Monday, June 16, 2003 Edition: #2564
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!
TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• “E! Online notes that TNN was scheduled to change its name TODAY. Formerly ‘The Nashville Network’, then ‘The National Network’, it was to become ‘SPIKE TV, the first channel specifically geared toward men’. However, a Manhattan judge has ruled in favor of a petition to desist from director SPIKE Lee and ordered Viacom not use the name pending a trial. (This is all so stupid, could it be a scam to nab free publicity?)
• Calista Flockhart tells “People” magazine that it doesn’t faze her at all to think old-man-friend Harrison Ford is 22 years older. “I like the way he looks first thing in the morning,” she says. “Kind of puffy and rumpled and … vulnerable.” (Yeah, it makes the inheritance seems so close, doesn’t it?)
• Word is actress Renee Zellweger is in the first throes of romance with White Stripes frontman Jack White. According to “NY Post”, the unlikely pair have been on a string of dates in LA recently and have slowly developed a close relationship. Poor chipmunk-cheeked Renee’s last serious romance ended nearly 3 years ago when she decided that rubber-faced fiancé Jim Carrey just wasn’t the man for her. (Is it just us or is she becoming unbearable?)
• “Daily Dish” reports Halle Berry is suing a couple who sold her a $2-million mansion in Beverly Hills in 2001, alleging the ex-owners forget to tell her the place needed $1 million-worth of repairs. In typical Southern California fashion, the couple who sold her the money pit is counter-suing for ‘fraud and negligent representation’. (Hey Halle, just get hubby Eric Benet to fix ‘er up – he’s not busy doing anything else.)
• “Hollywood Reporter” reports that a public memorial service for late actor Gregory Peck is set for TODAY at the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in LA. The 87-year-old Oscar-winner died THURSDAY at his home. His longtime friend Brock Peters, who played the man ‘Atticus Finch’ defended in “To Kill a Mockingbird”, has agreed to deliver the eulogy.
• According to reports from the crew of his new movie “Troy”, the usually affable Brad Pitt has been displaying some unbelievable temper tantrums and ‘black moods’ on the set. “PeopleNews” says some think it may be a problem of ‘roid rage’, the result of steroids used to help pump him up for his role of ‘Achilles’. (Whatever you do, don’t kick him in the heel!)
• “Star” magazine reports that ‘007′ actor Pierce Brosnan has been spotted at a Malibu CA head shop called Dementia, purchasing a fancy glass water pipe tagged at $1,000. (The name is ‘Bong’, ‘James Bong’.)
• Movie director John Waters is suing the producers of the new animated movie “The Rugrats Go Wild” for stealing his ‘Odorama’ scratch-‘n-sniff idea, claiming odorous cards handed out before screenings are the same as the ones he used to promote the 1981 movie “Polyester”. “Daily Dish” says the “Rugrats” scratch-‘n-sniff cards feature scents like strawberry, peanut butter, stinky foot & stinky fish. The producers claim the ‘Odorama’ name was never copyrighted. (What would be the worst movie to have ‘Odorama’? “A Mighty Wind”? “Holes”?)
• And check out this new Hollywood couple – UK’s “Now” magazine says newly-single actress Angelina Jolie & actor Nicolas Cage have become a couple. The mag says neither of them planned it, it just happened after they met for lunch then attended a party! (Odds are they have long discussions about their really weird ex-es.)
THE WEEK’S ‘BREAKING NEWS’:
“Homesick US Sailors Are Exhausting the World’s Prostitutes!”
“Docs Put Computer Port in Man’s Brain!”
“MerMAN Caught in South Pacific!”
“Now Anyone Can Smell like a Scumbag Terrorist With ‘Osama Cologne’!”
“Loose Weight & Feel Great by Eating Nothing But Chocolate!”
“High School Dropout Busted for Posing as a Gynecologist!”
“Hard-Up Sheik Wants to Sell His Harem on eBay!”
Source: “Weekly World News”
SEX IS GOOD FOR YOU:
A British study has discovered that the more orgasms a man has, the longer he’s likely to live. Researchers, who studied a thousand Welsh villagers, speculate that frequent sex causes hormonal changes that may protect the heart. (Also gives you something to look forward to tomorrow!)
GONE IN 60 SECONDS:
In Norway, car owners pay a deposit when they import a car into the country which they get back when they junk the car, but the rules are soon likely to be tightened. A car thief has been arrested for stealing 83 cars and turning them in to various authorized auto wreckers in order to collect – close to $20,000. Who needs a chop shop when the government pays you?
