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WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Aspiring actor & filmmaker Sage Stallone, son of movie star Sylvester Stallone, was found dead on Friday at his Studio City, California apartment. Police and a lawyer for the 36-year-old gave conflicting accounts of who found him, but police do confirm there is no sign of forced entry or foul play. Prescription pill bottles were reportedly found at the scene. Sly Stallone heard the news about the younger of his 2 sons from his 1st marriage while attending “Comic-Con” in San Diego, where he was promoting “The Expendables 2”. (Thanks to pharmaceuticals, overpopulation is becoming less and less of a problem.)
• Jennifer Lopez is saying it was her choice to leave “American Idol”, but an insider familiar with the negotiations says the singer was actually dumped by FOX-TV when she asked for a $2 million raise to $17 million for a single season. The source says FOX also opted not to pick up Steven Tyler’s option (though he announced he needed to spend more time with Aerosmith), and Randy Jackson is also speculated to be considering an exit after judging all 11 seasons. (Is it time this show was retired?)
• 5-foot-3 “Fashion Star” mentor Jessica Simpson packed on 70 lbs during her recent pregnancy with new daughter Maxwell, born May 1st. But the 32-year-old’s contract as the new face of Weight Watchers requires a 20-to-30 lb loss by the end of August or she will reportedly forfeit her $4-million fee. Word has it she’s enlisted her mother, Tina, and a few friends to also follow the program in order to help keep her in check. One friend acknowledges Jessica has always ‘had issues with junk food’. (BS translation: She’ll have the suet vacuumed out August 30th.)
• Pop star Rihanna has reportedly spent over $150,000 to book a yacht on the French Riviera in an attempt to recharge following the death of her grandmother Dolly. This week she’s meeting sometime-boyfriend Drake in Cannes and will spend the week cruising the Mediterranean. A source says it’s just what she needs after an incredibly tough few months, also noting that they’ll be joined on the yacht by a few friends who plan to down a lot of champagne. (People with no compunction about being labeled ‘hangers-on’.)
• 51-year-old actor Sean Penn has completed the 36 hours of anger management classes he was ordered to take following a showdown with a photographer in 2009. Penn pleaded no contest to vandalism for trashing the paparazzo’s camera and as a result a charge of battery was dismissed. He was given top marks for his progress during a hearing in January, and even though he’s now completed the course, he remains on probation until May, 2013. (He just finished filming “The Gangster Squad”, in which he routinely kicks the crap out of people … that had to help.)
• The Michael Jackson Estate has nearly paid off the late singer’s $500-million debt. Executors for the estate have filed legal documents showing that it has generated gross earnings exceeding $475 million as of the end of May. The paperwork states that all of Michael’s debts have been paid, excluding a huge one involving his publishing catalogue. However, it’s expected that even that will be fully retired by the end of the year. (It seems that financially, like in most other ways, Michael was his own worst enemy.)
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Bruno Mars (“Doo-Wops & Hooligans”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Zac Brown Band (“Uncaged”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Band of Skulls (“Sweet Sour”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Curren$y (“The Stoned Immaculate”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Nas (“Life is Good”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Guest co-host Josh Groban. (“Illuminations”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Imagine Dragons (“Continued Silence”).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Arcade Fire – They’ll be heading back into the studio later this year to begin work on their 4th album, the follow-up to 2010’s multi-award winning “The Suburbs”.
• Black Eyed Peas – The RIAA has just certified their hit “I Gotta Feeling” as 8X Platinum, giving it the highest digital single award ever. Overall, the Peas have sold more digital singles than any other act, with 22 million in total.
• Blink-182 – They may have to do an Australian tour without Travis Barker next year due to his fear of flying … understandable after he narrowly survived a plane crash. He says the prospect of a 24-hour flight to Oz is just too much for him at this point.
• Brantley Gilbert – He’s #1 on this week’s “Billboard” magazine ‘Country Songs’ chart with “You Don’t Know Her Like I Do”.
• Fleetwood Mac – Stevie Nicks says they’re planning to reunite in 2013. The group’s last tour was in 2009.
