Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Thanks to You, This is BS Edition: #2500!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY a Valentine’s card sent by the late Princess Di to a loyal ‘traveling yeoman’ servant goes up for auction in London, along with 60 other royal cards & letters valued at about $20,000 . . . TONIGHT Jennifer Lopez, Justin Timberlake & Kylie Minogue are among the booty-shaking nominees at the “American Dance Music Awards” in Miami . . . Tom Cruise, who’s on location filming “The Last Samurai” in Taranaki, New Zealand, exclusively booked the local 192m (630 ft) ‘Sky Jump’ so he could spend 2 hours stunt-jumping with his kids, 10-year-old Isabella and 8-year-old Connor . . . With “Chicago” almost a lock to win the ‘Best Picture’ Oscar, UK bookmaker Ladbroke’s is now only taking bets on how MANY awards it will win, posting odds of 9-4 it will win at least 8, and 6-1 on 10 or more . . . “24″ star Elisha Cuthbert has been injured on the set of the hit FOX-TV show – when a stunt lion bit her on the hand! . . . Oprah Winfrey wants “The Bachelorette” couple, Trista Rehn & Ryan Sutter, to get married on her show . . . Word has it 18-year-old Lancome model Elizabeth Jagger is back together with her 44-year-old boyfriend, Canadian actor Michael Wincott, and wrinkly dad Mick ain’t happy about it (like he should talk) . . . And Sum 41’s new video for “The Hell Song” features an action figure of porn star Houston doing unspeakable things to an action figure of lead singer Deryck Whibley.
OSCAR TIDBITS:
• The LA District Attorney’s office has refused to make a deal to allow nominee and “The Pianist” director Roman Polanski to attend the Oscars. He was convicted of having sex with a minor in 1977 but fled to Europe before sentencing.
• Adrien Brody of “The Pianist” is the only nominee in the ‘Best Actor’ category who has not already won an Oscar.
• John C Reilly, a ‘Best Supporting Actor’ nominee for “Chicago”, actually co-stars in 3 of this year’s ‘Best Picture’ nominees, also appearing in “Gangs of New York” and “The Hours”.
• Cinematographer Conrad L Hall, who died January 4th of cancer, is nominated for “Road to Perdition”, making him the first posthumous nominee since 1995, when the late producer and late writer of “Il Postino” were nominated.
• Richard Gere, who won a Golden Globe award for portraying sleazy lawyer ‘Billy Flynn’ in “Chicago” didn’t even get an Oscar nomination, but 4 of his co-stars did.
• ‘Best Actress’ competitors Nicole Kidman (“The Hours”) and Renee Zellweger (“Chicago”) are the only repeat acting nominees from last year, when Kidman was up for “Moulin Rouge” and Zellweger for “Bridget Jones’s Diary”. Both lost to “Monster’s Ball” star Halle Berry.
NEW JARGON FOR 2K3:
• ‘Blix’ – A new verb meaning ‘to look without seeing’, in reference to UN chief weapons inspector Dr Hans Blix. (“He blixed the bar area and didn’t spot a single babe.”)
• ‘Morology’ – The study of ‘foolish talking’. (The job of political commentators.)
• ‘Bibliobibuli’ – People who read too much. (You qualify if you’ve ever come across this word.)
• ‘Die-ins’ – New anti-war protests in which demonstrators pretend to die in politically significant locations, such as outside military bases and arms manufacturers.
• ‘BHNC’ [‘Big Hat, No Cattle’] – Another (likely Texas-born) way of saying ‘all talk, no action’.
WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• A Belgian man is about to have the last of 9 operations which he hopes will make him look like – Michael Jackson. 30-year-old Emmanuel De Reyghere will have his nose broken and ‘rasped’ in an attempt to achieve the same bone structure as Michael Jackson’s. (Which he hopes will qualify for the sequel film, “Face-Off 2″.)
• A 34-year-old London ENG man was sentenced to a year in jail for dividing up the marital property in a divorce settlement – with a chainsaw. He not only sawed the furniture in half, but also the front porch!
• A man in Brisbane, Australia has robbed a local Sunglass Hut. (He’s considered armed and extremely happening!)
• A pair of chimpanzees have been ‘married’ at the Rio de Janeiro Zoo in Brazil to encourage them to start a family. The ‘couple’ wore wedding gowns and even had a wedding cake. (Apparently they were strictly against premarital sex.)
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• A study of pet people finds 90% of dog owners think their pooch can understand English. (The other 10% say they’ve learned to speak ‘Dog’.)
• A new poll shows that 67% of TV viewers are getting tired of so-called ‘reality shows’. (The other 33% are currently ON reality shows.)
• In a “Ladies’ Home Journal” poll 20% admit they will never, ever floss their teeth.
• In a new poll, just 42% of British respondents say Prince Charles should succeed his mother Queen Elizabeth as the UK’s next monarch. Only 39% think he’d make a good king. His son, 20-year-old Prince William, is now the choice of 32%.
ROCK ME, BABY:
20-year-old Oakland CA student Ana Martinez has won the “Rock, Paper, Scissors World Championship” in Healdsburg, north of San Francisco, by crushing her opponent with a rock. She wins $1,000 as the tops among the field of 120 contestants. Doug Walker, co-president of the Toronto-based ‘World Rock, Paper, Scissors Society’ which sponsored the contest, says there’s a lot of trash-talking and mental intimidation to the game. He and his brother started the bar contests in Toronto a few months back and have taken the idea on the road.
A STEP AT A TIME:
• Former Russian soldier Viktor Gordejev has invented boots that are propelled – by small motors. He claims the ‘power boots’ reduce the energy consumed by walking by up to 70%. He says he was inspired to create the boots while marching mile after mile as a soldier.
