Thursday, July 12, 2007        Edition: #3573
The Sheet Hits the Fans!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY one of Bruce Willis’ blood-spattered wifebeaters, a ‘John McClane’ police badge, and a script from “Live Free or Die Hard” go on display at the Smithsonian in Washington DC (indicating he’s likely done his last “Die Hard”) . . . How could 41-year-old “Two & a Half Men” star Charlie Sheen afford to give his real estate investor fiancée Brooke Mueller with a half-million-dollar engagement rock? Easy, he’s TV’s highest-paid sitcom actor at $350,000-per-episode . . . It’s official: Diddy & his 10-year gf Kim Porter, who’s mom to 3 of his kids, are done (now he & actress Sienna Miller can quit denying they’re messing around) . . . A pink Catherine Walker evening gown has sold for a whopping $122,400 at a Sotheby’s auction in London – only because it was once worn by the late Princess Di . . . Meanwhile in Paris, a charity auction of memorabilia from the 1980s TV show “Dallas” brought in close to 2-grand for ‘JR Ewing’s white Stetson but less than $300 for ‘Bobby Ewing’s cowboy boots . . . Sorta-actress Tori Spelling is now a ‘Reverend’, getting herself ordained online in order to perform a same-sex wedding on her reality show “Tori & Dean: Inn Love” (Oxygen/Slice) . . . 47-year-old former TV star Valerie Bertinelli is writing a book called “Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time”, which will tell-all about her battle with depression, weight gain, and her failed marriage to booze-hound rocker Eddie Van Halen . . . FOX-TV has forced the scrapping of virtually the entire storyline for the next season of “24” after rejecting a budget that included expensive location shooting in Africa (now ‘Jack Bauer’ will be investigating a terrorist plot – at a studio lot) . . . And the Beverly Hills CA mansion once owned by newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst and made famous as the location for the ‘horse-head-in-bed’ scene in “The Godfather” is up for sale at – wow! – $165 million, making it the most expensive residential listing in history (features a disco, movie theater, security staff quarters, 3 swimming pools and no less than 29 bedrooms!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – Her “Back to Black” album has just been certified Platinum by the RIAA. Oh oh … another reason for her to have a drink!
• Foo Fighters – Dave Grohl says he actually mourned his Nirvana bandmate Kurt Cobain twice. He was mistakenly told Cobain had died in an earlier overdose episode before his actual suicide in April 1994.
• Madonna – A musical version of her lame 1985 film “Desperately Seeking Susan” is being developed for the stage in London’s West End. It will include several hits by Blondie.
• Maroon 5 – TODAY they visit “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Merle Haggard – The country legend’s first-ever bluegrass album, “The Bluegrass Sessions” due OCTOBER 2nd, will feature a duet with Alison Krauss.
• Ozzy Osbourne – TONIGHT the 25-date “Ozzfest” tour kicks off in Seattle WA.
NET: http://www.ozzfest.com/
• Queens of the Stone Age – Frontman Josh Homme is limping around with a cane but has postponed an essential knee operation so he can complete the band’s summer tour.
• Silverchair – TONIGHT the Oz rockers do “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• T-Pain – TONIGHT he’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Velvet Revolver – TONIGHT they perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV).
• Yes –  Jon Anderson, frontman of the classic rock band, has pulled out of a charity concert in San Francisco CA because … his guru told him not to perform again this year.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
• “Bill & Ted 3” – A long-awaited sequel to “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” (1989) and “Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey” (1991) is set for production later THIS YEAR, but without original stars Keanu Reeves & Alex Winter. Interestingly, both were reportedly eager to do the pic but Reeves’ agent suggested returning to the ‘dumb’ role that made him a star could ruin his career.
• “The Christmas Carol” – Jim Carrey is set to play ‘Ebeneezer Scrooge’ AND all 3 of the ghosts that haunt him in this new bigscreen version of the Dickens classic. Robert Zemeckis (“The Polar Express”) wrote and will direct the Disney flick. The last movie treatment of the story was an animated 1997 film. Surprisingly, the last live-action film release of the story in its original form was 1951’s “Scrooge”.
• “Footloose” – An upcoming remake of the 1984 Kevin Bacon hit will star 19-year-old Zac Efron (“Hairspray”), who’ll be re-teaming with his “High School Musical” director Kenny Ortega. Bacon was in his mid-20s when he played the role of a high school newcomer who tries to introduce dancing to the annual prom in a fun-suppressed small town.
• “Then She Found Me” – Oscar-winning actress Helen Hunt (“As Good As It Gets”) is making her directorial debut with this drama about a school teacher who must find a new life after her husband dumps her. Hunt also stars, alongside Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, and Colin Firth. It premieres this SEPTEMBER at the “Toronto International Film Festival”.

