Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ “The View” is going to look brand new. Barbara Walters’ recent departure from the program has paved the way for a total reset of the 17-year-old daytime talk show’s panel of gabby gals. Sherri Shepherd is exiting after a 7-year run, failing to reach terms on a new contract, and Jenny McCarthy has tweeted “If Sherri goes . . . I go too”. Buzz has it she’s been fired after a single season. They’ll both remain through mid-August under current contracts. That leaves Whoopi Goldberg, who’s been on the show since 2007, as the sole returning panelist. ABC-TV plans to introduce a new lineup when the show returns for an 18th season on September 15th.
– “New York Times”
★ 22-year-old bisexual rapper Angel Haze has made it clear that she is more than just friends with 18-year-old model Ireland Baldwin, whose divorced parents are actor Alec Baldwin & actress Kim Basinger. Haze says they are, in fact, ‘an interracial gay couple’. If true, it appears Baldwin is bisexual as well. She began 2014 dating surfer Slater Trout. They went public with their brief romance at a party to mark the 50th anniversary of the “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue” in January.
– “The Independent”
★ And “Terminator 3: Rise Of the Machines” actress Kristanna Loken has been voted ‘Hottest Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender (LGBT) Celebrity’ in a new poll. The bisexual blonde has beaten out reality star Amanda Leigh Dunn to top the HotorNot.com survey in celebration of Pride Month. “Mean Girls” actor Jonathan Bennett comes in 3rd, followed by “Glee’s” Chris Colfer, and “Magic Mike” hunk Matt Bomer. “The Big Bang Theory” star Jim Parsons, actress Portia de Rossi, and former “Kyle X-Y” actor Matt Dallas also make the top 10.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – R Kelly (“Black Panties”). Rerun.
• “The Bachelorette” (ABC) – The final 4 bachelors are revealed.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Haden Triplets f/Ry Cooder (“The Haden Triplets”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Adam Levine (Maroon 5). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Royksopp & Robyn (“Do It Again”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Air Review (“Low Wishes”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Twenty One Pilots (“Vessel”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – A performance by the Broadway cast of “Rocky”. Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Miranda Lambert (“Platinum”). Rerun.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Eminem – His daughter Hailie has graduated summa cum laude from Chippewa Valley High School in Michigan, winning the Academic Excellence Award and Department of Psychology Award. The 18-year-old will be attending Michigan State University in the Fall.
• Katy Perry – She’s made history with the RIAA’s Gold & Platinum sales program as she is now the most awarded digital act in its history. In total she has now sold 72 million digital singles, counting downloads and on-demand streams. That’s 20 million ahead of any other artist.
• Luke Bryan – He’s back at #1 on the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart for this week with “Play It Again”, taking over top spot from Florida Georgia Line’s “This Is How We Roll” which of course features … Luke Bryan.
• Metallica – They celebrated their debut at Britain’s iconic Glastonbury festival on Saturday night by inviting fans onstage to watch the performance up close. More than 200 mud-spattered festival-goers lined up behind Lars Ulrich’s drum kit, cheering and dancing throughout the gig.
• Pearl Jam – The ubiquitous song “Let It Go” from Disney’s mega-hit movie “Frozen” has so saturated pop culture that Pearl Jam performed it at a recent concert in Milan, Italy by weaving it into their song “Daughter”. Is Eddie Vedder expressing his inner ‘Elsa’?
• Rolling Stones – There’s a saying in Brazilian football: “You are Mick Jagger” which basically means that you are a curse. It comes from the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, when fans somehow decided their team lost because Jagger wore a Brazilian jersey to the quarterfinal.
• Tim McGraw – On Friday he premiered his music video for “Meanwhile Back at Mama’s” f/Faith Hill on “Good Morning America” (ABC). “Entertainment Tonight” offered up a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the video on Friday night.
ROCKIN’ ROB RETURNS:
Today Toronto’s infamous mayor Rob Ford is scheduled to return to work after spending several weeks in treatment for alcohol abuse. Since early May he’s been at a rehab center in Bala, about 200 km (120 miles) north of Toronto. He entered the program after a year of scandal that included the unearthing of numerous embarrassing videos that show him inebriated, ranting, and holding what appears to be a crack pipe. In November, Toronto city council voted to strip Ford of many of his powers, leaving him as mayor in name only. It might seem hard to believe, but Ford is seeking re-election in Toronto’s upcoming October 27th municipal election. (Think he can pull it off … or is it just a good excuse to start up a pool on the date of his next fall off the wagon?)
WHAT WILL LIFE BE LIKE IN 2050?
Highlights of a new poll on what the average person sees happening in the future …
• 81% think that computers will be able to communicate in the same way that humans do.
