Monday, March 1, 2004 Edition: #2735
This is Where March Comes In Like a Bull!
TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• LAST NIGHT’s post-Oscars ‘Governor’s Ball’ featured a mirrored, blue-and-gold Louis XIV theme, highlighted with 26,000 roses. Chef Wolfgang Puck whipped up filet mignons, Maine lobster and Oscar-shaped Viennese chocolates with espresso glaze.
Source: “People Magazine’s Hollywood Daily”
• OutKast’s Andre 3000, Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne, Beck, Macy Gray, Michelle Branch & Paris Hilton were among guests at Elton John’s annual AIDS Foundation dinner and Oscar-viewing party in West Hollywood. Both Sir Elton and Brit soul singer Joss Stone performed.
Source: “NY Post”
• LAST NIGHT even losers were winners! Gift bag company Distinctive Assets put together a ‘Loser Bag’ for nominees in the 6 major Oscar categories who DIDN’T win. The goodies, valued at $32,000, included a perk-packed Vegas getaway and original artworks.
Source: “Page Six”
• Mel Gibson supposedly confided to friends at a pre-Oscar party that his movie “The Passion of the Christ” could gross a whopping half-billion bucks when all is said and done. How’s that possible? “Passion” may be re-released EVERY YEAR before Easter.
Source: “NY Post”
• Less than a week after “The Passion of the Christ” opened in theaters, bootleg DVDs of the bloody blockbuster have miraculously appeared on the streets of NYC. The going price for “The Passion” … just $5!
Source: “Daily News”
• Word has it 39-year-old actress Sandra Bullock has fallen for tattooed biker mechanic Jesse James, the bad-boy star of Discovery Channel’s hot rod show “Monster Garage”. The tab claims James dumped his pregnant porn star wife Janine Lindemulder and began dating Sandra just a month before his baby daughter was born.
Source: “National Enquirer”
• At the recent grand re-opening of 5-star Mexican resort One & Only Palmilla, actor Tom Cruise joined Scarlett Johansson & Jenna Elfman in chartering a boat to go whale-watching. Word is Cruise was so fascinated by the migrating leviathans … he jumped in!
Source: “Star Magazine”
• Friends of 31-year-old actor Ben Affleck fear he’s spending far too much time gambling since he split with J-Lo. Affleck is a poker aficionado and apparently has more money than he knows what to do with, so if he loses a quarter-million … it doesn’t even faze him!
Source: “Daily Mail”
• Movie star Julia Roberts & hubby Danny Moder have plunked down $6.4-million for a mansion in Malibu CA, a step up from the surprisingly modest $1.2 million hovel they’ve managed to endure life in further down the coast in Venice. The cliff-top new property sits on over an acre of land, boasts spectacular views, and has it’s own private beach.
Source: “Daily Dish”
• Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton & Congressman John McHugh had a little fun with Bradley Whitford, who plays Deputy Chief of Staff ‘Josh Lyman’ on “The West Wing”. After ‘Josh’ mentioned the possibility of closing a New York military base on LAST WEEK’s episode, the real-life New York state pols fired off a tongue-in-cheek letter lobbying to save the base.
Source: “National Enquirer”
“WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:
• “New Sports Craze – Geezer Drag Racing!”
• “Do-It-Yourself Stomach Stapling Kits!”
• “World’s Dumbest Town Vows to Raise IQ!”
• “Second Bigfoot Shot Dead by Cops!”
• “Woman’s J-Lo Butt Implants Explode!”
• “Janet’s Miracle Boob Healed Me!”
ALMOST AS BAD AS KARAOKE:
TONIGHT is the “American Idol Uncut, Uncensored & Untalented” special, a full hour of the worst singers that the 3rd season of auditions could uncover. And yes, the man, the myth, the legend, William Hung will be in the house to perform his rendition of “She Bangs”.
NET: http://www.williamhung.net
BREATHALYSER REPLACEMENT?
Swiss scientists can now tell the difference between light and heavy drinkers simply by looking at hair samples. Four fatty acid ‘ethyl esters’ appear in the blood 12 to 18 hours after someone drinks alcohol and they are stored in hair. The only way to remove the evidence of drinking, says University of Basel researcher Frederich Wurst, is to shave off all body hair.