GREY POWER:
Here’s something to look forward to – a recent study of women aged 60-to-85 by Britain’s York University shows that most older women feel more confident than when they were younger. They don’t care about grey hair or wrinkles; say they’re now happy to speak their mind; and they don’t live in the past. (Maybe because they can’t remember last Tuesday?).
– PA News

RINK REHAB:
As St Andrews is to golf, a building called Thomson’s Tower in Edinburgh, Scotland is to curling. It’s here that the rules for the popular winter sport were drawn up 203 years ago. The site has just been awarded a UK National Lottery grant close to $300,000 to help finance a massive restoration after years of neglect. It’s hoped the octagonal building and enclosed rink will reopen as a tourist destination by next summer. (Exhibits include original skip Angus McCormack who’s been leaning against the bar ever since losing the 1804 bonspiel.)
– “The Scotsman”

REASONS YOU FORGET:
In his book “Thank You Brain For All You Remember (What You Forgot Was My Fault)”, Texas A&M professor Bill Klemm claims your memory can be sharpened through a regular workout for the brain. Klemm notes there are 4 major obstacles to remembering things – information overload, multi-tasking, stress, and lack of sleep. (Coincidentally, 4 of the major hurdles for morning radio hosts!)
– ANI

SUFFERING IN SILENCE:
It’s official – women feel pain more than men. BUT they also cope with it better. According to a neuroscientist, most studies show that females are more sensitive to pain but are more ready to deal with it and handle the emotional consequences. (Ask any woman who’s nursed her man through a common cold.)
– AP

HOW TO WAIT TABLES:
For all you students and/or wannabe actors doing temp duty this summer in a restaurant, here are a few tips from the pros on how to do the job right …
• Eliminate the word ‘guys’, as in “What can I get for you guys?”, from your work vocabulary. The term might work with people you know but it will just irritate anyone over 30.
• Make sure customers have all the condiments and utensils they need.
• When a customer doles out cash to pay the bill, pick it up and say, “I’ll be right back with your change” not “Do you want change from this?”
• Always look busy and never walk in or out of the kitchen empty-handed. The boss will love you!
– “Hartford Courant”

CAMP CANINE:
In the past 20 years, more than a dozen summer camps for dogs have sprung up across North America. For instance, at ‘Dog Scout Camp’ pooches can earn merit badges in 60 different activities, ranging from ‘Backpacking’ and ‘Cart-Pulling’ to ‘Search & Rescue’ and ‘Picking Up Litter’. (Why don’t they teach them to stoop ‘n scoop on their own?)
– “Christian Science Monitor”
NET: http://www.dogscouts.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• Numerous counties in China’s Hunan Province are struggling to prevent an invasion of an estimated 2 billion field mice from overwhelming their communities. (They need a visit from “Little Rabbit Foo-Foo”!)
• If you play sports, put on a red uniform. Studies have found that athletes clad in crimson are more likely to win than those wearing other colors. (Yeah, just look at those Cincinnati Reds!)
– “Cosmopolitan”
• New research has revealed that women are almost 20% more likely to suffer insomnia than men. (But guess who snores more … coincidence?)
– “London Observer”
• A new University of Georgia study has found that despite overwhelming military superiority, the world’s most powerful nations have failed to achieve their objectives in 39% of their military operations since WW2. (Unless the objective was making a select number of corporations billions-upon-billions.)
– Scienceagogo.com

AND WE QUOTE:
“Fergie is taking lessons. She won’t get on it until she knows what she’s doing ’cause she doesn’t want to look stupid.”
– “Las Vegas” actor Josh Duhamel, telling “Glamour” mag how his rock star gf is practising up to use the latest gift he gave her … a stripper pole. He also notes, “She would have been too hot for me in high school. I would have been intimidated by her.”

