June 22 2021

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Tuesday, June 22, 2021 — Edition: #7013

The BS Press!


★ “Friends” actor James Michael Tyler is battling stage 4 prostate cancer. Tyler, who played ‘Gunther’, the manager of the Central Perk coffee house on the hit series, said Monday on the “Today” show that his worsening illness has left his lower body paralyzed, which is why he was unable to attend the recent “Friends” reunion. The 59-year-old, who is undergoing chemotherapy, said he made the decision to participate in the HBO Max reunion via Zoom because he didn’t want to be a “downer” by revealing his physical limitations. Tyler has been dealing with prostate cancer for 3 years, and says his goal now is to “save at least one life by coming out with this news.”
★ Kim Kardashian says she’s tried to apologize to ex-husband Kris Humphries — but he doesn’t want to hear from her. She told Andy Cohen that she regretted how she handled her breakup with Humphries, which came after just 72 days of marriage, and that she owes him an apology. After a whirlwind romance, Kardashian married the former NBA star in August 2011 in a reported $10 million wedding that E! aired as a two-part TV special. By October, she had filed for divorce.
★ Gwyneth Paltrow says she and Chris Martin are more like siblings than exes these days. The former couple have two children together and were married for 10 years before splitting in 2014. Paltrow says the pair are now more like brother and sister than former romantic partners. She is now married to producer Brad Falchuk, while Martin is dating actress Dakota Johnson, and the two couples often holiday together for the sake of Paltrow and Martin’s kids, Apple and Moses.
★ Trevor Noah turned off the lights on his home studio and said goodbye… for the summer, at least. “The Daily Show” host recorded a relatively poignant message to his audience to announce his summer hiatus, which will see him go on break until September. How he will return, and whether he will return to the studio, or in what form, is unclear, but he did say that he’ll be back. Comedy Central says the late-night show will be off until September 13.


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Quentin Tarantino, Iliza Shlesinger, Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Vin Diesel, Riley Keough, Modest Mouse
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Wanda Sykes, Craig Melvin
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Graham Norton, Zosia Mamet, Brandon Taylor, Kristina Schiano
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Elizabeth Olsen, Edgar Wright
• “Conan” (TBS): Seth Rogen
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): “Below Deck Sailing Yacht” Reunion, Part 2
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Rep. Val Demings, Tai, Rainn & Brooke Sheppard
• “The Talk” (CBS): Miranda Cosgrove, guest co-hosts Debbie Matenopoulos & Victor Cruz
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Eddie Murphy, Chloë Grace Moretz, Dale Talde
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, James TW
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Rose Byrne, Fortune Feimster
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Salma Hayek, Jennifer Nettles (R)
• “College Bowl” (NBC): Peyton Manning hosts a revival of the classic game show featuring teams of student contestants representing American universities.
• “Mysteries of Mental Illness” (PBS): Premiere. Ancient conceptions of mental illness and the establishment of psychiatry; modern-day stories of mental illness, including an aspiring astrophysicist with schizophrenia and a boxer with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

