March 14, 2005

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Monday, March 14, 2005        Edition: #2989
We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

• “Sideways” director Alexander Payne and his Nepean ON-born actress-wife Sandra Oh who co-starred in the film have ‘mutually decided to separate’ but – here’s the obligatory new add-on when famous people split – ‘they will remain friends’. (“People Magazine”)
• Poor Trekkies need something to look forward to now that the “Star Trek: Enterprise” TV series has been cancelled. So here you go: the next “Star Trek” movie, the 11th in the franchise, will be set 160 years before the birth of ‘Captain Kirk’, according to the screenwriter working on it. That means it will take place only about 100 years from now. (“London Sun”)
• Former Victoria’s Secret model Heidi Klum and her singer fiancé Seal are expecting a child together. She already has a year-old daughter from a previous relationship with Italian racing mogul Flavio Briatore. (“Star Magazine”)
• Apparently that whole terrorism thing has been cleared up because the FBI seems to have found enough time to launch an investigation into Paris Hilton’s Sidekick hack-attack. Many celeb pals who turned up in her database are said to be worried they may be dragged into the probe. (“National Enquirer”)
• Now the back-story is coming out on why George Clooney’s Italian villa has become the target of vandals who’ve been scrawling on its walls and busting up windows. It seems they’re activists opposed to Clooney’s plan to buy up a local public beach on the shores of famed Lake Como and make it his private domain. (World Entertainment News Network)
• Seven different paparazzi have now been thrown off the set of “Four Brothers”, now shooting in Toronto. Director John Singleton has been forced to beef up security to keep all the lensmen at bay. It’s not stars Mark Wahlberg or Outkast’s André 3000 they’re looking to snap, it’s Columbian model Sofia Vergara who has a bit part in the film. The photogs are just dying for her reported boyfriend Tom Cruise to show up for an onset snog. (“Daily Dish”)
• NBC-TV has renewed its hospital drama “ER” for 2 more seasons, even though star Noah Wyle has hinted this may be his last. The show debuted in 1994 and for a long time was TV’s top series. (“Hollywood Reporter”)

• Ashlee Simpson – Word has it she’s become a hot ticket on the bat mitzvah circuit … for $150,000 a show. Could weddings and birthdays be next?
• Coldplay – Their highly anticipated 3rd album will be called “X&Y” and will hit stores JUNE 7th. The first single, “Speed of Sound”, will be released to radio on APRIL 18th.
• Elton John – He’s teaming up with his pals David & Victoria Beckham to buy a $7.7 million, 9-bedroom holiday villa they can share in Llandudno, South Africa. It features floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean about 10 miles from Cape Town.
• Gavin DeGraw – TODAY he does TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Good Charlotte – TONIGHT they’re on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Kylie Minogue – She’s been eating pickled plums known in Japan as ‘umeboshi’ in a bid to prevent any throat problems from interfering with her “Showgirl World Tour”, which kicks off SATURDAY in Glasgow, Scotland. Hey, sounds like more fun than a flu shot!
• Rod Stewart – The 60-year-old wrinkle rocker-turned standards singer has proposed to  longtime girlfriend, 33-year-old Penny Lancaster, at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. She said ‘yes’ and they’ll wed later in the year.
• Velvet Revolver – Guitarist Slash has his trademark top hat back which was stolen from a limo at the “Grammy Awards” LAST MONTH after LA clothing company BC Ethic offered a $5,000 reward for it. That little piece of marketing on their part was a bargain!

TODAY the “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame” foundation’s 20th annual induction ceremony takes place at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Manhattan. A few highlights …
• Among those being ushered in – U2, the O’Jays (“Love Train”), the Pretenders (“Brass in Pocket”), ‘60s soul singer Percy Sledge (“When a Man Loves a Woman”) and blues guitarist Buddy Guy.
• In 1999, U2’s Bono inducted Bruce Springsteen into the Hall and now ‘The Boss’ will reciprocate the honor.
• Artists are eligible to be inducted after at least 25 years have passed since their first record was released.

