Thursday, March 10, 2005        Edition: #2987
Sheet Rocks!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT during “The OC” on FOX-TV, a trailer for the final installment of the “Star Wars” saga, “Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”, gets an exclusive airing (opens in theaters MAY 19th) . . . TONIGHT several music stars do a guest shot on “The Apprentice” including Eve, Lil’ Kim, Gene Simmons (KISS), Moby and Barenaked Ladies . . . The Canadian woman whose claims that Bill Cosby assaulted her were rejected by prosecutors LAST MONTH has now filed a civil lawsuit against him (Kill Bill: Vol 2) . . . Movie actress Penelope Cruz is planning to publish a book of photos she has taken over the years, including candid shots such as ‘directors in the bathtub’ (together?) . . . After LAST WEEK’S shoot-’em-up between the crews of 50 Cent and The Game, the owner of the building housing NYC’s Hot 97 Radio is now restricting posses – visiting recording artists can now only be accompanied by 1 person (with an AK-47).  

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aretha Franklin – She’s in talks to play record shop owner ‘Motormouth Maybelle’ in the upcoming movie version of the Broadway hit “Hairspray”. She last appeared on the bigscreen in “The Blues Brothers” movie and its sequel.
• Gretchen Wilson – Her “Here For The Party” album has just been certified ‘4-Times Platinum’ for shipping 4 million units.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s apparently so taken with an oil painting by hubby Marc Anthony she’s hung it in her dressing room at home. Word is it depicts J-Lo … nude … from her backside.
• Jessica Simpson – She’s recently finished filming “The Dukes Of Hazzard”, in which she plays ‘Daisy Duke’, and is currently working on tunes for the soundtrack including a duet with Willie Nelson.
• LeAnn Rimes – A new ‘Barbie’ doll for Mattel’s ‘Celebrity Series’ will be based on her. MSRP: circa $25.
• U2 – They’ve added Ottawa to their “2005 Vertigo” world tour thanks to a call from Bono pal, PM Paul Martin.

FUTURE FLICKS:
Robin Williams has agreed to star in a sequel to his 1993 hit “Mrs Doubfire” (the hard part will be coming up with a reason for her to dress up again) . . . Bruce Willis is set to star in “16 Blocks”, a thriller about what occurs when a veteran cop escorts a witness to a courthouse (why don’t they just call it ‘Diehard 5′ and be done with it?) . . . In the upcoming prison drama “Wanted”, Jennifer Aniston will play a framed cop and Meryl Streep a war protester who end up as cell-mates . . . Oscar-winner Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt are in talks to co-star in “Babel”, a film that weaves together several storylines set in motion by a vacationing married couple (who call a press conference to announce they’re breaking up?) . . . Nicole Kidman & Robert Downey Jr are in talks to star in the bio-film “Fur”, the story of photographer Diane Arbus who killed herself in 1971, which is expected to start shooting in MAY . . . And check out the casting for this future piece of work – the comedy “In the Pink” will star Tim Allen, Bette Midler, Cher and – Britney Spears.

NAME THAT TUNE – FOR A BUCK:
A new service called SongLink’d is the latest iPod-era gimmick. Say you’re at a bar and there’s a tune playing you like but you don’t know what it is. You just whip out your cell and dial 866-SONG-411. A voice cues you to hold your phone up to the sound source while it makes a 15-second digital recording. SongLink’d then tries to match that snippet to 2.5 million digitally recorded songs in its database. A few seconds later, you get a text message on your cell with the title of the song, the artist and a link to a Website where you can buy it. For this, a charge of 99 cents per song will appear on your phone bill. But at least there’s no cost if the service can’t ID your tune. (Hey, we’ll perform the same service here … for 50 cents.)
– “Daily News”