• 74% say most of our energy will come from sources other than coal, oil, or gas.
• 71% believe there will be a cure for cancer.
• 66% think we’ll have access to artificial limbs that perform better than the originals.
• 53% think that ordinary people will routinely travel in space.
– Sourced from Neatorama.com
HOW TO LIVE LIFE ACCORDING TO ADAM LEVINE:
Here’s the pop star/TV personality’s guide to (almost) having it all …
1. Do things for love, not money.
2. Say what you mean, and mean what you say, even when others don’t agree.
3. Don’t be something you’re not.
4. Find your soul mate … and marry him or her.
5. Don’t unload on other people for situations you caused yourself.
– Condensed from USAToday.com
FOR THE RECORD:
While digging at the El Salt archaeological site in Spain, a research team has unearthed the world’s oldest … human poop. Analysis of the oldest reported trace of fossilized human feces seems to verify that Neanderthals ate vegetables. The ancient excrement, dated at about 50,000-years-old, shows chemical traces of both meat and plant digestion, refuting an earlier view that ancient humans were solely meat-eaters. The lead researcher enthusiastically claims that poo is the ‘perfect evidence’ because you’re sure it was consumed. (World’s worst job?)
– BBC News
DID YOU KNOW?
✓ In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
✓ If birds were sent into space, they would soon die because birds need gravity to swallow.
✓ You are more likely to die from a falling coconut than a shark attack.
✓ There are 3 golf balls sitting on the Moon.
BS CHRONOMETER 06.30.14
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1959  Vincent D’Onofrio, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (“Law & Order: Criminal Intent” 2001-11)/movie actor (“Jurassic World”, coming in 2015)
1966  Mike Tyson, Brooklyn NY, youngest-ever heavyweight boxing champion (age 20)/undisputed world boxing champ (WBA, IBF, WBC) from 1987-90/ex-con
1983  James Adam Shelley, Boston MA, rock guitarist (American Authors-“Best Day of My Life”)
1984  Fantasia Barrino, High Point NC, R&B singer (“When I See U”, “Truth Is”)/”American Idol 3″ winner (2004)
1985  Michael Phelps, Baltimore MD, champion swimmer with a record 18 Olympic gold medals
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Meteor Day”, an annual observance on the the anniversary of the 1908 ‘Tunguska Event’ in Russia, the largest impact on Earth in recorded history, even though the asteroid or comet is believed to have burst in the air rather than hitting the surface. You can see a meteor just about any night of the year; they are made up of space dust and ice that enter Earth’s atmosphere.
• “National Organization For Women Day”, marking the date in 1966 that ‘NOW’ was founded in Washington DC by 28 delegates at the National Conference of State Commissions On the Status of Women.
• “Please Take My Children to Work Day”, the 12th annual tongue-in-cheek holiday for part- and full-time stay-at-home moms, who are encouraged to take the day off by finding a relative, neighbor, friend, or babysitter to take care of the kid(s).
• “Tech Support Appreciation Day”, saluting the computer nerds who keep us functioning. We may have to wait a long time on hold to talk to them, but what would we do without them?
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004  “Spider-Man 2” opens in movie theaters
2010  “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” opens in movie theaters
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2006  “Love” premieres at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas, a new Cirque du Soleil show that combines the troupe’s signature high-flying acrobatics with classic Beatles tunes
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1926  1st ‘Pop-up Toaster’ is introduced (McGraw Electric Co, Minneapolis MN)
1936  Margaret Mitchell publishes her best-selling novel “Gone With the Wind” (made into a blockbuster movie 3 years later)
BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Jul 1] Monty Python residency begins (London UK) / Canada Day / Second Half Of the Year Day / Zip Code Day (USA)
[Jul 2] “Deliver Us From Evil”; “Earth to Echo”; “Tammy” open in movie theaters / International Chicken Wing Day / World UFO Day
[Jul 3] Ottawa Bluesfest begins (Ottawa ON) / Festival d’été de Québec begins (Québec City QC) / Compliment Your Mirror Day / International Plastic Bag Free Day / Stay Out Of the Sun Day
