July 2 2020

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Thursday, July 2, 2020        Edition: #6731

Get a Load Of This Sheet!

★ “Die Hard” has been named one of the most re-watched films of all time. The 1988 action flick – starring Bruce Willis – as well as “Dirty Dancing” and “The Wizard of Oz” are the most popular films for viewers to revisit, with Brits reporting having seen them twelve times each, according to a poll for streaming service NOW TV. “Star Wars” movies also stand up well to repeated viewings, with people seeing “A New Hope”, “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi’ 11 times each. Viewers says they’ve seen “The Sound of Music”, “The Lion King” and the 1980s classic “The Breakfast Club” on ten occasions. (Uh, “Christmas Vacation?”…Helloo?)
★ Pamela Anderson has offered to help Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau become a vegan. Trudeau has invested $100 million in the vegan industry and the Canadian star of “Baywatch”, who is also an honorary director at PETA, wrote to him, saying:  ”Were you to drop meat and dairy from your personal diet – which I so hope you will – I would be honoured to be your mentor.” She also praised the Canadian Prime Minister for ”sparing countless animals a terrible life and death”. (If only he could do the same for her career!)
★ Kanye West tweeted congratulations to his wife Kim Kardashian for becoming a billionaire, along with a photo of some vegetables. West wrote: “I am so proud of my beautiful wife Kim Kardashian West for officially becoming a billionaire…So blessed this is still life. So, I made you this still life. We love you so much.” On Monday, Forbes reported that Kardashian West sold a stake in KKW Beauty for $200 million. One technicality: Forbes estimates that the deal actually leaves Kardashian West with a net worth of $900 million. (That means according to Kanye math, I’m worth…$100 million!)
★ Food Network has ordered another helping of Amy Schumer’s quarantine cooking show, “Amy Schumer Learns to Cook.” The self-shot series features Schumer and her husband Chris Fischer, who is a James Beard Award-winning chef. Their nanny and part-time camera operator, Jane, along with their son and dog will continue to make appearances as well. “Amy Schumer Learns to Cook” will return later this summer.


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Sarah Paulson (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Justin Timberlake, Russell Wilson, Ciara, the Avett Brothers (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Charlamagne Tha God, Tunde Adebimpe (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Ricky Gervais (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Taraji P. Henson, Lil Nas X, guest host Chance the Rapper (R)
• “Conan” (TBS): Ed Helms (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Ben Platt
• “The Talk” (CBS): Loni Love, Anne Burrell
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, Sebastian Maniscalco, Dr. Michael Breus
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Sam Fischer
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Lin-Manuel Miranda, Leslie Odom Jr., Daveed Diggs, Chris Jackson
• “Council of Dads” (NBC): Season 1 finale
• “Flipping Across America” (HGTV): Season 1 premiere. Clint Robertson and Luke Caldwell turn a 1900s triplex into a single-family home in Boise, ID, while Jessie and Tina Rodriguez tackle a turn-of-the-century home that’s fallen into disrepair in Redlands, CA


• MTV Video Music Awards — will take place at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, NY on Aug. 30, marking the first major awards show since the pandemic that will occur in a physical venue. The VMA show will follow safety guidelines and feature “limited capacity or no audience.” Some performances are planned to take place at “unspecified New York landmarks”.
• Diplo — will play a virtual fundraising event for Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden on July 9. The dance party, called “Get Up, Stand Up!” will also feature D-Nice, Jermaine Dupri, model and founder of the “Black Girls Rock!” organization Beverly Bond, and entrepreneur Hannah Bronfman.
• The Weeknd – has donated $1 million to COVID relief efforts after announcing the sale of his popular XO face masks and promising to match every dollar raised. $500,000 go to MusiCares and $500,000 goes directly to front-line hospital workers in his hometown of Toronto.
• Lenny Kravitz – will release a memoir covering the first 25 years of his life this fall. “Let Love Rule” drops on Oct. 6. A press release says the “cast of characters” will include his father, Sy, a news producer; mother, TV actress Roxie Roker, and Lisa Bonet, whom he married in 1987. (I’ve got a feeling there’s going to be a sequel…)
• The Cult – Guitarist Billy Duffy says that they are “in the process” of making a new album. According to him, while in quarantine, he came “up with a few riffs”, but maybe not as many as he would have liked.
• Pearl Jam — honored the nine lives that were lost on the 20th anniversary of the Roskilde Festival tragedy by posting in part: “nothing has been the same since”. On June 30, 2000 at the Danish music festival, nine men between the ages 17-26 were suffocated or crushed by the surging crowd.
• Brett Eldredge — will appear at a virtual Grammy Museum event on July 11, the day after the release of his new album, “Sunday Best”. The museum’s public programs digital series features new interviews with artists and musicians recorded via Zoom.
• Johnny Cash — A 1973 live performance will drop on July 31. Jack Black’s “Third Man Records” has announced plans to release the newly unearthed record which was recorded at the Ahmanson Theater in Los Angeles.

