Tuesday, June 27, 2000 Edition: #1838
See those coot widdle chickens in the new movie “Chicken Run”? Here’s a BS look at . . .
WHY CHICKENS MAKE BETTER PETS THAN CATS:
• Curiosity only causes minor body aches in chickens.
• Takes a zillion cat eggs to make an omelette.
• Chickens don’t cough up hairballs.
• Tiny beaks great for opening bottles.
• Have you ever tried poached kittens for breakfast?
• Can be used in wider variety of rituals.
• They still run around after you cut their heads off, cats just lay there.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Winnipeg-born comic/director David Steinberg is in Vancouver to shoot a new sit-com called “Big Sound”, set in a Vancouver talent agency (Canada has spawned some of the world’s funniest comedians, but can you name ONE truly funny Canadian sit-com?) . . . Cybill Shepherd will host a new one-hour daily TV talk show this fall called “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” (and Cybill‘s from WAY out there) . . . The 4th ‘Harry Potter’ book by JK Rowling will be released precisely at 12:01 am July 8th (e-tailer Amazon.com has already PRE-SOLD a quarter-million copies).
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Matt Damon stars as “The Talented Mr Ripley” who’s sent to Europe to retrieve a rich and spoiled playboy, but he ends up killing the millionaire and assuming his life . . . The comedy “Hanging Up” stars Meg Ryan, Diane Keaton and Lisa Kudrow as sisters who bond over the approaching death of their curmudgeonly father whom none of them really liked . . . “Independence Day: Special Edition”, one of several blockbusters being re-released in special DVD packages this year, with director commentaries and interactive features like ‘multi-story options’.
TOP VIDEO RENTALS:
1. “The Green Mile”
2. “Girl, Interrupted”
3. “Bicentennial Man”
FIRE & WATER:
The first ever underwater leg of an Olympic torch relay takes place today through Australia’s Great Barrier Reef. Using advanced ‘aquatic flame technology’, an Australian marine biologist will swim the torch, burning at 2000 degrees, on a 3- to 4-minute journey through the reef on its journey to the opening of the Sydney Games. (I can’t even get my Bic to light in a slight breeze.)
THIN AIN’T IN ANYMORE:
British magazine editors have agreed to banish anorexic models from women’s magazines. A self-regulatory body made up of editors, stylists, photographers and women will regularly check fashion pages to make sure models are being used who vary in shape and size. (Coming soon to UK newsstands – “Big-Ass Vogue”.)
NOW YOU GET A YELLOW MOUSTACHE:
The problem — 90% of teenage girls and 70% of boys aren’t getting enough calcium. The solution – dairies will attempt to attract more teens by adding exotic flavors to milk. By year’s end, flavors like ‘cookies ‘n’ cream’, ‘banana’, ‘vanilla-orange’ and even ‘root beer’ will be common. (Ah, something else to go with rum!)
THE BULL SHEET 06.27.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [69] Charles Bronfman, Montréal PQ, Seagrams mogul/Edgar Bronfman Jr’s uncle
1959 [41] Lorrie (Loretta Lynn) Morgan, Hendersonville TN, country singer (“Gonna Leave The Lights On”, “Out of Your Shoes”)
1967 [33] Sylvie Frechette, Montréal PQ, Canadian Swimming Hall of Fame synchronized swimmer (‘92 Olympic Gold, ‘96 Silver)
1971 [29] Jimmy Kemp, Potomac MD, CFL quarterback (Toronto Argonauts)
1991 [09] Madylin Sweeten, Brownwood TX, TV actress (Ally Barone-“Everybody Loves Raymond”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “National Columnist’s Day”, because even newspaper columnists deserve a day of their own. (Well, except for [local newspaper columnist].)
Dozens of gophers are being caught and given names in preparation for Saturday’s annual “World Championship Gopher Derby” in Eston SK. (Where do they find the little, teeny jockeys to ride them?)
PHONER: 306-962-4444
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993 [07] Gorgeous actress Julia Roberts weds not-so-gorgeous singer Lyle Lovett (for awhile)
1995 [05] Bryan Adams’ “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” tops pop charts
1995 [05] Actor Hugh Grant is caught engaging in ‘lewd conduct’ with Hollywood hooker Divine Brown in a rented BMW
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1980 [20] “O Canada” officially becomes Canada’s national anthem, with ‘special allowance for possible changes of words’ (yeah right – most of us change ‘em every time we sing it)
1994 [06] 1st music release on the Internet (Aerosmith-“Head First”)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Camera Day
Deaf & Blindness Awareness Week
Gay and Lesbian Pride Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?
• The average Canadian household spends nearly twice as much on income tax as on food. (True. According to “Canadian Banker” magazine, we average $10,965 on personal income taxes, but just $5,880 on groceries.)
• Canadians are among the world’s most frequent online banking customers. (True. Why? We hate banks!)
• The ‘Caesar salad’ is named after Julius Caesar. (BS. It’s actually named after the chef who created it – Caesar Cardini, who first concocted it at Caesar’s Place Restaurant in Tijuana, Mexico.)
• Pound for pound, cooked locusts, termites, flies and beetle larvae have more protein than beef, chicken or milk. (True. Good news for those left on “Survivor”!)
• North American men with the last name ‘Short’ are on average 2.5 inches shorter than the norm. (T. For the simple reason that family names were originally based on visible traits, many of which are hereditary. So if you last name is ‘Little’ . . .)
BS TAG LINE:
A ‘promiscuous person’ is someone who’s getting more sex than you are.
