Thursday, July 13, 2006        Edition: #3326
There’s No BS Like Show BS … 

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY “Emmy”-nominated sitcom “The Office” (NBC) offers up the 1st of 10 weekly ‘webisodes’, 3-minute mini-comedies available online (NBC.com) . . . TONIGHT one of the 136 oddball theatrical productions at the “Toronto Fringe Festival” (continuing through SUNDAY) allows patrons to sample breast milk as part of a performance piece designed to trash taboos about breastfeeding (we’re guessing it’s not offered in the original container) . . . Latest buzz has Tom Cruise marrying Katie Holmes late THIS MONTH or in early AUGUST in a Scientology ceremony to be performed by church leader David Miscavige, but word has it her parents intend to skip the ceremony (like they were gonna be invited) . . . First Kate Bosworth, then Keira Knightley, and here’s yet another stick-woman making excuses – former Russian tennis star Anna Kournikova says her recent dramatic weight-loss is NOT due to an eating disorder, it’s just that she’s reverted to her ‘naturally long, lean & lanky figure’ since quitting the game 3 years back (oh please, have a doughnut!) . . . Well, you could have predicted this – Hollywood screenwriter Royce Mathew is suing the producers of “The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”, claiming the whole idea for a ‘supernatural pirate movie’ was his and his drawings & screenplay have been copyrighted (apparently he didn’t notice when the first film came out 3 years ago) . . . And here’s another silly suit – an obscure California band called Supernova is suing TV producer Mark Burnett over his reality show “Rock Star: Supernova” (CBS/Global), claiming they had the name first (yeah, stealing it could infringe on all their ‘success’) . . . This story keeps changing day-by-day – David Hasselhoff’s JUNE 29th slashed-wrist incident in a London hotel was first blamed on a ‘shaving accident’, then ‘broken glass shelving’, and now a ‘shattered chandelier’, but one thing’s for sure – he now has his wrist in a cast (and it’s on his bottle-pouring arm) . . . And actor Michael Douglas reveals he was recently stung by a jellyfish at his family’s summer home on the Mediterranean island of Majorca and knowing that urine is thought to be a quick antidote he promptly asked his 5-year-old son to ‘go pee-pee’ on his back – a task the kid seemed to be delighted to perform (so would half of Hollywood).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brooks & Dunn – TONIGHT they guest on the “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Dashboard Confessional – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• David Lee Roth – TONIGHT the ex-DJ, ex-Van Halen singer does “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• James Blunt – His Czech model/girlfriend Petra Nemcova says his music helped her gain the confidence to return to modeling after the Asian tsunami disaster claimed the life of her former fiancé, Simon Atlee. And this relationship may be getting serious … Blunt will ‘meet the parents’ after his concert NEXT WEEK in Prague.
• Keith Urban – TONIGHT he kicks off the 1st show of his post-wedding summer tour by opening the annual “Bayfest” in Sarnia ON. The 4-day festival on the St Clair River will also feature Collective Soul (FRIDAY), Gretchen Wilson (SATURDAY), and Brooks & Dunn (SUNDAY).
• Kenny Chesney – TODAY he guests on daytime TV’s “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (CityTV).
• Nickelback – TONIGHT they play Parc Jean Drapeau in Montréal, along with Bon Jovi.
• Pearl Jam – The environmentally-conscious band actually tracks carbon emissions from its tour vehicles, concert venues & hotels to calculate their contribution to global warming. They figure they emitted about 5,000 tons of carbon on their last tour so they’re donating $100,000 to environmental groups to make up fo it.
• Pink Floyd – Syd Barrett, one of the band’s co-founders and original guitarists who lived out the last years of his life as a virtual recluse, has reportedly died at age 60 after complications from diabetes.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
• “Avatar” – This sci-fi thriller about a paraplegic war vet who’s taken to another planet inhabited by a humanoid race will be “Titanic” director James Cameron’s first major project in 9 years. The movie will feature mostly CGI animation, so the actual live filming will be minimal and the cast is likely to be made up of relatively unknown actors. This one’s coming in Summer 2008.
• “Hulk 2″ – Movie star Brendan Fraser (“The Mummy”) & and TV actor Dominic Purcell (“Prison Break”) are said to be battling it out to take over the lead role in the sequel to Ang Lee’s 2003 film. Aussie actor Eric Bana played ‘Bruce Banner’ & his scary alter ego in “Hulk” and was initially interested in the follow-up, but has since stepped aside. The original grossed $245 million worldwide, which some critics considered a disappointment.
• “Jumper” – Based on Steven Gould’s novel of the same name, the title refers to the ability to ‘teleport’, instantly move from one place to another. Samuel L Jackson will star in this special-effects-laden sci-fi thriller as an NSA agent tracking a teenage ‘jumper’ from a broken home. The movie will be shot in Tokyo, Rome, Toronto & NYC and is designed to be the first episode in a trilogy.
• “Kung Fu Panda” – This animated comedy will feature the voice of Jack Black as ‘Po the Panda’, the laziest animal in the ‘Valley of Peace’, who’s called on to help save the community’s way of life. Angelina Jolie will provide the voice of ‘Tigress’, a martial arts master who helps train him, along with ‘Master Monkey’ (Jackie Chan) & ‘Master Viper’ (Lucy Liu). It’ll be out in 2008.
• “Sleuth” – British film stars Jude Law & Michael Caine are making plans for a remake of the 1972 classic mystery that starred a young Caine and late acting legend Laurence Olivier. Presumably this time Caine would take on the Olivier role as an older man in a battle of wits with his wife’s young lover. Based on a stage play, most of the story involves just the 2 characters. This would be the 2nd time Law has redone one of Caine’s former roles – he remade Caine’s 1966 classic “Alfie” in 2004.

