Monday, June 18, 2007        Edition: #3555
Don’t Take Any Sheet … Unless It’s Pure Bull!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Wed on the weekend: TV actor Jon Cryer (“Two & a Half Men”) & LA entertainment reporter Lisa Joyner in Mexico. And Rod Stewart finally married longtime girlfriend Penny Lancaster in a private ceremony attended by a few friends & family in a 17th-century villa near Portofino on the Italian Riviera. When it comes to keeping the 62-year-old Rod up, “Maggie May” but Penny did.
– “People Magazine”
• “America’s Got Talent” judge David Hasselhoff has been granted sole legal custody & primary physical custody of his 2 daughters with ex-wife Pamela Bach, putting an end to the long and bitter custody battle that’s been fought ever since ‘The Hoff’ filed for divorce a year-and-a-half ago. It’s an unexpected conclusion after that leaked home video of Hasselhoff wallowing drunkenly on the floor of his Vegas hotel room. Makes you wonder what kind of beast Bach must be!
– E! News
• In a court case scheduled to go to trial THIS WEEK, Michael Jackson claims his money woes aren’t a result of his own outrageous spending & mismanagement but due to disloyal and dishonest friends & advisors trying to swindle him. Jackson is being sued by Prescient Acquisition, which claims he owes more than $48 million for help in refinancing a bank loan to buy out Sony’s half of The Beatles’ song catalogue that he owns. Paul may get it back yet.
– TMZ.com
• Filmmaker Michael Moore is inviting lobbyists for the pharmaceutical & insurance industries that he attacks in his new movie about healthcare to a free screening. Moore is running “Sicko” promo ads in Washington newspapers listing more than 900 registered lobbyists and inviting them to an exclusive showing WEDNESDAY at a theater 3 blocks from the Capitol. TONIGHT his new doc has its US premiere in NYC, then opens wide JUNE 29th.
– StarPulse News Blog
• Sacked “Grey’s Anatomy” star Isaiah Washington (‘Burke’) says he’d return to the hit medical drama if writer/creator Shonda Rimes asked him. The actor admits he’s bitter about his departure from the show, but says he’d jump at the chance to return for a cameo. Don’t count on it, dude. They’ve likely already written in your funeral.
– “Entertainment Weekly”
• Paris Hilton is said to be the most popular inmate at her prison. Why? The other inmates are getting special treatment because of her. A recently released ex-con says prisoners are getting fed more due to the spotlight on Hilton’s incarceration. And some are even being released ahead of time to create more space around the celeb con. Wow, who would have thought Paris would be ‘Miss Congeniality’?
– “Contact Music”
• Nicole Richie has ignited speculation she’s set to wed her Good Charlotte boyfriend Joel Madden after being spotted at a Hollywood party wearing a gigantic rock surrounded by more diamonds on her ring finger. The “Simple Life” star has so far refused to confirm or deny recent reports of a rumored pregnancy. Hey Joel, remember that tune that went ‘Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money’?
– “NY Post”
• Picture these two as an item – 24-year-old British heir Prince William & 20-year-old soul singer Joss Stone. Word has it they’ve been spending hours discussing her upcoming JULY 1st performance at the “Concert for Diana” in London. They’re both available: He recently splitting with longtime gf Kate Middleton; she’s been  single since busting up with bf Beau Dozier 2 years ago. Could there be sparks? If so, you can bet grandma Elizabeth II will put a damper on ‘em.
– “Daily Mirror”
• Newly appointed NBC Entertainment co-chairman Ben Silverman, who as head of production company Reveille [‘REV-uh-lee’] acquired the Colombian telenovela “Yo Soy Betty la Fea” and turned it into what became the ABC-TV hit “Ugly Betty”, is mining Colombian TV again. He plans to produce a pair of versions of the Colombian telenovela “Sin Tetas No Hay Paradiso” (literally “Without Breasts There Is No Paradise”). One version, in English, will be produced for NBC-TV; the other, in Spanish, for NBC Universal-owned Telemundo. We’re guessing both get new titles.
– “Broadcasting & Cable”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Dolly Parton – The 60-year-old was named a lifetime member of the Girls Scouts Council FRIDAY night during a presentation before 1,000 Girl Scouts at her Dollywood theme park.
• Joe Cocker – The classic rocker has just been named to the annual ‘Queen’s Honors List’. He’ll be made an Officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE) at a ceremony later THIS YEAR.
• Kelly Clarkson – Her summer arena tour, originally scheduled to begin JULY 11, has just been scrapped due to poor ticket sales. The tour will apparently be revamped and rescheduled with smaller venues replacing arenas.
• Queens of the Stone Age – Showing no respect for seniors whatsoever, frontman Josh Homme says the Rolling Stones, all over age 60, should have a ‘reality-check’ and retire from the biz before they get any older.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SCHED:
• “Age of Love” – A new kitten-vs-cougar dating series debuts (NBC) as 6 women in their 20s compete against 7 in their 40s for the affections of 30-year-old tennis player Mark Philippoussis. Hopefully he remembers that both cougars & kittens have claws.
• Avril Lavigne – She guests on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Barbra Streisand – She launches her European tour in Zurich, Switzerland after calling off the planned kickoff in Rome due to protests over ticket prices.
• Big &  Rich – They perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• “Canadian Idol” – The top 200 arrive in Toronto and begin a week-long musical boot camp (CTV).
• “The Closer” – Season 3 debuts (TNT) as Kyra Sedgwick returns as the investigator/interrogator with a remarkable talent for trapping criminals in their lies.
• Enrique Iglesias – This morning he’s on “Live With Regis & Kelly (syndicated/CTV).
• Rihanna – The “Umbrella” chart-topper faces the panel on “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Taylor Swift – She performs at the “Gracie Allen Awards” in NYC, which recognize exemplary programming created for, by and about women in all facets of electronic media.
• White Stripes – They do “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).

