Friday, March 11, 2005        Edition: #2988
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
SATURDAY the 19th “Soul Train Music Awards” air in TV syndication (because it was pre-recorded we already know Alicia Keys and Usher score 2 apiece, as well as shared a trophy for “My Boo”) . . . Poor “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria is whining that she just can’t trust anybody anymore after a guest at her 30th birthday party sold pictures of the event to the media (honey, a year ago you would have paid someone to publish your picture!) . . . Colombian model Sofia Vergara is said to be smitten with boyfriend Tom Cruise’s famous smile and with good reason – she studied dentistry before hitting fashion runways . . . And it seems the relationship is getting serious – Cruise has now met her mommy . . . Get ready to buckle your swashes – Keanu Reeves has agreed to star in “The 8th Voyage of Sinbad” (Sin’ don’t get out much – “The 7th Voyage of Sinbad” was back in 1958) . . . And 68-year-old actress and former fitness guru Jane Fonda has had to send regrets that she’s unable to attend the 50th reunion of her old Troy NY boarding school – because she’s getting a new hip!

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Guitarist Joe Perry says he recorded so much material for his new self-titled solo album (due MAY 3rd) that he has enough left over to begin work on a second solo effort.
• Barry Manilow – TODAY he’s on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”. (Just a warning!)
• Christina Milian – TONIGHT she’s on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Collective Soul – TONIGHT they do the “Late Late Show” on CBS-TV.
• Faith Hill – SATURDAY she performs at a charity gala in Biloxi MS hosted by Deanna Favre, wife of Green Bay Packers QB Brett Favre.
• Michael Buble – TONIGHT he’s on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Theory Of A Deadman – Tyler Connolly wrote their latest single “No Surprise” way back before the band had even formed. Their new album “Gasoline” comes out MARCH 29th.
• Tim McGraw – TONIGHT he performs an acoustic concert in Washington to benefit the Larry King Cardiac Foundation. Tickets to the dinner and show start at $1,000 a pop.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Hostage”(R-Rated Action Thriller): Bruce Willis plays a former LAPD hostage negotiator who has moved to a small town with his family. But his old profession comes back into play when a local family is taken hostage after a failed robbery. Rumer Willis, Bruce’s daughter with Demi Moore, plays his daughter in the movie but she had to audition and win the role. Of course, daddy being the film’s executive producer couldn’t have hurt.
• “Robots” (PG Animated Family Fantasy): In a world populated entirely by mechanical beings, a young robot wiz (Ewan McGregor) journeys to the big city where he falls for a female ‘bot (Halle Berry) and battles a gang of misfit ‘bots known as the ‘Rusties’ (headed by Robin Williams in his first cartoon feature since 1992’s “Aladdin”). Other voices include Mel Brooks, Drew Carey, Carson Daly, and Conan O’Brien.
• “The Upside of Anger” (R-Rated Limited-Release Drama): Joan Allen plays a suburban mom whose life takes a dramatic turn when her husband vanishes. She finds solace with a new drinking buddy, her neighbor, a once-great baseball player who’s now a radio talk show host (Kevin Costner). Costner has been in 3 previous movies about baseball (“Bull Durham”, “Field of Dreams” and “For Love of the Game”).
• “The Passion Recut” (Unrated Limited-Rerelease): A tamer version of Mel Gibson’s controversial “The Passion of the Christ” with 6 minutes of the most violent footage edited out. The new version will run on about 950 screens through Easter.

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• The Athenaeum Pontificium Regina Apostolorum, a prestigious Vatican-backed college in Milan, is rolling out a new 2-month course – in exorcism! The idea is to give would-be Roman Catholic priests the proper tools for battling Satan over the souls of the possessed. (The college’s name is easier to pronounce if you are actually possessed.)
• Unlike most ski jumpers, entrants in THIS WEEKEND’s 2nd “Unofficial Norwegian Tree Ski-Jumping Championships” will lose points for smooth and graceful landings on the snow. Competitors will be aiming for the trees – and the higher they land, the better! To qualify as a completed jump, the skier has to hang onto the tree without falling to the ground.
• An upscale Hong Kong grocery store has been fined the equivalent of $641 for selling a container of Bunalun Organic Vanilla Granola Breakfast Cereal that was infested with – 575 tiny beetles. Unfortunately for the store, the customer who bought it turned out to be a lawyer. (A little ‘too organic’ for his liking, perhaps?)
• Online love has cost Charles Gonsoulin some body parts. The 41-year-old sneaked into Canada, making it all the way from Pembina ND to Emerson MB on foot to see his Internet girlfriend. The bad news is – he suffered frostbite from 100 hours of exposure to cold temps and had to have all his fingers and half his toes amputated. (After that, he gave his girlfriend the finger.)