• Florence & The Machine – Florence Welch has become the latest artist to lose her voice, requiring weekend concerts in Spain and Portugal to be postponed. Welch says she’s been told she cannot sing for a week after she … ‘felt something snap’. Ouch!!!!
• Gotye – With his smash hit “Somebody That I Used To Know”, he’s become the 1st artist to have a digital song certified as 5X Platinum in less than 6 months.
• Nicki Minaj – Tonight in Chicago she kicks off a Summer tour in support of “Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded”. The North American leg wraps August 12th in Vancouver BC.
• No Doubt – Today they release their comeback single “Settle Down”, with the music video debuting as well during a half-hour special on E! tonight. Their new album “Push & Shove” is being released September 25th.
• Roger Waters – With “The Wall Live” tour, he’s racked up $158 million in concert ticket sales worldwide so far this year, outselling perennial leaders Bruce Springsteen and Madonna to become the top-selling live act for the 1st half of 2012. Not bad for a 68-year-old.
WILL YOU PAY EXTRA FOR THIS?
CJ Group, a South Korean multiplex theater company, believes it holds the golden ticket to the next big thing … ‘4DX’. A full-throttle assault on the senses that combines motion-simulator seats (like in theme parks) that heave, roll, and vibrate, with atmospheric effects (bubbles, wind, fog, etc) and aromas, 4DX is being touted as the ‘most immersive’ movie-viewing experience available. So far it’s only available in specially-equipped theaters in South Korea, Mexico, and Thailand, but the company is attempting to finalize a deal with a theater chain that will see a couple of hundred 4DX theaters spring up over the next 5 years, starting with NYC and LA. (Which would be the best all-time movie in 4DX? “Pineapple Express”?)
– QMI Agency
‘Bad breath’ and ‘bad technique’ are apparently the main roadblocks plaguing a person’s chances of enjoying a long, lingering kiss. In a survey of 1,000 people, 77% say lack of oral hygiene resulted in their ‘worst kiss ever’, while 21% say their partner’s pucker was the problem. Men fare the worst, with a whopping 86% of women saying they need to both brush their teeth and hone their smooching skills. (Who gave you your worst kiss ever? Your dog? Your gym teacher? Your grandma? [doncha hate it when she slips you the tongue?])
– PA News
No time or money for a Summer vacay? Try one of these strategies to give yourself a break …
✓ Change your routine. It can be as simple as going to or leaving work at a different time.
✓ Get outside. Go to the park, walk along the waterfront, have a coffee or lunch outdoors.
✓ Be a kid again. Go to a carnival, zoo, theme park, or local festival.
✓ Be a tourist. Explore an area of your city that you’re not familiar with.
✓ Plan a picnic. Have a ‘family reunion’ … only with friends you actually like.
✓ Go hiking. Grab your boots, your water bottle, your backpack, and get moving.
✓ Rent a scooter and drive around in the sunshine.
✓ Rent a houseboat. Pool together with friends and hire a houseboat for a long weekend.
✓ Book a hotel. Go online and find a reasonably-priced local hotel, preferably with a pool.
DON’T GIVE UP:
Researchers at the University of Chicago have some advice for unhappily married couples … don’t divorce, stick it out! Their study of over 5,000 adults who’ve been married shows that about the same proportion of couples who avoid divorce despite an unhappy marriage end up just as happy 5 years later as those who went ahead and split up. Why? Seems the sources of marital conflict such as money, depression, and even infidelity ease with time. (Well sure, but using your spouse’s toothbrush … that’s a deal-breaker!)
BS AMAZING ANIMAL FACTS:
• A horse has 18 more bones than a human.
• A polar bear’s skin is actually black.
• Rats can’t vomit. That’s why rat poison works so well.
• The honey badger can withstand hundreds of African bee stings that would kill any other animal.
• The hippopotamus does 80% of its vocalizations underwater.
