Monday, March 16, 2020 – Edition: #6655
Good Morning, Sheetheads!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Tom Hanks says he and Rita Wilson are taking it “one day at a time” during their hospital quarantine with the coronavirus. “Hanx” wrote that he and his wife “want to thank everyone here Down Under who are taking such good care of us. We have COVID-19 and are in isolation so we do not spread it to anyone else.” He went on to say, “there are things we can all do to get through,” such as “following the advice of experts” and “taking care of ourselves and each other.” He ended the post with a line borrowed from his film “A League of Their Own”: “Remember, despite all the current events, there is no crying in baseball.”
-Yahoo
★ Johnny Depp has a famous ally in is defamation lawsuit against Amber Heard. Winona Ryder went on the record, filing a declaration in Virginia saying she doesn’t believe her ex-fiancé is a violent person. In the document, Ryder states she felt “very safe” with Depp, and that she finds Heard’s domestic violence allegations “impossible to believe.” Ryder also wrote: “I do not want to call anyone a liar, but from my experience of Johnny, it is impossible to believe that such horrific allegations are true. I find it extremely upsetting knowing him as I do.”
-Yahoo
★ Judi Dench has won an Oscar, picked up two Golden Globe statuettes, received three Emmy nominations and collected 11 BAFTA Awards — and now one Golden Raspberry Awards nomination for her performance in the critically panned “Cats.” Released last December, “Cats” was both a box office bomb and ripped to shreds by critics and fans alike. And Dench isn’t the only “Cats” cast member whom the Razzies have nominated for their parts in the film, with Rebel Wilson also up for Worst Supporting Actress, James Corden for Worst Supporting Actor and Francesca Hayward for Worst Actress.
-TheWrap
★ Walt Disney Co announced on Friday that it will make the sequel to hit animated movie “Frozen” available on its streaming platform ‘Disney+’ three months ahead of schedule in the United States, as a response to the coronavirus outbreak. The company said “Frozen 2” would be available in the country starting yesterday, “surprising families with some fun and joy during this challenging period.”
-Canoe
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Nick Jonas, Steve Coogan, a performance by the Broadway cast of “Girl from the North Country” (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jim Carrey (R)
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): January Jones, John Cena, Raanan (R)
• “Conan” (TBS): Zach Woods (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): OMG Moments
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): John Krasinski, Jane Levy, Goo Goo Dolls
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Reese Witherspoon, Dixie Chicks
• “American Idol” (ABC): Hollywood Week – Genre Challenge
• “The Voice” (NBC): The Blind Auditions, Part 5
• “Supernatural” (CW): Season 12 returns
• “Roswell, New Mexico” (CW): Season 2 premiere
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Post Malone — is feeling some online backlash after playing a concert in Denver Thursday night despite the coronavirus pandemic. He performed to a packed house at the Pepsi Center, a stark contrast to the many concerts that have been canceled or postponed in an attempt to slow the spread of COVID-19. His subsequent shows in Las Vegas and San Francisco were cancelled.
• Fifth Harmony – Their 2016 hit ‘Work From Home’ is making a big comeback on social media in the midst of the coronavirus outbreak. As many companies encourage their employees to work from home, the song and video are the subjects of dozens of hilarious memes pointing out that the tune provides the perfect soundtrack for a self-quarantine.
• Kelly Clarkson — has postponed her Las Vegas residency amid the coronavirus outbreak. A statement says: “As you may know, production on ‘The Kelly Clarkson Show’ was temporarily shut down, and out of concern and care for everyone’s safety, we have chosen to postpone the April 1st opening of my Las Vegas residency, ‘Invincible’, until July.” (Will it be renamed ‘Vincible’?)
• R.E.M. – Their 1987/1991 hit ‘It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)’ is charting again amid growing concern over the coronavirus outbreak. The song hit #57 on the US iTunes chart on the weekend. (***Updates here: https://kworb.net/charts/itunes/us.html ***)
• Joan Jett – She and Sting are among the artists who have contributed to a new album titled “Music Moments” that was created by the Alzheimer’s Association. Jett recorded a new version of her song ‘Hard to Grow Up’, while Sting recorded a cover of Otis Redding’s classic ‘(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay’.
