Monday, March 21, 2005 Edition: #2994
There’s Nothin’ Like a Bull in Your Radio Shop!
BS LOOK AT THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
• LA prosecutors are considering whether to file criminal charges against “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul after she was allegedly involved in a hit-and-run incident last DECEMBER. The uninjured victim of the minor accident on the 101 Freeway apparently used his camera phone to snap a pic of her Mercedes-Benz leaving the scene. (“E! Online”)
• A federal appeals court has agreed to send Martha Stewart’s case back to the original judge for re-sentencing, which means she could be freed from house arrest and that pesky electronic monitoring bracelet that she hates. (“USA Today”)
• The former girlfriend of a would-be kidnapper says David Letterman is extremely lucky, things could have turned out much worse. Kelly Frank, a 43-year-old ex-con and former Letterman employee, has now been charged with plotting to nab Letterman’s 16-month-old son Harry and the lad’s nanny. He’s also been charged with felony theft for overcharging for painting work he performed on Letterman’s ranch near Choteau, Montana. He apparently hoped to ransom the kid for $5 million. (“Daily News”)
• Pseudo-singer-turned-quasi-actress Jessica Simpson is reeling over a brutal rape that police say took place at a party for the crew of her upcoming movie “The Dukes of Hazzard”. Baton Rouge LA cops have busted a 25-year-old man Jessica was friendly with for the alleged attack on a teenager at a local bar. (“National Enquirer”)
• Christian Lacroix seems to be the unlikely choice as wedding dress designer for Prince Charles’ soon-to-be-bride Camilla Parker Bowles. Lacroix is reportedly trying to talk Camilla out of her idea of wearing a dress suit and into a longer dress with 3-quarter length bolero jacket. Lacroix’s last couture season featured wedding dresses with heavily-beaded veils that totally covered the face. We can only hope! (PopBitch.com)
• Dress-challenged “American Pie” star Tara Reid is set to co-star in a new FOX-TV pilot called “Hitched”, about a Las Vegas wedding chapel – with a drive-though! (“Teen Hollywood”)
• ‘P Diddy’ Sean Combs will market his own line of ‘pimped-up’ Lincoln Navigators, selling for circa $200,000 each. The luxury rides will feature a DVD player, Playstation 2, crystal decanter, satellite navigation system and 6 TV screens. Puffy will throw in a signed hood ornament and personalized umbrella for each of the well-heeled customers who snap up one of the 150 limited-edition vehicles. (femalefirst.co.uk)
• Acting couple David Duchovny & Tea Leoni are contemplating moving out of their Malibu CA home – since Britney Spears became their neighbor. It’s not that they have problems with barefoot hillbilly hicks in the neighborhood, just that the area has been constantly crawling with paparazzi ever since Brit & hubby Kevin Federline moved in 2 months ago. (Ananova)
• Britney Spears has expressed interest in playing the ‘Green Witch’ in the movie version of the Broadway hit “Wicked”. She is apparently obsessed with the musical, listening to the soundtrack all the time. Also potentially in the running for the role is Hilary Duff. (“The Insider”)
• Steven Spielberg has reportedly secured the screen rights to “Baywatch” from the former blockbuster TV show’s co-creator, Greg Bonann, and plans to make a bigscreen version in 2006. During its 1989-2001 run, “Baywatch” attracted fans in over 140 countries, and at the height of its popularity was claimed to be the world’s most-watched TV series. It made sex symbols of many of its stars such as Pamela Anderson, David Hasselhoff, Yasmine Bleeth, Carmen Electra, Donna D’Errico & Gena Lee Nolan. (“NY Post”)
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – TODAY she’s on TV’s syndicated “Live With Regis & Kelly”. She took home trophies for ‘Outstanding Song’ and ‘Outstanding Music Video’ for “If I Ain’t Got You” at the 36th annual “NAACP Image Awards” over the weekend (which will air this FRIDAY).
• Andrea Bocelli – TONIGHT he headlines a tsunami aid concert in Milan, Italy.
• Aaron Tippin – TODAY and tomorrow at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium, he’ll participate in the taping of a series of TV specials saluting the US Army’s 230th birthday. Other country artists involved include Craig Morgan and Mark Wills.
• David Usher – He kicks off a tour in Victoria BC APRIL 6th in support of his upcoming new album “If God Had Curves”, due APRIL 26th.