LAST NIGHT drag queens from across Ireland fought it out on the catwalk for the title of ‘Queen of Ireland 2005′ at the 11th annual “Alternative Miss Ireland” pageant in Dublin, hostessed by Panti and the Dyin’-For-It Sisters. The alternative beauty pageant is open to men, women, animals – and ‘others’ – who perform in daywear, swimwear and evening wear (and they haven’t even started drinking for St Patrick’s Day yet!). Previous winners of the AIDS benefit have included Miss Sid Viscous, Miss Twirly Chassy, Shirley Temple Bar and Vada Bon Reve. If you really need to know the winner, check here …
(If you were a drag queen, what would your name be?)

• Homeless Dutch street people are being chauffeur-driven … to their favorite panhandling spots! Vagrants from Sneek are taken to an overnight shelter in nearby Leeuwarden each evening by taxis paid for by local taxpayers. Then, at 9 am the next morning, they’re driven back to ‘work’. Although the trip costs close to $150 a day, authorities in Sneek say it’s cheaper for the town than building a shelter of its own.
• Police in Lucknow, India are on the hunt for a beautiful woman who slaps her male victims upside the head before running off with their valuables. So far, 3 men have reported being robbed by the woman, one slapped so hard he nearly passed out before realizing she’d taken his wallet and motorbike. The woman’s tactics have earned her a nickname that translates to ‘The Girl Who Makes Your Ears Ring’.
• Romanian doctors have removed a man’s wedding band … from his penis! The married man from the town of Rovinari isn’t sure how the ring got there, but told doctors he had a one-night-stand with another woman and he suspects she wanted to get back at him because he fell asleep during sex. (Okay, experiment time this morning. Take off your wedding ring and hold it up to a light. Now check the diameter!)

Highlights of “Forbes” 19th annual listing of the world’s billionaires …
• The collective net worth of the world’s 691 billionaires is now $2.2 trillion, up $300 billion from the combined net worth of the 587 people listed LAST YEAR. That means there are more than 100 new billionaires in the world this year.
• The world’s richest remains Microsoft founder Bill Gates at $46.5 billion, followed by investor Warren Buffet at $44 billion.
• Top Canadian is Kenneth Thomson & family at #15 with $17.9 billion US. Galen Weston & family rank #35 with $9.9 billion. Jeffrey Skoll (eBay) is 94th with $5 billion and Vancouver’s Jim Pattison ranks 107th with $4.8 billion. There are a total of 17 Canadian billionaires.
• Entertainment billionaires include Oprah Winfrey ($1.3 billion), Steven Spielberg ($2.75 billion), George Lucas ($3 billion), and ex-con Martha Stewart ($1 billion).

What do women notice first when they look at a guy? According to a recent survey of women …
• Face (56%)
• Chest (21%)
• Eyes (12%)
• Butt (8%)
• Legs (3%)

• “I don’t want to be involved in a relationship. I have these great friends who cross over to be lovers and there’s no reason why there can’t be more than one.”
– Angelina Jolie telling “OK!” magazine what an active life she has.
• “In the future, I will refrain from discussing my private life in interviews. It will be expressed solely through art.”
– Britney Spears telling “Allure” magazine we’ll apparently never hear from her again.


1933 [72] Quincy Jones, Chicago IL, pop/jazz artist/producer/composer with 26 Grammy Awards, more than any living recording artist

1933 [72] Sir Michael Caine (Maurice Micklewhite), London UK, movie actor with 2 Oscars (“The Cider House Rules”, “Hannah & Her Sisters”)

1947 [58] Billy Crystal, Long Beach NY, movie actor (“Analyze This 1 & 2″, “Monsters Inc”)

1958 [47] Prince Albert of Monaco (Albert Alexandre Louis Pierre de Matignon-Grimaldi), Monte Carlo MON, rich guy who upon the death or abdication of his father, Prince Rainier III, will become Monaco’s 32nd ruler/Olympic bobsleigh athlete who’s participated in 5 Winter Games

1979 [26] Chris Klein, Hinsdale IL, movie actor (“American Pie I & II”)  FACTOID: His engagement to actress Katie Holmes is now said to be off and they are no longer dating.

