June 22 2018

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Friday, June 22, 2018 – Edition: #6240

The BS Press!

★ During an appearance on “Good Morning America” on Wednesday, Mike Myers sort-of dropped a hint about another Austin Powers movie. Quote: “I can neither confirm nor deny the existence or nonexistence of a movie like that, which exists or not exists.” Myers said the whole statement with a smile and added that it was “looking good.”
(Throw me a frickin’ bone here!)
★ Celebrities including William Shatner are tweeting their farewells to Koko.  Koko, the gorilla who mastered sign language and became something of a pop culture staple, has died at the age of 46.  From being referenced on Seinfeld to hanging out with Shatner, Robin Williams and Mr. Rogers, and being a cover model for National Geogrephic, Koko was a pretty big deal.  She died in her sleep Wedneday in Woodside, Calif.
★ Kate Spade’s foundation is donating up to $1 million to multiple mental health awareness causes in memory of their late founder. The company released the news on Wednesday and said their first cause will be donating to the Crisis Text Line, which provides support via text message to people who are in crisis. Kate Spade New York will give Crisis Text Line $250,000 and promises to match up to $100,000 in public donations made between now and June 29.
★ One of Mario Batali’s last standing businesses, NYC gourmet grocery store and café Tarry Market, is shutting its doors. Batali opened the boutique in 2010 along with business partner and celebrity chef Lidia Bastianich, with whom also partnered for Eataly, their famous Italian mega-market and eatery. Eataly cut ties with Batali in 2017 amid numerous allegations of sexual misconduct.
★ “Jane the Virgin” star Gina Rodriguez is breaking from unwritten Emmys tradition this year to make a difference in the life of one young woman. She’s using her Emmy money to send and undocumented student to college. With Rodriguez’ support, the student (who’ll remain unnamed) will be able to complete a four-year degree at Princeton University without financial burden.
★ Steve Martin says he has a “colonoscopy party” with Martin Short and Tom Hanks each year. Martin explains that the men all meet at his house the night before their colonoscopy appointments. But they can’t eat anything because, well, they’re having a colonoscopy. Martin says they call it ‘Colonoscopy Eve’. He says that, “It’s catered, there’s Jello. But there’s not much you can eat because you have to purge all day, and then we toast”.
(I can imagine the invitations: “You’ve invited to come and go…”)

• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Seth Meyers, Dominic Cooper, Penn & Teller
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Julianna Margulies, Annabelle Wallis, Tom King, Brian Frasier-Moore ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Benedict Cumberbatch, Kylie Minogue ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Eric Stonestreet, Evangeline Lilly
• “The Talk” (CBS): Raven-Symone, Perez Hilton, guest co-host Jennifer Morrison
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Joel McHale, Letitia Wright, Rhett & Link
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Hugh Jackman, Demi Lovato ( R )
• “Undercover Boss: Celebrity Edition” (CBS): Model Ashley Graham seeks out like-minded curvy models, and meets an adolescent who defies the conventional body type for talented dancers.
• “The Great British Baking Show” (PBS): Season 5 premiere

• “Wedding March 4: Something Old, Something New” (HALLMARK): The road to true love for Olivia and Mick takes a few unexpected twists and turns.

• “2018 BET Awards” (BET): Performances by Nicki Minaj, Meek Mill, Big Sean, Miguel, 2 Chainz, Migos and Janelle Monae. Hosted by Jamie Foxx.
• “Celebrity Family Feud” (ABC): Steph Curry and family vs. Chris Paul and family; and Olympic gold medalist Laurie Hernandez and family vs. Olympic gold medalist Shawn Johnson East