• Gwen Stefani – TONIGHT she does “Late Show With David Letterman”
• Jet – TONIGHT they’re on NBC-TV’s “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Lil’ Kim – After being convicted of lying to a federal grand jury, she faces up to 20 years in prison when she’s sentenced JUNE 24th.
• Mario – The “The Let Me Love You” singer warns groupies to stay away as he’s only interested in fans who appreciate his music. He won’t rule out dating a fan … but only if she’s ‘genuine’.
• Sum 41 – Frontman Deryck Whibley recently sold his million-dollar Riverdale home in Toronto to move to LA, which by coincidence just happens to be where his rumored girlfriend, Avril Lavigne, is now based.
NEW IDOL OWNER:
Simon Fuller, who used the money he made managing the Spice Girls to create Britain’s “Pop Idol” TV series which spawned “American Idol” and some 30 “Idol” franchises around-the-world, has sold his company, 19 Entertainment Ltd. Robert FX Sillerman’s Sports Entertainment Enterprises (soon to be known as CKX) will pay close to $163 million in cash and stock. Sillerman previously built SFX Entertainment into the USA’s largest concert promoter before selling it to Clear Channel Communications in 2000 for about $3 billion. Fuller will remain as president of 19, which also manages the careers of all “Idol” winners.
– “NY Times”
The USA is falling apart, according to a survey by the American Society of Civil Engineers. Some of the society’s findings: For every $1 needed to maintain a safe drinking supply, the nation is spending only 10 cents. More than 3,500 dams across the country are structurally deficient. More than a quarter of California’s highway bridges are either obsolete or in jeopardy, a percentage that can be extended nationwide. Maintenance of the nation’s electrical power plants has decreased every year since 1992. (And oh yeah … they also report the sky is falling.)
– “Los Angeles Times”
BS SOCIAL STUDIES:
• Canadian Social Trends reports that 45% of Canadian adults claim to participate in one or more sports each week. (Usually euchre.)
• According to the National Survey of Families & Households, married men handle only 33% of housework, but live-in boyfriends do 40% of household chores. (They’re still auditioning for the job.)
• A nationwide study finds women cry on average 3.55 times per month, while men average just 1.88 sob sessions. (After their team’s eliminated from the NCAA tournament.)
• According to a “Ladies’ Home Journal” poll, the average person falls in love 6 times in their life, starting with puppy love at about age 13. Women fall in love more often than men. (Unless beer’s involved.)
• A 9-year study concludes that divorced men are twice as likely to kill themselves. In fact, a split-up doubles the chances of men committing suicide, but interestingly has almost no impact on suicide rates for women whatsoever. (Cold-hearted wenches that they are.)
AND WE QUOTE:
• “Those rumors are just that … rumors.”
– 42-year-old actress Demi Moore when asked by “People” magazine if it’s true she’s pregnant with 27-year-old boyfriend Ashton Kutcher’s baby. Is that supposed to be a denial or is she trying to tell us the baby is actually her daughter Rumer’s?
• “To be honest, I couldn’t see where he would fit into the movie anyway … other than as my grandfather.”
– 50 Cent telling “Daily Mirror” he doesn’t care that accomplished thespian Samuel L Jackson refused to star alongside him in the upcoming film “Get Rich Or Die Tryin’”. Sam L says he won’t work with ‘unproved’ actors.
THE BULL SHEET 03.21.2K5
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950  Roger Hodgson, Portsmouth UK, classic rock musician (Supertramp-“Give a Little Bit”)
1958  Gary Oldman, London UK, movie bad guy (‘Sirius Black’ in “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban”)
1962  Matthew Broderick, NYC, Broadway actor (“The Producers”)/movie actor (“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”)/Mr Sarah Jessica Parker since 1997
1962  Rosie O’Donnell, Commack NY, retired TV talk show host (“Rosie O’Donnell Show” 1996-2002)/sometime movie actress (“A League of Their Own”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Boing! Spring Has Sprung! It officially arrived YESTERDAY at 7:34 am EST with the ‘Vernal Equinox’ – when day and night were equal in length around-the-world, about 12 hours. That makes TODAY the 1st full day of Spring.
TONIGHT actress Andrea Martin hosts the 25th annual “Genie Awards”, Canada’s national film awards from the Academy of Canadian Cinema & Television, live on CHUM TV stations nationwide. This year, French-language Québec cinema again dominates the nominations. Odds are few Canadians will have heard of, let alone seen, any of the award winners. Time to change the rules on what qualifies as CanCon?