HETEROPHOBIA:
A gay bar in Melbourne, Australia has been granted an exception to that country’s Equal Opportunity Act and given the right to refuse entry to heterosexual customers. The owners have successfully argued that allowing straights in would ‘destroy the atmosphere which the company wishes to create’. They went on to claim that heteros in the club make gays feel like ‘zoo animals’, providing a spectacle to be stared at. (Wonder how do the bouncers determine if you’re gay?)
– “Herald-Sun”

MOST POWERFUL CELEBS 2007:
According to a list compiled annually that takes into account earnings, Internet presence, and newspaper, TV & radio coverage …
10. Steven Spielberg
9. Jay-Z
8. Tom Cruise
7. Elton John
6. Johnny Depp
5. Brad Pitt
4. The Rolling Stones
3. Madonna
2. Tiger Woods
1. Oprah Winfrey
– “Forbes Magazine”

BOOZE PRICIER THANKS TO GREEN FUEL:
The growing popularity of ethanol and biodiesel will likely bring increased alcohol prices. How so? In Mexico, farmers have been replanting their blue agave fields (the plant used to make tequila) with corn in order to supply the growing demand for ethanol. The expected shortfall of agave will mean increasing tequila prices in the near future. And in Germany, farmers are abandoning barley (the raw material for beer) in order to grow subsidized crops for bio-fuels. This has led to the doubling of the price of barley in the past 2 years and caused the cost of beer to creep upward. (Oil companies are now looking to develop a car that runs on beer.)
– MSNBC

PERSONAL SCANNER:
The latest hi-tech tool to make shopping more convenient is the ‘personal scanner’. It’s currently more common in Europe but its use is quickly growing elsewhere. The gizmo allows shoppers to scan each item as it’s taken off the shelf and then bag their own groceries while shopping. When finished, customers pay at a terminal at the front of the store … no more checkouts to line up for. It makes shopping on a budget easier too, as shoppers have a running tally as they work their way through the aisles. But doesn’t scanning your own make it easier to steal? Maybe. However, shoppers are randomly selected for audits to ensure items haven’t been placed in the shopping cart without being scanned. (“Oh my 3-year-old must have put that in there!”)
– AHN

GREATEST ACTION MOVIES OF ALL-TIME:
A new ranking of the best-ever run-‘n-gun films …
5. “The Matrix” (1999)
4. “Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior” (1981)
3. “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (1981)
2. “Aliens” (1986)
1. “Die Hard” (1988)
(Most of them are from the ‘80s, likely because most action films since have been sequels.)
– “Entertainment Weekly”

FOR THE RECORD:
SATURDAY US astronaut Suni Williams set a new record for ‘Longest Stay in Space by a Woman’. Williams, who has lived at the International Space Station since DECEMBER, surpassed the record of 188 days set by astronaut Shannon Lucid at the Mir Space Station in 1996.

