Thursday, June 3, 2021 — Edition: #6999

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Matthew Perry and Molly Hurwitz are calling it quits. The “Friends” alum and 29-year-old literary manager have ended their engagement, 7 months after the actor popped the question. The pair started dating in 2018, and they were first spotted publicly in December 2019 at a restaurant in West Hollywood. In a statement, Perry said: “Sometimes things just don’t work out, and this is one of them. I wish Molly the best.”
-E!
★ Kate Winslet insisted a “bulgy bit of belly” not be cut from her “Mare of Easttown” love scene. She talked about the HBO limited series, which concluded Sunday, where she plays small-town Pennsylvania detective ‘Mare Sheehan’, trying to solve a murder of a local teen girl. Viewers embraced her unglamorous character — and so did she, making sure that all was seen onscreen. When the director told her he’d cut “a bulgy bit of belly” from a sex scene she did with Guy Pearce, she says she told him: “Don’t you dare!” She also said she sent back the show’s promo — twice — because she felt it was too retouched.
-Yahoo
★ A trailer for the “iCarly” reboot officially arrived this week, giving fans a brand-new look at ‘Carly’ (Miranda Cosgrove) and her friends. The trailer begins with Carly telling the camera, “This is still iCarly, but it’s grown up now.” The scenes that follow reveal that Carly decided to take a break from her web show in 2012, and is now resuming the project with help from her friend ‘Freddie’ and brother ‘Spencer’, both of whom are original cast members. The first 3 episodes will stream beginning June 17 at Paramount+. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/2ydnt5tp
-PopCulture
★ Competition series from Kal Penn and ice cream manufacturers Ben & Jerry’s are part of Food Network and Cooking Channel’s latest slate of originals. Penn is hosting “Money Hungry”, a contest that requires the abilities of a super taster combined with a wide-reaching culinary knowledge to complete a series of increasingly difficult taste tests encompassing the entire world of flavors. “Ben and Jerry’s: The Cold Wars” is an ice cream competition, where teams of future flavor gurus create wildly imaginative and out-of-this-world frozen treats in a bid for the grand prize. In all, the Discovery-owned networks are plotting over 30 new series for the second half of the year as part of 400 hours of food-focused programming.
-MSN

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Michael Che, Cillian Murphy, the Linda Lindas
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Maya Rudolph, Christopher Meloni, 24kGoldn (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jake Tapper, Billie Eilish (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Pete Davidson, Jodie Turner-Smith, George Saunders, Mario Duplantier (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Sen. Chuck Schumer, Sam Smith (R)
• “Conan” (TBS): W. Kamau Bell (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Wanda Sykes, Kim Fields
• “The Talk” (CBS): Bradley Whitford, Michael Cudlitz, guest co-hosts Jerry O’Connell & David Begnaud
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Patrick Wilson, Olivia Holt, Dr. Melina Jampolis
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Sofía Vergara, Cam Anthony, Wim Hof
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Seth Meyers, Katie Stevens, Lil Rel
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Adam Sandler, Jill Kargman (R)
• “Station 19” (ABC): Season 4 finale
• “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC): Season 17 finale
• “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (NBC): Season 22 finale
• “Beat Shazam” (FOX): Season 4 premiere