BS CHRONOMETER 07.16.12
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943  Jimmy Johnson, Port Arthur TX, sports analyst (“Fox NFL Sunday”)/former NFL coach (Miami Dolphins, 2 Super Bowls-Dallas Cowboys)
1952  Stewart Copeland, Alexandria, Egypt, classic rock drummer (Police-“Every Breath You Take”, “King of Pain”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)
1967  Will Ferrell, Irvine CA, movie actor (“Blades of Glory”, “Old School”)/ex-TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1995-2002) COMING UP: “Anchorman: The Legend Continues” (2013)
1971  Ed Kowalczyk, York PA, rock singer (Live-“Lightning Crashes”, “Turn My Head”)
1979  Jayma Mays, Bristol TN, TV actress (‘Emma Pillsbury’ on “Glee” since 2009)/movie actress (“Paul Blart: Mall Cop”, “The Smurfs”)
1990  James Maslow, La Jolla CA, TV actor (‘James Diamond’ on “Big Time Rush” since 2009)/boy-band pop singer (BTR-“Windows Down”, “Boyfriend”)
BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
• “Closet Space Appreciation Day”, a day of awareness of that giant double-door or walk-in closet that allows you to store so much useless stuff.
• “Fresh Spinach Day”, an occasion to make use of some healthful leafy greens in your favorite recipes. Spinach & sharp cheese omelette, anyone?
• “Get Out Of the Doghouse Day”. In trouble with someone you know and care about? This is the day when anyone can get forgiveness … sorta like a ‘get-out-of-jail-free’ card. Observed annually on the 3rd Monday in July.
• “Global Hug Your Kids Day”, as if you need an excuse.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999  Magazine publisher John F Kennedy Jr (“George”), his wife Carolyn, and sister-in-law Lauren are killed when the plane he’s piloting crashes off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts
1999  Stanley Kubrick’s final film, the erotic thriller “Eyes Wide Shut” starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, opens in movie theaters
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1969  Apollo 11 lifts off on its way toward the 1st manned lunar landing
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1981  Shukuni Sasaki spins a record 72 plates simultaneously (only he can understand what it’s like trying to hold this show together!)
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Wear Crazy Socks to Work Day
[Wed] Caviar Day
[Thurs] Stick Your Tongue Out Day
[Fri] “The Dark Knight Rises” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Moon Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Avoid Boredom Week / Captive Nations Week / Independent Retailers Week / Parenting Gifted Children Week / Rabbit Week / Zookeeper Week
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
FAMOUS LAST WORDS:
• “Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.”
• “I’ll get a world record for this!”
• “What does this button do?”
• “Don’t bother unplugging it, it will just take a moment to fix.”
• “What happens if you touch these two wires tog . . .”
• “They’d never be stupid enough to make HIM a manager.”
• “You can make it easy, that train isn’t coming fast.”
• “Don’t be silly, we won’t need reservations.”
• “If you knew anything, you wouldn’t be a traffic cop.”
• “So you’re a cannibal, huh?”
(Ask listeners for more!)
– First published in “BS” 2002.
BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the weirdest thing you have stowed away in a closet … aside from the dead bodies?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
If the alarm clock woke you up this morning, you didn’t get enough sleep.
BS WEB GOODIE:
iStash … a stash box that looks exactly like an iPhone. Genius!
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• In the typical home, there are 8 of which?
a. Clocks. [CORRECT]
c. Cardboard box.
– “Weird Fact Of the Day”
• 573 years ago today (1439), which practice was banned in England to prevent the spread of germs?
a. Living with livestock in the house.
b. Sharing ale mugs.
c. Kissing. [CORRECT]
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: For about a third of us, THIS will be part of our family Summer vacation experience this year.
Answer: Motion sickness.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
BS FRESH MEAT:
Leen Halawani @ Play 99.6 Amman, Jordan; John Denneny @ YL Country 102.1 [CKHL] High Level AB Canada; Namwira Hafeni @ Energy 100 FM Windhoek, Namibia; Taylor Whittamore @ K 94.5 [CFCW] Moncton NB Canada; and Elsa Swanepoel @ Radio Panorama, Steynsrus FS South Africa.