July 6 2020

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Monday, July 6, 2020   Edition: #6733

Sheeters Always Prosper!

★ Cue Jim Halpert mischievously staring at the camera. John Krasinski’s beloved character on “The Office” may have pranked ‘Dwight Schrute’ for years, but it was fans who were tricked during season 3. Hairstylist Kim Ferryt has revealed that Krasinski wore a wig to cover up his shorter haircut, which he had done in order to act in the 2008 movie “Leatherheads”. Krasinski sneakily bought his own hairpiece when showrunner Greg Daniels denied his request for a wig.
★ Carole Baskin is now a Cameo star. The “Tiger King” alum recently joined Cameo, a video messaging service where fans can pay for personalized clips from their favorite stars, and she’s apparently raking in the money. Wearing her signature flower crown, Baskin starts all her messages with “Hey all you cool cats and kittens.” Fans can dish out $199 for a 30 second personalized message. She also asks people to visit her Big Cat Act website and make a donation.
★ Will Ferrell convinced Pierce Brosnan to star in “Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga” by appealing to his vanity. 75-year-old Brosnan plays Ferrell’s father in the new Netflix movie and he says he was delighted to take on the part when he saw his character described as ”possibly the most handsome man in Iceland”. Brosnan also points out that he is a fan of the Eurovision Song Contest.
★ Mike Tyson says he was high on cocaine when he met the stars of “The Hangover”, so much so that he had no idea he had signed up for a cameo in the 2009 movie – in which Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms and Bradley Cooper’s characters steal his pet tiger. But he credits the scene where he punches Galifianakis’ character with giving him a whole new set of fans. Now, he says, “When I go out and I meet younger kids that are 20 or 15 it’s because they watched The Hangover – they had no idea that I used to be a boxer.”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Tracee Ellis Ross, Mayor Muriel Bowser, guest host Anthony Anderson
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Blake Shelton, Kenan Thompson, Gwen Stefani (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Emmanuel Acho, Chris Wallace (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Amy Schumer, Chris Fischer, Graham Norton (R)
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Joe Jonas, Yungblud (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Symone Sanders, Jennifer & Andre Laubach (R)
• “The Talk” (CBS): Corbin Bernsen, Natasha Bedingfield
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Rob Lowe
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kiesza
• “The Bachelor: The Greatest Seasons — Ever!” (ABC): Looking back at the seasons of the first bachelor, Alex Michel, and the first bachelorette, Trista Sutter.
• “Celebrity Game Face” (E!): Kevin Hart hosts celebrity couples, all playing remotely from their own homes; including trivia questions, physical challenges, and fun revelations

• Janelle Monáe — has called for an end to misogyny in rap music in a series of tweets. She wrote that the amount of misogyny in rap is “infuriating,” and that “we need to abolish that (stuff) too.”
• Lady Gaga — posted a selfie encouraging her 42.7 million Instagram followers to “Be yourself, but wear a mask!” amid the pandemic. She also offered a look at her personal face mask: a glittery Chromatica-themed covering, with spikes and chains, and challenged her “awesome friends to show off their mask game!”
• Mariah Carey — Her lawyers are asking a judge to order a former assistant to stop pressing for a deposition, mainly due to COVID-19 concerns, because, “If Mariah’s lungs are damaged, she will no longer be able to record music or perform and thus lose her ability to earn an income.” As a result, she says she cannot sit for a deposition in the battle with Lianna Shakhnazarian.
• Ryan Adams — shared an apology online regarding the multiple accusations of sexual misconduct and abusive behavior levelled against him last year. In his post, Adams said he is now sober and has secured professional help. Quote: “There are no words to express how bad I feel about the ways I’ve mistreated people throughout my life and career.”
• Linkin Park – Their ‘In the End’ music video has reached one billion views on YouTube. It is now among the few rock music videos that have reached that milestone, joining Nirvana’s ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’, Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, the Cranberries’ ‘Zombie’ and Guns N’ Roses’ ‘November Rain’, as well as Linkin Park’s ‘Numb’.
• Neil Young – is once again voicing his displeasure with President Trump’s use of his music at campaign events. ‘Like a Hurricane’, ‘Rockin’ in the Free World’ and ‘Cowgirl in the Sand’ were played at an Independence Day celebration at Mount Rushmore on Friday. Young tweeted: “This is NOT ok with me.”
• U2 — Bono says that he calls radio shows under a fake name. Quote: ”I’ve been known to ring up radio call-in shows, put on a voice and take a position. Not for a while though. Might need to get back into it.”
• Foo Fighters — Dave Grohl reflected on making their self-titled debut album, 25 years after its release. He recorded an initial demo version of the album almost entirely by himself “for fun” before record labels expressed interest. Quote: “I was really, really excited to do this. I mean, it was almost like a school project. I was preparing, I had charts.” He also said that the group’s debut single ‘This Is A Call’ – acted as an “exorcism” of the grief he felt when Kurt Cobain died.
• Kacey Musgraves – and her husband, singer Ruston Kelly have called it quits after two years of marriage. A statement said: “Though we are parting ways in marriage, we will remain true friends for the rest of our lives.”
• Garth Brooks – will perform a second acoustic livestream concert tomorrow on his “Inside Studio G” web series. The first was a hit, crashing the livestream and ultimately becoming a television special on CBS. Fans are invited to tweet requests with the #GarthRequestLive2.