BS CHRONOMETER 07.12.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [70] Bill Cosby, Philadelphia PA, comedian/former #1 TV star (“The Cosby Show” 1984-92)

1943 [64] Christine McVie, Birmingham UK, classic rock singer (Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1948 [59] Richard Simmons, New Orleans LA, 5′-6“ chubby weight-loss guru (“Sweatin’ to the Oldies”)

1978 [29] Topher Grace, NYC, movie actor (“Spider-Man 3”)/TV actor (“That ’70s Show” 1998-2005)

1978 [29] Michelle Rodriguez, Bexar County TX, TV actress (“Lost” 2005-06)/movie actress (“BloodRayne”, “The Fast & the Furious”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Comedia”, the 11th annual comedy film segment of Montréal’s “Just for Laughs” comedy festival, through JULY 22nd.  This year’s features include a premiere of “Mr Bean’s Holiday”, “Hairspray”, the Québec film “Ma Tante Aline”, and the road documentary “Let’s All Hate Toronto”. There are also 120 short films from 16 countries being screened.
NET: http://www.justforlaughs.ca/

• “Different Colored Eyes Day”, celebrating diversity of eye color. Wouldn’t the world be boring if everyone had eyes the same color? The day also salutes those with eyes that are a different color from one other. Famous people who have that condition (heterochromia) include classic rocker David Bowie, “24” star Kiefer Sutherland, and creepy movie actor Christopher Walken.

• “Pecan Pie Day”, celebrating one of the most decadent of all desserts. The crust and pecans aren’t necessary … just the yummy goo in the center! Is it ‘PEE-can or ‘puh-CAHN’?

• “Sports Cliché Week”, honoring those kitschy little sayings that play-by-play announcers, analysts, and players have developed into a virtual language. It’s a good excuse to open up the phone lines for listener contributions of their favorites.

• “Swimming Pool Day”, a good day to call a friend who has one and invite yourself over. According to an online fact site, if you spend 1 hour in a public swimming pool you come into contact with about 50 oz of urine. But then … that’s according to an online fact site.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1982 [25] “ET: The Extra-Terrestrial” breaks a box office record by surpassing the $100-million mark in its first 31 days (now studios look to do that on a long weekend)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1949 [58] 1st ‘Warning Track’ in front of fences in Major League Baseball (first proposed by outfielder Willy ‘Flatface’ Ferguson)

1981 [26] 1st woman ordered to pay alimony to her ex-husband (now fairly common)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1996 [11] Michael Jordan signs with Chicago Bulls for NBA-record $30 million-a-season

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] Gruntled Workers Day
[Fri] Embrace Your Geekness Day
[Sat] National Nude Day
[Sat] Cow Appreciation Day
[Sun] Respect Canada Day
[Sun] Be A Dork Day
[Sun] Canada’s National Parks Day
[Sun] National Ice Cream Day
This Week Is … Mosquito Week
This Month Is … Blueberries Month

BULL’S BITS

ACTUAL TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Honeymoon Couple Attacked by Goldfish!”
• “She’s Got a Dream Job: Assistant to a Dead Man”
• “Global Cooling Is an Ecological Disaster – On Pluto!”
• “Get Into Heaven With The Whole Soul Workout!”
• “Killer Babies Are on the Loose! What to Watch Out For”
• “Trucker Abducted – Returns with Alien Prostate!”
• “Fly-Eyed Baby!” (Susan Sarandon was pregnant?)

BS PHONE STARTER:
You’ve just inherited a gazillion dollars. What ‘personal staff’ will you hire first? (According to a new study published in “The Telegraph”, wealthy men prefer to spend their money on personal trainers, chauffeurs and chefs, while well-off women tend to hire services such as personal shoppers, bodyguards, stylists and private doctors.)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
If today were a fish … I’d throw it back in.

WHAT SHE’S READING THIS MONTH:
• “Men Who Don’t Put Out” [“Chatelaine”]
• “The No-Diet Way to Lose Weight!” [“Glamour”]
• “20 No-Need-To-Diet Clothing Picks” [“Woman’s Day”]
• “Fight Fat Over 40!” [“Ladies’ Home Journal”]
• “Hole Up With Your Honey in a Bubble Bath For Two” [“Redbook”]

WHAT HE’S READING THIS MONTH:
• “License to Grill – Settling the Charcoal/Gas Debate” [“Playboy”]
• “Four Destinations That Make it Totally Worth Dragging Your Ass Off the Couch” [“Maxim”]
• “Don’t Become Roadkill – The Right Way to Fix a Flat” [“Men’s Health”]
• “Old People & the iPod” [“Stuff”]
• “Acceptable Female Demands” [AskMen.com]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In the past 30 years THIS has increased by 6 times.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The number of dads that stay at home.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything; the young know everything.