June 29 2018

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Friday, June 29, 2018 – Edition: #6245

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There’ll be no “BS” service for Monday July 2 to observe the Canada Day holiday. All subscribers will receive credit for the missed service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, July 3.

★ We’re not sure if “Long Island Medium” star Theresa Caputo predicted that her separation from her husband would lead to divorce, but that’s what’s happening. Larry Caputo says that he has moved on. Quote: “I’m fortunate enough to say that I have met someone special. But I’ll just leave it for that now.” Theresa and Larry were married for 28 years before they announced their separation in December. He says the couple is “in divorce proceedings.”
★ Jack Osbourne has revealed why his father Ozzy hated appearing on their family’s reality show “The Osbournes”. The younger Osbourne says that Ozzy “Hated the experience, he hated the way he was portrayed. He was like, ‘It’s not what I do. I’m a musician.’” When it came to their new show together, “Ozzy & Jack’s World Detour”, Jack says he didn’t think his father would appear on reality TV again.
(I’m surprised. I didn’t think Ozzy even KNEW he was on The Osbournes!)
★  Following speculation that Johnny Depp may be in bad health, new rumors indicate that his 16-year-old son, Jack Depp, may be facing serious health issues as well. Jack Depp’s mother, Vanessa Paradis (Pron: PAIR-a-dee), was absent from the Paris premiere of her movie “A Knife in the Heart” on Tuesday.  At the screening, the film’s director, Yann Gonzalez, was quoted as saying, “Unfortunately, Vanessa Paradis was not able to join us tonight, she had to be absent because of her son’s serious health problems.”  Paradis and Depp dated from 1998 to 2012 and had two kids — 19-year-old Lily-Rose Depp and Jack.
★ Sony Pictures’ free streaming video platform ‘Crackle’ is packing up its Hollywood entertainment and leaving Canada. While Crackle has never rivaled Netflix and CraveTV in Canada, it was one of the few streaming options in the market when it launched in 2010.
★ This could be handy. Facebook is introducing a new feature that will allow users to block spoilers from their feeds. The Keyword Snooze function will work like Twitter’s Mute function, allowing users to select certain keywords to make sure posts featuring them do not appear on their timeline. The new feature was introduced to test markets on Wednesday and, if successful, will be made available to all users. Keyword Snooze can also be used to block any words or phrases users no longer wish to see in their feed, not just those relating to TV shows or movies.
(I’ve got a couple ideas…)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Steve Martin, Martin Short, the Record Company ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Heidi Klum, Lakeith Stanfield, Taylor Tomlinson
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Chris Matthews, Alicia Silverstone, Eels ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Ed Helms, Vanessa Kirby, Hannah Gadsby, Brian Frasier-Moore ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Dakota Fanning, Will Forte, Iggy Azalea ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Sebastian Maniscalco
• “The Talk” (CBS): John Stamos, James O’Halloran, guest co-host Anna Camp
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Sting & Shaggy, Emily Ratajkowski, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Ice-T
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jason Sudeikis, Ali Wong ( R )

• “Yes, I Do” (HALLMARK): Busy chocolatier Charlotte has left helicopter mechanic James at the altar three times. She now needs to prove to him that she really does want to marry him.

• “Big Brother”(CBS): The “BB App Store,” is unveiled. America has the opportunity to get the Houseguests trending, resulting in power apps or punishments that could crash their game.
• “Detroit: Comeback City” (HISTORY): A look at the rise, fall and rebirth of Detroit through the iconic Michigan Central Station.
• “The Tunnel: Vengeance”(PBS): Season 3 premiere. Karl and Elise reunite for an emotive and morally complex investigation when a boat carrying child refugees is torched in the middle of the Channel, leaving no sign of its passengers.