BS MUSIC NOTES:.
• Taylor Swift — has broken the modern record for most US vinyl album sales in one week with “evermore”. Her 2020 sister record to “folklore” managed the feat in just 3 days, selling 40,000 copies between May 28-30, the most since MRC Data began tracking sales in 1991. Jack White’s “Lazaretto” sold the same amount in the week ending June 15, 2014.
• Billie Eilish — After fans wondered online what her next single will be, on Tuesday, she took to her Instagram to reveal the next song off her forthcoming album “Happier Than Ever” will be ‘Lost Cause’. And sure enough, the video premiered yesterday.
• Mariah Carey — is fighting back against her brother Morgan’s recent lawsuit claiming she defamed him in her memoir “The Meaning of Mariah Carey”. In new court docs, her legal team claims the story was not meant to defame Morgan but serve as an “inspiration” to others who have been through similar experiences.
• Guns N’ Roses – has announced a US summer tour with Mammoth WVH. The rescheduled dates from last year’s postponed trek will kick off on July 31, 2021, in Hershey, PA, and will run through early October with a two-night run at the Hard Rock Live Arena in Hollywood, Florida.
• The Who — Pete Townshend says he was once “probably” pansexual. Speaking about the band’s 1966 single ‘I’m A Boy’, he revealed that at one point in his life he would have slept with anybody, regardless of gender. Quote: “I think I probably was, but not anymore.”
• Queen – Drummer Roger Taylor has announced a solo tour. He’ll perform a string of intimate shows across the UK, starting on October 2nd. His plans? “Obviously we’ll include some of the Queen classic catalogue, and some of my earlier solo work, but we’ll also be introducing them to some of the new stuff. The tour will coincide with the release of his “Outsider” album, out Oct. 1.
• Morrissey — has announced a new album. On his website, he says of the upcoming “Bonfire of Teenagers,” “The worst year of my life concludes with the best album of my life.” No release date yet.
• Keith Urban – Tickets go on sale Mon. for the resumption of his Las Vegas residency. A video teaser for 5 newly-announced shows at the Colosseum at Caesars Palace illustrates a show that will be different from the set he first offered fans in 2020. The 5 shows are set for Sept. 17, 18, 22, 24 and 25.
• Brett Young – has announced his upcoming “The Weekends Tour”. He’ll will be joined by Maddie & Tae and Filmore with Ryan Hurd and Matt Ferranti on select shows, and the 33-city tour will kick off Sept. 11 in Fort Worth, TX, and run through Dec. 3 in Oklahoma City, OK
• Shania Twain – says she working on new music and is “definitely on a mission to make the best album I’ve ever made.” Her plan is to release it by Christmas, and she has one request for fans: “Please be patient. I want it to be worth waiting for.”

SHOOTING THE BULL

SHORT STORIES ABOUT LONGEVITY:
➢ Israeli scientists have found a way to increase the life expectancy of mice by 23%, in ground-breaking research that they hope to replicate in humans. The researchers managed to boost the life expectancy of 250 rodents by increasing the supply of SIRT6, a protein that normally wanes in the aging process. The protein-enriched animals were also less prone to cancer. The team at Bar-Ilan University is now working on identifying drugs that may allow SIRT6 to safely be spiked in people. Prof. Haim Cohen says if similar results were experienced by humans, we could reach an average age of 120 years. (They could have got the same result by making cats illegal!)
➢ A company is developing a treatment with an eye on extending the lifespan of dogs. The startup “Cellular Longevity Inc.” is working on an experiment through its brand ‘Loyal’ that would make dogs live longer, and live more active lifestyles. The idea is that any advances in dogs’ lifespans could eventually be used to extend the lives of people. The company’s 26-year-old founder, Celine Halioua, says that dogs make great test subjects because they have evolved alongside people, and “They also develop age-related diseases over time.” The company plans to begin testing 2 anti-aging drugs next year. (If they make my Jack Russell any more active, I’m suing!)
-NYPost, Bloomberg

BRIGHT AND EARLY – AND HAPPY:
Yes, it’s pretty tempting to hit that snooze button in the morning, but new research suggests early risers may be less at risk of depression. Scientists from the University of Colorado at Boulder analyzed the genetics and sleep habits of more than 840,000 people, and their results suggest waking one hour earlier cuts a person’s risk of major depressive disorder, “a serious and debilitating” form of the mental health condition, by 23%. Rising 2 hours earlier? That’s linked to 40% lower odds of depression. The researchers say this may be because “early birds” generally have greater exposure to natural light, which has a cascade effect on hormones, boosting their mood. Lack of sleep has long been linked to depression. Night owls are generally more at risk than early birds, even if both sleep for the same number of hours.
(So please explain those wonderful people who get up early, but you’ve never seen them smile before 8am!)
(Actually, I think what they should be studying is how happy people are when their PARTNER gets out of bed an hour before they do!)
(I get up so early for work, my ancestors have been cured of depression!)
-Yahoo