TEACHER BITES KID:
A Swedish nursery assistant has been fined for biting a boy – in an attempt to discourage him from sinking his sharp little teeth into other kids. A court in the western town of Skoevde has ordered the assistant to pay her victim’s family over $2,300 in compensation for ‘poor treatment’ of the child, who is just 2-years-old.
ROWLING IN DOUGH:
Financial experts say that 37-year-old “Harry Potter” JK Rowling could become a billionaire by the age of 50 – if she leaves her Scottish home and moves to a tax haven like Monaco. Her fortune is already estimated at close to $480 million, more wealth than the Queen of England. Even if she remains in the UK, she’s likely to reach the billion benchmark in her early 60s, making her the first billionaire author in history.
THE GIRL WITH SOMETHING EXTRA:
Hundreds of people are thronging to a house in eastern Nepal to get a look at a newborn girl – with 4 eyes, 2 mouths and 2 noses. The baby, who is in good health, can see with all her eyes and reportedly sucks milk with both mouths, is being worshipped as an incarnation of the Goddess Bhagawati. (Weren’t there times when you swore your mother had 4 eyes, 2 mouths & 2 noses?)
LORD OF THE COINS:
A set of coins featuring characters and designs from “The Lord of the Rings” movies will become legal tender in New Zealand later THIS YEAR. The currency has been commissioned by the New Zealand Post Office to coincide with the release of the final part of Peter Jackson’s movie trilogy, “The Return of the King”, in DECEMBER. (“Dude, I need some change – you got 2 Frodos for a Gandalf?”)
A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO ONE-NIGHT-STAND ETIQUETTE:
• Don’t complain about your body. It’s gauche to talk about how fat you are, how your face is breaking out or how your thighs are collecting cellulite. If the man you’re with finds you desirable, you’re insulting his taste if you run yourself down.
• Don’t cry. Too much intimacy too soon is a real turn-off to a man.
• Don’t be afraid to express the joy of sex. It is bad manners for a woman to keep silent while making love.
• Close the bathroom door. Just because you’ve made love doesn’t mean the guy is ready to see you on the toilet.
Source: “Maxim” Women’s Editor Sarah Hedley
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• When they met their future spouse, 86% of men say it was love at first sight. Only 41% of women felt that way. (But then, guys’ll say anything to get lucky.)
• A new survey by Hyatt Resorts shows 25% of men who’ve been to a spa have had a pedicure and about a third have had a facial. (But then, guys’ll do anything to spend time with a Swedish masseuse.)
• According to a survey of 15 to 24-year-olds for the JULY edition of “Seventeen” magazine, most young people lose their virginity by age 17. (By then, [co-host] had lost his 2 or 3 times.)
• The average Canadian male takes 32 minutes to get ready in the morning. 12% pull it off in under 10 minutes, while another 4% take over an hour. (The absolute minimal time a woman would need to get ready to leave the house is 90 minutes – but only if it’s on fire.)
FOR THE RECORD:
A guy in Belgium is trying to set a new world record – by crawling more than 150 miles on his hands and knees! 37-year-old Marcel Waeyntens started over a week ago and has already traveled close to 100 miles at an average speed of just over than 1 mph.
BS AMAZING FACT:
A single cow can exhale as much as 634 quarts of methane a day. Worldwide, that translates to nearly 100 million tons of the gas annually. About 95% of the gas originates, not as flatulence, but as exhalation. In other words – burps!
THE BULL SHEET 06.16.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [69] Roger Neilson, Toronto ON, NHL coach (2002-03 Assistant Coach-Ottawa Senators)/1st to ever coach 8 different NHL teams (Toronto, Buffalo, Vancouver, LA, Florida, Philadelphia, Ottawa [filling in briefly])/Hockey Hall of Fame (2002)
1941 [62] Lamont Dozier, Detroit MI, prolific Motown songwriter (Holland/Dozier/Holland-“Baby Love”, “Can’t Help Myself”) who served as a guest judge on “American Idol”/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1990)
1952 [51] Gino Vanelli, Montréal QC, classic CanCon singer (“Black Cars”, “Wild Horses”)
1973 [30] Eddie Cibrian, Burbank CA, TV actor (Jimmy Doherty-“Third Watch”)
1977 [26] China Shavers, TV actress (Brooke Harper-“Boston Public”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
THIS WEEK is “National Public Service Week” in Canada, to recognize ‘the many ways in which the members of Canada’s federal public service contribute to the quality of life we enjoy’. (Group snort everyone!)
