June 8, 2007

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Friday, June 8, 2007        Edition: #3549
Sheet For Brains!

So after serving a massive 3 days of her original 45-day prison sentence, Paris Hilton is back on the street (apparently ‘reflecting on her life’ was too arduous, and her fellow inmates protested her presence violated the Geneva Convention) . . . TONIGHT the TV special “My Daddy the Croc Hunter” airs (Animal Planet), a set-up for TOMORROW’s debut of the wildlife series, “Bindi: The Jungle Girl” (Discovery Kids), hosted by late “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin’s 8-year-old daughter (her name, ‘Bindi’, is the aboriginal word for ‘little girl’) . . . SATURDAY Adam Sandler is honored as the ‘Ultimate Guy’s Guy’ at the inaugural “Guy’s Choice Awards” (Spike), while “Swingers” co-stars Vince Vaughn & Jon Favreau receive the 1st-ever ‘Guy’s Choice Movie Hall of Fame Award’ (taped for airing next WEDNESDAY) . . . SUNDAY the 61st annual “Tony Awards” for the best of Broadway air live from NYC’s Radio City Music Hall (CBS), with nominations led by the rock musical “Spring Awakening” (11); “Grey Gardens”, and “The Coast of Utopia” (10 apiece) . . . SUNDAY the 2007 “Banff World Television Festival” opens, with Canadian actor Colm Feore (“Trudeau”, “Chicago”) scheduled to receive the annual ‘Award of Distinction’ (the fest reels through WEDNESDAY) . . . Canadian journalist Rebecca Eckler (ex-“National Post”) is suing writer/director Judd Apatow, claiming his blockbuster “Knocked Up” is a rip-off from her 2005 book “Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be” (if it weren’t a hit, he wouldn’t have heard a peep) . . . Radio Caracas Televisión (RCTV), the opposition TV station shut down by Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez, has created its own channel on YouTube, where it is continuing to produce a controversial news program that has drawn nearly 200,000 viewers (now Chavez will try to shut down the Internet) . . . Ladysmith BC-born actress Pamela Anderson is taking up real estate development, planning a condo-marina complex in a so-far-secret location (she’s considering somewhere near water) . . . 44-year-old “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul is contemplating adopting a child if she’s unable to have a baby biologically with a ‘father figure’ (count on it, hon’) . . . While playing in a celeb golf tourney in Des Moines IA, 43-year-old “Brothers & Sisters” actor Rob Lowe hit a birdie – literally – knocking down a goldfinch (ironically, the official state bird) in mid-flight & causing his approach shot to drop 50 yards short (now he’s working on an eagle) . . . A contingent of 15 actors from the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy is suing New Line Cinema for breach of contract, claiming they’re still owed a share of an estimated $100 million in profits from movie merchandise sales (guys, always read the fine print) . . . And it’s just been announced actor TR Knight will return to “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC/CTV) for a 4th season as ‘Dr George O’Malley’, thanks to a new contract paying $125,000-per-episode plus a small piece of the pie (but first he’ll have to pass the intern exam).

• Christina Aguilera – TOMORROW she’s the musical guest on a “Saturday Night Live” rerun (NBC) hosted by actor Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”).
• George Michael – TODAY he’s scheduled to appear in London court to be sentenced on drug charges (‘driving while unfit’), a day before he plays the sold-out 1st-ever concert in the newly-rebuilt Wembley Stadium for some 90,000-odd fans SATURDAY night.
• Goo Goo Dolls – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Gwen Stefani – THIS AFTERNOON she’s a guest on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Keith Urban – TONIGHT the North American leg of his “Love, Pain & the Whole Crazy World Tour” begins in Phoenix AZ. The entire 36-concert, 33-city tour will run on bio-diesel power.
• Kenny Chesney – SATURDAY his 6-stadium “Flip Flop Summer Tour” kicks off at Pittsburgh’s Heinz Field. The tour also includes Brooks & Dunn, Sara Evans, Sugarland, and Pat Green.
• Rolling Stones – SUNDAY they headline the annual “Isle of Wight Festival”, the first UK festival they’ve played since 1976.

• “Hostel: Part II” ( R-Rated Horror Sequel ): Instead of a trio of guys as in the 2005 original, this time 3 bright-eyed co-eds (Lauren German, Heather Matarazzo, Bijou Phillips) take a break from classes to check out Europe but are lured into a hostel by a handsome young man. After being sold to the twisted masters, they’re tied up and subjected to unthinkable tortures. Director Eli Roth brags, “We’ve got actual theme rooms.” Shot in the Czech Republic, Slovakia and Iceland. Quentin Tarantino is an executive producer, meaning … he’s got money invested.
NET: http://www.hostel2.com/
• “Ocean’s Thirteen” ( PG-13 Heist Comedy Sequel ): ‘Danny Ocean’ (George Clooney) and his ever expanding band of merry men & women plot their latest heist. Also starring, of course, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Bernie Mac, Don Cheadle & Carl Reiner. But joining the cast are Al Pacino and Ellen Barkin, one of whom will play ‘Danny’s love interest. As a courtesy to the great man, director Steven Soderbergh filmed all of Pacino’s scenes in just 3 weeks. Why do they keep making these? “Ocean’s Eleven” (2001) made $450 million worldwide; and even critically-panned “Ocean’s Twelve” (2004) made $360 million.
NAT: http://oceans13.warnerbros.com/
• “Surf’s Up” ( PG Animated Family ): Working from a novel premise – that penguins invented surfing – this fun animated feature is shot in a mouckumentary style, following a camera crew as they go behind-the-scenes at the ‘Penguin World Surfing Championship’. Features the voices of Jeff Bridges, Jon Heder, Jane Krakowski, Shia LaBeouf, Michael McKean & James Woods. OK what’s the deal with penguin movies? “March of the Penguins”; the spoof “Farce of the Penguins”; “Happy Feet”; and now this … aren’t 4 in less-than-2-years about 3 too many?
NET: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/surfsup/index.html

