July 29, 2011

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Friday, July 29, 2011        Edition: #4560
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s “BS”!

Soccer star David Beckham is following wife Victoria into the fashion industry, signing a deal with clothing retailer H&M to bring his ‘Bodywear’ line to stores worldwide (where else would you ‘wear’ clothes but on your ‘body’?) . . . 30-year-old actor Chris Evans (“Captain America: The First Avenger”) says he sometimes struggles with anxiety from being in the public eye, so he gets ‘professional help’ to give him support & advice (Snooki?) . . . Movie star Scarlett Johansson is the latest Hollywood celeb being invited to the US Marine Corps Ball by a serviceman via YouTube message, but she’s turned down the invitation with an apology and a case of champagne (this is getting silly – 89-year-old Betty White has also turned down an invite) . . . Actor Joe Pesci (“Goodfellas”) is claiming he was pushed out of the upcoming mob family biopic “Gotti: Three Generations” and is suing producers for $3 million, but the studio contends it was Pesci who pulled out (either way, only lawyers will profit from this tiff) . . . Actress Denise Richards has revealed she once had a lesbian fling with a ‘beautiful’ Hollywood actress and promises we ‘would know who she is’ (maybe that scene with Neve Campbell in “Wild Things” wasn’t acting?) . . . The 7-bedroom Tuscan-style Hollywood villa which has been home to Adrian Grenier’s character ‘Vincent Chase’ on “Entourage” has been sold for $4.2 million (word has it a “CSI” producer scooped it) . . . 28-year-old actress Anne Hathaway admits she has a ‘sweet tooth’ but says she will only eat vegan baked goods which are ‘gluten-free, sugar-free, egg-free, and dairy-free’ (uh, what’s left – water?) . . . And while trying to run after a woman who allegedly burglarized his San Francisco hotel room, veteran “Jeopardy!” host Alex Trebek has snapped his Achilles tendon and is hobbling around on crutches (the category is ‘Things a 71-Year-Old Should Never Attempt’).

• “Brickyard 400 Presented by Big Machine Records” (Indianapolis) – Sunday for the first time a record label presents a nationally-televised NASCAR auto race. A pre-race mini-concert features Big Machine acts The Band Perry, Justin Moore, Rascal Flatts, and Reba McEntire.
NET: http://www.indianapolismotorspeedway.com/brickyard400/
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – Today YouTube flash-in-the-pan Rebecca Black (“Friday”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight the “Polar Bear Special” from Churchill MB includes singers Chantal Kreviazuk and Raine Maida of Our Lady Peace. Rerun.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning 1990s pop stars Debbie Gibson and Tiffany.
• “Invitation Only” (CMT) – Tonight Jason Aldean (“My Kinda Party”) performs his hits before a small studio audience in Nashville and answers fan questions during this 1-hour special.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Owl City (“All Things Bright & Beautiful”). Rerun.
• “LA Rising” (Los Angeles) – Saturday this event from the organizers of the annual “Coachella Festival” features Rage Against the Machine, Muse, and Rise Against at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. Also on the bill: new mom Ms Lauryn Hill.
NET: http://larisingfestival.com
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Soundtrack Of Our Lives (“Origin Vol 2”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Big Sean (“Finally Famous”).
• “Nick & Vanessa’s Dream Wedding” (TLC) – Saturday a 1-hour special unveils the recent ‘secret ceremony’ in which singer-turned-reality TV star Nick Lachey & TV personality Vanessa Minnillo wed. The intimate affair was attended by just 35 friends & family.
• “Osheaga Music & Arts Festival” (Montréal) – Eminem makes his first Canadian appearance in a decade at this 3-day festival beginning tonight. Also on the bill: Death Cab For Cutie, Elvis Costello & The Imposters, The Flaming Lips, Tragically Hip, and many more.
NET: http://www.osheaga.com/en
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Emma Stone (“Crazy, Stupid, Love”) hosts; musical guest Kings of Leon (“Come Around Sundown”). Rerun.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Tonight Barry Manilow (“15 Minutes”). Rerun.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning 1980s band Journey.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Kelly Rowland (“Here I Am”).