BRITS GETTING IN THEIR LICKS:
YESTERDAY Britain’s Royal Mail unveiled a new set of Royal Wedding Commemorative Postage Stamps featuring photos of Prince Charles and mare-to-be Camilla Parker Bowles. Two versions will go on sale at UK post offices on their wedding day, APRIL 8th. There are, however, no plans to offer a package deal with Royal Wedding Commemorative Postage Stamps from Charles’ first wedding to Princess Diana in 1981. Meantime, a ballet called “Diana the Princess” by Danish choreographer Peter Schaufuss is set to open in Manchester’s Palace Theatre, and is already creating buzz because it’s said to savage the royal family. (Yeah, there’s no putdown more vicious than a spiteful pas de deux.)
– AP/”eTalk Daily”

AH, PEACE & QUIET AT LAST!
Are you sick to death of the din of dumb conversations and the perpetually annoying diversity of ringtones emanating from cellphones? Maybe you need a ‘Cellphone Jammer’, newfangled gizmos that interfere with mobile phone signals and cut-off reception to any that are within a 15-meter radius to the user. They’re apparently selling like hot-cakes both online and on the streets of NYC. One small detail – they’re illegal in many areas. And oh yeah … they also can cost circa $325!
NET: http://www.globalgadgetuk.com/Personal.htm
– “New York Post”

EXTREME MAKEOVER:
According to a new report on obesity, we’re far more interested in our appearance than health. The idea that we use objective measurements such as BMI (Body Mass Index, that shows weight adjusted for height) to assess our health is a myth. Nope, it seems the more likely reason any of us develop motivation to lose weight is – the mirror. In fact, an Impulse Research poll finds that 95% of us would like to lose our protruding stomachs, strictly so we’d look better. (Why is it men tend to call it a ‘gut’ but women refer to it as a ‘belly’?)
– “Restaurant Business”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 62% of us say allergies greatly affect our ability to perform at work.
• 36% of us think women are more likely than men to dump their partner.
• 34% of single guys change their bedsheets only once per month.
• 27% of us think that billboards are ‘beautiful’.
• 25% of women would never dream of leaving the house without makeup.
• 10% of guys think the #1 physical trait a woman can possess is a ‘flat stomach’.

BS HELPFUL HINTS:
• To lower fat and cholesterol, replace most of the oil in your baking recipes with plain, unsweetened applesauce.
• Pam cooking spray will dry fingernail polish quickly.
• Reuse fabric softener sheets to clean the rings in your bathtub. They are also good to clean around faucets and sinks.
• Candles burn slower and last longer on your dinner table if you put them in the freezer the day before you use them.
• Remove lipstick from clothes by rubbing in a dab of vegetable shortening, then rinse the stained area with club soda.
• Wash fruits and vegetables with a mixture of 3 tablespoons white vinegar to a quart of water. This will remove any trace of pesticides.

BS AMAZING FACT:
Vegetarians were burnt to death during the Inquisition as it was thought heretical to refuse to kill and eat animals.

THE BULL SHEET 03.10.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [58] Kim (Avril Phaedra) Campbell, Port Alberni BC, briefly 1st female Canadian PM (June-October 1993)/later served as Canadian consul in Los Angeles

1947 [58] Tom Scholz, Toldeo OH, classic rock guitarist (Boston-“Don’t Look Back”, “More Than A Feeling”)

1957 [48] Osama Bin Laden, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Al-Qa’ida founder/world’s most wanted man  
1958 [47] Sharon Stone, Meadville PA, movie actress (“Catwoman”, “Basic Instinct”)  COMING UP: The sequel “Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction”.

1963 [42] Jeff Ament, Havre MT, rock bassist (Pearl Jam-“Last Kiss”, “Jeremy”)

1964 [41] Prince Edward (Edward Antony Richard Louis Windsor), London UK, QEII’s #3 son/Earl of Wessex & Viscount Severn/Mr Sophie Rhys-Jones/soon to be Camilla Parker Bowles brother-in-law

1966 [39] Edie Brickell, Oak Cliff TX, pop singer (“What I Am”, “Love Like We Do”)/Mrs Paul Simon since 1992