TITANIC TUBE:
Japan’s Matsushita Corp, which manufactures TVs under the Panasonic brand, plans to unveil the largest TV screen in the world by the end of the year, a whopping 103-inch (262-cm) HDTV plasma monitor. It’s expected that only about 20% of the mammoth monitors will wind up in homes, as most will be used for electronic billboards and other commercial applications. A MSRP has not yet been announced but it’s expected the units will be tagged somewhere between $15,000 and $25,000. (For that kinda dough, you could have TV actors perform in your house live.)
– “Contact Music”

WHERE HAVE ALL THE PJ’S GONE?
According to a recent survey, most single men sleep au naturel! A full 80% of single guys polled say they hit the hay in the buff. 19% sleep in underwear. Less than 1% wear pajamas. (And thanks to a thoughtful gift from mommy, .006% wear fuzzy jammies with the little feeties in them.)
– ANI

WRITING A WRONG:
Jim Guigli, a retired mechanical designer from Carmichael CA has won San Jose State University’s annual “Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest” … for bad writing. His work included a description of a woman as having eyes that ‘could make you dig your grave … and lick the shovel clean’. (With eyes that creepy, they must belong to Tori Spelling.)
– UPI

THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR MORONS:
A Russian engineering professor has invented ‘Gasoline-Powered Boots’ which incorporate 12-inch pistons that strap along the calf and fire downward. When you step down, a metal plate pushes away from the sole and blasts you up in the air. In tests, users have achieved up to 25 mph. (You can get the same result from a triple latte.)
– Reuters

WE’RE ALL TEENAGERS INSIDE:
Here’s what might seem an easy question: How old are you? It’s a lot more difficult than you might think. The correct answer, it turns out, is about 15-and-a-half years. According to recent research, that’s the average age of your body – your muscles and guts, anyway. You might think that you have been around since the day you were born, but most of your body is a lot younger. (That’d be really great … if our bodies were reversible.)
– “New Scientist”

THE THINGS WE DO:
• 69% eat the cake before the frosting.
• When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
• 22% of us skip lunch daily, while 9% of us skip breakfast daily.
• 66% of us eat cereal regularly.
• 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
• 53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
• 22% of all restaurant meals include french fries.
• 14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
– “Are You Normal?”

