Thursday, June 10, 2004        Edition: #2798
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY at ceremonies in NYC, new inductees into the ‘Songwriters Hall of Fame’ will include Al Green, Hall & Oates, Don McLean, TV theme composer Charles Fox (“The Love Boat, “Happy Days”, “Laverne & Shirley”, etc) and Neil Sedaka, who’ll receive the ‘Sammy Cahn Lifetime Achievement Award’ . . . TODAY & tomorrow hundreds of items belonging to late acting legend Katharine Hepburn go up for bid at Sotheby’s in NYC, including signed contracts and press kits from her films, some of her passports, even a lock of her hair (cool, clone your own Oscar winner!) . . . Homer Simpson’s famous exclamation ‘Doh!’ tops a new “Nuts Magazine” poll on favorite all-time TV comedy catchphrases, snagging 34% of the vote . . . Barbra Streisand is the latest celeb sucked into … er, make that involved with the Los Angeles Kabbalah Center (joining Madonna, Britney Spears, Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher, Roseanne Barr, etc) . . . And actress Angelina Jolie is in the market for another adopted baby, currently eyeing Russia for her next child.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – The city council of Melbourne, Australia is considering renaming a small local street ‘AC/DC Lane’ as a tribute to the band. (Why not call it ‘Highway to Hell’?)
• Simon & Garfunkel – TONIGHT they kick off this summer’s segment of their “Old Friends” tour in Albany NY. Why are these geezers on-the-road again? $64.5 million in ticket sales during the first leg of the tour!
• Loretta Lynn – Her aching 69-year-old back has forced her to postpone her JUNE concerts in support of her hot new album “’Van Lear Rose”.
• Britney Spears – Word is she snubbed rock legend Bono after a gig in Ireland LAST WEEK by refusing to meet his kids.
• Whitney Houston – She and hubby Bobby Brown have confirmed they are undergoing marriage counseling.

MTV MOVIE AWARDS:
• TONIGHT on MTV (SATURDAY on MuchMusic) hosted by 17-year-old “Mean Girls” actress Lindsay Lohan. The show was taped SATURDAY at Sony Pictures Studios in Culver City CA.
• Presenters include Halle Berry, Tobey Maguire, Snoop Dogg, Kirsten Dunst, Eve, Jimmy Fallon, Kate Hudson and Scarlett Johannson.
• Performances by D12 (Eminem’s moon job will be edited out), the Beastie Boys, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
• Winners include “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” for ‘Best Film’, Johnny Depp for ‘Best Male Performer’ (“Pirates of the Caribbean”), Uma Thurman for ‘Best Female Performer’ (“Kill Bill: Volume 1″), Drew Barrymore & Adam Sandler for ‘Best Onscreen Team’ (“50 First Dates”), the threesome of Amy Smart, Carmen Electra & Owen Wilson for ‘Best Screen Kiss’ (“Starsky & Hutch”), and Lucy Liu for ‘Best Villain’ (“Kill Bill: Volume 1″).

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Lindsay Lohan is negotiating to produce & star in “Fashionistas”, a comedy about the fashion industry . . . Nicole Kidman will wear padding to make her appear more buxom as the Swedish secretary in the bigscreen version of “The Producers”, starring Matthew Broderick & Nathan Lane . . . Will Ferrell has the lead in “Talladega Nights”, an upcoming comedy about stock car racing . . . Ashton Kutcher is said to be ‘very nervous’ on the set of “A Lot Like Love”, so galpal Demi Moore keeps showing up to settle him down . . . . For the new film “Batman Begins” star Christian Bale will have 4 different bat-suits, including one covered in fibre-optic lights and another in plain white . . . An upcoming bigscreen version of the ‘80s video game “Spy Hunter” will star Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

