July 13, 2012

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Friday, July 13, 2012        Edition: #4786

Thanks For Being a Bull Market!

Tom Cruise’s attorney is threatening “National Enquirer” with a multimillion-dollar lawsuit over assertions in its new issue that he calls ‘false and vicious lies’ (you mean Tom ISN’T the Antichrist?) . . . Reports now say Katie Holmes used a disposable cellphone to plot her divorce without the detection of Tom Cruise and his team, asking for advice from the 2nd Mrs Cruise, Nicole Kidman, among others (please, somebody write a book on this!) . . . Just a short while after coming out, 45-year-old ‘silver fox’ Anderson Cooper is set to wed his longtime partner, 39-year-old club owner Ben Maisani, in a star-studded Labor Day wedding, according to friends who claim ‘in-the-know’(aka gossip mongers) . . . This week actress Kristin Chenoweth was hospitalized in NYC after she was struck by lighting equipment on the set of TV drama “The Good Wife”, causing her to fall and bang her head on concrete (ouch, they said ‘break a leg’ not your face!) . . . US Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein is considering signing up actress Roseanne Barr as her running mate, her campaign manager confirming the former TV sitcom star is on the shortlist (aren’t there enough comedians in Washington?) . . . Actor Channing Tatum tells “Glamour” a “Magic Mike” movie sequel is a strong possibility and they’re working on a concept now which could be a prequel (guys with clothes ON?) . . . Actress Sienna Miller has tagged her new baby daughter with the unfortunate name ‘Marlowe’ (the tradition continues) . . . Actress-singer Queen Latifah says she’s working on adopting a kid (aww, a widdle Prince or Princess) . . . And a new survey released in the “Los Angeles Times” has found that the ‘Most Memorable Moment in TV History’ is the live coverage of the 9/11 terrorist attacks in NYC (ahead of ‘Potsie’ quitting school on “Happy Days”? No way.)


• “Breaking Bad” (AMC) – If Sunday’s 5th season premiere, “Live Free or Die”, is anywhere as good as the Season 4 finalé, this should be a treat. Stars Bryan Cranston, Aaron Paul.
• Bunbury Music Festival (Cincinnati OH) – This inaugural 3-day rock fest in Ohio has Death Cab For Cutie, Jane’s Addiction, and Weezer topping the lineup.
NET: http://bunburyfestival.com
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Glen Campbell (“Ghost On the Canvas”). Rerun.
• Hard Rock Calling (London) – This 3-day annual British music festival features Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band, Lady Antebellum, Soundgarden, and many more.
NET: http://www.hardrockcalling.co.uk
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Dirty Heads (“Cabin By the Sea”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Dr Dog (“Be the Void”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Yoko Ono; Sean Lennon; Joe Jackson (“The Duke”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Black Box Revelation (“My Perception”). Rerun.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Melissa McCarthy (“Mike & Molly”); musical guest Lady Antebellum (“Own the Night”). Rerun.
• “Today Show”(NBC) – This morning Zac Brown Band (“Uncaged”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Nikki Minaj (“Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded”)


• Jennifer Lopez – Saturday she launches a co-headlining North American tour with Enrique Iglesias in Montréal. The first 16 dates announced run through August 31st in Miami.
• Ray Davies – Tonight the former Kinks frontman kicks off a brief North American tour in Vancouver.
• Rolling Stones – They’re rehearsing together again, guitarist Keith Richards tells the BBC, but there’s still no firm word on where or even if they’ll perform.
• Taylor Swift – Word has it Maria Shriver doesn’t want the 22-year-old country star to become
involved with her 18-year-old actor-son Patrick Schwarzenegger and she’s told the ‘older woman’ to make a Swift exit.
• Weezer – Tonight they kick off an 11-date mini-tour in Buffalo NY at the “Buffalo Rocks the Harbor Fest”.


• “Ice Age: Continental Drift” ( PG Family Adventure ):  This animated franchise is now 10 years old and still defying extinction. In this 4th instalment, the ‘super-zero heroes’ battle sea monsters and pirates while adrift on an iceberg during global warming. Voice cast includes Ray Romano, Queen Latifah, Denis Leary, Jennifer Lopez, and Drake.
NET: http://www.iceagemovie.com
• Opening in limited release: “Alps”; “Ballplayer: Pelotero”; “Easy Money”; “The Imposter”; “Red Lights”; and “Union Square”.