• Taylor Swift – The man who tried to break into her home has been ordered by a judge to keep away from her for the next five years. Julius Sandrock was arrested in April after trying to enter Swift’s home while wearing a mask and rubber gloves and in possession of a rope, a knife and live ammunition.
• Demi Lovato – has thanked her supporters after she revealed she has relapsed after celebrating six years of sobriety earlier this year. She recently opened up about her battle with drink and substance addiction when she released her new song ‘Sober’.
• Spice Girls – Here we go again! Mel B dropped by “The Today Show” on Wednesday and basically announced that there WILL be a reunion. Quote: “I’m the only one that keeps on saying we’re going to be performing, which we are gonna be performing. Finally, they’ve got it together. Yes.” When host Hoda Kotb brought up the fact that Victoria Beckham keeps shutting down reunion rumors, Mel B fired back: “She’s always saying that. Stop it. We are touring….Yes, we are going to be doing performances together for sure.”
• Dr. Dre – He and business partner Jimmy Iovine have been ordered to pay over $25 million in royalities to former partner Steven Lamar, who claims he got screwed out of royalties for Beats headphones.
• Def Leppard – Guitarist Phil Collen says that the band has “actually started the next thing”, which means they are recording new music while on tour with Journey. He says they are working on three songs and he loves “the direction of it”.
• Sammy Hagar – Has announced details for his inaugural “High Tide Beach Party & Car Show” October 6 on the shores of Huntington Beach, CA. In addition to a showcase of luxury, exotic, European, custom, classic, movie and hyper cars, REO Speedwagon and Hagar’s band The Circle will headline, with guest appearances by Joe Satriani and Vince Neil.
• Third Eye Blind – Will release an EP of covers called “Thanks for Everything” on August 24. It will contain their versions of songs by Bon Iver, Queens of the Stone Age, Tim Buckley and others who “inspire” the group.
• Faith Hill – is among the country stars who have been announced as 2019 recipients of a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Also up for the honor next year: Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou Harris together as “Trio”.
• Kacey Musgraves – Will sing at this year’s Farm Aid in Hartford, CT on Sept 22. Chris Stapleton, Sturgill Simpson, and Nathaniel Rateliff are also on the bill, in addition to board members John Mellencamp, Willie Nelson and Neil Young.
• George Strait – His 12-acre hilltop estate in San Antonio is up for sale for $3.9 million. The 8,000 square-foot home has a tennis court, an infinity pool, 14 hand-sculpted fireplaces and a patio with a built-in grill, sink, ice maker and refrigerator. (I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve said that 13 hand-sculpted fireplaces just isn’t enough!)

• “Sicario: Day of the Soldado” (R-Rated, Action/Drama): The drug war on the US-Mexico border has escalated as the cartels have begun trafficking terrorists across the US border. To fight the war, federal agent Matt Graver re-teams with the mercurial Alejandro. (Benicio Del Toro, Josh Brolin)
• “Uncle Drew” (PG-13, Comedy): After draining his life savings to enter a team in the Rucker Classic street ball tournament in Harlem, Dax is dealt a series of unfortunate setbacks, including losing his team to his longtime rival. (Kyrie Irving, Lil Rel Howery)
• “Leave No Trace” (PG, Drama): A father and his thirteen year-old daughter are living an ideal existence in a vast urban park in Portland, Oregon, when a small mistake derails their lives forever. (Thomasin McKenzie, Ben Foster)
• “Three Identical Strangers” (PG-13, Documentary): In New York in 1980, three complete strangers accidentally discover that they are identical triplets, separated at birth. The 19-year-olds’ joyous reunion catapults them to international fame, but it also unlocks an extraordinary and disturbing secret. (Silvi Alzetta-Reali, Eddy Galland)
• “Woman Walks Ahead” (R-Rated, Drama): Catherine Weldon, a portrait painter from 1890s Brooklyn, travels to Dakota to paint a portrait of Sitting Bull and becomes embroiled in the Lakota peoples’ struggle over the rights to their land. (Jessica Chastain, Louisa Krause)

Amazon has announced that it’ll be bringing ‘Alexa’ to hotel rooms. The hotel room version of the “Echo” smart speaker system will work a lot like the one you might have in your home, with some hotel-specific skills. For instance, you’ll be able to ask it for room service – or housekeeping. Alexa will call the front desk for you, adjust the thermostat – or even book a spa treatment. The Alexa experience will be customized to each hotel or vacation rental, so guests will also be able to ask Alexa location-specific questions such as what time the hotel pool closes or where the fitness center is.
(Uh, those things don’t have cameras on them, do they? Asking for a friend.)
(Of course, she won’t be able to answer the question I REALLY need her for: “Alexa, where in the hell is my room?”)
(I’m just glad that Alexa only listens…and can’t see me taking everything that’s not nailed down!)

The fire department in an Arizona city is warning people to watch their noodles. Their pool noodles. The City of Buckeye Fire Department says that a local resident stored two pool noodles against the wall outside of their pool. The next time they went to use the noodles, a rattlesnake popped out. The snake did not attack, but it wasn’t quite ready to abandon the floatation device because it had a couple of young rattlesnakes still inside the pool noodle. The fire department says that there have been other reports of snakes actually laying their eggs inside or around pool noodles that have been left outdoors near bushes or block fences.
(I’m just glad that someone…or something finally found a use for one of those things!)