[Jul 4] Independence Day (USA) / Wireless Festival begins (Birmingham UK) / Calgary Stampede begins (Calgary AB) / Sasquatch! Festival begins (George WA) / British Summer Time Festival begins (London UK) / Essence Festival begins (New Orleans LA) / Independence From Meat Day
[Jul 5] Tour de France begins / Bikini Day / International Day of Cooperatives / International Cherry Pit Spitting Day
[Jul 6] Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day / International Kissing Day
[Jul 7] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day / Global Forgiveness Day / Tell the Truth Day
[Jul 8] Ice Cream Sundae Day / Be a Kid Again Day
[Jul 9] Sugar Cookie Day
[Jul 10] “Welcome to Sweden” debuts (NBC) / Don’t Step On a Bee Day / Piña Colada Day / Teddy Bear Picnic Day
[Jul 11] “Dawn Of the Planet Of the Apes” opens in movie theaters / Cheer Up the Lonely Day / Cow Appreciation Day / Slurpee Day / World Population Day
[Jul 12] Full ‘Buck’ Moon / Bald Is In Day / Collector Car Appreciation Day / Simplicity Day
[Jul 13] “Masters Of Sex” season debut (Showtime) / Embrace Your Geekness Day / Gruntled Workers Day / French Fries Day
[Jul 14] International Nude Day / International Town Criers Day / Shark Awareness Day
[Jul 15] 85th Baseball All-Star Game (Minneapolis MN) / Be a Dork Day / Gummi Worm Day / Pet Fire Safety Day / Saint Swithin’s Day
[Jul 16] Fresh Spinach Day / Ride to Work Day 2014
[Jul 17] Air Conditioning Day
[Jul 18] “And So It Goes”; “Planes: Fire & Rescue”; “The Purge: Anarchy”; “Sex Tape” open in movie theaters / Faster Horses Festival begins (Brooklyn MI) / Forecastle Festival begins (Louisville KY) / Caviar Day / Nelson Mandela International Day
[Jul 19] Television Critics Association Awards (LA CA) / Celebration Of the Horse Day / Hot Dog Day / Woodie Wagon Day
[Jul 20] Space Exploration Day / Lollipop Day / Ice Cream Sunday / World Jump Day
[Jul 21] AP Music Awards (Cleveland OH) / Global Hug Your Kid Day / Get Out Of the Doghouse Day / No Pet Store Puppies Day
[Jul 22] Rat Catchers Day / Spoonerism Day
[Jul 23] Gorgeous Grandma Day / Hot Enough For Ya Day
[Jul 24] Tequila Day / MTV Fan Fest (San Diego CA) / Comic-Con International begins (San Diego CA) / Cousins Day / Drive-Thru Day / Tell an Old Joke Day
[Jul 25] “The Fluffy Movie”; “Hercules”; “Lucy”; “My Man Is a Loser” open in movie theaters / The Garth Brooks Comeback Special Event begins (Dublin, Ireland) / Carousel Day / Lumberjack Day / Talk In an Elevator Day / System Administrator Appreciation Day
[Jul 26] Dance Day / Day Of the Cowboy
[Jul 27] Aunties Day / Korean War Veterans Armistice Day / Parents Day / Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day / Walk on Stilts Day
[Jul 28] Eid-Al-Fitr/Ramadan ends (Muslim) / Milk Chocolate Day / World Hepatitis Day
[Jul 29] Lasagna Day
[Jul 30] “Sharknado 2: The Second One” premieres (SyFy) / Cheesecake Day / Father-In-Law Day / International Day of Friendship / Support Public Education Day / Paperback Book Day
[Jul 31] Bratwurst Day / Chili Dog Day / Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day / World Ranger Day
[Aug 1] Lollapalooza begins (Chicago IL)
BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOUR PSYCHIC IS A FAKE:
● You spot a Brunswick insignia on her ‘crystal ball’.
● Her ‘spoon bending’ requires two pairs of pliers.
● Sign in the window reads: “As Seen on 60 Minutes”.
● Voice of your departed sounds remarkably like her husband in the next room.
● Shakes her ‘crystal ball’, then predicts a very large snowstorm.
– First published in “BS” 1998.
BS THINGS YOU DON’T WANNA HEAR AT A HOLIDAY WEEKEND BARBECUE:
• “Beef is great, but squirrel is so much cheaper.”
• “To give it a little ‘kick’, I put charcoal starter in the punch.”
• “The best part of that fireworks display was when the bug zapper fell in the pool.”
• “Ew, my hot dog has a knuckle.”
• “I don’t think that’s mayonnaise in the coleslaw!”
– First published in “BS” 2011.
BS RANDOM JOKE:
One thing the wife and I have in common … we got married on the same day.
BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the best movie sequel ever made? [“The Godfather: Part II” (1974).] And the worst? [“Hangover 2” (2011).]
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
How many squirts of milk from a cow does it take to make a pound of butter?
b. 350. [CORRECT. Squirt efficiency is based on ideal milking conditions and contented cows. Your cow may vary.]
– “Totally Trivial”
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: There are only 5 of THESE left on Earth.
Answer: People born in the 1800s.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing is difficult if you’re used to it.