• The Go-Go’s — Bassist Kathy Valentine’s memoir “All I Ever Wanted”, comes out March 31. It will include her story from her childhood in Texas—where she all but raised herself—to rock ‘n’ roll stardom, devastation after the collapse of the band, and her quest to regain her sense of self.
• Bob Geldof – says it would be impossible for an event like “Live Aid” to take place in the modern world because of the way the internet has changed personal interaction. He was the figurehead behind the 1985 concerts that brought in more than $190 million for famine relief in Africa.
• The Exploited – 62-year-old Frontman Walter “Wattie” Buchan refuses to cancel gigs in the wake of the coronavirus outbreak. Quote: “I have had five heart attacks, a quad heart bypass and a heart pace maker fitted. Cancel gigs for a virus? We ain’t (freaking) Green Day…We are the real deal. No danger will we be cancelling our upcoming gigs.” (THAT, kids, is a punk rock attitude!)
• The Grand Ole Opry – has put a pause on performances that include a live audience through April 4th, due to the coronavirus outbreak. During this time, the Saturday Night Grand Ole Opry Show will return to its original format as a live radio broadcast without a live audience. The Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum will be closed though March 31.
• Jason Aldean – hasn’t lost his sense of humor, even though he was forced to cancel and reschedule several tour dates due to the virus scare. Making light of the fact that shoppers are emptying store shelves of toilet paper, he posted a photo of a toilet paper roll holding a coiled-up CVS Pharmacy receipt, with the caption: “This is what it’s come to at my house since y’all bought up all the toilet paper.”
THE DAYS ARE GETTING LONGER:
Analysis of a chunk of rock that had been buried in the ground for millions of years has helped scientists get a pretty good idea of how the length of a day on Earth has changed. Upon examining a fossilised Cretaceous-era bivalve shell, geochemists have been able to determine that our planet’s days were half an hour shorter 70 million years ago. That’s right. It seems that just as tree rings contain certain information, these shell rings can be analysed too. They can reveal water conditions such as temperature and chemistry, as well as data points which reveal certain time-based data points. Analysis revealed that oceans were much, much warmer 70 million years ago, sometimes reaching temperatures of 40 degrees Celsius (104 degrees Fahrenheit) in summer and more than 30 degrees Celsius (86 degrees Fahrenheit) in winter. It has been known for some time that Earth’s rotation is slowing, but knowing the rate at which it is doing so could help scientists more accurately piece together the rate at which the Moon is slowly moving away from our planet.
(And that will be useful — how?)
(So this has nothing to do with Daylight Saving Time?)
-ScienceAlert
THE GOOD NEWS:
NASA satellite images show a dramatic decline in pollution levels over China, which experts believe is related to the economic slowdown as a result of the coronavirus. Scientists have observed a reduction in nitrogen dioxide levels, the noxious gas emitted from motor vehicles, power plants and industrial facilities, which first became evident near Wuhan city, the source of the outbreak, before spreading across the country. One air quality researcher said that the drop off of nitrogen dioxide levels was the most dramatic that he has ever seen over such a wide area, exceeding the drop experienced during the recession of 2008.
(I don’t want to make light of the situation, but maybe for some of these people, it’s their first chance ever to really breathe clean air, and they have to wear a mask…)
(Maybe they’d like to fire some of those factories back up and make some toilet paper!)
-YahooNews
RE-TIRED:
We’re coming to that point in the year that is a big question mark for many: Should I put the summer tires on now, or wait a few weeks? Because for many, March is a transitional season, where one can experience both winter-like conditions and decidedly spring-like conditions, with gusts to summer-like in some areas. So, how do you make the call? Doug Annett, director of operations for SafeRoads Canada, says you should wait until temperatures are expected to remain at 7°C (45°F) or higher. Why? Winter tires are engineered to give improved grip from that temperature on down, but once the temperature is higher, you’ll experience a dramatic drop-off in performance and increased tire wear with cold weather tires. So hold off until the temperature remains above that 7 degree mark…even at night.