BAD ATTITUDE: BAD:
A new study has determined that having “major ’tude” is a major contributor to heart attack risk. More specifically, a team of researchers from The University of Tennessee found that sarcasm, irritability, and cynicism are linked to higher mortality rates. Their research was conducted on 2,321 heart attack survivors, whose average age was 67. Each was tracked for 24 months, and it was found that hostility (those who were determined to be sarcastic, irritable or cynical) consistently stood out as a strong predictor of dying from a heart attack.
(And now they have something else to be mad about!)
(Please join with me in sparing a kind thought for Oscar the Grouch today…)
(As if I didn’t already know this. Gawd!)
-Ladders

AVOID THESE 5 EMAIL PHRASES THAT MAKE YOU SOUND PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE:
✗ “Per my last email…” It means: “You didn’t really read what I wrote. Pay attention this time!”
✗ “For future reference…” It means: “Let me correct your blatant ‘mistake’ that you already knew was wrong.”
✗ “Bumping this to the top of your inbox…” Means: “You’re my boss [or employee]. This is the third time I’ve asked you. I need you to get this crap done.”
✗ “Just to be sure we’re on the same page…” Means: “I’m going to cover my butt here and make sure that everyone who refers to this email in the future knows that I was right all along.”
✗ “Going forward…” Means: “Do not ever do that again.”
(Avoid the phrase “circling back” too. It’s not passive aggressive, it’s just really irritating!)
-CNBC

FUNNIEST TWEETS OF THE WEEK FROM PARENTS:
⇒ I pointed out a fire truck to my coworker on our drive, and I think I need to spend less time with my children. – Lil Bit
⇒ My kids would be late to school even if we lived inside the school – Vinod Chhaproo
⇒ I don’t understand how people are capable of living double lives I barely have the time or energy for the one life I live — yelisaSwizzy
⇒ I said goodnight to 4 and when I left the room I heard her say to her teddies “mummy better not give me the wrong cereal bowl tomorrow”. I have no idea what the wrong cereal bowl is and now I fear for my life. — MumInBits
⇒ my son needs help with his math project so i did what any good parent would do. i slipped out the back door and started a new life in costa rica — Kim
⇒ *Before kids* Kindergarten graduation is not a thing Brenda! *After kids* Down in front! I’m live streaming here! — Andi

DID YOU KNOW?
Free samples are returning to the aisles of Costco. In another sign of a return to “Normal”, the reinstatement of snacking while shopping is being phased in beginning this week and will be expanded throughout the month. “Increased safety protocols” will be put into place, including samples prepared in smaller batches and behind plexiglass, then given to customers one at a time. The complimentary nibbles have been unavailable to customers for 14 months due to the pandemic.
-NYPost

BS CHRONOMETER 06.03.21

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [90] Raúl Castro, Biran Cuba, Cuban politician (President of Cuba 2008-18, retired as Leader of the Communist Party of Cuba in April, 2021)/younger brother of former President Fidel Castro

1946 [75] Penelope Wilton, Scarborough UK, TV actress (‘Isobel Crawley’ on “Downton Abbey” 2010-15)/movie actress (“The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” films)

1950 [71] Suzi Quatro, Detroit MI, rock singer (‘Stumblin’ In’)/TV actress (‘Leather Tuscadero’ on “Happy Days”)

1951 [70] Jill Biden, Hammonton NJ, US First Lady (Delaware educator and wife of Joe Biden, the 46th US President)/Second Lady of the United States 2009-17

1967 [54] Anderson Cooper, NYC, TV news correspondent (“Anderson Cooper 360” since 2003, “60 Minutes” since 2006)

1986 [35] Rafael Nadal, Manacor Spain, pro tennis player (20 Grand Slam singles titles, 13-time French Open winner)/#3-ranked men’s pro tennis player (formerly #1)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Repeat Day” (Again??!!??), an annual opportunity to do things over again … just because you want to. It’s a good excuse to ‘double-snack’ and give a re-do to other fun activities. By the way, it’s “Repeat Day” …

• On the other hand, it’s also “National Itch Day”, Have you ever had the itch to just do something different? Today is the day to do that. Or maybe they mean this more literally. Scratch away, my itchy friend!!