In what could be a harbinger of things to come, the UK’s first dedicated socially-distanced music venue is set to open in Newcastle. The Virgin Money UK Arena consists of a stage built onto a lawn, with numerous raised platforms containing room for up to four people to congregate, allowing patrons to enjoy the show with friends and family in their own personal viewing area. The arena is “designed to keep you safe with organized parking and a socially-distanced queuing system…where you will be directed to your personal area”, according to a Facebook post. A concert lineup announcement is expected tomorrow.
PIC:  https://tinyurl.com/yalo9s4w
(So, No mosh pit, I’m guessing?)
(Completely safe. Until you have to pee!)
(Never again will you hear someone describe a concert venue as “packed”.)
(Someone would still find a way to block my view for the entire show!)

In another sign of how the pandemic is taking a toll on families, some lawyers say their workload has intensified recently as clients inquire about separations and divorce. St. John’s NL family law specialist Melanie Del Rizzo says one recent Monday morning, she had eight new clients before 11 a.m., helping make June her busiest month in 25 years of practicing family law. Del Rizzo says the current situation reminds her of the week after Christmas, when marriage breakdowns are most common. Because the current trend is showing no signs of slowing down, she has taken to using the term “COVID divorce”.
(It’s funny, when we have to spend all our time at home, we tend to adopt animals, but we want to get rid of people!)
(My wife and I are just the opposite. She’s much happier with me now that I’m wearing a mask all the time!)
(So much for the COVID baby boom…)

While almost all international flights are grounded due to the pandemic, 60 eager “travelers” showed up to a Taiwan airport on Thursday and Saturday, boarding passes in hand, to take a rather unusual trip. Their destination? Nowhere. Taipei International Airport is offering locals a tiny taste of travel, called “pretend to go abroad” airport tours. Participants were processed though security screening, identification inspection and other immigration clearance procedures, then actually experienced “the fun of boarding.” Flight attendants were on board to speak with passengers, who were selected from 7,000 entrants who entered an online contest to participate in the half-day tour. The airline arranged for airplane cleaning and disinfection to demonstrate the aviation industry’s efforts in pandemic prevention, and although “inflight” meals weren’t provided, tour-goers were able to dine at one of the airport restaurants. There’s another “fake flight” set for tomorrow.
(I would have gone to all three to use up my “frequent non-flyer” points!)
(This sounds like something that was put together for people who have never flown…and still haven’t!)
(What other painfully boring and time consuming activity can they do this with? A fake trip to the dentist, maybe?)