BS SIGNS TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS LYING TO YOU:
Sheri & Bob Stritof, authors of “Your Guide to Marriage”, say there are clues we all give when we tell a fib. It’s the rare person who can tell a lie and not exhibit at least one of these …
• Being fidgety by touching the chin, rubbing the brow or playing with hair.
• Crossing arms or legs.
• Continually denying accusations.
• Being extremely defensive.
• Providing more information and specifics than necessary.
• Inconsistencies in what is being said.
• Placing a barrier, such as a desk or chair, in front of self.
• Not acting in a usual fashion. Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure.
• Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements.
• Avoidance of eye contact.
– About.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
Plants worldwide are blooming an average of 5.2 days earlier per decade.
– “Washington Post”

AND WE QUOTE:
“I think of country radio like a great lover. You were great to me. You bought me a lot of nice things, and then you dumped my ass for younger women.”
– Dolly Parton, accepting the Country Radio Broadcasters ‘Career Achievement Award’.

THE BULL SHEET 03.11.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [74] Rupert Murdoch, Melbourne AUS, media magnate (FOX-TV, NewsCorp)

1965 [40] Wallace Langham, Ft Worth TX, TV actor (lab tech ‘David Hodges’ on “CSI”)

1968 [37] Lisa Loeb, Bethesda MD, has-been pop singer (“I Do”, “Stay”)

1971 [34] Johnny Knoxville (Phillip John Clapp), Knoxville TN, movie actor (“Walking Tall”, “Jackass: The Movie”)  UP NEXT: Plays ‘Luke Duke’ in “Dukes of Hazzard”, due JUNE 24th.

1979 [26] Benji & Joel Madden, Waldorf MD, twin brother rock musicians (Good Charlotte-“I Just Wanna Live”, “Girls &  Boys”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Pop singer/movie actress/rehab vet Liza Minelli (“Cabaret”) is 59; Oldies singer James Taylor (“You’ve Got a Friend”) is 57.

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Movie actor William H Macy (“The Cooler”) is 55; Rock bassist Adam Clayton (U2) is 45; Canadian R&B singer Glenn Lewis (“Back For More”) is 30; TV actor Danny Masterson (“That ’70s Show”) is 29.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is –
• “Frozen Dead Guy Days” weekend in Nederland CO, the 3rd annual celebration of Grandpa Bredo Morstoel, who died in 1989, was frozen by his grandson and stored in a shed.
PHONER: 720.374.6742  NET: http://www.nederlandchamber.org/FrozenDeadGuyDays
• “Johnny Appleseed Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of his death. is real name was John Chapman when he was born in Massachusetts in 1774. He was a serious nurseryman who set out orchards in the wilderness of the Midwest. He then gave or sold trees to pioneers.
• “National Fiery Foods & Barbecue Show” weekend in Albuquerque NM. The 17th annual is expected to draw thousands of chilli-heads from around-the-world.
PHONER: 505.873.8680  NET: http://www.fiery-foods.com/ffshow
• “World’s Largest Rattlesnake Round-Up” weekend in Sweetwater TX. Live rattlesnakes will be on display, there’ll be snakemeat to eat, and snake products for sale. There’s also a parade, a cook-off and the ‘Snake Charmer Pageant’.
PHONER: 325.235.5488  NET: http://www.rattlesnakeroundup.com
• “Romeo & Juliet’s Wedding Day”. According to Shakespeare, the all-time champion lovers did the deed this date in 1302. It’s their 703rd anniversary!
• Worship of Tools Day” (aka “Tool Appreciation Day”), celebrating men’s inexplicable fascination with high-priced gizmos. What tool have you bought then never used?

