Tuesday, March 16, 2004        Edition: #2746
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS WEEK reruns of “The Mike Bullard Show” are on Global after the show was unceremoniously cancelled via – e-mail (after just 3 months) . . .  “Jersey Girl” director Kevin Smith tells the new issue of “Playboy” that Michael Jackson once approached him to make a movie called “Hot Rod”, in which Mikey would play a guy who turns into a car that’s driven around by a little boy (if only Freud were still around) . . . Thanks to the popularity of “The Apprentice”, “You’re Fired!” shirts are now selling on the Web at $36 for male Ts and $24 for females tank-tops (casting calls are currently being held for the show’s 2nd season) . . . A high school in England is going to teach a class in ‘Elvish’, the language spoken in “The Lord of The Rings” (not surprisingly the language has no words for ‘girl’ or ‘date’) . . . Angelina Jolie says she’ll never make another “Tomb Raider” film (after the sequel bombed, was anyone even asked?) . . . Oprah Winfrey’s magazine “O” is spinning off a another mag to be called “O at Home” (just in time to pick up the void left by “Martha Stewart Living”?) . . . FOX-TV plans to make a movie based on standup comedian Rodney Dangerfield’s autobiography, “It’s Not Easy Being Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex & Drugs” (to be published JUNE 1st).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – She’s endorsing a line of cosmetics from Elizabeth Arden. The first product, ‘Britney’ perfume, will be released THIS FALL.
• Alan Jackson – Played a 4-hour impromptu free concert on the weekend at Castaways Marina near his home in Jupiter FL, trying out new songs and polishing up old ones for his spring tour.
• Mariah Carey – Is teaming up with producer/Def Jam honcho LA Reid on her next album, due later THIS YEAR. Reid’s the guy who discovered Avril Lavigne, Pink, and Outkast.
• Avril Lavigne – Wrote all the music & lyrics for her 2nd album, “Under My Skin”, instead of working with hit-makers The Matrix as she did on her first effort.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Dr Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat” (Family – DVD/VHS): This live-action movie version of the classic children’s book features Kelly Preston as the real-estate-agent mom who leaves the house after instructing her kids not to make a mess, and Dakota Fanning & Spencer Breslin as the kids who fall under the influence of Mike Myers’ furry ‘Cat in the Hat’. Critics praised the costume & set designs while lambasting the dumbed-down storyline.
• “21 Grams” (Drama – DVD): Explores the emotionally- and physically-charged lives of 3 people over a period of several months after an accident unexpectedly throws their destinies together. Stars Sean Penn, Naomi Watts & Benicio Del Toro. ‘21 Grams’ refers to the weight we lose when we die.
• “Veronica Guerin” (Thriller – DVD): Cate Blanchett stars in the true story of a persistent journalist in Dublin, Ireland who took on some of the world’s most powerful and dangerous drug lords and risked everything to expose the truth. The film follows the last 2 years of her life before her assassination in 1996.

STICKING IT TO YA:
New research at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York has found a cost-effective way of treating chronic headaches and migraine – acupuncture. In one of the largest studies to assess the effectiveness of the ancient Chinese treatment, scientists found it worked better than conventional treatments on their own. People using acupuncture had fewer headaches, less severe headaches, and used fewer health resources over the course of the following year. (That makes sense, eh? Get rid of headaches … by sticking pins in your head.)
– “British Medical Journal”

THIS BOT BLOWS:
A trumpet-playing robot has made its musical debut in Japan, playing a rendition of “When You Wish Upon A Star”. The unnamed humanoid has a functioning lung and mechanical lips that allow it to blow the instrument, and dexterous fingers to pick out the correct notes. Car-maker Toyota says the 4-foot-tall bot was created using technology developed over the years for industrial robots at its factories.
– Ananova

DIETING TIPS:
• Sniff your food before you eat it. Inhaling the smell can make you feel you’ve eaten more than you have.
• Eat your food piping hot. The smell will be more intense, which may make you feel full sooner.
– “Rocky Mountain News”

HOPE FOR THE HAIRLESS:
In what’s being called a ‘significant breakthrough’, a University of Pennsylvania study has found that stem cells plucked from the follicles of mice can grow new hair when implanted into another animal. The landmark research is sure to stimulate new treatments for human baldness. (That’s so stupid … who would want mouse fur on their head?)
– “New Scientist”

SUB CONSCIOUS:
TOMORROW is “Submarine Day”. Here’s what the sub ingredients you choose reveal about your personality, according to a psychologist hired by the Subway chain …
• Mayonnaise – You are family-oriented with strong nesting instincts. (In other words, too fat for the single life.)
• Roast Beef – You tend to link love with sex. (That’s why you’re on the ‘meat market’.)
• Tuna – You are an ambitious go-getter who is constantly seeking promotion. (Ya little stinker.)
• Turkey — The choice of stable people who like job security. (Like that turkey boss you have.)
• Fish – The choice of true romantics. (Yeah, there’s just nothing more romantic than taking your date for a Filet o’ Fish at McDonald’s.)
(Others they missed – Ham, the choice of lousy comedians; Pickle, for people who take chances and incur difficulty; Pork, the choice of politicians.)