Living rooms may be headed for extinction as luxury homeowners don’t seem to want them any more. Unless, of course, the living room is outside. Then it’s totally cool. Nowadays the dining room is gaining prominence as the first decorated space visitors see when they walk inside an upscale home. If, as usual, the trend catches on in more modest properties, the ‘living room’ will be history. (Nowadays you’re simply trailer trash if you don’t have a ‘media room’.)
– “Atlanta Journal-Constitution”

The latest innovation in inebriation, called ‘Booz2Go’, is now available in the Netherlands in 20-gram (about 1-oz) packs that cost around $2. Top it up with water and you end up with a bubbly, lime-colored and -flavored drink with 3% alcohol content. Four Dutch classmates at Helicon Vocational Institute developed the powdered alcohol which they say can be legally sold to consumers below 16, the legal age for drinking alcohol and smoking in Holland. It seems the product escapes regulation because it’s not in liquid form and therefore classified as a ‘flavoring’. (Just what we need! Can they sell them at the driver’s license office?)
– Reuters

‘Wiiitis’ [pronounced ‘wee-EYE-tis’] is the latest ailment to develop from the video game era, which began with ‘Space Invaders Wrist’ in 1981, caused by the repeated button mashing required by the arcade game. Nowadays it’s Nintendo’s Wii game console that can captivate players for hours at a time as they simulate real movements from various sports (tennis, golf, etc). The problem is, unlike the real sport, physical strength & endurance are not limiting factors, so players tend to overextend themselves and develop real-life sports-type injuries. The common treatment for ‘Wiiitis’ consists of ibuprofen for a week and complete abstinence from playing any Wii games. (But that just exacerbates the whining.)
– “New England Journal of Medicine”

Contenting that the majority of the world’s ‘art’ is no more than a pile of trash, artist Christopher Goodwin has set up ‘Trashball’ machines in a couple of artsy locations in Washington DC. The gizmos resemble a gumball machine except they dispense clear plastic balls containing garbage instead of gum. ‘Trashballs’ may contain such refuse as cigarette butts, candy wrappers & broken glass or comparatively good stuff like old coins, movie ticket stubs or free original art by the artist. You can now also buy his trash on the net for only 3 bucks.
NET: http://www.goodwinart.com/
– “Curious Times”

While researching his new book, “Rejuvenile: Kickball, Cartoons, Cupcakes, and the Reinvention of the American Grown-Up”, author Chris Noxon has found that …
• Fully half the visitors to  Disney World are now adults without kids.
• More 18-to 34-year-olds watch the Cartoon Network than any of the news channels.
Noxon suggests there’s a growing trend of adults returning to childhood activities such as skateboarding, water-gun fights, even tag and dodge-ball. Why? It may be a reaction to our hard-work culture … we work hard so now we wanna play hard, too. (Or maybe we just haven’t grown up.)
– “Social Studies”

• There are now 266 powers under which British authorities can raid an individual’s home. They include: ‘checking for foreign bees’; ‘inspection of high hedges’; ‘surveying seal population’; and, of course, that dastardly threat ‘checking for offences related to stage hypnotism’.
– “The Week”
• Cement production is the 3rd-biggest contributor of greenhouse gases in all human activity, ranking only behind internal combustion and deforestation.
– “LA Times”
• Vibrators have come a long way since they debuted in the late 1800s. Back then, these buzzy buddies were made out of wood or steel and were powered by – ouch! – steam!
– “Cosmo”
• The ideal length for a joke is just 103 words, according to the humor think-tank LaughLab. They also note that the longer your joke is, the more payoff is expected from the punchline.
– “Men’s Health”


1925 [82] Barbara Bush, Queens NY, former US First Lady/George Bush Sr’s wife/Dubya’s mommy

1933 [74] Joan Rivers (Molinsky), Brooklyn NY, loudmouth comedian/TV personality

1957 [50] Scott Adams, Windham NY, comic strip cartoonist (“Dilbert”)

1958 [49] Keenen Ivory Wayans, NYC, movie producer/director/screenwriter (“Little Man”, “White Chicks”)/movie actor (“Scary Movie”)/brother of actors Shawn, Damon, Marlon & Kim Wayans

1978 [29] Kanye West, Atlanta GA, rap artist (“Gold Digger”, “Jesus Walks”)

1981 [26] Sara Watkins, Santa Monica CA, bluegrass/folk music fiddler (Nickel Creek-“Smoothie Song”)

Web-footed movie star Donald Duck (“The Wise Little Hen”) is 73; TV/movie actor Michael J Fox (“Back to the Future”) is 46; Movie actor Johnny Depp (“Pirates of the Caribbean”) is 44; Movie actress Natalie Portman (“V for Vendetta”) is 26.