➠ Build an air conditioner out of a bucket:  Transition a five-gallon bucket into a makeshift air conditioner by attaching a few PVC sections to its edges, filling it with ice water, and pushing air from tiny fan through the top. And it doesn’t hog up a whole window. (Just don’t ‘kick the bucket’!)
➠ Make aloe ice cubes:  Be ready for that inevitable sunburn. Pick up a bottle of aloe vera gel and fill an ice cube tray. Remove them as needed to cool off your beet-red skin. (It’s funny, because my usual treatment for sunburn ALSO involves a lot of ice cubes!)
➠ Freeze a sponge:  Soak it, toss it in a Ziplock bag, and leave it in the freezer. When you are melting from the heat, take it out and rest it on your forehead or wrists. You’ll cool down without getting soaked, since the sponge will absorb any residual moisture as it warms.
➠ Wear wet socks to bed:  For those unbearably hot nights, place a towel at bottom of your bed and slip on a pair of socks you’ve soaked in cold water. Point a fan at your feet and prepare for a prolonged chill to tingle up your spine. (I’d rather be warm than damp, thank you!)
➠ Freeze your pillowcases and sheets:  To better fall asleep on those humid nights, stash a few pillowcases in a sealed bag in the freezer and slip them on before you hit the hay. You’ll be surprised how well it works to cool you down. (For an added thrill, try it with your boxers!)

Millennials throw out the equivalent of 633 meals a year because they do not know how to reheat food, a poll has found. The poll, conducted by cookware brand Pyrex, found millennials – aged 18 to 34 – waste about 1,700lbs. (771kg) of food per year, more than three times as much as people over age 34. Almost a quarter of millennials (23%) admitted they do not know how to deal with leftovers.


1946 [74] George Walker Bush (aka ‘Dubya’), New Haven CT, 43rd US president (2001-09/Governor of Texas (1995-2000)/Controlling partner of Texas Rangers MLB team (1989-98)

1946 [74] Sylvester Stallone, NYC, movie actor-screenwriter-director (“Rocky”, “Rambo”, and “The Expendables” film series)

1948 [72] Peter Mansbridge, London UK, former TV news anchor (CBC’s “The National” 2006-17)

1951 [69] Geoffrey Rush, Toowoomba Australia, movie actor (“The Book Thief”, “The King’s Speech”)

1958 [62] Jennifer Saunders, Sleaford UK, movie actress (“Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie”, “Minions”)/TV actress (“Absolutely Fabulous” 1992-2012)

1975 [45] 50 Cent (Curtis Jackson), Queens NY, rapper (‘Candy Shop’, ‘In Da Club’)/movie actor (“Home Of the Brave”, “Get Rich or Die Tryin’”)

1979 [41] Kevin Hart, Philadelphia PA, comedian (“Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain”)/movie actor (“Ride Along” films, “Get Hard”)

1980 [40] Eva Green, Paris France, movie actress (“300: Rise of an Empire”, “Casino Royale”)/TV actress (“Penny Dreadful” 2014-16)

1988 [32] Cody Fern, Southern Cross Australia, TV actor (“American Horror Story” since 2018, ‘David Madson’ on “House of Cards” 2018)

• “Fried Chicken Day”. Don’t know who started it; don’t know why. But then … who cares? Dig in!

• “International Kissing Day”, so presumably you can only kiss someone from another country?

• “National Air Traffic Control Day”, more than 14,000 highly trained air traffic control specialists provide a vital public service to guide pilots, their planes and 12.3 million daily passengers worldwide from taxi to takeoff, through the air and back safely on the ground.

• “Virtually Hug a Virtual Assistant Day”, we’re talking about living people who provide vital services to business owners and individuals everywhere from the comfort of their own home.

• “Umbrella Cover Day”, the little sleeves that come on new umbrellas. Made of the same material as the umbrella, people are on the fence about whether they are critical bits of umbrella apparel, or a waste of material. It is this very ambiguity that has inspired a museum of Umbrella Covers and a Guinness World Record.