Source: “New Scientist”
YOU GET WHAT YOU EAT:
According to research at a hospital in Belgium, you can influence the sex of your baby just by eating specific foods. The study shows a steady diet of fruits and veggies will give you a good chance of producing a bouncing baby boy. (For a girl, try sugar and spice …)
Source: “Applied Health Solutions Journal”
PESSIMISTS ARE LUCKY:
Despite their best efforts to think the worst, pessimists are more successful than optimists as gamblers and stock market players, according to psychological researchers Dr Brian Gibson and Dr David Sanbonmatu. Why? They claim pessimists are naturally cautious and therefore less likely to waste money by prolonging a losing streak.
Source: “Sunday Telegraph”
THE DAILY GRIND:
• A survey finds 75% of employees have either been involved in or witnessed some form of jealousy in the workplace. (“It’s not fair … how come the boss never hits on me?”)
Source: “Psychology Today”
• What’s the worse way you’ve ever been dumped? South Korean credit card company KEB Credit Service fired a quarter of its workforce FRIDAY … via cellphone text messages. The mass axe-job became effective SATURDAY.
Source: “Korea Herald”
• 21% of workers hate their boss and 41% can just barely tolerate him or her, according to a workplace survey. (The rest just call him ‘Daddy’.)
Source: “Ladies Home Journal”.
BS AMAZING FACT:
Seems making fun of British teeth is a worldwide pastime. Even in Mexico, where the standards of living and medical care are much lower than in the UK, the nickname for an ugly, crooked smile is ‘dientes Ingles’ … ‘English teeth’.
THE BULL SHEET 03.01.2K4
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [60] Roger Daltrey, London ENG, classic rock singer (The Who-“Who Are You” [theme from “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”], “Won’t Get Fooled Again” [theme from “CSI: Miami”]) FACTOID: He and fellow Who alumnus Pete Townshend have signed on to perform at a MARCH 29 concert celebrating the 150th anniversary of London’s Royal Albert Hall.
1947 [57] Alan Thicke, Kirkland Lake ON, TV actor (“Growing Pains” 1985-92) FACTOID: A “Growing Pains” reunion special entitled “Growling Pains II: Home Equity” is set to air in MAY.
1954 [50] Ron Howard, Duncan OK, movie producer/director (2 Oscars for “A Beautiful Mind”, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas“)/TV executive producer (“Arrested Development”, “24″)/former TV actor (‘Opie’-“Andy Griffith Show”, ‘Ritchie’-“Happy Days”) IN THE WORKS: “The Alamo” and “Cinderella Man” later THIS YEAR, and “Curious George” in 2005.
1967 [37] George Eads, Fort Worth TX, TV actor (‘Nick Stokes’ on “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” since 2000)
1974 [30] Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Panorama City CA, TV actor (‘Detective John Clark Jr’ on “NYPD Blue” since 2001)
1978 [26] Donovan Patton, GUAM USA, TV host (‘Joe’ on kids’ show “Blues Clues” since 2001)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Peanut Butter Lover’s Day”, a good day to have phone contestants try a tongue twister with a mouthful of smooth or crunchy. A few suggestions …
• ‘The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.’
• ‘Toy boat. Toy boat. Toy boat.’
• ‘A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed biscuits.’
• ‘Pope Sixtus VI’s six texts.’
And , if you’re really brave …
• ‘I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.’
• ‘I’m not the fig plucker nor the fig plucker’s son, but I’ll pluck the figs till the fig plucker comes.’
TODAY is “National Pig Day”, honoring the ‘most intelligent and useful of domesticated animals’. Studies show pigs are much smarter than horses. (But harder to ride.)
TODAY is “St David’s Day” in Wales. The Welsh celebrate their patron saint by taking a leek … and wearing it.
TODAY is “Chalanda Marz” in Switzerland, when they drive away winter by ringing bells and cracking whips.
TODAY is the “RRSP Deadline” if you want a deduction on your 2003 income tax. (So be sure to call your investment office this afternoon at 4:57pm.)
TODAY is “Share a Smile Day”. Which show biz celeb has the BEST smile? According to “Teen Hollywood”, these stars have the greatest grins in show biz – Cameron Diaz, Jessica Simpson, Julia Roberts, Pamela Anderson, Oprah Winfrey, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jennifer Aniston, Beyoncé, Tom Cruise.
THIS WEEK is “National Procrastination Week”, proclaimed by the ‘Procrastinators’ Club’ to promote the benefits of putting off until tomorrow everything you can.