• Amy Winehouse – More of her albums have been purchased in the past week than during the first 6 months of the year, according to Nielsen SoundScan. And her digital track sales are up 2000% over the previous week.
• Chuck Berry – Today a larger-than-life statue depicting the rock-and-roll pioneer playing his guitar at a young age is unveiled in front of the Blueberry Hill music club in his hometown of St Louis, Missouri.
• Linkin Park – Chester Bennington tells “Rolling Stone” that recording on the road and shortening tour cycles has given them the ability to release an album every 18 months. They’re currently working with producer Rick Rubin on a new release for 2012.
• Paul McCartney – He’s told organizers of “London 2012” he is ‘up for’ playing at the Olympic Games opening ceremony. He’ll be the headliner, alongside other British music artists.
• Tupac Shakur – His 1998 “Greatest Hits” album has just been certified for sales of 10 million copies, according to the RIAA. That gives the late rapper his very first RIAA ‘Diamond Award’.
• U2 – They’re set to release a new documentary entitled “From the Sky Down” on September 8th. The doc, which features new interviews and tells the story of their 1991 album “Achtung Baby”, will be shown at this year’s “Toronto International Film Festival”.

• “Cowboys & Aliens” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Thriller ): Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde, Adam Beach, and Sam Rockwell star in this story set in 19th-century Arizona, where Apaches and settlers must unite to battle extraterrestrial invaders. Why? Because no one thought to combine Westerns and ET invasion movies before!
NET: http://www.cowboysandaliensmovie.com
• “Crazy, Stupid, Love” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Steve Carell (ex-“The Office”) stars as a newly-divorced guy who’s taken under the wing of a perpetual player (Ryan Gosling). But their single-life party plans soon go awry as it turns out Carell still loves his wife (Julianne Moore) and Gosling meets his match (Emma Stone).
NET: http://www.crazystupidlovemovie.com
• “The Smurfs” ( PG 3-D Family Comedy ): The former TV cartoon characters (1981-90) are still blue and ‘3-apples-high’ in this mix of CG/live action. In this bigscreen version they’re transported to NYC, where they befriend a human played by Neil Patrick Harris. Voice cast includes George Lopez, Katy Perry, Jeff Foxworthy, Jonathan Winters, and Paul Reubens.
NET: http://www.smurfhappens.com

Studies show that, as we age, our brains get lighter. By age 80, the average human brain has lost 15% of its original weight. Despite the universality of aging, scientists do not fully understand why our brains experience this continuous loss of grey matter with age. Intriguingly, the brains of monkeys do not seem to undergo the same weight-loss, raising the question of whether it is a distinctively human condition. (Feeling lightheaded?)
– “Globe & Mail”

It fuels your party, your buzz, and your hangover the next day, and believe it or not tequila may also soon be fueling your car. That’s because the agave plant extract used to make the liquor can also be used to make an ethanol-like alcohol which can serve as vehicle fuel, won’t interfere with food crops, and can even be grown in the desert. Someday, our cars may hit the bottle more than we do. (Last we checked a jug of Sauza Gold costs a heckuva lot more than gasoline … and doesn’t taste as good.)
– Guardian.co.uk

Hipsters, take note! ‘Owling’ is so last month and ‘Planking’ is so 2 months ago. The new hotness is ‘Leisure Diving’, whereby you have a pic taken while you fall into water while feigning a relaxed pose, ie: lounging on a sofa. At least, that’s what this website would have you believe is the next big thing …
NET: http://www.leisuredive.com
– Neatorama.com

• The average cob of corn has 800 kernels arranged in 16 rows.
• Underground is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters ‘u-n-d’.
• The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.
–  “Totally Random & Useless Facts”


1953 [58] Ken Burns, NYC, Emmy Award-winning writer, producer, documentary-maker (“The National Parks”, “Baseball”, “The Civil War”)

1953 [58] Tim Gunn, Washington DC, fashion consultant/TV personality (“Project Runway”, “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style”)/author (“A Guide to Quality, Taste & Style”)

1953 [58] Geddy Lee, Toronto ON, classic rock singer/bassist (Rush-“Far Cry”, “Test for Echo”)

1953 [58] Patti Scialfa, Deal NJ, classic rock singer (E Street Band-“Born In the USA”, “Glory Days”)/Mrs Bruce Springsteen since 1991

1966 [45] Martina McBride (Schiff), Medicine Lodge KS, country singer (“A Broken Wing”, “This One’s For the Girls”)

1973 [38] James Otto, Fort Lewis WA, country singer (“Groovy Little Summer Song”, “Just Got Started Lovin’ You”)

1974 [37] Josh Radnor, Bexley OH, TV actor (‘Ted Mosby’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2005)

1977 [34] Danger Mouse (Brian Burton), White Plains NY, pop recording artist (Gnarls Barkley-“Crazy”)/record producer (Gorillaz-“Demon Days”, Beck-“Modern Guilt”)

Former CA governor/movie actor Arnold Schwarzenegger (“The Terminator”) is 64; TV actor Laurence Fishburne (“CSI”) is 50; Movie director Christopher Nolan (“The Dark Knight”) is 41; Alt-rock drummer Brad Hargreaves (Third Eye Blind) is 40; Movie actress Hilary Swank (“Million Dollar Baby”) is 37; Folk-rock singer-guitarist Seth Avett (Avett Bros) is 31; TV actress Yvonne Strahovski (“Chuck”) is 29.