[Tues] Chocolate Day
[Tues] Global Forgiveness Day
[Wed] Be a Kid Again Day
[Wed] Math 2.0 Day
This Week Is…Nude Recreation Week
This Month Is…National Peach Month

1994 [26] “Forrest Gump”, starring Tom Hanks, Robin Wright, and Gary Sinise, is released. (Academy Award for Best Picture, 1995)

2012 [08] Carol Hawkins, former personal assistant to U2 bassist Adam Clayton, is convicted of 181 counts of theft and sentenced to 7 years for embezzling £2.2 million of his money to fund a lavish lifestyle

2019 [01] With 13 weeks at #1, ‘Old Town Road’ by Lil Nas X breaks the record for longest-running hip-hop song on the Hot 100. ‘Lose Yourself’, ‘Boom Boom Pow’ and ‘See You Again’ all had runs of 12 weeks.

2002 [18] Serena Williams defeats older sister Venus to win her first Wimbledon title and second straight Grand Slam tournament

2016 [04] The real-world mobile game “Pokémon Go” is released by Niantic.

2009 [11] In the most lopsided loss in franchise history, Cincinnati Reds are routed by Philadelphia Phillies 22-1, beating the previous record 20-run differential (26-6) between the same teams in 1892. (***Woot! — see “Whack Facts”, below***)


✓ It is estimated that it takes 2,000 frowns to cause one wrinkle.
✓ Every odd number that exists has the letter “e” in it.
✓ Approximately 97% of the vegetable varieties grown in 1900 are now extinct.
✓ Of the 12 people who have walked on the moon, 11 were Boy Scouts.
✓ The triumphant expression “Woot” is short for “We Owned the Other Team”.
✓ Bubble gum was originally called “Blibber-Blubber” gum (1906).
-WhattheFFacts, BathroomReadersInstitute

• What is your ex-wife’s newest last name?
• What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
• Name all the digits of pi.
• Which is your favorite child?
• When did you stop trying?
• What was the middle name of your first rebound?
• What is your “safe word”?

Best of BS . . .
• You don’t have to take a hot dog for a walk twice a day.
• Or pick up its poop.
• Hot dogs don’t freak if you smother them with ketchup.
• A hot dog will never eat your favorite shoes.
• A hot dog never swallows something suspect in the park that requires a costly trip to the vet.
• A hot dog won’t come in from the rain and jump straight onto your bed.
• A dog dog may fill the love void in your life but it won’t fill your rumbly-tummy at 3AM.
– Metro, first published in BS in 2015

➠ Next month, Walmart will turn 160 of their parking lots into drive-in movie theaters to help people social-distance. (After hearing the news, Jeff Foxworthy immediately put this story in his act!)
➠ Alabama students are throwing “COVID parties” to see who gets infected. (We used to do this in college, it was called: “Throwing a Party”.)
➠ Vanilla Ice has indefinitely postponed a Texas concert that drew fierce criticism due to the coronavirus pandemic. (It’s too bad because the great thing about a Vanilla Ice concert is that people are forced to ‘social distance’ whether they like it or not!)
➠ The Dalai Lama is 85 today. (So …what do you get for the guy who is at one with everything?)
➠ Disneyland will enforce the mandatory mask rule when the park reopens. (If they were REALLY concerned about people catching a virus, they’d make Donald wear pants!)

Sliding into Monday like:  https://tinyurl.com/y8n2g4qh

• What is Maxwell House coffee named after?
a) A hotel [CORRECT – in Nashville]
c) The official Presidential home prior to the White House
c) A man named Maxwell
d) A woman named Maxwell

• How long does it take for light from the Sun to reach Earth?
a) 24 hours
b) 8 minutes, 20 seconds [CORRECT]
c) 1 hour, four minutes
d) Depends on the weather

• Action movie legend Chuck Norris also starred in which television series?
a) Colombo
b) Walker, Texas Ranger [CORRECT]
c) T.J. Hooker
d) Kojak

What saying or catchphrase really sets you off? “My bad’? “At the end of the day?” “Sorry, not sorry?”

Today I will be as useless as the last “g” in lasagne.

Question:  50% of people agree THIS should be banned from offices. What is it?
Answer:  Yoga pants

Success in life is directly proportional to the number of awkward conversations you’re willing to have.


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