GUIDE DOGS SOON ON UNEMPLOYMENT:
Finland’s VTT Technical Research Center is contributing to the seemingly endless quest to use cellphones for every conceivable function by developing a voice-based mobile phone system to help guide the visually-impaired. The guidance system uses a GPS device paired to a cellphone with Internet access to connect users to online interactive maps and public transit databases. These features will tell the blind, through a voice-enabled feature, how to navigate about town, plan a trip by public transportation, get to the nearest stop on that route and when to get off at the right place. The service is currently being tested, but is so far only available in Finnish.
– AFP

THE NATURAL FUNERAL:
A trio of San Francisco Bay-area entrepreneurs are creating an – ‘organic cemetery’. Among the unnatural items that will be banned from their graveyard – embalming fluid, metal caskets, marble headstones, even  floral arrangements. At ‘Fernwood Forever’, the dead will be placed in biodegradable boxes or shrouds and interred in nondescript graves that mourners can dig themselves. The eco-cemetery will provide GPS tracking devices and natural boulders as markers.
– “Napa Valley Register”

NEED TO MOVE BACK YOUR CAR SEAT?
New University of British Columbia research links driving time to obesity. The study suggests that each 30 minutes of daily driving time may increase your risk of becoming obese by 3%. The study also shows that people who live in neighborhoods where stores and businesses are within easy walking distance are 7% less likely to be obese than those who do more driving to get around.
– WebMD

HOW TO SPEED WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT:
• Most cops lurk in the median, so stay to the right except to pass.
• Watch for unmarked cars, particularly Ford Crown Victorias.
• Drive behind truckers who have both CBs and an encyclopedic knowledge of speed traps.
• Check headlights and brake lights so cops won’t have another excuse to pull you over.
• Beware the end of the month. It’s when cops are trying to make their quotas.
• Try to blend in. If you drive a vibrant red Porsche, you’ve already got 2 strikes against you.
• Websites like beartraps.com and speedtrap.org list trouble spots.
• Many police departments now use laser detection equipment so they can pick single vehicles out of a group. While radar jammers are illegal almost everywhere – laser jammers are not!
– Abridged from “Maxim” magazine.

WHEN LIGHTNING STRIKES:
The worst thing a golfer can do is stay in an elevated, exposed area or take cover under a lone tree. These are the 2 places where most people are when they get struck by lightning. (Also, as the Calgary Flames found out … in the Tampa Forum.)
– “Globe & Mail”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Candymaker Jelly Belly has posted a tribute to noted Jellybean fan Ronald Reagan on its Website, including a portrait of him done completely out of jellybeans.
NET: http://jellybelly.com

AND WE QUOTE:
“Pubes on your face that thick? It’s horrible!”
– Christina Applegate tells the JULY issue of “Playboy” why she was reluctant to kiss mustachioed co-star Will Farrell in a scene in the upcoming movie comedy “Anchorman”.

THE BULL SHEET 06.10.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1921 [83] Prince Philip Mountbatten (Philippos Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderbert-Glucksburn, Prince of Greece), Corfu GRE, Duke of Edinburgh & Mr Queen Elizabeth II since 1947 FACTOID: He’s famous for outrageous public gaffes. For instance, he once asked a Scottish driving instructor, “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough for them to actually pass their test?”

1965 [39] Elizabeth Hurley, Basingstoke UK, movie actress (“Austin Powers I & II”)/model (Estee Lauder)/Hugh Grant’s platonic pal

1978 [26] Shane West, Baton Rouge LA, movie hunk (“A Walk to Remember”, “Get Over It”)

1982 [22] Leelee (Liliane) Sobieski, NYC, movie actress (“Deep Impact”, “Never Been Kissed”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY through Sunday the “Country Music Association Music Festival”, formerly known as “Fan Fair”, returns to downtown Nashville TN. The 4-day event features more than 200 artists and 70 hours of concerts. Among those expected to perform –  Terri Clark, LeAnn Rimes, Wynonna, Trace Adkins, Dierks Bentley, Brooks & Dunn, Diamond Rio, Vince Gill, Buddy Jewell, Lonestar, Jo Dee Messina, Montgomery Gentry, Keith Urban & Clay Walker. Among the acts to avoid – Billy Ray Cyrus and (huh?) Glen Campbell. Fan Fair has been held in Nashville every year since 1972.
PHONER: 800-CMA-FEST
NET: http://www.cmafest.com/2004