Britain’s Prince Philip (Mr Queen Elizabeth) is 86; Movie/TV actress Jeanne Tripplehorn (“Big Love”) is 44; Model/movie actress Elizabeth Hurley (“Austin Powers”) is 42; TV actor Shane West (“ER”) is 29.

• “Name Your Poison Day”. Let’s say you can have all you want of one bad-for-you thing for the rest of your life without any repercussions … what would you pick? Milk chocolate? Sirloin steak? Buckets of beer?
• “North By Northeast Music & Film Festival and Conference” (“NXNE”) in Toronto, the 13th year for the event that serves up new music & film predominantly from independent artists. (Based on the “South by Southwest Festival” [“SXSW”] held each MARCH in Austin TX).
NET: http://www.nxne.com/
• “Take a Kid Fishing Weekend”. Even if they aren’t biting, everyone can have a good time outdoors in the fresh air. Sorry li’l dude, but you gotta bait your own hook.

• “Belmont Stakes”, the 139th running of the 3rd and final jewel in horseracing’s Triple Crown at Elmont NY’s Belmont Park.
• “Betty Picnic Day”, originally an annual gathering of women named ‘Betty‘ – but since they’re aren’t many left – a good excuse to dine al fresco anyway.
• “Canada’s Walk of Fame Induction” in Toronto, the 10th annual gala honoring famous Canadians. To date, 101 have been honored. THIS YEAR’s inductees include paraplegic athlete Rick Hansen (Williams Lake BC); Toronto-born movie actress Catherine O’Hara (“Home Alone”); rock group Nickelback (Hanna AB); movie director/producer Ivan Reitman (“Ghostbusters”); Edmonton-born TV actress Jill Hennessy (“Crossing Jordan”); 73-year-old CTV News anchor Lloyd Robertson (Stratford ON); 76-year-old actor Gordon Pinsent (Grand Falls NL); and 82-year-old Toronto Maple Leaf goalie Johnny Bower. Actor Eugene Levy (2006 inductee) hosts the gala at the Hummingbird Centre that airs SUNDAY on CTV.
NET: http://www.canadaswalkoffame.com/
• “World Naked Bike Ride” when naturists in dozens of cities worldwide take to the streets on bicycles to protest oil dependency and to ‘celebrate the power and individuality of our bodies’. In Canada, groups have been organized to participate in London, Moncton, Montréal, Ottawa, Toronto, Vancouver & Victoria.
US cities participating include NYC, LA, Boston, Detroit, Seattle, and Washington DC.
NET: http://www.worldnakedbikeride.org/

• “National Puerto Rican Day Parade”, the 50th annual along Fifth Avenue in NYC. Pop singer Ricky Martin serves as the first Mardi Gras-style ‘King of the Parade’. Past honorees have been named ‘Grand Marshal’.
NET: http://www.nationalpuertoricandayparade.org/

1998 [09] Surviving Beatles sing “Let It Be” at the ‘Linda McCartney Tribute’ memorial held in London UK

1824 [183] 1st practical ‘Washing Machine’ developed by Noah Cushing of Québec (who was tired of bashing his underwear against St Lawrence River rocks)

1869 [138] 1st ‘Vacuum Cleaner’ patented by JW McGaffey of Chicago IL (even though his wife tells him, “JW, your invention sucks!”)

1896 [111] 1st ‘Stolen Car’ is reported (as it totters away at 3 mph.)

1983 [24] Charlos Vieira begins 191 hours of ‘Non-Stop Cycling’ in Leiria, Portugal

[Tues] Machine Day
[Tues] Taco Day
[Tues] Kitchen Klutzes Day
[Wed] Juggling Day
[Thurs] Family History Day
[Thurs-June 17] 7th Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival (Manchester TN)
This Week Is … Business Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Potty Training Awareness Month


Actual statements from résumés & cover letters submitted by employment seekers …
• “I have a high IQ. I am a member of Menza.”
• “Now that I have my foot in the door, won’t you see the rest of me?”
• “I have an obsession for detail; I like to make sure I cross my i’s and dot my t’s.”
• “Through my career experiences, I have become inept at communication skills.”
• “My complete mastery of the software interface was undermined by jealous peers. You will see the entire story when I sell the screenplay.”
• “Typing speed: 758 wpm.”
• “Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.”
• “In addition to my business duties, I care for a very demanding kitten, 2 adorable puppies, and 3 feisty hamsters all of whom insist on a share of my time and attention.”
– “Milwaukee Journal Sentinel”

He thinks the 4 food groups are fast, frozen, instant, and microwavable.

Today’s Question: If your personality is THIS, you will live longer
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Cantankerous and bad-tempered.

Don’t just break rules, make your own.

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