(And until everybody and his brother has already booked an appointment at the mechanic!)
(So what you’re saying is that it’s probably too late for me to finally get around to putting my winters on?)
-TheWeatherNetwork
ODDEST AND MOST-COMMON THINGS LEFT IN UBER CARS:
Most common:
⇒ Phone
⇒ Wallet
⇒ Keys
⇒ Backpack/bag/purse
⇒ Headphones
⇒ Clothing
⇒ Glasses
⇒ Vape/e-cigarettes
⇒ ID/license/passport
⇒ Water bottle
Oddest:
⇒ Uncooked steak dinner
⇒ Bag of onions and yogurt
⇒ One hard boiled egg
⇒ Food processor
⇒ Mice (to feed to a pet snake)
⇒ Specimen cup
⇒ Holy Bible
⇒ Ouija board
(The oddest thing I’ve ever left in a Uber was my lunch…!)
-NYPost
DID YOU KNOW?
What does COVID-19 mean? The name designation refers to ‘COVI’ for the acronym of coronavirus, ‘D’ for the word disease, and ‘19’ for the year of the outbreak. The name of the virus is SARS-CoV-2.
The coronavirus is actually not one type of virus; it is a large family of viruses that also includes SARS and other respiratory illnesses. Coronaviruses can be spread between animals and people. The term “corona,” which is from a Latin root meaning crown or ring of light, refers to the shape of the virus under a microscope.
-CNN
BS CHRONOMETER 03.16.20
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [71] Victor Garber, London ON, movie actor (“Argo”, “Milk”)/TV actor (“Alias” 2001-06)/Broadway actor (“Damn Yankees”)
1949 [71] Erik Estrada, New York City NY, TV actor (Officer Frank “Ponch” Poncherello on “CHiPs” 1977-1983)
1954 [66] Nancy Wilson, San Francisco CA, classic rock guitarist (Heart-‘Barracuda’, ‘Who Will You Run To’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2013
1959 [61] Favor Flav (William Johnathon Drayton Jr.), Long Island NY, rapper (Public Enemy-‘Fight The Power’)
1963 [57] Jerome Flynn, London UK, TV actor (‘Bronn’ on “Game of Thrones” 2011-19)
1967 [53] Lauren Graham, Honolulu HI, TV actress (“Parenthood” 2010-15, “Gilmore Girls” 2000-07 and the Netflix reboot)
1991 [29] Wolfgang Van Halen, Santa Monica CA, rock bassist (Van Halen 2006-15, Tremonti)/son of Eddie Van Halen & Valerie Bertinelli
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Everything You Do is Right Day”, a day to avoid second-guessing yourself. As long as your decisions are well thought through, just carry them out and let them go. You’ll likely find it saves you a lot of stress. (Great. Now tell my boss…)
• “Freedom of Information Day”, celebrating the importance of an open government with access to info by the public.
• “Lips Appreciation Day”, when we’re encouraged to do something nice for our lips … kiss somebody. (As long as the other person’s lips think it’s nice too…)
• “Act Happy Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Monday of March, a creation of the optimistic Secret Society of Happy People. NET: http://sohp.com
• “No Selfies Day”, celebrated ironically on the birthday of Philippe Kahn, inventor of the cellphone camera, and the first person to snap a pic with his phone … although it wasn’t a selfie. (So we have him to blame for ‘duck face’?)
• “St Urho’s Day”, celebrating the (tongue-in-cheek) saint who allegedly ‘cleared the grasshoppers out of Finland’. The mock holiday is observed in parts of Canada and the USA.
