Thursday, June 13, 2002        Edition: #2318
Death to all fanatics!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
A remix of Elvis Presley’s “A Little Less Conversation” by Dutch DJ JXL is about to hit #1 on the British pop charts, thanks to a Nike commercial . . . Word is J-Lo & estranged husband Cris Judd are still living under the same roof while the latest rumor has her linked with her current co-star Ralph Fiennes (who she’s acting with in “The Chambermaid”) . . . Mick Jagger & Jerry Hall’s daughter Elizabeth Jagger has signed a deal as the new face of Lancome cosmetics worth over 200-grand per year . . . Boxing loser Mike Tyson is considering moving Down Under and buying the $4.5-million Byron Bay beachfront home owned by “Crocodile Dundee” actor Paul Hogan (Australia was founded by convicts — he’ll fit right in!) . . . Meantime, the Lewis/Tyson fight has become the highest-grossing event in the history of pay-per-view TV, the final tally showing it racked up a total of $103 million . . . For some unknown reason, Janet Jackson is adamantly refusing to say that she’s gay or bisexual even though she admits she hugs, kisses and ‘falls asleep’ with other women (what’s that old adage — if it walks like a pig, smells like a pig and oinks like a pig….?) . . . Meanwhile, Janet Jackson’s pet rottweiler ‘Riley’ is living — well, the life of Riley — in his own $300-a-night room at the Waldorf Towers in Miami’s South Beach, while ‘mommy’ prepares to move into her swish new home on Fisher Island . . . And word is out that Ozzy’s family are getting a whopping $10 million for the 2nd season of their hit reality show “The Osbournes “ (coming to CTV this fall).

MOVIES IN THE MAKING:
“Looney Tunes: Back in Action” will mix live-action and animation as Brendan Fraser encounters Warner Bros cartoon staples ‘Bugs Bunny’, ‘Daffy Duck’, ‘Tweety Bird’ & ‘Tasmanian Devil’ in Las Vegas (signalling the comeback of the falling anvil) . . . Writer/director Frank Darabont (“The Shawshank Redemption”) has been saddled with the job of writing the script for the 4th “Indiana Jones” movie, expected to open in July of 2005 (when its star Harrison Ford turns 63) . . . Barry Sonnenfeld (“Men in Black”) will direct the first film based on Daniel Handler’s popular kids books “Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events” (the 8 books in the series have sold 5 million copies since 1999).

TOP 5 ALL-TIME MOVIE NUDE SCENES:
1. Denise Richards in “Wild Things”
2. Jennifer Connelly in “The Hot Spot”
3. Sharon Stone in “Basic Instinct”
4. Mimi Rogers in “Full Body Massage”
5. Phoebe Cates in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”
(What, no guys?)
Source: MrSkin.com

COALS TO NEWCASTLE:
Australia has started selling camels — to Saudi Arabia. The Central Australian Camel Industry Association says a Saudi Arabian client has ordered 120 animals on a trial basis. It’s thought the camels will be eaten. An association spokesman says Australia could never supply the total number of camels consumed in a year but could provide upwards of 5,000 as a niche market industry. (In related news, Poland is selling kangaroos to Australia….)

ANOTHER CELL PHONE STUDY:
A team of University of Rhode Island researchers examined the eye movements of drivers using a head-mounted, eye-tracking device and found that using a mobile phone while driving is distracting – even after the call is finished. Preliminary findings show that drivers retain a reduced field of vision well after the conversation ends. Professor Manbir Sodhi says this proves that holding the phone isn’t the main issue, thinking is. He believes phone use should be prohibited on specific types of roads and in certain conditions like congested traffic or poor weather.

PANTS ON FIRE:
A psychologist has found that most people lie. Robert Feldman of the University of Massachusetts found that 60% of volunteers lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation. Most people lied at least twice or three times. He also found that men don’t lie any more than women. However, women tend to lie to make the person they’re speaking with feel good (“Nice head! I just love your new hairdo!”), while men tend to lie to make themselves look better (“Yup, I played a little in college. Made the all-star team — twice.”).

ARE YOU BARE? WHERE?
A new survey for Nair hair-removal products finds that 30% of 18 to 34-year-old men now remove some of their body hair regularly, whether it’s from the back, chest, arms or legs. (Does nose count?)

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• A 33-year-old woman from Athens, Greece went to her doctor complaining of headaches. Turns out she had a spider living her ear. The arachnid had spun a web in the ear canal and because the temperature was ideal, it stayed. Fortunately, the woman was uninjured and didn’t need surgery to remove the creepy crawler. (Just checked your ear with a finger, didn’t you?)
• A Norwegian court has ruled that it’s legal to bark in public — even if you’re a human. An Oslo man was recently arrested when he barked to try and distract his kids from fighting. A neighbor called police fearing that a dog was mauling a child. The man was charged with disturbing the peace, public drunkenness and child neglect, but the court said there was no evidence of any of that — and awarded him $500 in court costs! (Plus a job providing all-night security at the courthouse.)
• Authorities are attempting to assure people in the village of Sangrampur in eastern India that the mysterious ‘green rain’ seen by panicky villagers over the weekend was not some kind of toxic chemical but merely — bee feces. (Oh that’s a relief, isn’t it? It’s teeming bee poop!)

