Monday, June 10, 2002 Edition: #2315
We’re Bullish on Radio!
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “The Mirror” says Jennifer Lopez has called it quits on her marriage to dancer Cris Judd after just 7 months. Seems Cris went out on the town flirting with anything that moved while J-Lo was spending time in Puerto Rico recently. And who’s waiting in the wings? According to the tab, it’s ex-fiancé and notorious bad-boy rapper P Diddy Combs! (Apparently Cris couldn’t fulfill all the demands in the riders of her contract.)
• Matt Damon tells “NY Post” his relationship with a ‘regular girl’ seems to be working out. After
striking out with a slew of famous actresses (Minnie Driver, Winona Ryder, etc), he’s now hooked up with Ben Affleck’s personal assistant, Odessa Whitmire. The two fell for each other while Affleck was drying out in rehab last fall and there’ve been rumors of engagement, but Matt says not so – so far. Damon’s new spy thriller “The Bourne Identity” opens FRIDAY.
• “News of the World” reports Mick Jagger will receive a knighthood, becoming ‘Sir Mick’ at the Queen’s birthday honors NEXT WEEKEND. Officials are refusing to confirm that, however. Jagger was recently moaning to the press about being overlooked while other rock stars like Sir Elton and Sir Paul received titles (maybe its because QE2 is the only woman left in the UK that he hasn’t nailed?). Among his contributions to Britain – 7 kids by 4 women.
• “PeopleNews” reports actor Woody Harrelson was arrested in London after going berserk in a cab, kicking the glass and breaking the door lock to let himself out. He then fled on foot, pursued by 14 British bobbies and eventually captured. He originally hailed the taxi outside a night club called ‘Chinawhite’. (Perhaps a clue to the absurd behavior?)
• “National Enquirer” claims 18-year-old “That ’70s Show” star Mila Kunis has dumped her director-boyfriend Morgan J Freeman for a fling with 21-year-old actor Macaulay Culkin, who’s separated from his own spouse. (Guess he’s not “Home Alone” anymore.)
• According to “Star”, former US first daughter Chelsea Clinton had to be physically carried from a London nightclub after going on a night-long drinking binge and then blacking out. The tab claims her frequent and excessive partying with fiancé Ian Klaus while attending Oxford University has cast a cloud of uncertainty over the couple’s upcoming wedding. (Hey c’mon, daughters of a president getting blotto-ed – it’s a tradition!)
• “Sun” says Britney Spears has found the perfect place for on-and-off boyfriend Justin Timberlake — on the seat of her toilet. Seems she had his mug emblazoned on her 14-carat golden throne when they were a hot item, then had the seat removed after they split in MARCH. But she put it back after deciding it was the perfect place for him.
• And here’s the week’s top ‘news’, at least, according to “Weekly World News” – “Abe Lincoln’s Personal Porn Collection Found!”, “Maid Puts Panties in Actor’s Soup to Make Him Fall in Love With Her!”, “Midget Hitman is Just 3-foot-5!”, “80s TV Shows Raise Your IQ!”, Face of Jesus Appears on a Pair of Blue Jeans!”, “Woman Keeps Hubby’s Corpse in Car So She Can Drive in the Express Lane!”, and – you gotta love it – “Gal With 14 Fingers Wins Typing Contest!”.
BY THE NUMBERS:
• 80 miles . . . The average distance an infant has crawled by age 2.
• 14 minutes . . . The time taken for an average man to make love, according to “Men’s Health” magazine.
• 3.5 years . . . The average time spent eating in the course of a lifetime.
• 66% . . . The percentage of drivers who admit to eating while driving.
Working on Monday is hazardous to your health! A recent report finds workers suffer 25% more back injuries and heart attacks on Monday. Blue collar workers have a 41% increased risk of heart attacks on Monday, while white-collar workers have an 18% increased risk!
ON BEING A CURMUDGEON:
It’s bound to happen, right? We’re all going to end up as crusty, irascible, cantankerous old people full of stubborn ideas. Wrong! The long-term Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging finds that growing old does not affect personality. Researchers have now scientifically shown that seniors who are cranky, depressed or grouchy were pretty much jerks to begin with!
A Brigham Young University research study suggests that overweight people miss work more often. An extensive survey of more than 10,000 employees shows that obese workers miss work twice as often as others, up to 14 days annually. (“Hi boss, I won’t be in today. I’m taking a ‘fat day’.”)
AMAZIN’ ANIMAL FACTS:
• A British bank once accepted a cheque written on a cow. (But they were a little disappointed when the cow left an unexpected deposit in the bank lobby.)
• 2.5% of dog owners let their dog share their bed! (Never mention this to the wife.)
• For every person on Earth, there are over 200 million insects. (Most of which will somehow find your campsite.)
• Some birds sing more than 2,000 times a day. (Then they’re put in the Witness Protection Program and given a million-dollar book deal.)
YE OLDE ENGLISH SAYINGS:
• THE CLINK . . . The name of a prison which was on Clink Street in London. The reason it’s now used as slang for ‘jail’.
• SON OF A GUN . . . Sailors would take native women on board their ship and have their way with them in between the cannons. Some women would give birth to boys, who were called ‘sons between the guns’.
• CUT THROUGH RED TAPE . . . Solicitors kept their clients papers in a file folder tied with red ribbon to prevent the papers from falling out. When they wanted to get at the papers, they would have to ‘cut through the red tape’.
• GETTING BOMBED . . . A ‘bombard’ was a leather jug which held 8 pints or 4 quarts. A full bombard of ale would make you drunk.