TODAY is “Commonwealth Day” (formerly known as “Empire Day”), an annual observance on the 2nd Monday in March, when the 54 member countries of the British Commonwealth supposedly celebrate their links with one another. In Britain, it is marked by a service in Westminster Abbey attended by Queen Elizabeth II. In Canada, the day is celebrated with – nada.

TODAY is the day for your “Annual Office Coffee Cup Washing”, whether your scum-laden, germ-infested, mold-encrusted mug needs it or not!

TODAY through March 20th the “2005 World Figure Skating Championships” jump and spin in Moscow, Russia. TODAY Men’s Qualifying Free Skates and Pairs Short Programs will take center ice.

TODAY is “National Pi Day” … as in 3.14 – get it?

TODAY is “Save a Spider Day”, a day to appreciate arachnids and the webs they weave.

TODAY is “National Potato Chip Day”, honoring North America’s favorite snack food. It was invented by chef George Crum in 1853 at Moon’s Lake House resort in Saratoga Springs NY after an uppity diner complained that the potatoes were too thick and sent them back to the kitchen. As a joke, Crum sliced a new batch of spuds paper-thin, fried them in boiling oil and salted them. The fussy patron and his friends loved the ‘crunchy potato slices’ which soon became known as ‘Saratoga chips’. Before long, grocery stores were selling them in bulk from large barrels. (What’s the best flavored chip – jalapeno, sea salt & malt vinegar, steak & onion, dill pickle, all dressed?)

1985 [20] At the 11th “People’s Choice Awards”, Bill Cosby wins 4 awards for TV’s “The Cosby Show” (then celebrates by fondling the presenter)

1998 [07] “Nokia Presents The George Strait Chevy Truck Country Music Festival Brought To You By Wrangler” opens (likely setting some kind of record for sponsorship deals in an event name)

1860 [145] 1st ‘Baseball Cap’ designed (the next day, some guy puts the 1st baseball cap on  backwards)

1923 [82] 1st ‘Play-by-Play Hockey Broadcast’ (Peter Parker-Edmonton vs Regina)

1992 [13] Researchers announce that broccoli fights cancer (kids everywhere moan)

[Tues-Apr 4] March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament
[Tues] Ides of March
[Tues] Buzzard’s Day
[Wed] Lips Appreciation Day
[Thus] St Patrick’s Day
[Fri] Forgive Mom & Dad Day
[Sat] Maple Syrup Saturday
[Sat] 2nd AIDS Awareness Concert (South Africa)
[Sun] Spring begins (7:34 am EST)

Campfire USA Birthday Week
Pulmonary Rehabilitation Week
Interbrain Awareness Week
Toad Hollow Week
Severe Weather Awareness Week


• “New Vaccine Prevents Cattle Farts from Causing Climate Catastrophe!”
• “Worldwide Toilet Paper Shortage Looms!”
• “Space Ark Crashes in Utah!”
• “How Your Date Eats a Hot Dog Reveals How Good She Is in Bed!”
• “Talking Parrot Fingers Hit Man!”
– “Weekly World News” / “The Sun”

• Back in the day when Sylvester Stallone was a “Contender”, what were the names of his character ‘Rocky Balboa’s’ pet turtles?
a. ‘Frick & Frack’.
b. ‘Cuff & Link’. [CORRECT]
c. ‘Tango & Cash’.

• Fast-food chain Arby’s took its name from the initials ‘R’ and ‘B’. What did they stand for?
a. Roast Beef.
b. Raffel Brothers. [CORRECT]
c. Roseanne Barr.

My kingdom for a beer! Half my beer for a woman!

Today’s Question: THIS usually travels an average of 8 miles per year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: An office chair.

Judge people by what they are, not where they are.


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