Movie actor Wesley Snipes (“Blade”) is 49; Author JK Rowling (“Harry Potter”) is 46; Country singer Zac Brown (“Chicken Fried”) is 33; Pop-rock drummer Will Champion (Coldplay) is 33; TV actor BJ Novak (“The Office”) is 32.

• “Gilroy Garlic Festival”, the 33rd annual salute to the ‘stink rose’ through Sunday in Gilroy CA, celebrating all things garlic. Last year’s festival attracted over 100,000. Events include ‘The Great Garlic Cook-Off’ and the ‘Miss Gilroy Garlic Pageant’.
NET: http://gilroygarlicfestival.com
• “International Lasagna Day” celebrating the famous Italian dish that’s become a worldwide favorite. Almost all recipes for the ‘perfect lasagna’ feature ricotta as the cheese of choice. However, everybody seems to have their own secret ingredient. What’s yours?
• “Louisiana Watermelon Fest”, the 48th annual through Saturday in Farmerville LA. Seed-spitting attendees also participate in the ‘Watermelon Hunt’, ‘Watermelon Eating Contest’, and ‘Best Dressed Watermelon Contest’. Ah, watermelon … a sure sign of summertime!
NET: http://lawatermelonfestival.com
• “National Ukrainian Festival”, the 46th annual in Dauphin MB through Sunday, as thousands gather for traditional foods, singing, dancing, egg-decorating, and the world’s best perogies.
NET: http://www.cnuf.ca
• “Rain Day” in Waynesburg, Pennsylvania, an annual event that started over a century ago when a farmer noticed it always seems to rain on July 29th. They now claim it has rained on this date in 112 of the 136 years since. Today’s forecast: 40% probability of precipitation.
NET: http://www.raindayfestival.com
• “Rockhound Gemboree” in Bancroft ON through Monday. The 47th annual edition of Canada’s largest gem & mineral show is expected to attract 15,000 collectors. It’s a rock festival!
NET: http://www.bancroftontario.com/index.cfm?vNavID=1&vSubNavID=4
• “System Administrator Appreciation Day”, a day to honor that special person in the office who maintains the computer network. (And also monitors your email and web surfing.)
• “Talk In an Elevator Day”. After all, why is it we normally don’t? This is a day to try it out and see what happens.
• “World Championship Bunnock Championship” all weekend in Macklin, Saskatchewan. The game involves throwing 52 horse ankle bones at a target, similar to horseshoes. The heaviest bones are ‘schmeisers’; others are ‘guards’; the rest ordinary ‘soldiers’.
NET: http://www.macklin.ca/bunnock.htm

• “Cheesecake Day”, a day to indulge yourself in one of the most decadent of all desserts.
• “Father-In-Law Day”, honoring the spousal parent that’s never been all that impressed with you … so why bother with a card?
• “Kiss Your Car Day”, a day to show how much you really, really love her. But don’t forget this month’s payment or you can kiss your car … goodbye.

• “Chocolate Fest”, the 26th annual in the resort town of St. Stephen NB through August 6th, highlighted by a daily ‘choctail’ hour, chocolate factory tours, and several chocolate-eating competitions. St Stephen is purportedly where the ‘chocolate bar’ was invented.
NET: http://www.chocolate-fest.ca
• “Cotton Candy Day”, celebrating the delights of spun sugar on a stick.
• “Mutts Day”, honoring all dogs of mixed breeds. Purebred owners often view them as lesser in many ways but mutt owners know better!
• “Ramadan” begins at sundown, the annual fasting month for over a billion Muslims worldwide. An appropriate greeting is ‘Ramadan mubarek’ (blessed be the month of Ramadan).

1981 [30] Nearly 1 billion TV viewers in 74 countries watch as Britain’s Prince Charles & Lady Diana Spencer are wed at St Paul’s Cathedral in London (they divorce in 1996)

2000 [11] Actors Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston wed in Malibu CA (they separate after 4-and-a-half years, thanks to that hussy Angelina)

2005 [06] An anonymous bidder plays $1 million for the original handwritten lyrics to The Beatles’ “All You Need Is Love” at the Hippodrome nightclub in London

1958 [53] ‘NASA’ (National Aeronautics & Space Administration) is established

2003 [07] Boston’s Bill Mueller becomes the 1st player in Major League Baseball history to hit grand slam home runs from both sides of the plate in a single game (also hits a 3rd homer in 14-7 win over the Rangers in Texas)

1986 [25] Record for ‘Hammock Swinging’ begins (ends after 240 hours of lying around)