Who says you have to be a gym rat to be fit? A handful of things you can do to burn a few calories without sweating a drop …
✓ Drink Ice Water – It makes your body work harder to stabilize your temperature, which makes your metabolism go up. You’ll burn 8 calories per 8 oz of ice water.
✓ Fidget At Your Desk – Serial fidgeters can burn up to 10 times as many calories than their more relaxed, less annoying peers. Up to 350 calories each day!
✓ Drive an Old Car – The lack of modern options (power windows, steering & trunk, A/C, etc) paired with the mental energy expended while driving can burn up to 125 calories an hour.
✓ Gamble Your Life Away – Assuming you stand straight and your heart-rate rockets with each rent payment you lose, your body will burn energy faster than you can roll boxcars.
✓ Yuk It Up – Consistent laughing for 10-15 minutes will burn up to 50 calories. So catch a comedian, watch a funny film … check out photos of yourself from the ‘80s.
✓ Eat More Often – Instead of eating 3 enormous meals, try 5 smaller ones. The change will help stabilize your appetite and keep your metabolism working throughout the day.
– Condensed from ModernMan.com


Witness a few recent examples …
• NYC seeks to ban ‘dinosaurs’ and ‘evolution’ from school texts because they are controversial.
• Catholic Church replaces the word ‘booty’ in the Bible with ‘plunder’, lest kids snicker in school.
• Publisher changes the ‘n-word’ to ‘slave’ in Mark Twain’s classic, “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn”.
• New high school in Utah passes on ‘cougar’ as a mascot as it might offend old horny chicks.
• Burger King bans a commercial because it is deemed offensive when a famous black woman sings about chicken.
– Excerpted from TheToiletPaper.com


• Domestic Light Beer – You’re impulsive and quick to take risks. You’re respectful of authority, accepting of most people, and generally easy to get along with.
• Domestic Full-Flavor Beer – You’re sensible, grounded, and practical. You’re politically  middle-of-the-road, quick to challenge authority, and 42% more likely to own a truck.
• Craft Beer/Imports – You’re more likely to be politically left-leaning, outgoing, and extroverted. You’re intellectually curious and open-minded, and interested in new and varied experiences.
• Wine – You’re mature and discerning, and you’re likely an organized professional. You tend to be unadventurous and less likely to take risks. Chances are you’ve graduated from college.
• Whiskey – You want to project an image of masculinity and authority. Blended whiskey drinkers are more likely to be age 21-to-46, while single-malt drinkers are more likely 50-plus.
• Vodka – You enjoy being in charge. You care about fashion and appearance, and you’re both opinionated and independent.
• Gin – You have a realistic outlook on life, and you appreciate comfort and security. You’re interested in relationships, and your focus is on family and home life.
• Rum – You’re experimental and creative, and quick to abandon one pursuit in favor of another. You’re more likely to enjoy jazz and art. You may be slightly eccentric, and are often impulsive.
• Tequila – You’re a free spirit, and you’re unconcerned with achievement in either the short or the long term. You’re outgoing, talkative, and fun to be around.
– Adapted from “Men’s Health”


• The average waist-to-hip ratio for UK women is 0.83.
– “Daily Mail”
• There is a Koran-reciting competition in Iran.
– “New York Times”


1942 [70] Harrison Ford, Chicago, IL, movie actor (“Indiana Jones” movies, “Star Wars”)

1957 [55] Cameron Crowe, Palm Springs CA, movie director/screenwriter (“Almost Famous”, “Jerry Maguire”)/musical documentary maker (“Pearl Jam Twenty”, “The Union”)

1963 [49] Fatboy Slim (Norman Cook), Bromley UK, club DJ/pop musician (“Praise You”, “Funk Soul Brother”)

1974 [38] Deborah Cox, Toronto ON, club/dance/R&B singer (“Beautiful U R”, “A House Is Not a Home”)

1988 [24] Steven R McQueen, LA CA, TV actor (‘Jeremy Gilbert’ on “Vampire Diaries” since 2009)/grandson of legendary late actor Steve McQueen

TV actress Jane Lynch “Glee”) is 52; Rock musician-comedian Kyle Gass (Tenacious D) is 52; Actor Matthew Fox (“Lost”) is 46; Country singer-songwriter Jamey Johnson (“The Dollar”) is 37; Hip-hop musician Taboo (Black Eyed Peas) is 37.

Movie actor-director Forest Whitaker (“The Last King of Scotland”) is 51; Rock bassist Chi Cheng (Deftones) is 42; Rock drummer John Dolmayan (System Of a Down) is 39; Rock guitarist Ray Toro (My Chemical Romance) is 35; TV actor Tristan Wilds (“90210”) is 23.

