June 22 2020

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Monday, June 22, 2020   Edition: #6724

The BS Press!

★ The abandoned bus in the Alaskan wilderness made famous in the 2007 film “Into the Wild” has been airlifted out of the wild, because people were literally dying to find it. The decision to get the 1940s-era bus out of Denali National Park was all about public safety — it attracted adventure-seeking fans of the movie to a dangerous backcountry. The bus was in a very secluded area with no cell service, unpredictable weather and often swollen rivers. Hikers from around the world attempted to find Fairbanks city bus #142 every year, but many have had to be rescued, and some even died. Christopher McCandless — the subject of “Into the Wild” — died there in 1992. The bus was featured on the movie poster.
★ Jimmy Kimmel is taking a break from his late-night hosting duties to enjoy the summer with his family. In a hilarious clip crashed by Matt Damon, who jokingly claimed he’d been living in Kimmel’s spare bedroom, Kimmel said: “I’m taking the summer off to spend even more time with my family. I’ve been doing this job for almost 18 years. I’ve done 3,130 shows…and there’s nothing wrong…I just need a couple of months off.” Guest-hosted episodes will begin on July 6 after a two-week hiatus.
★ Jennifer Lawrence has joined Twitter. It’s her very first public social media account — and for a noble reason. She wants to raise awareness about racial injustice in America amid the Black Lives Matter movement. JLaw sent her first tweet last week, writing: “Nearly 1 in 4 Black men in America will be locked up at some point in their life.” She also posted a video which she says explains how corruption has broken the criminal justice system— and what people can do to fix it. Lawrence isn’t exactly new to social media — She revealed in 2018 that she had a private online presence, hinting at the time that she would use her platform when needed.
★ Johnny Depp resurrected his “Pirates of the Caribbean” character, Jack Sparrow, to entertain sick kids during a virtual hospital visit. He suited up as his swashbuckling alter ego to perform for patients at Queensland Children’s Hospital in Australia during a Juiced TV charity special, which aired on Thursday. Depp ramped up his regular charity visits to medical facilities after his daughter Lily Rose was treated in London for E. coli poisoning in 2007. Depp told Graham Norton that when his daughter was ill, it was the darkest period of his life, and while he had always done visits like these, after that experience, they “became more and more important.”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Pete Davidson (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Will Ferrell, John Legend
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): James Corden, Ibram X. Kendi, Bright Eye
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jason Sudeikis, Mike O’Brien
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Lena Waithe, Raleigh Ritchie
• “Conan” (TBS): Ron Funches (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Bryce Dallas Howard, CeCe Winans
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): John Lithgow, Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Most Inspiring Guests
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Laura Prepon, Ne-Yo
• “The Bachelor: The Greatest Seasons — Ever!” (ABC): Featuring Ben Higgins and the women who hoped to win his heart. Also: checking in with Dean and Caelynn.
• “Penn & Teller: Fool Us” (CW): Season 7 premiere

• Beyoncé – released a surprise single on Juneteenth. Proceeds from ‘Black Parade’ will benefit Black-owned small businesses through BeyGOOD’s Black Business Impact Fund.
• The Weeknd—Has topped a list of artists whose music people most enjoy having sex to. Also in the top five of the survey of Spotify users, in order: Trey Songz, Usher, Drake and Jeremih. Rihanna was the top female, at #6.
• Post Malone – His new rosé wine has proven to be such a hit that it’s already sold out. 50,000 bottles of Maison No. 9 flew off the virtual shelves just in two days during pre-sale, completely wiping out the first round of inventory. Maison No. 9 (House No. 9, for non-French speakers), is named after his favorite tarot card, which represents overcoming challenges.
• Kim Mitchell – His new single, ‘Wishes’, will be released on Friday. The song will appear on his first new album since 2007, “The Big Fantasize”.
• Journey – Guitarist Neal Schon says the group plans to release a new single next month. He’s been working on music with his bandmates throughout the coronavirus quarantine, and says the group has “five new songs in the making right now.”
• Garth Brooks — A credit card glitch meant there will still tickets available on the weekend for this Saturday’s drive-in concert. The credit card company in charge of sales mistakenly told many people their cards were not valid and requested a second card. Then both cards were charged, resulting in twice as many tickets sold as needed. The freed-up tickets went on sale again on Saturday at noon.
• Luke Bryan – His wife, Caroline, required medical attention after being attacked by a turkey. The bird struck a tendon, leaving her struggling to walk. She shared a video, where she said: “My turkey Al attacked me last night. and hit a tendon in the back of my leg.”

The expected COVID baby boom just isn’t going to happen. In fact, according to US economists, we can expect to see declining birth rates next year. A Report by Brookings Institution researchers predicts that there could be 300,000-500,000 fewer babies born in the US next year. They looked at birth rates from the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918 and the recession of 2009 and found that after both events, birth rates tanked. In the case of the recession, job losses led to higher unemployment levels, and people were more likely to put off or decide against having kids. Considering the world is dealing with both a recession and a pandemic with no certain end in sight, the experts suggest that lower birth rates could be long lasting. Studies done in Canada and Europe also recently came to the same conclusion.
(Apparently masks and rubber gloves aren’t the only protection that some people are using…)
(Yeah, but we had sports on TV in 2009!)