(The 4th of July is coming…and we present this fun look at America!)
➢ Use a Single-Colored Currency: The U.S. dollar is powerful, but it isn’t very exciting to look at. (And they call other countries’ cash ‘Monopoly money’!)
➢ Party With Red Solo Cups: The idea of going to a party and drinking out of red solo cups is viewed by many others as a very American thing to do. It has a lot to do with Hollywood using them in party scenes. The cups are a staple at America-themed parties thrown around the world, and considered a fun cultural association.
➢ Eat it All: Visitors to the U.S. are often blown away by the size of American meals. Plus, researchers found that the U.S. candy bars are an average of 41% bigger, yogurt servings are 82% bigger, and sodas are 52% bigger than those of other countries. (Plus free refills!)
➢ Hold a World Series: They call it the World Series, but every team except for one is American. The fact that they call the winners ‘World Champs’ is baffling to foreigners.
➢ Refer to Themselves Simply as ‘America’: Sometimes it seems like it is forgotten that the U.S. is not the only America. It is actually considered politically incorrect in South America to call the U.S. ‘America’.
➢ Measure in Miles, Feet, and Inches: This is an obvious one, and a constant source of bewilderment for most of the world. America is one of just three countries to follow the imperial system of measurement. (Canada only follows the Imperial system when playing football…or ordering a quarter-pounder!)
(Happy Independence Day to all U.S.B.S.’rs!!)


1944 [74] Gary Busey, Baytown, TX, movie actor (“Buddy Holly Story”, “Point Break”, Lethal Weapon”), reality star (“Celebrity Apprentice” 2013, “Dancing With the Stars” 2015)

1967 [51] Melora Hardin, Houston TX, TV actress (‘Jan Levinson’ on the “The Office” 2005-2015)

1968 [50] Judith Hoag, Newburyport MA, TV actress (‘Tandy Hampton’ on “Nashville” since 2012)

1978 [40] Nicole Scherzinger, Honolulu HI, TV personality (“The X Factor UK” 2016, “The X Factor US” 2011)/pop singer (‘Don’t Hold Your Breath’, Pussycat Dolls-‘Don’t Cha’)

1982 [36] Lily Rabe, NYC, TV actress (“American Horror Story: Hotel” 2015-16, “The Whispers” 2015)

1982 [36] Colin Jost, Staten Island, NY, comedian (weekend update on “Saturday Night Live” since 2014)

1994 [24] Camila Mendes, Charlottesville VA, TV actress (‘Veronica Lodge’ on “Riverdale” since 2016)

TV actor Vincent D’Onofrio (“Law & Order: Criminal Intent”) is 59; Boxing champ Mike Tyson is 52; TV actress Molly Parker (“House of Cards”) is 45; R&B singer Fantasia Barrino (‘I Believe’) is 34; Champion swimmer Michael Phelps is 33

Movie actress Olivia de Havilland (“Gone With the Wind”) is 102; Rock singer Debbie Harry (Blondie ‘Heart of Glass’) is 73; Movie actor Dan Aykroyd (“Blues Brothers”) is 66; TV actress Pamela Anderson (“Baywatch”) is 51; Movie actress Liv Tyler (“Armageddon”) is 41.

• “Camera Day”, which has unknown origins but it is always celebrated on June 29th. The day celebrates the camera and its value to society. (Check Instagram for some of these ‘valuable’ contributions … mostly involving cats)

• “Hug Holiday”, which encourages us to give hugs to those who really need them. The focus is on the elderly, sick and lonely, and anyone who needs the warmth, cheer, and love that a hug provides. Be sure to ask first. (If you knew my Aunt Betty, you’d be asking for a holiday FROM hugs today!)

• “Waffle Iron Day”, which celebrates the great kitchen gadget that makes tasty treats. The waffle dates back to the 1300s in Greece, where Greeks cooked flat cakes between two metal pans. At the time, they topped it with cheeses and herbs. (Aunt Jemima wasn’t around yet.)

• “Drive Your Corvette to Work Day”, the 18th annual event initiated by Mid America Motorworks. (I hope that you don’t need to pick up any groceries on the way home!)

• “Almond Buttercrunch Day”, a combination of toffee covered with chocolate, sprinkled with toasted almonds. (It’s definitely worth a special day to me!)

✓ There are 5,639 people in the U.S. listed on whitepages.com with the last name ‘Almond’.
✓ Chocolate manufacturers use 40% of the worlds almonds.
✓ It takes more than 1.2 million beehives to pollinate California’s Almond crop (over 550,000 acres)

• “Asteroid Day” (aka “Meteor Day”), an annual observance on the anniversary of the 1908 ‘Tunguska Event’ in Russia, the largest impact on Earth in recorded history, even though the asteroid or comet is believed to have burst in the air rather than hitting the surface.

• “National Organization For Women Day”, marking the date in 1966 that ‘NOW’ was founded in Washington DC by 28 delegates at the National Conference of State Commissions on the Status of Women.

• “Social Media Day”, launched in 2010 to recognize and celebrate social media’s impact on global communication. Really, isn’t EVERY day “Social Media Day”?