• “Collector Car Appreciation Day”, the 3rd annual salute to automotive hobbyists that’s geared to raising awareness of automotive restoration and collection.
• “Cow Appreciation Day” and that’s no bull! It’s a day of recognition for all the things that cows give us. So open up your calfskin wallet and buy yourself a tasty T-bone.
• “Embrace Your Geekness Day”, a great day to be a Geek … or to know a Geek. Some people view the term with a negative connotation. Are they jealous of your knowledge and skills, perhaps? Yeah, that’s it.
• “French Fries Day”. The ‘french’ has nothing to do with France, but the method of preparation. Food that’s chipped into pieces is said to be ‘frenched’. It’s thought that french fries most likely originated in Belgium.
• “Friday the 13th”, a bad day for those who suffer ‘triskaidekaphobia’ (fear of number 13) or ‘paraskevidekatriaphobia’ (fear of Friday the 13th). Every year has at least 1, but never more than 3.
• “Gruntled Workers Day”. We always hear about ‘disgruntled’ workers, but what about people who are happy with their jobs and can’t wait to go to work each day? Gruntled workers, this is your day … ya eager-beaver keeners.
• “National Baby Food Festival”, the 19th annual through Saturday in Fremont, Michigan, home of Gerber Products. Events include the ‘Baby Food Cook-Off’, the ‘Famous Baby Crawl’, and the ‘Adult Baby Food Eating Contest’.
NET: http://www.nbff.org
• “Wayne Chicken Show”, the 32nd edition in Wayne, Nebraska, home of the ‘National Cluck-Off’ in which contestants must be audible across a barnyard while acting and sounding like a chicken for 15 seconds. Other events: ‘Most Beautiful Beak’, ‘Best Chicken Legs On a Human’, and the ‘Rubber Chicken Chuck’.
NET: http://www.chickenshow.com

• “Bastille Day”, the national holiday of France that commemorates the beginning of the French Revolution in 1789, when patriots stormed the Bastille prison. A military parade and massive fireworks are planned for Paris.
• “International Nude Day”, a serious celebration of the ‘naturist’ lifestyle.
• “Moon Amtrak”, the 33rd annual stunt by customers at Mugs Away Saloon in Laguna Niguel, California who line up cheek-to-cheek and simultaneously drop their drawers to ‘moon’ passing trains. The bottoms-up bash draws as many as 1,000 bums to the tavern.
NET: http://www.moonamtrak.org

• “Be a Dork Day”, an annual excuse to wear goofy clothing, don’t brush your teeth, eat yucky food, and fall off a swing set. (In other words, act normal.)
• “Gummi Worm Day”, celebrating the ooey-gooey candies that are always good for grossing out girls. They were first created by the German company Trolli in 1981.
NET: http://www.punchbowl.com/holidays/gummi-worm-day
• “Ice Cream Sunday”, celebrated annually on the 3rd Sunday of July, “Ice Cream Month”. Based on ice cream consumption figures, the top flavors are vanilla (30%), chocolate (10%), butter pecan (4%), strawberry (3.7%), and chocolate chip mint (3.2%).
• “Respect Canada Day” as declared by the US-based ‘Wellness Permission League’, a day to ‘show we know it’s not some strange northern province of America’.
• “St Swithun’s Day”, celebrated worldwide in honor of the 7th-century Bishop of Winchester. According to legend, if it rains on St Swithun’s Day it will rain for the next 40 days. If it is clear, no rain will fall for 40 days.


1985 [27] An estimated 2 billion worldwide watch or listen to “Live Aid” rock concerts in Philadelphia PA and London UK, donating more than $225 million to the cause of Ethiopian famine relief


1930 [82] 1st ‘World Cup’ soccer competition begins in Montevideo, Uruguay with 14 countries participating (2 weeks later Uruguay takes the championship, defeating Argentina)


1976 [36] ‘Longest Bagpipe Concert’, featuring 4 student pipers from Churchill School, ends after 100 hours (Salisbury, Rhodesia)

1991 [21] Timothy Badyana sets a Guinness World Record by running 10 km (6 mi) in 45 minutes, 37 seconds … backwards (Dayton, Ohio)


[Mon] Get Out of the Doghouse Day
[Mon] Global Hug Your Kid Day
[Mon] Fresh Spinach Day
[Mon] Closet Space Appreciation Day
[Tues] Wear Crazy Socks to Work Day
[Wed] Caviar Day
This Week Is … Farriers Week
This Month Is … Family Reunion Month


A few actual beliefs passed down through the ages relating to the unluckiest day …
✗ If you were born on Friday the 13th, your entire life will be marked by bad luck.
✗ You should never cut your hair on Friday the 13th, as it results in a death in the family.
✗ If you change your bed linens on Friday the 13th, you’ll have bad dreams throughout the night.
✗ If you pass a funeral procession on Friday the 13th, you will die the very next day.
✗ Cutting your nails on Friday the 13th is a bad omen which can bring seriously bad luck.
✗ It’s a bad day for new beginning, so starting a new business on this day will be a disaster.
✗ Similarly, starting out on a trip on Friday is considered to bring misfortune for you.
✗ Ships that set sail on Friday 13th are much more likely to be involved in a disaster.
✗ If you leave the calendar page on Friday the 13th, you will be killed by a witch the next day.


☎ What’s the coolest-looking vintage vehicle?


I’m only paranoid because everyone’s against me.


Question: According to a magazine poll, men believe that women who have THIS characteristic are more likely to cheat.
Answer: High-pitched voice.


Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

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