Tuesday, June 13, 2000                                               Edition:  #1828

Just in time for “Fathers Day”, here’s some . . .
BS THINGS YOUR DAD WILL NEVER SAY:
• “No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring.”
• “You know, pumpkin, now that you’re 13 you’re ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?”
• “I noticed that all your friends have a certain ‘up yours’ attitude . . . I LIKE that.”
• “What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?”
• “Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.”
• “Whadya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend!”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Tonight on CBS-TV, Drew Barrymore hosts “100 Years: 100 Laughs”, the American Film Institute salute to the best comedy movies of all time (which should be #1?) . . . Tonight “Ally McBeal’s” Calista Flockhart begins a starring stint in the infamous off-Broadway production “The Vagina Monologues” . . . Britney Spears says, “I want to be a legend like Madonna., that is what I pray for every day” (hey babe, “Just like a prayer, your navel will take you there . . .”) . . . Tiles from the swimming pool where the Rolling Stones’ Brian Jones drowned in 1969 are being sold off as souvenirs (in the same sale – Mama Cass’ half-eaten sandwich).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Tom Hanks plays a veteran death row prison guard who suspects a convicted murderer may be innocent in the drama “The Green Mile” . . . Robin Williams portrays a robot who wants to become human in the Isaac Asimov sci-fi story “Bicentennial Man” . . . Woody Harrelson & Antonio Banderas are boxing best friends who make a deal to fight each other in Las Vegas in “Play It to the Bone”.

TOP VIDEO RENTALS:
1. “Sleepy Hollow”
2. “American Beauty”
3. “Eye of the Beholder”

GOVERNMENT GRASS:
You have until June 21st to bid on a $5-million contract to supply marijuana — to the federal government! Health Canada needs a source of ‘research grade’ weed for medicinal purposes and is taking tenders like on any government contract. If necessary, it will even supply the Mexican-Columbian hybrid seeds. Some 250 bidders have already applied to grow Canada’s official  grass. (And about 28,000 have applied for a civil service job in ‘quality control’.)

AND ROYAL WEED:
Queen Elizabeth II is said to be furious after a small quantity of marijuana was discovered growing in a kitchen at Buckingham Palace. A search is on to find who’s the sneaky gardener. (Prince Charles reacted by saying “Oh wow man, where’s my giant headphones?”)

MORE THAN JUST A HOT DOG STAND:
University of Newcastle scientists in Australia have found you can dramatically increase the lifespan of cut flowers by putting Viagra in the vase. Yup it’s true, the same active ingredient that brings men to attention can also make your stems stand! (What we want to know is – who decided to try this and why?)

THE BULL SHEET 06.13.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1953    [47] Tim Allen (Dick), Denver CO, movie actor (“Galaxy Quest”, ‘Buzz Lightyear’-“Toy Story” 1 & 2, “The Santa Clause”)/ex-TV sitcom actor (“Home Improvement”)
1962    [38] Ally (Alexandra) Sheedy, NYC, former brat pack movie actress (“Breakfast Club”, “St Elmo’s Fire”) who now specializes in small indie films (1998 National Society of Film Critics ‘Best Actress Award’-“High Art”)
1986    [14] Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, millionaire acting twins who’ve been acting together since they were 6 months old (TV’s “Full House”) who now market a series of books and videos, fashion dolls and a Website

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
In Portugal, today is “St Anthony of Padua Day” (D-1231). According to old Portuguese tradition, on this day a maiden can learn the identity of her future husband by filling her mouth with water and keeping it there until she hears a man’s name. (First to make you spit wins!)

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993    [07] Federal Progressive Conservatives choose Kim Campbell as leader making her Prime Minister (1st female PC leader, 1st female PM, 1st PC to be PM without being elected)
1995    [05] Country star Ty Herndon arrested by undercover cop on charges of indecent exposure and drug possession, 90 minutes before he’s scheduled to perform at a Texas police convention

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1825    [175] 1st ‘safety pin’ patented by foolish Walter Hunt, who later sells the rights to his invention for just $400 (What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever held together with a safety pin?)
1898    [102] ‘Yukon Territory’ organized (1st Canadian territory named after a potato)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[1 week today] Summer begins
[Thurs] US Open Golf begins (Pebble Beach CA)
[Fri-Sun] Air Canada Grand Prix (Montreal)
[Fri-Sun] Canada Dragon Boat Festival (Vancouver)
Meet A Mate Week
National Little League Baseball Week
Burglary Prevention Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BRAIN BUSTER:
A girl named Alexandria was 10-years-old in 1990, but was only 5-years-old in 1995. How can that be? (She was born in ancient Egypt in 2000 BC.)

FATHER FIGURES:
• About 90% of North American dads are now present at the birth of their children.
• “Fathers Day” ranks as North America’s 5th-largest card-giving occasion, but only about 60% as many “Fathers Day” cards are bought annually compared to “Mothers Day”.
• While dads get 85% as many phone calls as moms on their day, more COLLECT calls are made on “Fathers Day” than on any other day of the year.

THE LAST WORD:
There’s no stats to support it, but we’d be willing to bet there are about 20 million tattoos that say ‘Mom’ for each one that says ‘Dad’.