• University of Colorado fitness experts are suggesting we should aim at taking 10,000 steps a day as a cheap and easy way to increase activity and reduce obesity. That would double our normal output – the average person takes between 3,000 and 5,000 steps a day.
BS AMAZING FACT:
Left-handed people tend to scratch themselves with their right hand, while right-handed people scratch themselves with their left hand.
THE BULL SHEET 03.19.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [56] Glenn Close, Greenwich CT, movie actress (“101 [102] Dalmatians”, “Fatal Attraction”)/Broadway actress (3 Tony Awards-“The Real Thing”, “Death & the Maiden”, “Sunset Boulevard”)
1955 [48] Bruce Willis, Idar-Oberstein GER, movie actor (“The Sixth Sense”, “Die Hard 1-3″)/ex-Mr Demi Moore UP NEXT: The sequels “The Whole 10 Yards” and “Die Hard 4: Die Hardest”, coming in 2004.
1976 [27] Zach Lind, Mesa AZ, rock drummer (Jimmy Eat World-“Sweetness”, “The Middle”) FACTOID: The group has been pals since kindergarten.
1989 [14] Craig Lamar Traylor, Ontario CA, TV actor (Stevie Kenarban-“Malcolm in the Middle”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “St Joseph’s Day”, the day that the swallows traditionally return to the Mission San Juan Capistrano in California, an excuse for the annual “Fiesta de las Golindrinas”. Every March 19th since 1776 (with very few exceptions), the birds come back to usher in spring in the Southern California seaside town, and their return is now an annual tourist attraction. “When the Swallows Come Back to Capistrano” was actually a hit song for Glenn Miller back in 1940.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1957 [46] Elvis Presley buys ‘Graceland’ estate in Memphis for $100,000 (that’s about how much it now rakes in per day)
1988 [15] Michael Jackson buys a ranch near Santa Ynez CA, christens it ‘Neverland’, and later builds his own zoo & amusement park (the scene of the crimes)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1871 [132] 1st ‘chewing gum’ is invented (next day, the first wad is found under a theater seat)
1895 [108] 1st ‘motion picture’, created by French brothers Louis & August Lumiere using a wooden ‘cinematograph’ camera in Lyons FRA
1931 [72] Nevada 1st legalizes gambling, and ‘Alka-Seltzer’ 1st goes on sale (coincidence?)
1953 [50] 1st televised Academy Awards ceremony
1990 [13] 1st-ever ‘Women’s World Hockey Tournament’ (won by Canada in Ottawa)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1972 [31] LA Lakers humble Golden State Warriors 162-99 in ‘most-lopsided NBA game’
1994 [09] World’s ‘largest omelette’, made with 160,000 eggs & measuring 1,383 sq ft in Yokohama, Japan
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Spring arrives (8 pm EST is the vernal equinox in the Northern Hemisphere)
[Thurs] Teenagers Day
[Thurs] National Agriculture Day
[Fri] World Poetry Day
[Fri] World Day for Elimination of Racial Discrimination
[Sat] National Sing Out Day
[Sun] World Meteorological Day
This Week Is . . . Jobs For Teens Week / National Spring Fever Week
This Month Is . . . Humorists Are Artists Month / Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
THE ‘REAL’ MOVIE AWARDS:
• Discovery of the Year – Adam Sandler’s surprising acting chops in “Punch-Drunk Love”.
• Comeback of the Year – ‘Yoda’ in “Star Wars: Episode 2 Attack of the Clones”.
• The Jar Jar Binks Award For Annoying CGI Creation – ‘Scooby-Doo’
• Best Reason to Buy a Video Camera – “Jackass: The Movie”
• Most Impressive Car Wreck – Vin Diesel driving a Corvette off a bridge in “XXX”.
• The Sealy Mattress Award – “Solaris”
• Most Misleading Titles of the Year – “The Banger Sisters” and “Igby Goes Down”.
Source: “Maxim”, March 2003
OTHER BS SUGGESTED OSCAR CATEGORIES:
• Best Stolen Screenplay Idea
• Most Flagrant Lingering Shot of a Product Placement
• Most Flagrant Lingering Shot of Cleavage
• Most Arbitrary Snit by a Supporting Actress
• Best Straight Costume Designer
• Best Back Hair
• Best Sequel to a Sequel
WHAT YOUR CAR COLOR SAYS ABOUT YOU:
The color of the car you drive reveals a lot about your personality. Here’s a guide to your car color complexion from color expert, Leatrice Eiseman –
• Red – You crave attention. You are aggressive, impulsive, intense and animated.
• Brown – You are cautious, conservative and often introverted.
• White – You are neat, compulsive and often critical and fussy.
• Blue – You are conservative, shy and introverted.
• Green – You are sophisticated, intelligent and a club joiner.
• Metallic – You are a confident extrovert.
• Black – The ultimate power color. You are a serious, self-confident sophisticate.
BS PHONE STARTER:
“Should the Academy Awards go on as scheduled during the war?”
BS PHONER:
At least one US town is in favor of France’s veto against war in Iraq. Officials in Carrboro NC are asking citizens to buy French-made goods during APRIL, which the town has declared ‘French Trade Month’. So are they really anti-war or is this just to hype tourism in a town that’s been known for over 30 years as the ‘Paris of the Piedmont’?
PHONER: 919-942-8541 (Town Hall)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Almost half of men asked say they secretly admit to being intimidated by THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A woman’s looks.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The higher the ape climbs, the more he shows his bald butt.