• XXXTentacion – his song ‘SAD!’ amassed 10.4 million Spotify streams on June 19, the day following his death. That broke Taylor Swift’s single-day streaming record. Swift’s ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ racked up 10.1 million streams the day it was released, August 25, 2017.
• Ed Sheeran – has made a life-sized Lego model of his own head and donated it to charity. He’s been praised by staff at St Elizabeth Hospice for his “incredible” donation. He has also given away a record player, skateboard, headphones and other items to the charity in his hometown of Framlingham, Suffolk.
• Akon – is the latest artist to dive into the cryptocurrency market after launching his own digital currency. Titled ‘Akoin’, the cryptocurrency is set to aid the singer’s ‘Lighting Africa’ initiative – a project that aims to improve Africa’s living conditions through the use of renewable energy.
• Michael Jackson – A musical based on his life is in development, and on track to make a Broadway premiere in 2020. The untitled musical will be written by Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Lynn Nottage and directed and choreographed by Tony winner Christopher Wheeldon, with “a score made up of some of the best-loved, top-selling songs in recording history.”
• Cranberries – Dolores O’Riordan’s children have been gifted $250,000 by the metal group Bad Wolves. She passed away in January shortly before she was due to attend a recording session to lend her vocals to Bad Wolves’ cover of the Cranberries song ‘Zombie’. The group released the song with the commitment to give their proceeds to her four children.
• Chris Cornell – his daughter Toni has officially released her duet of the Prince classic ‘Nothing Compares 2U’ with her father, with proceeds going to charity. She shared the track via social media on Father’s Day and has now released it to digital retailers and streaming services and will donate proceeds to the International Rescue Committee.
• Robert Plant – says that he turned down a role on “Game of Thrones” because he didn’t want to be “typecast”. But that doesn’t stop him from taking some credit for the show. Quote: “I started that (stuff). Go back to ‘Immigrant Song,’” The lyrics to that iconic single are written from the perspective of a Norse Viking—close in subject matter to that of the HBO fantasy series.
• Miranda Lambert – hasn’t said much about her 2015 split from Blake Shelton, preferring to let her music do the talking. But in a recent interview, she slammed the “Hollywood” part of her relationship, alluding that it was ultimately what broke them up.
• Brett Young – is still working on his second album, blending heartbreak songs with positivity to give fans something that he says shows where he is right now. Many of the songs will share Young’s feelings about his fiancee, Taylor Mills. He says the album is more than half done, and it is more upbeat than his debut, incorporating his appreciation for soul and R&B music.
• Garth Brooks – released his new single ‘All Day Long’ to radio and to Amazon on Tuesday. He compares it to his 90s hits ‘Two of a Kind, Workin’ on a Full House’, ‘Ain’t Goin’ Down (Til the Sun Comes Up)’ and ‘Callin’ Baton Rouge’. Quote: “From the very first lick, this song is a party. Country radio, uptempo honky-tonk and summer go so good together!”

• “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” (PG-13, Action/Adventure): When the island’s dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen and Claire mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event. (Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard)
• “Damsel” (R-Rated, Comedy): It’s the Wild West, circa 1870. Samuel Alabaster, an affluent pioneer, ventures across the American frontier to marry the love of his life. A once-simple journey grows treacherous, blurring the lines between hero, villain and damsel. (Robert Pattinson, Mia Wasikowska)
• “The King” (NR, Documentary): Forty years after the death of Elvis Presley, a musical road trip across America in his 1963 Rolls Royce explores how a country boy lost his authenticity and became a king while his country lost her democracy and became an empire. (Alec Baldwin, Tony Brown)
• “Boundaries” (R-Rated, Comedy/Drama): Laura and her son Henry are forced to drive her estranged, pot-dealing, carefree father Jack across country after being kicked out of a nursing home. (Vera Farmiga, Christopher Plummer)
• “The Catcher Was a Spy” (R-Rated, Drama): A major league baseball player, Moe Berg, lives a double life working for the Office of Strategic Services. (Paul Rudd, Paul Giamatti)

Canada’s 30-year war with Denmark has finally come to an end. What? You weren’t aware? The two countries have been locked in a tussle over ownership of a small, uninhabited island in the middle of the Arctic. ‘Hans Island’ is literally smack dab in the middle of borderlines between Canada and Greenland (which is under the Kingdom of Denmark). The dispute has grown so ‘heated’ at times that each country has been known to send representatives to the half-square mile hunk of rock to do dastardly things such as remove each other’s flags – and leave a gift of Canadian whisky or Danish schnapps for the other country. But in the interest of preserving the future of humanity, the two countries now seem to be on the verge of settling their dispute after 30 years. Canada and Denmark have agreed to form a task force to settle their boundary dispute. The island is made up almost entirely of rock.
(I’m just wondering who gets to drink the booze…)
(Although, the way real estate prices are going…)