BS INDICATIONS YOU MIGHT BE A PROCRASTINATOR:
• As we speak, you’re stranded on the throne without any bathroom tissue.
• You recently hired a tour guide for your desk.
• You keep buying new underwear to avoid doing laundry.
• You’ve absolutely decided to make an appointment to invest in an RRSP tomorrow.
• You still need to return that “Pat Benatar Live!” video.
• We’ll tell you tomorrow.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1941 [63] 1st commercial ‘FM radio station’ goes on-the-air (W47NV in Nashville TN, which must have had really complicated jingles)
1994 [10] ABC-TV airs “Roseanne” episode in which she kisses Mariel Hemingway in a gay bar
1999 [05] After winning 32 Daytime Emmys and a ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’, Oprah Winfrey announces she’s taking herself out of the running for ‘Best Talk Show Host’
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1968 [36] Elton John’s 1st single “I’ve Been Loving You” is released in UK (it bombs, so Philips Records releases him and he signs with Uni where he cranks out 50+ hits in next 30 years)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1937 [67] 1st ‘automobile license plates’ issued, in Connecticut
1969 [35] Prince Charles officially invested ‘Prince of Wales’ (starting to seem like it was a lifetime appointment)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] “Seussentennial” (100th anniversary of Dr Seuss’s birth)
[Tues] Salespersons Day
[Wed] Stop BS (Bad Service) Day
[Wed] I Want You To Be Happy Day
[Wed-Sun] 10th US Comedy Arts Festival (Aspen CO)
[Thurs] Hug a GI Day
[Thurs] International Scrapbooking Day
[Fri] Unique Names Day
[Fri] “Starsky & Hutch” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Frozen Food Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Drug & Alcohol Awareness Week
Save Your Vision Week
Human Resources Week
Professional Pet Sitters Week
Detect a Leak Week
Manufacturing Week
Poison Prevention Week
Wildlife Week
World Humanist Week
Newspaper in Education Week
National Cheerleading Week
Return The Borrowed Books Week
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit that something called a ‘trailer’ PRECEDES a movie?
• Whyzit called COMMON sense when hardly anyone uses it?
• Whyzit nickels are bigger than dimes?
• Whyzit we call it a witness STAND when the witness is always sitting down?
• Whyzit you never hear of a ‘born-again atheist’?
BS ‘GANG SLANG’:
Collectively speaking, what is a group of each of the following animals called? The correct answer is in CAPS …
• A group of frogs is called a pond, an ARMY, or good eatin’?
• A group of rhinos is called a CRASH, a horn, or a poke?
• A group of kangaroos is called a MOB, a pocket, or a hip-hop?
• A group of whales is called a herd, a corral, or a POD?
• A group of geese is called a GAGGLE, a gang, or a whole bunch?.
• A group of ravens is called a MURDER, a raft, or a roundup?
• A group of larks is called a song, a lullaby, or an EXALTATION?
• A group of owls is called a legislature, a PARLIAMENT or a hoot?
• A group of kittens is called a KINDLE, a kitter, or chewy chow mein?
Source: “The Collective Noun Homepage”
BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Here I am again in front of a microphone. This is how the trouble usually starts.
• Here once again, proving that fame is fleeting but mediocrity lasts forever, it’s [co-host]!
• Strange watching the Academy Awards … little statues made out of metal being handed out to people made out of plastic.
• I’m having an out-of-money experience.
• Weird thing happened when I went to see ”The Passion of the Christ” on the weekend – at the snack bar they only had one small bag of popcorn … yet it was enough to feed the entire crowd! [Co-host] isn’t going to bother seeing the movie … says she already read the book.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What home reno project have you completely screwed up?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A study on relationships shows that a woman wants to hear THIS word more than any other.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Her own name.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Blood is not only much thicker than water, it’s much more difficult to get out of the carpet.
WELCOME BS VIRGINS!
This week we’re joined by Jim Manno @ The Steve & DC Radio Network, St Louis MO;
Tony @ NET-FM Gosford, Australia; Travis Kelly @ WLEG Elkhart IN; Becky Thorson @ KKXK Montrose CO; Debbie Sexxton @ KLTD Temple TX; Blaire Kelly @ WDCG Raleigh NC; and Jonell King @ WAMR Sarasota FL. A big “BS” salute to all. Remember BS-ers, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each and every new subscriber you refer!