• “Chocolate Macaroon Day”, with a rich creamy chocolate filling and a light coating, they’re the perfect combination of textures. Most recipes call for egg whites (usually whipped to stiff peaks), with ground or powdered seeds, generally almonds or nuts. Alternatively, coconuts can be used.

• “National Egg Day”, a terrific source of protein and vitamin D, which makes them one of the healthiest breakfast foods. Did you know that there are more than a hundred ways to cook an egg? Some of the most popular varieties are scrambled, fried, poached, hard-boiled, sunny-side up, and over-easy. (Have an egg-cellent Egg Day!)

• “Corpus Christi”, observed by Christians — especially Roman Catholics – to commemorate the Holy Eucharist, a rite also commonly known as Holy Communion or the Last Supper.

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Hug your Cat Day
[Fri] National Cheese Day
[Sat] Hot Air Balloon Day
[Sat] National Attitude Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2001 [20] Mel Brooks’ Broadway musical comedy “The Producers” wins a record 12 Tony Awards

2009 [12] 72-year-old actor David Carradine (“Kung Fu”) dies in a Bangkok, Thailand hotel room, the victim of … ahem … “accidental autoerotic asphyxiation” (he’s found the next day)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2002 [19] Paul McCartney and Aretha Franklin perform at Queen Elizabeth II’s “Golden Jubilee”, celebrating the 50th year of her reign

2019 [02] Forbes declares Jay-Z a billionaire, making him the first rapper to hit that mark. $310 million of his fortune comes from his stake in Armand de Brignac champagne

TODAY IN SPORTS . . .
2016 [05] After a 32-year battle with Parkinson’s disease, Muhammad Ali, the heavyweight boxing champion and civil rights activist, dies of respiratory complications at 74

TODAY IN TECH . . .
2019 [02] Apple announces it is shutting down iTunes and replacing it with three different apps

BULL’S BITS

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ The hour hand on a wristwatch travels at .00000275 mph.
✓ Babies who wear disposable diapers are five times more likely to develop diaper rash than those that wear cotton diapers.
✓ 50% of lingerie purchases are returned to the retailer.
✓ In Japan, you can buy stick-on belly-button cleaners.
✓ Instead of a birthday cake, many children in Russia are given a birthday pie.
✓ Male monkeys lose the hair on their heads in the same way men do.
-BathroomReadersInstitute, RandomFactGenerator

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Bringing my dog named “Shark” to the beach was definitely a mistake…

Best Of BS . . .
BS PHONE APPS FOR THE ELDERLY:
• Instagrammy
• Candy Crush – Butterscotch flavor
• Denture Adventure
• Get off My Lawn Dr.
• The “What did I Come Into This Room For” reminder app
• Whipper Snapchatter
• NapQuest
• The Angry Bird Special
• A YouTube of Ben-Gay
• Words With Your Remaining Friends
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ A 75-year-old man just climbed Mount Everest. (You gotta give him credit. I had no idea you could get an ’88 Buick Skylark over that terrain…)
➠ A study finds that the majority of conspiracy theorists will believe anything. (But the government conducted the report, so it’s probably just meant to distract us from their role in the COVID-19 pandemic…)
➠ I just read a study that claims there are more “Binge-Snacking” women than men. (Maybe true, but the study said NOTHING about “Binge-Nagging”).
➠ I just read a study that claimed men have stronger sexual impulses than women. (The study has a margin of error of plus-or-minus . . . okay, there is NO margin of error. Just trust me on this, ladies…)
➠ Fact of the Day:  If you can’t send an Excel file because it’s too big, save it as .xlsb. This will shrink it, and allow you to email it. (And, if you still use Excel, you can also look-up each step on Netscape Navigator, use your pager to have a techie-friend phone you back, or just contact 1997 directly!)

BS WEB GOODIE:
That went pretty much the way you’d expect: https://tinyurl.com/w7sfj9ew

BS PHONE STARTER:
Who is your most-despised fictional character, ever?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  80% of men say it’s embarrassing to order THIS at a restaurant. What is it?
Answer:  Diet soda

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Only dead fish go with the flow.