• Jonas Brothers — A month after teasing their new song ‘Remember This’ at the Billboard Music Awards, they released it in full Saturday. It will feature during NBC’s coverage of this summer’s Tokyo Olympics, and the group will appear in the NBC special “Olympic Dreams Featuring Jonas Brothers” on July 21st, 2 days before the opening ceremony. LINK: https://youtu.be/qXSG1nQnh38
• Miley Cyrus – in honor of the 13th anniversary of ‘7 Things’, she asked fans to help find some of the teen girls in the video, writing, “where are they now? Twitter do your thing.'” Soon after, Twitter guessed that one girl is Nicola Peltz, now engaged to Brooklyn Beckham, and another is Liana Liberato, who starred in “Light As A Feather” and “If I Stay.” Neither has confirmed it is them.
• Ed Sheeran — has been giving fans on TikTok a preview of his new single ‘Bad Habits’. The song comes out on June 25, but the clip of the song on the popular social media site lets followers use it for their own video creations.
• Lenny Kravitz – credits The Jackson 5 for his music career. He says music always made him “feel alive”, then, quote: “When I was 6 or 7, my father surprised me and took me to Madison Square Garden in New York to see my favorite group, The Jackson 5. That was it. From that day forward, I was obsessed with making a life in music.”
• Foreigner – has announced a 121-date tour across 16 countries.  The US leg of “The Greatest Hits of Foreigner” world tour takes the band to 71 cities in 42 states, beginning Thursday in Ottumwa, IA. The 2022 leg will be announced in November.
• KISS — Paul Stanley says the band’s new A&E documentary “Biography: KISStory”, is “a story of a friendship between two people. (Gene Simmons and I) met when we were living at home. We were young teenagers with this great ambition. And this is really our story.” KISStory premieres with a two-night event on June 27 and June 28.
• Brantley Gilbert – is joined by friends HARDY and Toby Keith on his new single ‘The Worst Country Song Of All Time’.  The tongue-in-cheek tune features lines like: “I hate beer and honky-tonk women / I don’t eat deer and I can’t stand fishing / And I don’t know the words to Family Tradition/ Folsom Prison or Walk The Line / And I think sweet tea is overrated / And all dirt roads were made for paving.” LINK: https://youtu.be/rdc2vzUzJME
Blake Shelton – Regarding the reception for his planned summer wedding to Gwen Stefani, he recently told USA Today: “If I was picking our meal, it would just literally be everything fried. French fries, chicken tenders, you know, all of that stuff. I think [Gwen] knows that it would be a pretty classless wedding if I was in control.” Still no word on a date.
• Cole Swindell – says Luke Bryan inspired him to pursue a career in country music. As a student at Georgia Southern University, he saw Bryan play guitar in a group called Neyami Road. They played a song called ‘Small Town Favorite Son’, which inspired Swindell to start writing country songs of his own.


Some scientists say they’ve come up with a cure for hiccups, and it doesn’t involve someone screaming “Boo!” or standing on your head while chugging water. The “HiccAway”, developed at the University of Texas Health Science Center, is a rigid L-shaped straw with an adjustable pressure valve. Sipping water through it will supposedly cure the hiccups immediately for 92% of people. It costs just $14, and the effect stays for several hours, according to its developers.
(I always heard that holding your breath works. But now that I think about it, holding your breath cures just about every other ailment too!)
(As long as it lasts long enough for me to get in the door and past my wife…)
(***Caution*** For some people, they’ve just cured farting, too!)

With home prices at record levels and commercial property something few people can even think of buying, 2 Canadian companies have found a way for some to get in on the action. Fractional ownership allows individuals to buy a share in a single house, apartment building or industrial park. Experts say Vancouver-based startup Addy and Toronto’s BuyProperly are opening up a new path to participate in real estate by lowering costs. They essentially crowdfund a property purchase by attracting investors online. Even if you don’t have a down payment for a house or can’t finance a strip mall, with a few mouse clicks and an electronic fund transfer, you could become part-owner of a property. Avis Devine, an associate professor of real estate at York University, says the industry is “ripe for disruption, because we’ve operated in the same way for so very long.” She believes fractional ownership could be very appealing to people in Gen Z and younger millennials. In Australia, India and the U.S., companies are offering different fractional ownership options —for example, an American company sells shares in Australian farmland. A transaction can be done in less than 10 minutes.
(10 minutes? I take longer than that to pick bananas!)
(I know they say that when it comes to investing, there is no such thing as a “sure thing”, but if you want to follow my lead on this, you’ll lose money – sure thing!)
(I get it! Someone came up with this so the Gen Z’ers could experience what it’s like waiting for something to mature!)