• “Canada Day”, the country’s national day which celebrates the nation’s birth 1867. It was first established as a holiday in 1879. Canada’s birthday bash on Parliament Hill in Ottawa today features performances by The Arkells, Lights, Ruth B., Elijah Woods x Jamie Fine and more. Celebrating 151 years! (That’s 114 years after exchange)

• “Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day”. Some of the most frightening flavors we’ve found are ‘Chicken Wing’, ‘Garlic’, ‘Lettuce & Potato’ and – mmm! – ‘Raw Horseflesh’.

• “Half-Year Day” or “Second Half of the Year Day”, when 6 months are gone and 6 more are still to come. So how’s it going so far?

• “International Joke Day”, celebrating humor from around-the-world. Nothing like a joke in Swahili! (***Have listeners call in with brief jokes in other languages. Don’t have them explain them, just laugh uproariously***)

• “Postal Worker Day” in America, to honor past & present postal workers for their service and dedication in serving the American people. 55 years ago today (1963), the US Postal Service introduced the Zone Improvement Plan, better known as the ‘ZIP Code’.

2003 [15] Movie star Katherine Hepburn, winner of a record 4 Oscars for ‘Best Actress’, dies in Old Saybrook CT at age 96

2012 [06] After 5 years of marriage, actors Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes announce plans to divorce

2000 [18] The casket holding Lynyrd Skynyrd singer Ronnie Van Zandt is stolen from a mausoleum in Jacksonville FL, then abandoned after vandals are unable to open it

2007 [11] Apple officially releases the ‘iPhone’ (before this we weren’t staring at our right hands 18 hours a day)

2008 [10] Thomas Beatie, the world’s first pregnant man, gives birth to a daughter. (He has since given birth two more times)

2000 [18] Eminem’s mother goes to court claiming defamation of character in a $10 million civil suit, taking exception to the line “My mother smokes more dope than I do” from Eminem’s single ‘My Name Is’.

1991 [27] ‘World’s Longest Burrito’ is created in Newton KS, measuring 1,598 ft (487 m) and using 2,557 tortillas, 75 lbs (34 kg) of cheese, and 607 lbs (275 kg) of refried beans


✓ The voice of Mickey Mouse and the voice of Minnie Mouse got married in real life.
✓ Ketchup was sold as medicine in the 1830s.
✓ The last letter added to the English alphabet wasn’t Z — it was the letter J.
✓ Before the invention of color TV, 75% of people said they dreamed in black and white. Today, only 12% do.
✓ There’s an island in Japan you can visit that’s inhabited only by friendly bunnies.
✓ Canadians say “sorry” so much that The Apology Act was passed in 2009, declaring that an apology can’t be used as evidence of admission of guilt.

(Canada Day is on Sunday…)
• Taming our geece
• Using fewer ‘u’s than our neighbours
• Wearing a pair “aboots”
• Winning the Stanley Cup, apparently
• Shopping at Target
• Sharing maple syrup
• Not apologizing

✓ You don’t have to take a hot dog for a walk twice a day.
✓ Or pick up its poop.
✓ Hot dogs don’t freak if you smother them with ketchup.
✓ A hot dog will never eat your favorite shoes.
✓ A hot dog never swallows something suspect in the park that requires a costly trip to the vet.
✓ A hot dog won’t come in from the rain and jump straight onto your bed.
✓ A dog dog may fill the love void in your life but it won’t fill your 3 am rumbly-tummy.
✓ You never have to get your childhood hot dog ‘put down’ and be traumatized for life.
– Adapted from Metro.co.uk
-First published in BS in 2015

To you, what would be the perfect Saturday?

To celebrate “Canada Day”, see if you can name the main ingredient(s) in the following …
• Back Bacon (aka Canadian Bacon, it’s made from pork loin as opposed to regular bacon, made from pork belly)
• Bannock (pan-fried bread)
• Beaver Tails (fried dough pastry, coated in sweet stuff)
• Bloody Caesar (like a Bloody Mary but with Clamato juice instead of tomato)
• Butter Tarts (well duh, butter … plus sugar, corn syrup, egg, and raisins)
• Montréal Smoked Meat (deli meat made of salted and cured beef brisket with spices)
• Nanaimo Bars (a layer of wafer crumbs topped with custard-flavor butter icing, then covered with melted chocolate)
• Poutine (french fries topped with gravy and cheese curds)
• Timbits (bite-sized roundish doughnuts from Tim Hortons)
• Tim’s Double Double (a coffee from the same chain, with extra cream & sugar)
– Sourced from BuzzFeed.com/Wikipedia.org

I can’t tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcasm Club or not…

Question: 53% of people will buy this for their long weekend celebration. What is it?
Answer: Insect Repellent

Seek to be worth knowing rather than well-known.

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