FOR THE RECORD:
68-year-old Bill Hilsheimer of Nokomis FL has aced 3 holes-in-one in the past 6 months. An amazing feat made even more amazing by the fact that, due to an accident, he golfs – one-handed.

AND WE QUOTE:
“Hilary Duff’s such a goody-goody, such a mommy’s girl.” – Avril Lavigne heats up their kitten fight in the new edition of “Newsweek” magazine.

BS AMAZING FACT:
People 50 and over are the fastest growing age group of electronic gamers, now accounting for 17% of the e-games market.

THE BULL SHEET 03.16.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [78] Jerry Lewis (Levitch), Newark NJ, movie actor (“Nutty Professor”)/MD fund raiser

1949 [55] Victor Garber, London ON, TV actor (‘Agent Jack Bristow’ on “Alias”)/Broadway actor (“Damn Yankees”)/movie actor (“Legally Blonde”, “Titanic”)

1954 [50] Nancy Wilson, Seattle WA, classic rock singer (Heart-“Barracuda”, “Magic Man”)

1951 [53] Kate Nelligan, London ON, movie actress (“The Cider House Rules”, “US Marshals”)

1967 [37] Lauren Graham, Honolulu HI, TV actress (‘Lorelai Gilmore’ on “The Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

1971 [33] Greg Johnson, Thunder Bay ON, NHL center (Nashville Predators)

1975 [29] Jamie Rivers, Ottawa ON, NHL defenceman (Detroit Red Wings)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Lips Appreciation Day”, when we’re encouraged to do something nice for our lips … kiss somebody. (Go ahead, pick someone at random and see what happens.)

TODAY is the annual “Rotten Sneaker Contest” in Montpelier VT, when kids under age 15 attempt to win trophies for the foulest footwear. The grand prize includes a trophy, $500 savings bond, and money for a new pair of sneakers. Once a local contest organized by the Montpelier Recreation Department, it’s since sold out to the makers of Odor Eaters products (which now runs similar contests in other cities).
PHONER: 802.223.5141

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1971 [33] 1st televised “Grammy Awards” (Simon & Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water” named ‘Best Song’, ‘Best Album’ and ‘Record of the Year’)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1876 [128] 1st women’s boxing match (Nelly Saunders & Rose Harland in NYC)

1996 [08] 1st NHL game in Montreal’s new Molson Centre (Canadiens win 4-2 vs Rangers)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2000 [04] Dow Jones scores largest daily gain in history – 499.19 points (those were the days)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] St Patrick’s Day
[Wed] World Maritime Day
[Thurs] Forgive Mom & Dad Day
[Sat] Great American Meat Out
[Sat] Teenagers Day
[Sat] Spring begins
[Sat] Maple Syrup Saturday
This Week Is . . . Agriculture Week / Spring Fever Week
This Month Is . . . Collision Awareness Month / Eye Donor Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
In a reality show version of “Six Feet Under”, a Southern California family of mortuary workers will serve as the backdrop for the upcoming A&E series, “Family Plots”.
BS PET PEEVES OF MORTICIANS:
• Best makeup artist in the world, but your models never make the cover of “Vogue”.
• Real tough to convince anyone to let you place bodies in action poses.
• Only 3 hits this month on your ‘World O’ Coffins’ Website.
• Dying in each other’s arms may sound romantic, but once rigor mortis sets in it just means overtime.
• The wife keeps asking if you could bring a little of that rigor mortis home.
• Toe tag paper cuts.

ALL-TIME BOX OFFICE CHAMPS:
When adjusted for ticket price inflation, here are the top-grossing domestic movie releases of all-time …
1. “Gone With the Wind” ($1.2 billion)
2. “Star Wars” ($1 billion)
3. “The Sound of Music” ($858 million)
4. “ET the Extra-Terrestrial” ($855 million)
5. “The Ten Commandments” ($789 million)
– Box Office Mojo

ST PATRICK’S WEEK QUIZ:
• What invention did 6th century Irish monks call ‘the water of life’? (Irish Whiskey)
• How do you spell ‘whiskey’ in Ireland? (Whiskey in Ireland is spelt with an ‘e’ before the ‘y’. Scottish Whisky [or Scotch] is spelt without the ‘e.’ The same applies to the US vs Canada.)
• What do you listen for when tracking a leprechaun? (The sound of his shoemaker’s hammer.)
• What do you get if you kiss the Blarney Stone? (Nope, not foot-and-mouth. You supposedly get the ‘gift of the gab’ or ‘blarney’.)
– Irish Tourist Board

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s your sure sign of Spring?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
You suffer from ‘pareidolia’ (payr-eye-DOH-lee-uh). What’s your problem?
a. You’re unrealistically intimidated by authority.
b. You find meaning in something that has none.
c. You have two navels.
[It’s the erroneous or fanciful perception of a pattern or meaning in something that is actually ambiguous or random. For instance, in 1978 over 8,000 people made pilgrimages to the home of a New Mexico woman who discovered a picture of Jesus … in a burned tortilla.]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• A lie can be halfway round-the-world before the truth gets its pants on.
• The great thing about having a cellphone is, if you get caught in a traffic jam you can have a pizza delivered.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A new study says that if you are single and childless, you’re more likely to own one of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A pet ferret.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
An ‘expert’ is anyone from out of town.