THE BULL SHEET 06.13.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [49] Tim Allen (Dick), Denver CO, movie actor (‘Buzz Lightyear’-“Toy Story” 1 & 2, “The Santa Clause”)/ex-TV sitcom actor (“Home Improvement” 1991-99)  NEXT MOVIE: “The Santa Clause 2″, coming NOVEMBER 1

1970 [32] Rivers Cuomo, Yogaville CT, rock singer/guitarist (Weezer-“Maladroit”, “Photograph”)

1985 [17] Raz B (De’mario Monte Thornton), Cleveland OH, pop singer (B2K-”Gots Ta Be”, “Uh Huh”)

1986 [16] Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, Sherman Oaks CA, millionaire twins who’ve been acting together since they were 6 months old (TV’s “Full House” 1987-95, and still running in syndication)  NOTE: They had the nerve to cover the Weezer single “Island in the Sun” in their straight-to-video movie “Holiday in the Sun”

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY through Sunday the 31st “Country Music Fan Fair” parties in Nashville TN. The crown jewel of country music festivals features a who’s who of country stars, including George Jones, Lee Ann Womack, Brooks & Dunn, Martina McBride and The Derailers. The festival includes performances at Nashville’s Coliseum and Riverfront Park. One feature unique to Fan Fair is the Exhibit Hall where country stars spend hours upon hours in booths signing autographs and chatting one-on-one with fans.
PHONER: 866-FAN-FAIR (326-3247)/615-889-7503 (Fan Fair Office)
NET: http://www.fanfair.com/2002

TODAY is “St Anthony of Padua Day” (D-1231) in Portugal. According to an old Portuguese tradition, on this day a maiden can learn the identity of her future husband by filling her mouth with water and keeping it there until she hears a man’s name. (Whether she gets asked is determined by what she does next — spit or swallow.)

TODAY is “Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day”, celebrating the not-so-accomplished cook. It’s a good day for dinner horror stories. (I once served lasagna that I’d cooked with the plastic cover still on.)

SATURDAY is the annual “Gizzard Fest” in Potterville MI. Last year 10,000 visitors consumed more than 1,400 lbs of chicken gizzards at the organ-gorging event. Joe’s Potterville Inn holds a contest in which competitors attempt to devour 2 lbs of deep-fried gizzards faster than the guy across the table. So what exactly is a gizzard? And does it taste like chicken?
PHONER: 517-645-2313

SATURDAY the 34th annual “National Hollerin’ Contest” screams into Spivey’s Corner NC, the ‘Hollerin’ Capital of the Universe’ don’t you know. Hollerin’ was the original form of communication in them thar’ hills. Ask for some demo yells on the phone.
PHONER: 910-567-2600
NET: http://www.hollerincontest.com

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1825 [177] 1st ‘safety pin’ patented by Walter Hunt, who later sells rights for a lousy $400

1898 [104] ‘Yukon Territory’ organized

1966 [36] US Supreme Court’s ‘Miranda Decision’, requiring police to inform criminal suspects of their constitutional rights BEFORE interrogation (You have the right to be strip-searched, you have the right to be clubbed senseless, anything you say will make you look stupid on “Cops” . . .)

1993 [09] Federal Progressive Conservatives choose Kim Campbell as leader, making her 1st female PC leader, 1st female PM, and 1st PC to be PM without being elected

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [10] World’s ‘smallest recorded baby’ is born (Tyler Davison, measuring 6 ins and just 11 ozs)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Family History Day
[Sat] World Juggling Day
[Sat] Smile Power Day
[Sun] Fathers Day
[Sun] MuchMusic Video Awards
[June 21] 1st Day of Summer
[June 21] Take Your Dog to Work Day
E-Mail Week (yeah please, send more!)
Brain Tumor Awareness Week  
Seafood Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS NAME GAME:
If you’ve been watching the World Cup you may have noticed that many of Brazil’s star players only go by one name — Ronaldo, for example. See if you can determine which the following are — Brazilian soccer player or diarrhea medicine?
• Rivaldo (Brazilian soccer player)
• Mercurius (diarrhea medicine)
• Azulfidine (diarrhea medicine)
• Ronaldinho (Brazilian soccer player)
• Chamomilla (diarrhea medicine)
• Lomotil (diarrhea medicine)
• Denilson (Brazilian soccer player)
• Cafu (Brazilian soccer player)
• Kaopectate (diarrhea medicine)
• Maalox (diarrhea medicine)
• Arsenicum (diarrhea medicine)
• Lucio (Brazilian soccer player)
• Ricardinho (Brazilian soccer player)
• Imodium (diarrhea medicine)
• Belletti (Brazilian soccer player)
• Vampeta (Brazilian soccer player)
• Pepto-Bismol (diarrhea medicine)
• Kaka (Brazilian soccer player)

BS QUICK-PICK TRIVIA:
Q: When the power goes off, how long will food in your refrigerator stay cold enough to be eaten safely?
a) 4 to 6 hours.
b) 6 to 8 hours.
c) 8 to 10 hours.
A: 4 to 6 hours, if you don’t open the door. Items in a half-full freezer are probably safe for 12 hours, a full freezer for 2 days.
Source: “Prevention” magazine
 
Q: Which is the biggest selling restaurant food?
a) Hamburgers.
b) French fries.
c) Pizza.
A: French fries are served with 22% of all restaurant meals. Burgers are next at 17%.

START ME UP:
Have a contestants try to start their lawnmowers in the morning. Pay $50 if it fires up on the first pull, but take away $10 for each unsuccessful attempt. Do it early and all the neighbors will wonder why the idiot’s mowing the yard at 7am!

BS PHONE STARTER:
“Is visiting an online porn site cheating in your relationship?” (Dr Phil from “Oprah” says ‘yes’. Whether or not you agree, it’s definitely a growing trend that has many worrying about their relationships. According to Nielsen Net ratings, 17.5 million users visit Internet porn sites from their home each month.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 1 out of every 3 employees who gets a promotion started doing this within the previous 6 months.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Drinking coffee from a mug with the company logo.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you itch for it, scratch for it.