TODAY is “National Yo-Yo Day”. The Yo-Yo had been a weapon and then a toy in the Philippines for centuries before Filipino Pedro Flores introduced it to North America in the 1920s. Entrepreneur Donald F Duncan bought up the rights to market it in 1928 and created a popular craze with the ‘Spinning Return Top’ during the ‘30s and ‘40s. Yo-Yo tricks began evolving with oddball names like ‘Walk the Dog’, ‘Rock the Baby’, ‘Brain Twister’ and ‘Splitting the Atom’.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1995 [09] Over 70,000 watch “Pocahontas” on giant 8-story-tall movie screens in NYC’s Central Park in what is likely the largest-ever movie premiere

2003 [01] “Last Comic Standing” debuts on NBC-TV (season 2 is now underway)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1925 [79] ‘United Church of Canada’ 1st opens for business (Canada’s largest Protestant
denomination with more than 3 million members)

1952 [52] 1st ‘drive-thru restaurant’ opens (next day, the 1st cup of boiling hot coffee spills onto a driver’s lap)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [25] ‘World’s largest pastry’ – a 1,084-foot-long éclair – is baked in Liestal, Switzerland

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Tim McGraw summer tour begins (Virginia Beach VA)
[Fri-Sun] Bonnaroo Music Festival (Manchester TN)
[Sat] “Global Late Night” debuts (Global TV)
[Sat] 10-year anniversary of Nicole Simpson/Ronald Goldman murders
[Mon] Family History Day
[Mon] World Juggling Day
This Week Is . . . Beef Week
This Month Is . . . Zoo & Aquarium Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• How much did a potato that supposedly resembles Jennifer Lopez sell for on eBay?
a. 50 cents
b. $122
c. $18.50 [CORRECT]
d. Much less than the carrot that resembles Jesus.

• Name the famous medal that depicts 3 nude men with their hands resting on each other’s shoulders.
a. Victoria Cross
b. Nobel Peace Prize [CORRECT]
c. NFL MVP
d. The Queer Eye Fashion Award of Merit

• According to a Cornell University study, when are people most likely to lie?
a. In e-mail.
b. In person.
c. On the phone. [CORRECT]
d. In court.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• What items are necessary to have the ultimate bachelor pad?
• The usually conservative Fraser Institute is recommending that the federal government decriminalize marijuana and cash in by taxing the revenue. Good idea or bad?
• She’s now been in 4 incidents involving assault charges … how many chances should Courtney Love get?
• Are the tributes to Ronald Reagan getting a tad over-the-top? Doesn’t anyone remember the guy was vilified during his last years in office?

BS WEB GOODIES:
• The Internet’s ‘Payphone Project’ continues to collect numbers from phone booths around-the-world. It now boasts a searchable database of over a half-million numbers. Simply pick a place, dial the appropriate number and see who answers! For instance, you might find an interesting bit for tomorrow’s Reagan state funeral in Washington DC by calling a payphone on the Mall (202.393.9273) or this one on Pennsylvania Avenue (202.783.9639).
NET: http://www.payphone-project.com
• The ‘Beer 101′ Website offers Webcam links to allow you to hear (and listen) to what’s going on in bars all over the place. What about installing station Webcams in a few public areas in your market?
NET: http://beer100.com/webcams.htm

BS BLATANT JOKE:
I saw this weird bumper sticker this morning. It said, “Honk if you love peace and quiet”.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 34% of Canadians have used a computer in the past year to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Book a vacation.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you’ve got a pretty neck.