One drink per day is enough for men, according to a new report by the Dietary Guidelines Committee in the US. The committee, a panel of scientific experts who submit dietary guidelines to the government, has dropped the drink limit from two to one per day. The panel notes that consuming two drinks per day for men is associated with a “modest but meaningful increase” in death rates due to all causes. It is also suggested that men cut down on added sugars. The recommended one-drink per day maximum for women remains unchanged.
(Totally the wrong year to do this…)
(So much for my old joke: “I’m not drinking any more. But I’m not drinking any less, either!”)
(Fine. But how many drinks can I have at night?)

The internet is trying to come up with the perfect male equivalent of “Karen”, the slang term for an entitled, obnoxious, middle-aged white woman. It all started when a woman who is being called “San Francisco Karen” and her boyfriend harassed a man for stenciling “Black Lives Matter” on his own property. A Twitter user saw the story and posted: “I think the male version of a ‘Karen’ should be a ‘Jeremy’. Anyone object — besides Jeremy?” That name didn’t work for some, and the suggestions started flowing in, including for Bret, Jason, Scott and Tucker. Another tweeter suggested Todd, and posted a link to George Carlin’s epic rant that starts: “I’m getting really sick of guys named Todd.” For more, or to share your own, use the hashtag #MaleKaren.
(Does he also need to have a ‘Karen’ hairdo?)

➢ Marriage is about finding that one special person to play “who’s going to empty the bathroom trashcan” chicken with for the rest of your lives. — @TheCatWhisperer
➢ My wife came outside to tell me a funny thing she heard that I told her an hour ago. — @ravenswng_
➢ It’s 2:30 and my wife just went to Target. I guess I’m making the kids dinner. — @thedadvocate01
Also my wife: Are you going to breathe like that the entire time? — @RodLacroix
➢ Today I found a random sock so I looked in the odd sock drawer and was able to match it up. Then I proudly said “see, the system works” to my wife. Being 40 is wild. — @threetimedaddy
➢ I googled “how freaking long can it possibly take to play 18 holes of golf?” if you wanted to know how much trouble my husband is in tonight. — @Parkerlawyer
➢ I just let my wife cut my hair and honestly the only difference between her and my barber is the amount of times she said whoops. — @daddydoubts
➢ Husband: Does it bother you when I —
Me: Yes — @mommajessiec

Amid protests and anger over police brutality, an iPhone shortcut that allows users to automatically record their interactions with the police is gaining popularity. By saying, “Hey Siri, I’m getting pulled over,” the “I’m being pulled over” shortcut — which a user must first install — will pause any music, turn down the brightness of the phone, turn on “Do Not Disturb” mode to block any incoming calls, open the front-facing camera and start a video recording. It also sends a message to a predesignated contact, letting them know that you’re being pulled over and what your location is. Once you stop the recording, it sends a copy of the video to a contact and gives you the option to send it to your iCloud or Dropbox.


1936 [84] Kris Kristofferson, Brownsville TX, country singer/songwriter (‘Me and Bobby McGee’, ‘Help Me Make It Through the Night’)/actor (“A Star is Born”, “Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid”)

1949 [71] Meryl (Mary Louise) Streep, Summit NJ, movie actress with a record 21 Academy Award nominations & 3 Oscars (“The Iron Lady”, “Sophie’s Choice”, “Kramer vs Kramer”) COMING UP…”Let Them All Talk”

1952 [68] Graham Greene, Oshweken ON, movie actor (“Dances with Wolves”, “The Green Mile”)

1953 [67] Cyndi Lauper, Ozone Park NY, pop singer, (‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’, ‘Time After Time’)/Broadway composer (“Kinky Boots”)

1964 [56] Dan Brown, Exeter NH, author (“Angels & Demons”, “The Da Vinci Code” which sold over 60 million copies worldwide)

1964 [56] Amy Brenneman, New London CT, TV actress (“The Leftovers” 2014-17, “Private Practice” 2007-13, “Judging Amy” 1999-2005)

1970 [50] Steven Page, Scarborough, ON, pop singer/guitarist (ex-Barenaked Ladies-‘One Week’, ‘The Big Bang Theory Theme’)

1973 [47] Carson Daly, Santa Monica CA, TV host (“The Voice” since 2011, “Last Call With Carson Daly” 2002-19)

1997 [23] Dinah Jane Hansen, Santa Ana CA, pop singer (Fifth Harmony-‘Work From Home’, ‘Worth It’)

• “Take Your Cat to Work Day”, because you’ve needed to clear everything off your desk for months…

• “Chocolate Eclair Day”, saluting the light, crisp pastry that’s filled with a custard or cream and topped with icing.

• “Onion Rings Day”, for those of us who like our holidays deep-fried.