Billionaire investor Bill Gross is being accused of resorting to some very juvenile tactics after being forced to hand his wife the keys to their $20 million marital home following their divorce.
A declaration filed by Sue Gross describes the state of the Laguna Beach home she previously shared with her ex-husband when she moved in after the couple’s divorce settlement had been finalized. She claims that her ex sprayed noxious scents around the mansion and even crammed dead fish in its air vents, making her life ‘an unmitigated nightmare’ for the past few months. She says that she found what she calls ‘fart’ and ‘puke’ sprays in the garbage. There were also apparently “balls of human hair in the drawers”. If that weren’t enough, she also found that “The remote controls for the televisions, drapes and other technology were all missing.”
(OK that last bit means WAR!)
(Yes, very immature. By the way, does anyone know where one would get a can of ‘fart spray’ by chance?)
(It could be him. Or maybe their teenagers had a party…)

Researchers from the University of Salford in England have been trying to figure out what man’s best friend has been trying to tell us all these years. Now, they say they have identified 47 different gestures that dogs use to communicate with us, and they’ve managed to “translate” 19 of them. Here are some highlights:
Feed Me:
☞ Using its snout and head to move your hand on to its body
☞ Turning its head from side-to-side, looking between a human and another object
☞ Standing on its hind legs
Pet Me:
☞ Rolling over in front of you
☞ Pressing its nose against you or another object
☞ Licking you or an object
☞ Lifting a paw and placing it on you
Play with me:
☞ Briefly touching you with a single paw
☞ Wiggling its body underneath you or an object
Open the door for me:
☞ Lifting both paws off the ground and placing them on its owner or a nearby object
☞ Jumping up and down in the same location
(I jump up and down too when I gotta pee!)
(I’m just surprised that more of these mean “Pet me” than mean “Feed me”!)
(If my dog could talk, the only thing he’s say would be, “Are you gonna eat that?”)


1936 [82] Kris Kristofferson, Brownsville, TX, country singer/songwriter (‘Me and Bobby McGee’, ‘Help Me Make It Through the Night’)/actor (“A Star is Born”, “Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid”)

1949 [69] Meryl (Mary Louise) Streep, Summit NJ, movie actress with a record 21 Academy Award nominations & 3 Oscars (“The Iron Lady”, “Sophie’s Choice”, “Kramer vs Kramer”) COMING UP…”Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again” 2018

1953 [65] Cyndi Lauper, Ozone Park NY, pop singer (‘Time After Time’, ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’)/Broadway composer (“Kinky Boots”)

1964 [54] Dan Brown, Exeter NH, author (“Angels & Demons”, “The Da Vinci Code”, which sold over 60 million copies worldwide)

1964 [54] Amy Brenneman, New London CT, TV actress (“The Leftovers” 2014-17, “Private Practice” 2007-13, “Judging Amy” 1999-2005)

1970 [48] Steven Page, Scarborough, ON, pop singer/guitarist (ex-Barenaked Ladies-‘One Week’, ‘The Big Bang Theory Theme’)

1973 [45] Carson Daly, Santa Monica CA, TV host (“The Voice” since 2011, “Last Call With Carson Daly” since 2002)

1997 [21] Dinah Jane Hansen, Santa Ana CA, pop singer (Fifth Harmony-‘Work From Home’, ‘Worth It’)

• “Take Your Dog to Work Day”, created by Pet Sitters International to give dog owners the opportunity to invite their ‘best friend’ to participating workplaces.
NET: http://takeyourdog.com

• “Chocolate Eclair Day”, saluting the light, crisp pastry that’s filled with a chocolate-y cream.

• “Onion Rings Day”, for those of us who like our holidays deep-fried.

• “Stupid Guy Thing Day”. Women are always talking about it (“Oh that’s just another stupid guy thing …”), so here’s the day to commemorate it! Women everywhere are encouraged to make a list of ‘Stupid Guy Things’ and pass it on. To get you started …
✓ Pounding things.
✓ Squirting things.
✓ Watching TV sports.
✓ Using power tools.
✓ Driving giant pickup trucks.
✓ Wearing ball caps … backwards.
✓ Burning and/or exploding things.
✓ Eating anything and everything.
✓ The Three Stooges

• “International Widows Day”, a UN-sanctioned day of action to address the poverty and injustice faced by millions of widows and their dependents in many countries.