If you’ve ever wondered what space smells like, a new perfume may answer that for you. A Kickstarter crowdfunding campaign has been launched for a new fragrance called “Eau de Space” to bring the smell of outer space down to Earth. The fragrance was developed by chemist Steve Pearce, who used notes from astronauts who described space as smelling like ozone, hot metal and fried steak, to produce the scent. Eau de Space product manager Matt Richmond says the fragrance is a tough one to describe, but astronauts have called it “a mix of gunpowder, seared steak, raspberries and rum”. They are also looking into releasing another fragrance, which would be called “Smell of the Moon.”
(What’s next? Elon Musk?)
(Aaaand we’ll just stay right away from all the obvious Uranus jokes…)
(How do you smell stuff in space anyway? I didn’t think you could breathe in a vacuum…!)

A writer for “The Economist” says “social distancing” rules should be applied to social media to help ‘flatten the curve’ of misinformation. Leo Mirani writes that the spread of misinformation is enabled by how social media sites are structured, speeding up the flow of information and encouraging us to post things that earn likes, replies and shares. Unfortunately, those same incentives are used by people and organizations who deal in “fake news”, who use “regular people” to amplify their message. Mirani suggests that by limiting the number of people a user can share posts with, Facebook and other social media sites would initially lose some revenue due to reduced engagement, but for the good of the societies they serve, and for their own long-term health, they should limit sharing by moving “share” buttons to more inconvenient locations, and inserting pop-ups asking if people are sure they want to share something.
(And maybe making them read the article they’re sharing too?)
(Can we figure out a way to also do this in real life?)

If start-up company Zephyr Aerospace has its way, double-decker airplane seats could become a staple for economy travel – particularly in a post-coronavirus world, where airlines will need to comply with social distancing requirements. The San Francisco-based company hopes to make seating more spacious and comfortable for passengers, while also giving them plenty of privacy. Zephyr has designer a seat they describe as a “lie-flat seat designed for everyone” which allows passengers to choose whether they’d prefer to fly in a flat, lounging, or sitting upright position. And by using a ‘stacked’ seating configuration, the company has created a double-decker-style seating plan that fits a second row of seats where an airliner would usually have space for overhead baggage storage. They say their design increases seating capacity by 20% and reduces costs, allowing airlines to offer the lowest price in the industry for a lie-flat bed.
(I support this idea just because it means I’d never again have to try to stuff a bag into the overhead compartment!)
(How is it that no one has thought of this before?)

➢ Any room can be a panic room when your dog brings a live armadillo into the house. — @laurenthehough
➢ probably my favorite part of taking a nap is going on my phone for an hour instead of falling asleep — @Kristen_Arnett
➢ hello and welcome to the part of the pandemic where, if i think someone at the grocery store doesn’t know i’m smiling back at them through my mask, i say, “i’m smiling back at you!” like an absolute psychopath — @annetdonahue
➢ I’m so sick of all these men on the street telling me to smize — @sarahcpr
➢ I need someone to explain leather sofas to me. You actively want something that is freezing in winter and makes your sweaty arse stick to it in summer – why — @poornabell
➢ It’s only Cancel Culture if it originates in the Cancelle region of France. Otherwise, it’s just sparkling consequences. — @BerrakBiz
➢ i was unemployed but then New Jersey allowed TJMAXX to open and now i have a full time job convincing my mom to stay home — @shodell


Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has become US$7.2 billion poorer after a flurry of companies pulled their advertising from Facebook’s network of social media sites. The resulting share-price drop eliminated $56B from Facebook’s market value and pushed Zuckerberg’s net worth down to $82.3B. That dropped him one notch to fourth place on the Bloomberg Billionaires Index, overtaken by Louis Vuitton boss Bernard Arnault, and still behind Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates.


1947 [73] Larry David, Brooklyn NY, TV producer-director-writer-actor (“Curb Your Enthusiasm” since 2000, “Seinfeld” 1989-96)

1949 [71] Roy ‘The Professor’ Bittan, Queens NY, rock keyboardist (Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band, session work with Jon Bon Jovi, David Bowie, Chicago, Bob Seger and many more)

1956 [64] Jerry Hall, Gonzales TX, former model/actress (best known for her high-profile and several-decade-long relationship with Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger)/married to Rupert Murdoch since 2016

1983 [37] Michelle Branch, Flagstaff AZ, pop/country singer (‘All You Wanted’, w/Santana: ‘The Game of Love’, The Wreckers –‘Leave the Pieces’)

1984 [36] Johnny Weir, figure skater (2008 World Championships bronze medal, two-time Grand Prix Final bronze medalist)/TV actor (“Be Good Johnny Weir”)

1986 [34] Lindsay Lohan, NYC, movie actress (“Mean Girls”, The Parent Trap”, “Freaky Friday”)/TV reality star (“Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club”, 2019)

1990 [30] Margot Robbie, Dalby Australia, movie actress (“The Wolf of Wall Street”, “Suicide Squad”) COMING UP…”The Suicide Squad”

• “Halfway Point of the Year”, the 184th day of the year (because it is a leap year). There are 183 days before today and 182 after. (Some of us would say “I can’t believe the year is flying by so fast”, but this year, most are probably saying, “Won’t this year EVER end?”)