➢ As you know, conversations can quickly spiral out of control online, so Facebook is hoping artificial intelligence can help keep things civil. The social network is testing the use of AI to spot fights in its many groups. AI will decide when to send out what the company calls “conflict alerts” to group administrators. The alerts will be sent out if AI determines that a conversation in their group is “contentious or “unhealthy”. (That pretty much applies to any conversation I’ve ever seen online. Except that one about knitting. And even that was close…)
➢ When NASA’s Orion spacecraft launches for the uncrewed Artemis I moon mission later this year, its commander’s seat won’t be empty: A mannequin will be riding along to provide data on what human crew members might experience during the Artemis II spaceflight in 2023. That’s why NASA is holding a “Name the Artemis Moonikin Challenge.” Through June 28, social media users are asked to vote on one of 8 nominated names, including ACE (Artemis Crew Explorer), CAMPOS (a dedication to Arturo Campos, a key player in bringing Apollo 13 home.), and MONTGOMERY (a dedication to Julius Montgomery, first African American to work at the Cape Canaveral as a technical professional). (Sorry, but you’re never going to do better than “Moonikin” the mannequin!)

1. Everything is temporary
2. Life isn’t fair
3. Family matters more than friends
4. Others treat you the way you treat yourself
5. Beneath anger there’s always fear
6. Happiness is a choice and requires hard work
7. A lifetime isn’t as long as you think
8. The biggest risk is not taking any risk
9. Things don’t matter so much
10. You played it too safe
(Mine? When they say “grease the bottom of the pan”, they don’t REALLY mean the bottom!)

The World’s Best Dad Joke has been declared after a contest held on Twitter by Aldi Mamia supermarket received over 2,700 entries, using the hashtag #BestDadJokes. Stand-up comedian and contest judge  Mark Watson picked father-of-two Austin May from Bedworth, UK as the overall winner. Here is the best dad joke, ever:
I once hired a limo, but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!
I said “Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?”
The guy told me that the price didn’t include a driver…
… so I’d spent £400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!


1936 [85] Kris Kristofferson, Brownsville TX, country singer/songwriter (‘Me and Bobby McGee’, ‘Help Me Make It Through the Night’)/actor (“A Star is Born”, “Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid”)

1949 [72] Meryl (Mary Louise) Streep, Summit NJ, movie actress with a record 21 Academy Award nominations & 3 Oscars (“The Iron Lady”, “Sophie’s Choice”, “Kramer vs Kramer”)

1952 [69] Graham Greene, Oshweken ON, movie actor (“Dances with Wolves”, “The Green Mile”)

1953 [68] Cyndi Lauper, Ozone Park NY, pop singer, (‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’, ‘Time After Time’)/Broadway composer (“Kinky Boots”)

1964 [57] Dan Brown, Exeter NH, author (“Angels & Demons”, “The Da Vinci Code” which sold over 60 million copies worldwide)

1964 [57] Amy Brenneman, New London CT, TV actress (“The Leftovers” 2014-17, “Private Practice” 2007-13, “Judging Amy” 1999-2005)

1970 [51] Steven Page, Scarborough ON, pop singer/guitarist (ex-Barenaked Ladies-‘One Week’, ‘The Big Bang Theory Theme’)

1973 [48] Carson Daly, Santa Monica CA, TV host (“The Voice” since 2011, “Last Call With Carson Daly” 2002-19, VJ on MTV’s “Total Request Live” 1998-2003)

1997 [24] Dinah Jane Hansen, Santa Ana CA, pop singer (Fifth Harmony-‘Work From Home’, ‘Worth It’)

• “World Rainforest Day”, to help protect rainforests by raising awareness and encouraging action. Rainforests absorb carbon dioxide from human activity, produce oxygen, provide fresh water, provide a home for half of the world’s animal and plant species, are the source of medicines, and stabilize climate patterns.

• “Chocolate Eclair Day”, saluting the light, crisp pastry that’s filled with a custard or cream and topped with icing.

• “Onion Rings Day”, for those of us who like our holidays deep-fried.

