Elton John continues to call once a week to help him with his recovery from painkiller abuse.
• Jerrod Niemann – The singer/songwriter who’s finally knocked Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now” off the top of the country albums chart with “Judge Jerrod & The Hung Jury” learned to play guitar as a kid on a Tracy Lawrence-autographed model that his mom won at a concert.
• Justin Bieber – In a shameless bit of stunt-casting, CBS-TV has lined him up for this Fall’s season premiere of “CSI”. He’ll play ‘a troubled teen faced with a terrible decision’. The storyline will return for its conclusion later in the season.
• Madonna – She’s reportedly organizing a charity concert for this September to benefit her Raising Malawi Foundation. U2 frontman Bono is said to have already been recruited. “Sunday Mirror” reports 60,000 fans will be given free tickets to the stadium concert in Blantyre, Malawi.
• Susan Boyle – The ‘hairy angel’ is reportedly in the studio recording a Christmas album, according to “Billboard”. While details are unclear, it’s thought it could be out in October.
• U2 – “NY Times” reports the ‘Spider-Man’ Broadway musical “Turn Off the Dark”, featuring songs by Bono and The Edge, is finally on track to begin full cast rehearsals August 16th. It had been stalled by financial troubles. Previews for the show will likely begin in November.
WAITING ON THE WIFE:
A survey of 2,000 men finds that those in relationships spend almost a year of their lives waiting for their partners. The average guy spends 22 weeks alone waiting outside changing rooms while his woman tries on clothes. 60% of men say all the waiting drives them crazy; 10% say it’s made them so annoyed they’ve dumped a partner. (All this waiting for women is counterbalanced by what? Men and their machines? Guys and their golf? Boys and their beer?)
– “GQ”
THINGS WE KNOW WE SHOULDN’T DO BUT DO ANYWAY:
Stephanie Dolgoff’s list of things mommies do … because they have to –
• Fib that ‘Bunny Lala’ got a brand-new fur coat when you accidentally shredded the real ‘Bunny Lala’ in the dryer and bought a look-alike.
• Set the clocks ahead an hour so it’s ‘bedtime’ … just because you need some silence.
• Sit back and let your kid be hyper-loud in the yard because it annoys your mean neighbor lady so much.
• Give in and let the kids paint the dog’s nails because you’re too tired to come up with a reason not to.
– “Parenting Magazine”
NO MORE COUNTING CALORIES?
Foods that fill you up without packing a ton of calories can help in the battle of the bulge, a Pennsylvania State University study suggests. Believing that one of the reasons people don’t stick to a weight-loss diet is hunger, researchers put a group of participants on a diet of filling, low calorie-dense foods, particularly fruits and vegetables, and basically let them eat as much as they wanted. After a year, the sample group lost more weight and reported being less hungry than those who simply reduced fat intake. (But how do you digest 12 cabbages?)
– Reuters.com
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 43% of men & 33% of women lie about the number of sex partners they’ve had. (We’re guessing women downplay the number while men inflate it exponentially.)
• 33% of men say their wife’s driving ‘scares’ them. (The rest say their wife scares them.)
• 25% of us admit to writing ‘WASH ME’ on someone else’s vehicle. (2% do it in spray paint.)
• 21% of parents have had regrets about the name they chose for a child. (Sorry, Edwina.)
• 15% of men admit they flip off a driver at least once a week. (Sometimes in the same vehicle.)
• 4% of companies have a policy banning employees from dating someone from the competition. (Such as another convenience store.)
DID YOU KNOW?
• During the day, you lose about 1 centimeter of height as activity and gravity combine to compress the spine. That’s why we are taller in the morning than we are in the evening. ([Co-host] wants to know if that’s standing up or lying down.)
– AskMen.com
• The winning British serviceman who received the ‘Best Turned-Out Trooper’ award from Queen Elizabeth II at this year’s Royal Windsor Horse Show is believed to have spent 72 hours polishing a single pair of boots. (That’s a lot of spit!)
– Telegraph.co.uk
BS CHRONOMETER 07.26.10
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [67] (Sir) Mick Jagger, Dartford UK, wrinkle rocker (Rolling Stones-“Honky Tonk Women”, “Satisfaction”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989) BS FACTOID: Ronnie Wood has dismissed recent reports the band is planning to retire, insisting they’ll ‘rock till we drop’.