• “Freedom From Fear of Public Speaking Day”. They say speaking in public is our #1 fear, with death being #2. That means if you’re at a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than giving the eulogy!

• “I Forgot Day”, set aside to make up for all the birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions that you forgot to acknowledge over the past year. (What’s the lamest excuse you’ve heard?)

• “World UFO Day”, a day in which individuals and groups are encouraged to gather together to watch the skies for Unidentified Flying Objects.
NET: http://www.worldufoday.com

• “World Sports Journalists Day”, honoring those who report on sporting topics, an essential element of any news media organization. Sports journalists from all over the world are united by the International Sports Press Association. (And are called the “Toy Department” by the news people!)

• “Special Recreation for the Disabled Day”, In many cases it doesn’t take a lot of time or money to make a business or facility to accessible to disabled people.

[Fri] Stay Out of the Sun Day
[Fri] Drive Your Corvette to Work Day
[Sat] Independence Day
[Sat] Alice in Wonderland Day

1996 [24] “Independence Day”, starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman, and Jeff Goldblum, opens in movie theaters and grosses $100 million in 7 days … a new record


1988 [32] Michael Jackson’s ‘Dirty Diana’ hits #1 on the Hot 100, making him the first artist to score five #1 singles from the same album (“Bad”).

2001 [19] UK’s Liverpool Airport is renamed “John Lennon Airport”

2005 [15] “Live 8” concerts are staged simultaneously worldwide to benefit impoverished African nations, featuring performances by Elton John, Neil Young, Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder, The Who, and a reunion of the 4 principal members of Pink Floyd for the first time since 1981, among dozens of other acts


2002 [19] Adventurer Steve Fossett becomes the first to fly solo around-the-world nonstop in a hot air balloon (he later disappears during a 2007 flight and is declared legally dead in 2008)

2018 [02] British divers discover 12 boys and their soccer coach alive in Tham Luang Nang Non cave, Thailand after being trapped for 9 days by monsoon flooding. Between July 8-10, all of the boys and their coach were rescued

2006 [14] ‘Tata’, believed to be the world’s oldest crow, dies in Bearsville, NY at age 59 (blown out of its nest as a fledgling in 1947, it is never able to fly, but is kept as a pet)


✓ The milk seen in cereal TV commercials is usually glue, to prevent sogginess and sinking.
✓ Bumblebees can fly higher than Mount Everest.
✓ There are no permanent lakes or rivers in Saudi Arabia.
✓ Blowing out candles can increase bacteria on the cake by 1400%.
✓ New York City had a fleet of electric taxis in 1987.
✓ An average of two people per year die from flatulence.
-WhattheFFacts, BathroomReadersInstitute

Best of BS . . .

• “That’ll be $200 for saving your kid and an extra $100 because it’s after-hours.”
• “I’m just going to call the police…after all, really it’s their job.”
• “Your disguise is a pair of glasses! Of course everyone knows! We’re just humoring you!”
• “Yes, please tell us your origin story for the fifth time…”
• “I’m sure that we can settle this matter through meaningful dialogue and mutual understanding.”
• “Captain America has been let go after testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs.”
• “Dance off!”
• “All I ask for is a superhero costume that doesn’t give me a wedgie!”
• “That guy looks just like Stan Lee!”
• “Inside! The underwear goes INSIDE the tights!”
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

Best of BS . . .

• Teach them early that Christmas trees eat the presents for children who wake their parents before 9am.
• If you need a break from your kids, try playing “hide-and-seek” without the “seek” part.
• Tell them that if they don’t smarten up, they’ll grow up to be Kardashians.
• To save time, name them all “Go to Your Room.”
• Create a mock documentary about the death of the world’s last remaining money tree.
• If you lose your children at a public place, simply go to the nearest restroom. Your children will magically appear and begin pounding on the door.
• Listen to people who don’t have kids. They always have some stellar advice.
• Never, ever let the kids outnumber the parents.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

➠ A Louisiana man was caught swimming in a Bass Pro Shop aquarium. (Authorities logged his height and weight, then quickly released him.)
➠ A bear in Italy has been sentenced to death after attacking hikers. Activists want a stay of execution. (You mean a “Paws” of execution? [Hands off and don’t forget the face-mask . . . I know the way to the door…])
➠ I just read that approximately 25% of people lie on Facebook. (I hope it’s only about stuff like relationships and education, because I’d hate to think my friends’ daily pics of their delicious breakfasts aren’t real…)
➠ NASA scientists say they’ve found evidence that our galaxy will end in 4 billion years.  (Well I wish they would have told me that BEFORE I racked up these student loans!)
➠ A University in Japan has awarded the first-ever ninja studies degree. (It’s the only class where you can be marked absent and still get an “A”!)

Being neighborly:  https://tinyurl.com/ycdsmnn7

I just realized that “Let me check my calendar” is the grown-up equivalent of “I’ll go ask my Mom”.


What is a totally obvious scam that people still fall for (in real life or on social media)?


Question:  THIS is the #1 sign that a guy is lying to you. What is it?
Answer:  He clears his throat

Success is a pile of failure that you’re standing on.


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