TODAY is also –
• “Children’s Poetry Day.” Have a kid read some rap lyrics with lush music in the background.
• “Extraterrestrial Abductions Day”, honoring all those wackos with the tin foil hats.
• “Fragrance Day.” Either has something to do with perfume or [co-host] after a workout.
• “International Astrology Day”, just as the Aries zodiac sign begins.
• “Memory Day.” Hmm, can’t remember why.
• “Snowman Burning Day.” Be sure to put a bag over his head and take pictures first.
• “Teacher Appreciation Day”, one of several each year because teachers need nurturing.
• “UN International Day for Elimination of Discrimination.” Yeah, an official day … that’ll do it!
TOMORROW the 30th “National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest” reeks in Montpelier VT, which proudly bills itself the ‘Rotten Sneaker Capital of the World’. Once again, kids under age 15 will attempt to win trophies for the foulest footwear. The grand prize includes a trophy, $500 savings bond, and a new pair of sneakers. Once a local contest organized by the Montpelier Recreation Department, it’s since sold out to the makers of Odor Eaters products (which now runs similar contests in other cities). Did you know that each foot contains 250,000 sweat glands that can produce up to a pint of sweat per day?
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1980  The so-called ‘Cliffhanger’ is introduced to TV, a season-ending stunt in which ‘JR’ is shot on “Dallas”. Fans are then forced to spend the entire summer pondering ‘Who shot JR?’.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1952  25,000 attend the 1st ever ‘Rock ‘n Roll Concert’, hosted by pioneering DJ Alan Freed at the Cleveland Arena
1964  The Beatles hold down 5 slots on “Billboard’s” ‘Top 10 Singles’ chart
2000  ‘N Sync releases “No Strings Attached” which sets an all-time record for ‘Single-Day Album Sales’ at 1.1 million units
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1977  Mrs James Duck of Memphis TN becomes ‘World’s Fastest Mother’ as her triplets are born naturally – in under 2 minutes
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] International Goof Off Day
[Tues] As Young As You Feel Day
[Wed] Organize Your Home Office Day
[Wed] World Meteorological Day
[Thurs] No Homework Day
[Thurs] “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] “Expo 2005″ opens (Aichi, Japan)
[Fri] “Guess Who?” opens in movie theaters
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Bubble Blowers Week
Poison Prevention Week
Massage Safety Week
Spring Fever Week
RV Lifestyle Week
Week of Solidarity with People’s Struggling Against Racism & Racial Discrimination
Anonymous Giving Week
Jobs for Teens Week
BULL’S BITS . . .
REAL TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Hey Ladies! Now You Can Hook Your Way to Riches!”
• “Scientists Invent the Ultimate Cuss Word!”
• “Two-Headed Space Alien Shot by Farmer!”
• “Country Picks King Based on Size of His Private Parts!”
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
• Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much ‘artificial sweetener’?
• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
• Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
• If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
• How is it possible to run out of space?
BS BRAIN STRAIN:
Who was our 1st Canadian-born Prime Minister – Louis St Laurent, John Abbot, or Vincent Massey? [Sir John Abbott, born in St Andrews, Quebec 184 years ago TODAY in 1821.]
BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s your best excuse for getting out of doing stuff around the house?
BS BLATANT JOKES:
• I’ve taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me … send money.
• I’m on the “Survivor” diet. Before I eat, I vote something off of my plate.
BS FACT OR CRAP?
Two of these are facts, one is pure BS. But which one?
1. Ancient Egyptians never looked at the Moon, believing to do so brought bad luck. (BS)
2. In ancient Egypt, some people fed their statues every day.
3. Ancient Egyptians mummified cats and mice.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Women taller than 5′-5″ are 3 times more likely to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They’re more likely to break a hip than shorter women.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
SHEETERS WHO WILL PROSPER:
A big moo-out to Scott Overton @ CIGM Sudbury ON who’s back for another year of “BS”; and welcome aboard to “BS” samplers this week that include Caroline Spears @ KKFM (Classic Rock 98.1) Colorado Springs CO, Alberto @ HIMS Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic; Kid Carson @ The Beat 94.5 FM Vancouver BC; and Patrick Shure @ WAYS (Oldies 105.5) Macon GA. We bonus you a FREE MONTH for each and every new “Bull Sheet” subscriber you refer!