• “Stupid Guy Thing Day”. Women are always talking about it (“Oh that’s just another stupid guy thing …”), so here’s the day to commemorate it! Women are encouraged to make a list of ‘Stupid Guy Things’ and pass it on. To get you started …
✓ Pounding things.
✓ Squirting things.
✓ Watching TV sports.
✓ Using power tools.
✓ Driving giant pickup trucks.
✓ Wearing ball caps … backwards.
✓ Burning and/or exploding things.
✓ Eating anything and everything.
✓ The Three Stooges

[Tues] National Pink Day
[Tues] Typewriting Day
[Wed] Celebration of the Senses
[Wed] Pralines Day
This Week Is…Lightning Safety Awareness Week
This Month Is…Rose Month

2001 [19] Street-racing movie “The Fast & The Furious” opens (leads to 7 sequels…with “F9” scheduled for 2021!!)

2008 [12] Comedian George Carlin dies of heart failure in Santa Monica, California at age 71 (***See today’s Random Joke, Deep Thought, below***)

2011 [09] “James Bond” actor Daniel Craig weds Rachel Weisz at a private ceremony in New York

2002 [18] U2 guitarist The Edge weds his girlfriend of 10 years Morleigh Steinberg in Eze, France (they first met when she was a belly dancer on the band’s “Zoo TV” tour)

2013 [07] ‘Blurred Lines’ by Robin Thicke begins a 13-week run at #1 on the singles chart

2002 [18] Spaniard Alvaro de Marichalar becomes the first to cross the Atlantic Ocean by jet ski (12 hours per day on water, sleeping on a support boat), landing at Miami Beach, FL 4 months after setting off from Rome, Italy


✓ In Saudi Arabia, it is considered polite to decline any invitation at least once before accepting.
✓ The tokay gecko uses its tongue to clean its eyes.
✓ FM radio waves can leave Earth’s atmosphere. AM radio waves cannot.
✓ The odds of having quadruplets are 1 in 729,000.
✓ Monday is the day of the week in which North Americans are least likely to eat out.
✓ Annually, there are about 60,000 trampoline injuries in the US. And about 150 dustpan injuries.

Best of BS:
• Do not dive in a wading pool.
• Do not bury yourself up to the neck in sand … at low tide.
• On the beach, always hide your keys and wallet by placing them inside your shoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
• No matter how important you consider styling on the beach, do not have your eyeballs pierced.
• Do not attempt to repair motorboat propellers while the engine is engaged.
• Do not pee in the pool. Even if it’s yours. Especially if it’s yours.
• Take everything you own to a picnic. If you don’t make 3 trips back to the vehicle, you’re just not trying.
• When getting into the car and the steering wheel is too hot to hold, do not attempt to steer.
• Always ask out a Summer date who is not only attractive to you, but also to mosquitoes.
• If you have a child under 15 with a smartphone, oh yeah, that thing is going in the pool.
• Always use SPF 10,000.
-First published in BS in 2017

• Resistance training: Training yourself to resist opening that bag of Doritos
• Getting a dog and naming him “Five Miles”. Then you can say that you walk Five Miles every morning.
• Jumping to conclusions
• Pulling your weight
• Chasing your dreams
• One-night stands
• Photoshop
• Prune juice
• Paying $30 a month for something that you actually use
• James
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018

➠ A report shows that teens’ interest in Facebook is dwindling. (Meanwhile, Facebook shows that your Aunt Carol’s interest in adorable angel memes is skyrocketing…)
➠ A study found that just over 60% of women use sex as a reward. (In a completely related story: Are there any girls out there who need their dishes done or something? No reason, just feeling like helping out.)
➠ A new study shows that men are more likely to hit on women who have lower back tattoos. (Uh, what about women hitting on MEN with lower back tattoos? Asking for a friend…)
➠ Gwyneth Paltrow says she spends two hours a day exercising. (And apparently spends the other 22 hours believing anyone gives a crap what she does with her time…)
➠ Paula Abdul turned 58 on Friday. (Friends celebrated by singing her a truly horrible rendition of “Happy Birthday”, although Paula thought they sounded really good.

Monday comin’ at me like…  https://tinyurl.com/y7rrouyc

A “foo fighter”, upon which the band is named, is a term derived from which line of professionals?
a) Aircraft pilots [CORRECT]
b) Equal rights activists
c) Fire suppression specialists
d) Martial arts

• In early 2019, Ariana Grande held the top three spots on the Billboard Hot 100. Which is the only other artist to have achieved this feat?
a) Elvis Presley
b) Janet Jackson
c) The Beatles [CORRECT]
d) Chumbawamba

• What famous singer is godmother to Elton John’s two sons?
a) Katy Perry
b) Adele
c) Lady Gaga [CORRECT]
d) Paul McCartney

What song title best depicts 2020 for you?

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. (George Carlin)

Question:  A surprising 56% of people say have kept one of THESE for more than two decades. What is it?
Answer:  A stuffed animal

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. (George Carlin)


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