• “Let It Go Day”, a day to release pent-up emotions. Whatever is bugging you, let it go!
(Aaaaad now you’ll be singing that song all day!)

• “Pink Day”, for some unknown reason a day to dress in pink, from your lipstick to your toenail polish.

• “Runners Selfie Day”, a day to celebrate your run with a pic that you post at #runnersselfie.

• “Pecan Sandies Day”, a tribute to those fabulous shortbread cookies which are rich with both butter and toasted nuts. Perfect with iced tea or milk or coffee, they really require no embellishment.

• “Celebration Of the Senses”, when we’re encouraged to treat ourselves to stimulation of each of our 5 senses. What would be the best sensation for each?

• “International Fairy Day”, a holiday for believers, collectors, and the young at heart to celebrate all that is ‘Fae’, and to reconnect with their imagination and child-like wonder.

• “Pralines Day”, saluting the sweet & creamy taste treat made from sugared pecans or almonds. Pralines were invented in France by Marshal du Plessis-Praslin (hence the name).

• “Swim a Lap Day”, the pool equivalent of ‘Walk a Block’, an easily achievable step to getting your fitness initiative underway.

2001 [17] Street-racing movie “The Fast & The Furious” opens (leads to 7 sequels…so far!!)

2008 [10] Comedian George Carlin dies of heart failure in Santa Monica, California at age 71 (***See today’s Random Joke, Deep Thought, below***)

2002 [16] U2 guitarist The Edge weds his girlfriend of 10 years Morleigh Steinberg in Eze, France (they first met when she was a belly dancer on the band’s “Zoo TV” tour)

2013 [05] “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke begins a 13-week run at #1 on the singles chart

2002 [16] Spaniard Alvaro de Marichalar becomes 1st to cross the Atlantic Ocean by jet ski (12 hours per day on water, sleeping on a support boat), landing at Miami Beach, Florida 4 months after setting off from Rome, Italy


✓ It only takes 6 minutes for brain cells to react to alcohol.
✓ 48 per cent of the world’s population older than 15 claim to have never consumed alcohol.
✓ 33% of the bread produced in the UK is wasted, compared with 6% of the alcohol.
✓ 1 in 5 top 100 country songs refer to alcohol.
✓ People with blue eyes have a higher alcohol tolerance.
✓ A party boat carrying sixty men and women capsized in Texas in 2012 after all the passengers rushed to one side as the boat passed a nude beach.

• “Come see the dinosaurs, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.”
• “Wow, we found another investor? Hasn’t this place proven to be an unreasonably dangerous facility on multiple occasions for over three decades?”
• “If they didn’t want the dinosaurs to get out, why did they make the doors so big?”
• Scientist: “That is one big pile of poo.” Lawyer: “You know, I’m standing right here.”
• “Like, how is it possible that they manage to get loose and run amuck EVERY DAMN TIME?”
• “We don’t have to outrun the dinosaurs, we just have to outrun the children!”
• “You are NOT gonna ride that dinosaur!” “Hold my beer.”
• “Hey Raptor! Eat the Democrats first….the others have guns….”
• “I didn’t expect that…Barney is kicking his ass.”
• “Don’t forget to leave us a review on Trip Advisor!”
• “Hi, is this Jurassic Park?” “Yes.” “Cool. Thanks.”

Best of BS:
• Do not dive in a wading pool.
• Do not bury yourself up to the neck in sand … at low tide.
• On the beach, always hide your keys and wallet by placing them inside your shoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
• No matter how important you consider styling on the beach, do not have your eyeballs pierced.
• Do not attempt to repair motorboat propellers while the engine is engaged.
• Do not pee in the pool. Even if it’s yours. Especially if it’s yours.
• Take everything you own to a picnic. If you don’t make 3 trips back to the vehicle, you’re just not trying.
• When getting into the car and the steering wheel is too hot to hold, do not attempt to steer.
• Always ask out a Summer date who is not only attractive to you, but also to mosquitoes.
• If you have a child under 15 with a smartphone, oh yeah, that thing is going in the pool.
• Always use SPF 10,000.
-First published in BS in 2017

What is the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten?

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. (George Carlin)

Question: If you’re average, you’ll spend 284 full days of your life doing THIS.
Answer: Daydreaming about going on vacation

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. (George Carlin)

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