1988 [23] Reg Morris of Walsall UK sets world record for ‘Crawling on Hands & Knees’ at 28.5
miles (his wife still refuses to take him back)

[Aug 1] Civic Holiday (7 provinces) / Girlfriends Day / Respect For Parents Day / Rounds Resounding Day / Spider-Man Day / World Wide Web Day
[Aug 2] National Night Out
[Aug 3] Watermelon Day
[Aug 4] Chocolate Chip Day / Underwear Day
[Aug 5] “The Change-Up”; “Rise Of the Planet Of the Apes” open in movie theaters / “Lollapalooza” festival begins (Chicago) / International Beer Day
[Aug 6] Hiroshima Day / Mustard Day / Fresh Breath Day
[Aug 7] “2011 Teen Choice Awards” (FOX) / Assistance Dog Day / Friendship Day / Lighthouse Day / Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day / Professional Speakers Day / Sisters Day
[Aug 8] The Date to Create / Happiness Happens Day / Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night
[Aug 9] International Day Of the World’s Indigenous People
[Aug 10] “The Help” opens in movie theaters / Smithsonian Day / S’mores Day
[Aug 12] “30 Minutes or Less”; “Final Destination 5”; “Glee: The 3-D Concert Movie” open in movie theaters / “Outside Lands Festival” begins (San Francisco) / PC Day / International Youth Day / “Kool-Aid Days” begin / Sewing Machine Day / Vinyl Record Day
[Aug 13] “Farm Aid 2011” (Kansas City) / International Lefthanders Day / Garage Sale Day
[Aug 14] “CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” (ABC) / Full ‘Sturgeon’ Moon
[Aug 15] Best Friends Day / Relaxation Day
[Aug 17] “Atrocious” opens in movie theaters / Thrift Shop Day
[Aug 18] SuperEx begins (Ottawa) / Bad Poetry Day / Birth Control Pill Day / Cupcake Day
[Aug 19] Canadian National Exhibition begins (Toronto) / “Conan the Barbarian”; “Fright Night”; “One Day”; “Spy Kids: All the Time In the World” open in movie theaters / Aviation Day / Men’s Grooming Day / Hug Your Boss Day / World Humanitarian Day
[Aug 20] “Rock On the Range Canada” begins (Winnipeg) / “V Festival” opens (Hylands Park & Weston Park UK) / International Homeless Animals Day / Sandcastle & Sculpture Day
[Aug 21] Go-Topless Day / “Talihina Sky: The Story Of Kings of Leon” (Showtime) / Ecological Debt Day / Poets Day / Senior Citizens Day
[Aug 22] Be an Angel Day
[Aug 23] Day For the Remembrance Of the Slave Trade & Its Abolition
[Aug 24] Rod Stewart begins Caesars Palace residency (Las Vegas) / Waffle Day
[Aug 25] Kiss & Make Up Day / Secondhand Wardrobe Day / Dîner en Blanc (NYC)
[Aug 26] “Colombiana”; “Don’t Be Afraid Of the Dark”; “Our Idiot Brother” open in movie theaters / “Reading & Leeds Festivals” begin (UK) / Women’s Equality Day
[Aug 28] “28th MTV Video Music Awards” (MTV) / Radio Commercials Day / Crackers Over the Keyboard Day
[Aug 29] According to Hoyle Day / More Herbs, Less Salt Day
[Aug 30] Eid-Al Fitr begins (Muslim) / Holistic Pet Day / Toasted Marshmallow Day
[Aug 31] “The Debt” opens in movie theaters / Love Litigating Lawyers Day
[Sep 2] “World Testicle Cooking Championship” (Ozrem, Serbia)
[Sep 3] “Bumbershoot Festival” begins (Seattle) / “Pearl Jam 20th Anniversary Celebration” begins (Alpine Valley WI)


• Potty training at your house involves a starter’s pistol.
• Your wife catches you replacing the ‘Flintstones Chewable Vitamins’ with ‘WWE Chewable Steroids’.
• You’ve already had a fistfight with the goaltender’s grandmother.
• Going shirtless with your chest painted in the team colors doesn’t sit well with the other soccer moms.
• None of your co-workers seems to be interested in joining your T-Ball fantasy league.
• You decide to take out a 2nd mortgage in order to buy ‘Kobe sperm’ on eBay.
• After a dismal season, you trade your son for the neighbor’s kid and a power tool to be named later.
– Adapted from TopFive.com

What’s your fantasy car? But what do you drive now?

Love is like a bird. When you least expect it, it craps in your face.

Today’s Question: Married women are more likely to do THIS than single ones.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Spy on their partners.

Don’t marry someone you think you can live with; marry someone you can’t live without.

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