1971 [34] Daryle Singletary, Cairo GA, country singer (“The Note”, “The Used To Bes”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Mario Day”, saluting anyone with that name because the abbreviated date (MAR-10) sort of spells ‘Mario’. Famous Marios include …
• Mario Van Peebles (movie actor/director)
• Mario Cuomo (former NY governor)
• Mario Lemieux (NHL hockey player)
• Mario Puzo (“The Godfather” author)
• Mario Andretti (race car driver)
• Super Mario Bros (Nintendo game)

TODAY is “Salvation Army Day”, the anniversary of its establishment in the USA on this day in 1880. The Sally Ann was founded by William Booth in London in 1865, then came to NYC to provide food, shelter and clothing to needy Americans.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [08] Howard Stern’s “Private Parts” debuts in movie theaters

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [07] Natalie Imbruglia releases “Left Of The Middle” album featuring her mega-hit “Torn”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1842 [163] Queen’s University founded in Kingston ON (home of the ‘Golden Gaels’)

1876 [129] 1st ‘Telephone Call’ as Alexander Graham Bell says to Thomas Watson in next room: “Mr  Watson, come here. I want you.” (setting off all kinds of rumors)

1941 [64] 1st ‘batting helmets’ used by pro baseball players (Brooklyn Dodgers)

1967 [38] 1st ‘octuplets’ born, in Mexico (named ‘Uno’, ‘Dos’, ‘Tres’ …)

1975 [30] 1st ‘dog spectacles’ patented (UK)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Worship of Tools Day
[Sat] Middle Name Pride Day
[Sun] Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
[Mon] 20th Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction
[Mon] Annual Office Coffee Cup Washing
[Mon-Mar 18] World Figure Skating Championships (Moscow)
[Tues-Apr 4] March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament
This Week Is . . . Save Your Vision Week / Read an E-Book Week
This Month Is . . . Caffeine Awareness Month / Prepare Your Home To Be Sold Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
TODAY’S BS SUBSCRIBER POLL:
How should we celebrate the 3,000th edition of “The Bull Sheet” later THIS MONTH?
a. Jacking up subscription rates by 3000%.
b. Free Bloody Marys for everyone who drops by the home office.
c. Saving your lazy ass like we do every other day.
(Pick one and savor it.)

BS ‘THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR’:
• From your dad – “What do you mean you wanna play hockey? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
• From your mother – “You can certainly get another day out of those underwear.”
• On a band bus – “Ladies, I’ll need to see some proof of age, please.”
• From a dental hygienist – “Y’know, I think you’re flossing too much.”
• From your girlfriend – “Oh, this diamond is way too big! Don’t you have something smaller?”
• From a contractor – “Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing.”
• From an auto mechanic – “No sense replacing that part. The one you have could last another 10 years.”
• From your wife – “Can we not talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV.”
• From a store clerk – “We’re sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We’ll pick it up at your home and bring you a new one or give you a complete refund, whichever you prefer.”
• From your boyfriend – “Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.”
• From your husband – “Here honey, you use the remote.”
• From a restaurant server – “I was really slow and inattentive. I cannot accept this tip.”
• From a program director – “That was a great show. Here, have a raise!.”
• From a morning radio personality – “Let’s stay up really late and watch Conan O’Brien!”
(Ask listeners to contribute more!)

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Which month of the year do you think would best describe your personality?
• If you could be invisible for 1 hour, where would you go and what would you do?

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Mario – “Let Me Love You”
2. 50 Cent – “Candy Shop”
3. The Game – “How We Do”
4. Jennifer Lopez – “Get Right”
5. Usher – “Caught Up”
– Big Champagne Online Music Measurement

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Things are looking up, I’ve hooked up with a really smart blonde. Yep, got myself a Golden Retriever.
• Scientists have just discovered why the female black widow spider kills its males right after mating. Apparently it’s to stop the snoring before it starts.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Most women have had at least 7 of THESE in the past 10 years.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hairstyles.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.
– Pearl S Buck

FREE SHEET!
Tell a colleague in another market about “BS”. We’ll bonus your subscription with ONE FREE MONTH for each and every new subscriber you refer!