SATURDAY is –
• “Girl Scout Day”, honoring the 93rd anniversary of the group’s formation. Daisy Gordon of Savannah GA gathered a troop in 1912 and taught them how to milk a cow, how to tie up a burglar and the complicated art of boiling water.
• “Middle Name Pride Day”, so stand up and be proud … Aloicious.
• “Organize Your Home Office Day”. Better get out the shovel!

SUNDAY is –
• “Ear Muff Day”, honoring  grammar school dropout Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine who invented earmuffs at the age of 15, then patented his invention on March 13, 1877.
• “National Single Fathers Who Are Not Leeches on Society Day”, to honor to all fathers who take responsibility for their children.
• “Open an Umbrella Indoors Day”, when you’re encouraged to open umbrellas indoors and note whether or not you have any bad luck.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1989 [16] 1st episode of “Cops” on FOX-TV (“Whatcha gonna do bad boy bad boy …”)

1997 [08] The ashes of “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry are launched into space

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1927 [78] 1st electric-powered ‘jukebox’ is introduced by Seeberg

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
105 [1900] 1st ‘paper’ invented by Ts’ai Lun in China, using bamboo, mulberry, fish nets and rags

1935 [70] Canada’s central bank, the ‘Bank of Canada’ is established “to regulate credit and currency in the best interests of the economic life of the nation”

1986 [19] NFL adopts ‘instant replay rule’ allowing refs to review videotape of plays when calls are in question (thereby adding another hour to the average game)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Good Samaritan Day
[Sun] Genealogy Day
[Mon] 20th Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction
[Mon-Mar 18] World Figure Skating Championships (Moscow)
This Week Is . . . Art Week / Celebrate Your Name Week
This Month Is . . . Red Cross Month / Play the Recorder Month (just not in the house, ‘kay?)

BULL’S BITS . . .
SUNDAY “The Brier” final slides in Edmonton as the Canadian men’s curling champ will be crowned. In addition to 250 kegs of beer inside Rexall Place, the parking lot parties outside expect to have racked up $1 million in booze sales over the 10 days (168,000 bottles of beer, 6,000 coolers, 2,400 bottles of wine, 2,500 40-pounders of liquor).
PHONER: 780.408.2005  NET: http://www.brier.ca
BS REASONS WHY CURLING IS BETTER THAN SEX:
• You can score up to 10 times in one night.
• Lasts up to 2-and-a-half hours.
• When you’re finished, someone else has to clean the sheets.
• It’s OK to yell, “Hurry, hurry, hurry!”
• There are four positions, but you only have to be good at one of them.

BS ‘BUST MY BLUFF’:
You and your co-host take turns telling a brief story. Your contestant must decide which of you is bluffing and which is telling the truth …
• A geological group who has drilled the world’s deepest hole, about 14.4 kilometers (8.6 miles) deep in the crust of the Earth, claim they have heard human screams emanating from the abyss. Dr Yuri Azzacov, manager of the project in remote Siberia, says some scientists are afraid they have let loose the evil powers of hell. [BS]
• A jar of peanut butter is allowed to contain 210 insect fragments and 7 rodent hairs before the FDA considers it unsanitary. [TRUE]
• Unknown investors made millions of dollars by short-selling stock in United and American Airlines in the days leading up to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. [TRUE]
• Aging pop singer Cher, who is finally going to retire , once had 2 ribs surgically removed to reduce her waist size. [BS]
• When it was first released to the public, the freshly minted new Canadian $10 bill had to be quickly recalled when someone noticed that it contained a misprint in John McCrae’s famous poem “In Flanders Fields”. [BS]
• In the early ‘90s when home computers were swiftly gaining popularity, the Canadian government attempted to impose a 5-cent surcharge on e-mail after Canada Post reported a $23-million loss in revenue. [BS]
• The famous Woodstock rock concert of 1969 was actually held in nearby Bethel NY because Woodstock refused to allow the festival to take place there. [TRUE]
– “Urban Myth”,  TruthorFiction.com

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you learned that there actually was a Heaven and Hell, what is the first thing you’d change in your life?
• If you could be 7-years-old again for one whole day, knowing what you know now, how would you spend it?

BS BLATANT JOKE:
I always advise people never to give advice.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In the course of a lifetime, men get THIS more than women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hiccups.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.