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] St. Patrick’s Day
[Tues] Corned Beef and Cabbage Day
[Wed] Awkward Moments Day
[Wed] Forgive Mom and Dad Day
[Thurs] Spring arrives (Northern Hemisphere)
This Week Is…National Introverts Week
This Month Is…National Noodle Month
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [15] After a 3-month criminal trial in LA Superior Court, a jury acquits Robert Blake, star of 1970s TV detective show “Baretta”, of the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2017 [03] Ray Davies, frontman of The Kinks, is knighted for services to the arts by the Prince of Wales at Buckingham Palace.
2017 [03] Ed Sheeran launches his ÷ (“Divide”) tour in Turin, Italy. The trek lasts two-and-a-half years and breaks U2’s record for highest-grossing tour (2009-11), raking in $775.6 million on 255 dates.
2019 [01] ‘Old Town Road’ by rapper Lil Nas X makes the Country chart, but is removed the following week when Billboard declares it ineligible. The attention leads to a remix with Billy Ray Cyrus that goes to #1 on the (all-format) Hot 100.
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2014 [06] Crimea votes in a controversial referendum to secede from Ukraine and join Russia
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1999 [21] The RIAA gives the first-ever ‘Diamond Award’ certification, honoring “The Eagles’ Greatest Hits 1971-75” for 10 million units sold
2003 [18] Largest Coordinated Worldwide Vigil takes place, a global protest against the Iraq War
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ There is about one-quarter pound of salt in every gallon of seawater.
✓ Elastic bands last longer if they are stored in a refrigerator.
✓ It is estimated that 16 million tons of rain falls to earth every second.
✓ The sap of the Venezuelan cow tree’s sap looks, feels and tastes like cow’s milk.
✓ A swarm of 50,000 bees weighs about 10 pounds (4.5kg).
✓ The scientific name for the gorilla is “Gorilla, gorilla, gorilla”.
-BathroomReadersInstitute
BS UNLIKELY SPOUSE COMPLAINTS:
• “You barely snored at all last night.”
• “I wanted to scoop the cat litter. How could you?”
• “We don’t spend enough time with your parents.”
• “Can you text back with ‘K’ more often?”
• “Why must I always come home to a freshly cooked meal?”
• “This closet is too big for my shoes.”
• “If you’re gonna check someone out, can you at least do it in front of me?”
• “Did you wipe down the toilet again today?”
• “Why do you always get to be Wario?”
• “Why doesn’t your side-chick like me?”
• (***CAUTION: ‘DAMN’***) “You make too much damn money.”
-Twitter
Best of BS . . .
BS DOG PICK-UP LINES:
• “Come to this hydrant often?”
• “I know a nice out-of-the-way place where we can grab a drink out of the toilet.”
• “I’ve been trained to sniff out explosives and I can tell you’re dynamite!”
• “This kennel is so full of phonies.”
• “My friend and I have a bet. I say you’re part-Collie.”
• “Even a garden hose couldn’t stop me from loving you.”
• “Aw c’mon … I’m getting neutered tomorrow!”
-First published in BS in 2012
BS U-PICK ST. PATRICK’S TRIVIA:
• What do you get if you kiss the Blarney Stone?
a. Good luck
b. A traditional Irish blessing
c. The ‘gift of the gab’ [CORRECT]
d. Green lips
• What do you listen for when tracking a leprechaun?
a. The sound of his shoemaker’s hammer. [CORRECT]
b. The sound of gold coins
c. His buckles
d. Empty whiskey bottles
• Which traditional musical instrument was adopted as a logo by ‘Guinness’?
a. Fiddle
b. Harp [CORRECT]
c. Tin whistle
d. Forceps
-Holidappy
BS WEB GOODIE:
Because you have to retain your sense of humor: https://tinyurl.com/vj8k2om
BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s something you’d like to be really good at?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
If you’ve enjoyed this half as much as I have, then I’ve enjoyed this twice as much as you.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 9% of women say a man who has THIS is sexy. What is it?
Answer: A hybrid or electric car
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.