SATURDAY the 35th annual “National Hollerin’ Contest” screams into Spivey’s Corner NC, the ‘Hollerin’ Capital of the Universe’ don’t you know. Hollerin’ was the original form of communication in them thar’ hills. Ask for some demo yells on the phone.
PHONER: 910-567-2600
NET: http://www.hollerincontest.com
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1903 [100] ‘Ford Motor Company’ is incorporated
• Now sells 87 different vehicles under 8 brand names.
• TONIGHT country star Toby Keith headlines Ford’s “Centennial Celebration Concert Series” in Dearborn MI, kicking off his “Shock’N Y’all Tour”.
• TOMORROW Ford is releasing a new modernized version of the Ford oval logo to kick off its 2nd century.
1903 [100] ‘Pepsi-Cola’ trademarked by Caleb Bradham (previously known as ‘Brad’s Drink’ when sold at his Bradham Pharmacy in New Bern NC)
1998 [05] Estimated 2 million people watch 1st ‘live birth’ on the Internet (would that qualify as a ‘download’?)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1929 [74] 62-year-old Otto Funk completes walk from NYC to San Francisco – playing the violin the whole way!
1975 [28] Randy Farland finds a 14-LEAF CLOVER near Sioux Falls SD (good for about 700 years good luck!)
1992 [11] ‘World’s largest salami’ measures 69 feet, 25 inches in circumference, & weighs 1,492 lbs (Flekkefjord, Norway)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] International Violin Day
[Wed] Splurge Day
[Thurs] Garfield Day (25th birthday)
[Fri] Take Your Dog to Work Day
[Sat] 1st Day of Summer
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Amateur Radio Week
Forgiveness Week
Physical Therapy Week
Tennis Week
Take Your Pet to Work Week
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS EXCUSES FOR FORGETTING FATHER’S DAY:
• “Was going to get a card but things are getting way too commercial, don’t you agree?”
• “Thought you were supposed to call me!”
• “Got all bloated up after eating an entire Mrs Smith’s pecan pie, fell asleep.”
• “Lightning strike took out my phones.”
• “Wanted to create extra surprise by calling day after Father’s Day.”
• “I was allowed only one phone call.”
10 FAUX PAS AT A JOB INTERVIEW:
• Wild Nail Polish – for women … or men.
• Jewelry That Jangles – more than 2 rings per hand or 1 earring per ear.
• Open-Toed or Backless Shoes – and mules are a definite no-no.
• Bare Legs – always wear stockings, even in humid, summer weather.
• Out-of-Date Suits – with lapels too wide (3 ins or more) or too narrow (1 in or less).
• Short Skirts – hemline should not be more than 3 inches above the knee.
• Leather Jackets for Men or Women – look like outerwear.
• Turtlenecks for Men – a tie is preferable, at least in the first go-around.
• Printed or Loud-Colored Accessories – briefcases, purses & shoes should all be conservative in color, inconspicuous, and in good condition.
Source: Association of Image Consultants International
BS PHONE STARTER:
“What’s the best use for a mobile phone camera?”
BS TRIVIA:
Q: What is the most recognized smell in the world?
A: Experts say the smell that the majority of people can identify most often is ‘coffee’, followed by ‘peanut butter’. (What about ‘sweaty hockey equipment’?)
Q: Can a baseball game in a domed stadium be called because of rain?
A: Yup. 27 years ago TODAY (1976) a game at the Houston Astrodome had to be called off because heavy rain caused flooding around the outside of the stadium.
THE BS MONDAY MORNING BRAIN BUSTER:
A woman was age 20 in 1980, but in 1990 she was only 10-years-old. How can that be? (She was born in 2000 BC.)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A quarter of women asked say they love it when their man wears one of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A bathrobe or kimono.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
WELCOME NEWBIES:
This week’s “BS” samplers include Gerry Lee @ KBUK La Grange TX, Katie Cole @ KKYS Bryan TX , Tony Santos @ KWIN Stockton CA, and Denny Logan @ WINK 104 Harrisburg PA. Refer friends to “BS” – you’ll get a FREE MONTH of service for each new subscriber.