• “Stupid Guy Thing Day”. Women are always saying, “Oh that’s just another stupid guy thing…”, so here’s the day to commemorate it! Women are encouraged to make a list of ‘Stupid Guy Things’ and pass it on. To get you started . . .
✓ Pounding things.
✓ Squirting things.
✓ Watching TV sports.
✓ Using power tools.
✓ Driving giant pickup trucks.
✓ Wearing ball caps … backwards.
✓ Burning and/or exploding things.
✓ Eating anything and everything.
✓ The Three Stooges

[Wed] Pink Day
[Wed] Let It Go Day
[Thurs] Celebration of the Senses
[Thurs] Pralines Day

2008 [13] Comedian George Carlin dies of heart failure in Santa Monica, California at age 71 (***See today’s Random Joke, Deep Thought, below***)

2011 [10] “James Bond” actor Daniel Craig weds Rachel Weisz at a private ceremony in New York

2002 [19] U2 guitarist The Edge weds his girlfriend of 10 years Morleigh Steinberg in Eze, France (they first met when she was a belly dancer on the band’s “Zoo TV” tour)

2020 [01] Twenty One Pilots release a never-ending video for their song ‘Level of Concern’. It continuously updates using footage uploaded by fans. It does finally end on December 16 — 178 days later

2002 [19] Spaniard Alvaro de Marichalar becomes the first to cross the Atlantic Ocean by jet ski (12 hours per day on water, sleeping on a support boat), landing at Miami Beach, FL 4 months after setting off from Rome, Italy


✓ In Saudi Arabia, it is considered polite to decline any invitation at least once before accepting.
✓ 55% of corporate “downsizings” take place on Tuesdays.
✓ Al Capone played banjo in the Alcatraz prison band.
✓ FM radio waves can leave Earth’s atmosphere. AM radio waves cannot.
✓ The front of a giraffe’s tongue is dark purple to protect it from sunburn while eating.
✓ Annually, there are about 60,000 trampoline injuries in the US. And about 150 dustpan injuries.

Best of BS . . .
• Make vanilla pudding. Put in mayo jar. Eat in public.
• Wear shirt that says “Life”. Hand out lemons on street corner.
• Hire two private investigators. Get them to follow each other.
• Get on a crowded elevator and say, “I bet you’re all wondering why I gathered you here today.” With a straight face.
• Buy a horse, name it “Oscar Takes The Lead,” enter it in horse races.
• Buy a parrot. Teach it to say, “Help! I’ve been turned into a parrot!”
• Put blue Gatorade in a Windex bottle. Drink it in public.
• Follow joggers around in a car, blasting ‘Eye of the Tiger’.
-Pinterest, first published in BS in 2019

• Unlucky Charms
• Frosted Mini-Weeps
• Mournflakes
• Cheerless-Ohs!
• Life…Stinks
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2020

➠ The CW just announced which shows they’ll be cancelling next spring. (Technically, they announced the new fall line-up, but still . . .)
➠ Record-breaking temps have been recorded throughout much of the U.S. (It’s so hot, grouchy old men have been yelling: “Get off my patch of dirt, you damn punk kids!”)
➠ Much of Arizona, Texas, New Mexico, Nevada and even Colorado experienced record-breaking temperatures in the past week. (It was so hot in Colorado, pot plants were being watered with recycled bong water…)
➠ According to a report, a child is treated for a toy-related injury every 3 minutes in the U.S. (Health officials call the study “shocking and horrifying.” “America’s Funniest Videos” fans call it “awesome and hilarious.”)
➠ There’s an app that gives you an alert 10 minutes before you need to poop. (Currently the only way to calculate when you need to ‘Go’ is to wait 30 minutes after eating at Chipotle…)

Take the hint, buddy:  https://tinyurl.com/4mzuuwaa

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired, and are paid just enough money not to quit. (George Carlin)

If you were in charge of creating a new holiday, what would it be and how would it be celebrated?

Question:  A survey found THIS is the most annoying habit of bad neighbors. What is it?
Answer:  Being too nosy

People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think. (George Carlin)


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