DID YOU KNOW?
• A survey of women in Italy has found that their favorite aphrodisiac is … ‘salami’. That’s followed closely by a ‘good piece of cheese’. (UPI)
• A prescription pill bottle belonging to Elvis Presley sold for $2,640 at a celebrity auction at the Beverly Hilton Hotel SATURDAY. It had been planned to sell the bottle complete with the original pills, the antihistamine Naldecon as prescribed by Elvis’ personal physician, but the LAPD informed the auctioneers it would be a federal crime to do so. (AP)
• Actress Angelina Jolie wore a black velvet dress that she found at a vintage store in LA to the premiere of her new movie “A Mighty Heart”. The recycled frock set her back a whopping … $26. (“Cosmo”)

AND WE QUOTE:
• “All technique, gallons of sugary gloop, and not an atom of soul anywhere.”
– UK entertainment magazine “The Word”, justifying it’s new ranking of Mariah Carey as the ‘Worst Singer of All Time’.
• “There’s absolutely no action going on in my uterus. I’m no expert but I hear you have to actually have sex … that hasn’t been happening.”
– Shar Jackson, K-Fed’s first wife, denying recent rumors that she’s preggers with another Kevin Federline junior.

BS CHRONOMETER 06.18.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [65] Sir Paul McCartney, Liverpool UK, rock billionaire (“Dance Tonight”, Wings-“Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey”, Beatles-“Let it Be”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1999)

1942 [65] Roger Ebert, Urbana IL, syndicated TV (“Ebert & Roeper”) & newspaper film critic (“Chicago Sun-Times” since 1967)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (2005)/recovering from thyroid cancer

1971 [36] Nathan Morris, Philadelphia PA, pop/R&B singer (Boyz II Men-“I’ll Make Love to You”, “End of the Road”)

1976 [31] Blake Shelton, Ada OK, country singer (“The More I Drink”, “Some Beach”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Go Fishing Day” which, if you can pull it off, would allow you to post a sign on your door saying ‘Gone Fishing’. Work, after all, is for people who don’t know how to fish. And, as the hunter-gatherer of the family, you need to bring home the bass or the family might starve!

• “International Picnic Day” a great time to enjoy a meal al fresco, or if you don’t know him … with anyone else you choose. It’s a pseudo-holiday for humans but a regular working day for ants.

• “Splurge Day”, when we’re encouraged to go out and do something indulgent. (Don’t go overboard, because TOMORROW is ‘Return Everything You Bought on Splurge Day’.)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [10] Teenybopper hit “Mmmbop” by Hanson is certified Platinum by the RIAA

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1816 [191] 1st “Thanksgiving Day” celebrated in Upper Canada (later moved to October after people complain, “It’s too damn hot to roast a turkey in June!”)

1905 [102] The wooden chair that’s become a symbol of summer, the ‘Adirondack Chair’, is 1st patented by Harry Bunnell of Westport NY (we don’t have these in Canada … we have ‘Muskoka Chairs’)

1983 [24] 1st American woman in space (Sally Ride-7th Space Shuttle mission)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [15] Italian police arrest a man for stealing a total of 17,000 little bars of hotel soap

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] World Sauntering Day
[Wed] World Refugee Day
[Thurs] Summer begins (2:06 pm EDT)
[Thurs] Canadian Aboriginal Day
[Thurs] Baby Boomers Recognition Day
[Thurs] Vegan World Day
[Fri] Take Your Dog to Work Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Fiddlers Week / Meet A Mate Week / Nursing Assistants Week

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• At an all-you-can-eat buffet, do you have to pay extra if you eat less than you can?
• Are children ever ruly?
• Where do Hawaiians go for vacation?
• Do mealworms ever just snack?
• If you swim halfway across a lake and realize you can’t make it, should you turn around and swim back?
• If you drop soap on the floor, what do you clean it with?
• Do they make silencers for staple guns?       

BS PHONE STARTER:
‘Fess up! You can remain anonymous but tell us all the things you’ve ever ripped off from an employer.

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• Sure, everyone wants to save the whales … but not one voice is raised on behalf of the plankton!
• I’m convinced that in a past life I was somebody named ‘Occupant’ … and they’re still forwarding my mail.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: People who adhere to THIS lifestyle smell more attractive.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Vegetarian.   

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
‘Now’ is a point in time that is already gone.