1945 [65] Helen Mirren (Ilyena Lydia Mironoff), London UK, movie actress (“Love Ranch”, Oscar-“The Queen”)/TV actress (Emmy-“Elizabeth I”, “Prime Suspect”)
1959 [51] Kevin Spacey (Fowler), South Orange NJ, movie actor (Oscars-“American Beauty”, “The Usual Suspects”)/Artistic Director of London’s Old Vic Theatre since 2003
1964 [46] Sandra Bullock, Arlington VA, movie actress (2010 Oscar-“The Blind Side”, 2010 Razzie-“All About Steve”)/wed to “Monster Garage” producer/host Jesse James 2005-10
1965 [45] Jeremy Piven, NYC, TV actor (‘Ari Gold’ on “Entourage” since 2004)/movie actor (“RocknRolla”, “Smokin’ Aces”)
1973 [37] Kate Beckinsale, London UK, movie actress (“Click”, “The Aviator”)
1974 [36] Dan Konopka, Chicago IL, rock drummer (OK Go-“Here It Goes Again”, “Get Over It”)
1980 [30] Dave Baksh, Toronto ON, rock guitarist (Sum 41-“Pieces”, “Still Waiting”)
1993 [17] Taylor Momsen, St Louis MO, TV actress (‘Jenny Humphrey’ on “Gossip Girl” since 2007) BS FACTOID: Her debut single with the band The Pretty Reckless is scheduled for release in August.
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “All or Nothing Day”. This is it, folks – balls to the wall, give ‘er all you’ve got, the time has arrived, take no prisoners, it’s now or never, bring your ‘A’ game and give 110% … and any other hackneyed self-help cliché you can think of.
• “Aunt & Uncle Day”, honoring the special contributions they make to our lives (or maybe Hallmark has just run out of ideas?).
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2000 [10] A court orders the largest Internet file-sharing service, Napster, to stop allowing millions of users to swap copyrighted music (the long-term effect – nada)
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1958 [52] 1st ‘Hula Hoop’ is marketed (the hot new toy is banned in Tokyo, Japan for a time due to the large number of traffic accidents it causes)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2005 [05] Mumbai, India receives 99.5 cm of rain (39.17 inches) within 24 hours, bringing the city to a halt for over 2 days
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Korean War Veterans Armistice Day
[Tues] Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day
[Tues] Walk on Stilts Day
[Wed] Milk Chocolate Day
[Wed] Creed’s “20-10 Tour” begins (Washington DC)
[Thurs] “Jersey Shore” season debut (MTV)
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Animal Agriculture Week / Moby Dick Week / Salad Week / World Footbag (Hackysack) Week
BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
NEVER USED IN THE TITLES OF REMOTELY GOOD MOVIES:
• ‘Final’
• ‘Ninja’
• ‘Son of … ‘
• ‘Universe’
• ‘Dino … ‘
• ‘Tyler Perry’s …’
• ‘Heat’
• ‘Force’
• ‘Troll’
• ‘ … : The Movie’
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com
BS PHONE STARTER:
What would be your dream foursome on the golf course … if you were one of them?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Now see? There’s just more proof … people are a threat to society!
BS ‘BEFORE THEY WERE STARS’ QUIZ:
• “Mad Men” star Jon Hamm once had to earn a living as …
a. A foot model.
b. An ad agency executive.
c. A set dresser for adult films. [CORRECT]
• Before politics, Fox News commentator Sarah Palin earned money as a TV …
a. Weather reporter.
b. Sports announcer. [CORRECT]
c. Clown.
• As a teenager, movie actor Matt Damon made extra money as a sidewalk …
a. Break-dancer. [CORRECT]
b. Mime.
c. Sweeper.
BS WEB GOODIE:
Okay, this is weird. Click on the link and you end up at a Google page …. that’s spinning. Now type your station’s website (or any other you wish) in the search box and watch it whirl. (Pass the Demerol!)
NET: http://therevolvinginternet.com
BULL’S EYE:
A new Alan Burns & Associates study of female radio listeners has found that most respondents can distinguish between ‘entertaining talk’ and ‘useless deejay chatter’, and that distinction drives much of the behavior that is observed in PPM ratings. (Like we’ve been saying … for 17 years.)
– FMQB.com
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A poll of Human Resources Managers finds that job candidates most often neglect THIS part of their personal appearance.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Fingernail care. (“USA Today”)
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Have no fear of perfection … you’ll never reach it.