BS AMAZING FACT:
In ancient China, people committed suicide by eating a pound of salt. (The origin of the expression, ‘pound salt’?)

THE BULL SHEET 07.13.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [66] Patrick Stewart, Mirfield UK, movie actor (‘Professor Charles Xavier’ in “X-Men 1-3”)/former TV actor (‘Cpt Jean-Luc Picard’ in “Star Trek: The Next Generation” 1987-94)

1942 [64] Harrison Ford, Chicago, IL, aging movie actor (“Firewall”, “Star Wars” series)  IN THE WORKS: “Indiana Jones 4”, scheduled to begin shooting in AUGUST in the Dominican Republic.

1963 [43] Fatboy Slim (Norman Cook), Bromley UK, club DJ/pop musician (“Praise You”, “Funk Soul Brother”)

1973 [33] Deborah Cox, Toronto ON, R&B/pop singer (“Nobody’s Supposed To Be Here”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Embrace Your Geekness Day”, a great day to be a Geek … or to know a Geek. Some people view the term with a negative connotation. Are they jealous of your knowledge and skills, perhaps? Yeah, that’s it.

• “French Fries Day”. The ‘french’ has nothing to do with France, but the method of preparation. Food that’s chipped into pieces is said to be ‘frenched’.

• “Gruntled Workers Day”. You always hear about ‘disgruntled’ workers, but what about people who are happy with their jobs and can’t wait to go to work each day? Gruntled workers, this is your day … ya eager beaver keeners.

• “Take Charge of Change Week”, to encourage us to explore the different types of change in our lives and how each affects us.
NET: http://www.idealady.com/change.htm

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1953 [53] The annual “Stratford Shakespearean Festival” debuts in Stratford ON as Sir Alec Guinness opens in “Richard III”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1985 [21] 1.5 billion worldwide watch or listen to “Live Aid” rock concerts in Philadelphia PA and London UK, raising over $70 million for African famine relief

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1568 [438] 1st ‘Bottled Beer’ developed by the Dean of St Paul’s Cathedral in London (before that you had to stick your head in the barrel)

1930 [76] 1st ‘World Cup’ soccer tourney begins (Uruguay eventually triumphs, defeating Argentina 4-2 in Montevideo, Uruguay)

1982 [24] 1st MLB All-Star Game held outside the USA (Montréal’s Olympic Stadium)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] National Nude Day
[Fri] Cow Appreciation Day
[Sat] Respect Canada Day
[Sat] Be A Dork Day
[Sat] Canada’s National Parks Day
[Sun] National Ice Cream Day
This Week Is … Farriers Week (they shoe horses, don’t they?)
This Month Is … Purposeful Parenting Month

BULL’S BITS     

BS REASONS WHY GUYS GOLF:
• It’s nice to get out and see some grass that’s actually been mowed.
• Most of us need more frustration in our lives.
• If you hang around the house, you end up having to fix something.
• That feeling of accomplishment when you only hit the ball 20 yards into the rough.
• Too old for baseball, too young for checkers

BS TRIVIA:
Q: What popular treat did 11-year-old Frank Epperson accidentally invent in 1905 and patent in 1924?
A: The ‘Popsicle’, which he originally called the ‘Epsicle’. He inadvertently made the first one when he left a glass of lemonade with a spoon in it on a windowsill and it froze overnight.

BS DEFINITIONS BY GENDER:
• THINGY
Female: Any part under a car’s hood.
Male: The fastener on a woman’s bra.
• COMMITMENT
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.
• ENTERTAINMENT
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
• MAKING LOVE
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as it’s gonna happen.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• What really strange thing do you collect?
• What’s your absolute worst piece of clothing?
• If you could re-name yourself for a day, what would you call yourself?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
The wife was mad at me because I forgot her birthday. So I said to her, “How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A hundred years ago, the average person used less than 10 of THESE a day. Today, the average person uses 100.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Gallons of water.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Only by pressing the limits do you ever find them.