THE BULL SHEET 06.10.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1921  Prince Philip Mountbatten (Philippos Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderbert-Glucksburn, Prince of Greece), Corfu GRE, the Duke of Edinburgh and Mr Queen Elizabeth II since 1947
1942  Preston Manning, Edmonton AB, former federal Reform Party leader
1963  Jeanne Tripplehorn, Tulsa OK, movie actress (“Basic Instinct”, “The Firm”) NEXT MOVIE: Has a role in the Madonna film “Swept Away”, directed by Guy Ritchie and opening SEPTEMBER 27
1965  Elizabeth Hurley, Basingstoke ENG, movie actress (“Austin Powers I & II”, “Passenger 57″)/model (Estee Lauder)/Hugh Grant’s pal/Steve Bing’s ho NEXT MOVIE: Co-stars with Matthew Perry in the comedy “Serving Sara”, opening AUGUST 23
1973  Faith Evans, Lakeland FL, R&B singer (“All Night Long”, w/Puff Daddy-“I’ll Be Missing You”)
1978  Lemisha Grinstead, Las Vegas NV, one-hit-wonder R&B singer (702-”Where My Girls At?”)
1982  Leelee Sobieski (Liliane Rudabet Gloria Elsveta Sobieski), NYC, movie actress (“Eyes Wide Shut”, “Deep Impact”, “Never Been Kissed”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Yo-Yo Day”. The Yo-Yo had been a weapon and then a toy in the Philippines for centuries before Filipino Pedro Flores introduced it to North America in the 1920s. Entrepreneur Donald F Duncan bought up the rights to market it in 1928 and created a popular craze with the ‘Spinning Return Top’ during the ‘30s and ‘40s. Yo-Yo tricks began evolving with oddball names like ‘Walk the Dog’, ‘Rock the Baby’, ‘Brain Twister’ and ‘Splitting the Atom’.
JUNE is “National Rose Month”, honoring America’s national floral emblem. Roses are grown in all 50 states and more than 1.2 billion cut roses are sold annually.
ON THIS DAY . . .
1998  “World Cup ‘98“ kicks off, hosted by France (which goes on to win)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1720  1st ‘paste-style mustard’ (Mrs Clements of England)
1925  ‘United Church of Canada’ 1st opens for business (Canada’s largest Protestant
denomination with more than 3 million members)
1935  1st ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ meeting (Dr Robert Smith & William Wilson-Akron OH)
1943  1st ‘ball point pen’ (Lasalo Biro-Budapest HUN) NOTE: The British Royal Air Force, which employed him, needed a pen that would write under low atmospheric pressure at high altitudes during WWII. The principle of the ballpoint pen actually dates back to 1888, but it was yet to be developed commercially.
1952  1st ‘drive-thru restaurant’ opens (the next day the 1st teenager drives backwards through a drive-thru restaurant)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1995  ‘Largest movie premiere’ as 70,000 watch “Pocahontas” on giant 8-story-tall screens in NYC’s Central Park
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Hug Holiday
[Tues] Paul McCartney & Heather Mills wedding in Ireland?
[Wed] Taco Day
[Thurs-Sun] Nashville Country Music Fan Fair
[Thurs] Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day
[Fri] Family History Day
[Fri] American Flag Day
American Flag Week
[Sat] World Juggling Day
[Sun] Fathers Day
[Sun] MuchMusic Video Awards
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Meet a Mate Week
Men’s Health Week
Brain Tumor Awareness Week
Little League Baseball Week
BULL’S BITS . . .
The rest of the world may be riveted to the TV, watching the “World Cup”, but for most people in Canada and the USA, it’s passe.
BS WAYS TO MAKE WORLD CUP MORE EXCITING:
• Replace ball with round piñata filled with killer bees.
• Give one guy on each team a powerful jet pack.
• Naked penalty kicks.
• Instead of 22 players and 1 ball, 1 player and 22 woodchucks.
• Make nets out of sexy black lingerie from Victoria’s Secret.
• Score a goal, do a shot.
• Losing team executed on worldwide TV.
• Let ’em use their damn hands!
The ‘World Famous Gopher Hole Museum’ in Torrington AB features 39 whimsical displays featuring 67 stuffed rodents dressed up in costumes (leather jackets, overalls, etc) to depict various scenes ranging form a wedding to a fashion show. There’s even a ‘Royal Canadian Mounted Gopher’. Torrington has apparently gone gopher mad, with gopher fire hydrants and even a village mascot called ‘Clem T GoFer’.
STANLEY PUCK QUIZ:
Q: Montréal Canadiens have won the most Stanley Cups (23), followed by Toronto Maple Leafs (13). What team is 3rd?
A: Detroit Red Wings, who are attempting to win their 10th. (Montreal also won the Stanley Cup in 1915-16, but that was while it was a member of the National Hockey Association.)
Q: Which was the last Canadian-based team to win a Stanley Cup championship?
A: The Montréal Canadiens 9 years ago TODAY (1993) when they beat LA Kings 4 games to 1
for their 23rd Stanley Cup.
BS KILLER QUESTIONS:
Q: Donald Duck turned 68 YESTERDAY. You likely know his nephews ‘Huey’, ‘Dewey’ and ‘Louie’, but who are his nieces?
A: ‘April,’ ‘May’ & ‘June’.
Source: Disney Co
Q: If a beaver opens it’s mouth and smiles at you, what color will its front teeth be?
Source: San Diego Zoo
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What would you like written on your headstone?”
• “Which TV show should get the bullet?”
• “What’s the sleaziest thing one of your ex’s has ever done to you?”
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When passing this, 53% of us always stop and look.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Our horoscope in print.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Never underestimate a woman — unless you are discussing her age or weight.