Tuesday, March 4, 2003        Edition: #2489
Get a Load of This Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Shock rocker Marilyn Manson promises the concert tour in support of his new album “The Golden Age of the Grotesque” will feature Siamese twins, child wrestlers – and a naked audience! . . . Madonna has written a series of 5 illustrated books for children aged 6-and-up, the 1st titled “The English Roses” to be released worldwide in SEPTEMBER . . . Heather Locklear (“Spin City”, “Melrose Place”) is coming back to primetime, with NBC-TV signing her up for the new sit-com “Once Around the Park” about a single mom with 2 kids . . . Following the success of the movie-musical “Chicago”, a bigscreen remake of “Guys & Dolls” is on the drawing board and word has it that 5-octaves-of-hell Mariah Carey has been approached to star in it . . . “Sopranos” star James Gandolfini is said to be demanding a massive 50% pay raise to return for a 5th season, taking him from a relatively meager $375,000 per episode to $750,000 (maybe because of the $3-million legal bill from his divorce 2 months ago?) . . . Pamela Anderson has unveiled her new poster for animal rights group PETA in which she’s ‘dressed’ in a lettuce bikini . . . “Jenny From the Block” is apparently unable to walk a block these days, as J-Lo reportedly needed a flotilla of 6 limos to transport her 100 yards from her London hotel to a restaurant for lunch . . . Justin Timberlake will make his sit-com debut in “Will & Grace” – playing a gay gigolo (perfect!) – and will reportedly donate his $50,000 fee to an AIDS charity . . . And because we really need to know, the tabloid “Everywhere” informs us that Britney Spears has had her nipples pierced.

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
The 1st season of MTV’s mega-hit reality series “The Osbournes” in a 2-disc set available in either a ‘Totally Uncensored’ version (which aired in Canada) or the ‘Censored Version’ (from the US) with oodles of extras, including deleted scenes, episode commentaries, interviews, an Osbournes drinking game, and a blooper reel (isn’t the whole show a ‘blooper’?) . . . Naomi Watts stars in the horror thriller “The Ring” (the Hollywood version of a Japanese hit) as a journalist investigating a mysterious videotape which seems to cause the death of anyone viewing it within a week . . . And there’s a new 2-disc ‘Special Collector’s Edition’ DVD of the Leonard Nimoy-directed “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home”, the 1986 sequel that many call the best of all the “Star Trek” movies.

BEST PLACES TO LIVE:
According to the just-released annual ‘Quality of Life Survey’ of world cities by Mercer Human Resource Consulting –
1. Zurich, Switzerland (2nd year in-a-row)
2. Vancouver BC / Vienna, Austria (tie)
3. Geneva, Switzerland / Sydney, Australia (tie)
Others in the top 10 include Auckland NZ, Copenhagen, Denmark, Frankfurt & Munich, Germany, and Berne, Switzerland. The top-rated US city is San Francisco at 20th, down from 18th last year. At the other end of the scale, Baghdad, Congo’s Brazzaville and Bangui in Central African Republic are rated to have the worst quality of life of the 215 cities studied. The survey is based on 39 criteria, including political, social and economic factors, and the quality of health, education and transportation services.

BEAUTY SHOCK:
So you wanna be a star? Sandra Bullock recently booked in at a trendy NYC salon for a facial that began with a face vacuum and buffing with a diamond-equipped device, followed by cleansing with extract from the Japanese citrus fruit yuzu and Brazilian tangerine oil. For the grand finale, her face was charged with electricity!

ME, MYSELF, & I:
Unlike most famous singers, Avril Lavigne doesn’t need a stylist to create her image. The 18-year-old chart-topper has often expressed disdain for staff that have tried to make her look like Mandy Moore or Jessica Simpson. For a recent promo shoot, she insisted on wearing her own clothes. (To get that special eye makeup effect, she uses her own trowel!)

DOGGIE DELIGHTS:
At the just-wrapped 45th annual American Pet Product Manufacturers Association trade show in Atlanta, the new trend seemed to be marketing pet versions of human products – designer hair products including tea tree treatment and oatmeal conditioning rinse, designer cologne, and even kosher cuisine.

FACE-OFF:
16-year-old Irish burn victim Lena Marie Murphy is set to become the 1st person to ever receive a complete – face transplant. According to the “London Evening Standard”, her severely burned face will be replaced within the next few months with a new – if slightly used – one from a donor no more than 4 hours dead at the time of surgery.

FOR THE RECORD:
What’s purported to be the ‘world’s longest concert’ is now underway in Halberstadt, Germany. Well, it actually began a while back with a musical ‘rest’ – a year-and-half of silence. The opening notes, all 3 of them,  were finally played on FRIDAY. The bizarre idea was inspired by the late American avant-garde composer John Cage, who died in 1992. While the first 72 years of what’s scheduled to be a 639-YEAR PERFORMANCE have already been mapped out, it will be up to future generations to keep the music playing.

BEST WAY TO START YOUR DAY:
According to a new survey for the makers of Tropicana orange juice (who’d have nothing to gain from this, would they?), 81% of Canadians pick breakfast as the ‘most important meal of the day’. (So howz come most of us either skip it or eat it on the run?)

BS AMAZING FACT:
Tourism Victoria’s 27th annual ‘Flower Count’ on the weekend revealed the BC capital already has close to 3.5 BILLION flowers in bloom, thanks to no snow or frost all winter. (Bastards!)

THIS WEEK Britain’s oldest couple is celebrating 79 years of marriage. (What should your 79th anniversary be called?)

THE BULL SHEET 03.04.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [49] Catherine O’Hara, Toronto ON, movie actress (“Best in Show”, “Home Alone 1 & 2”)/former TV comedian (“SCTV” 1976-81)

1958 [45] Patricia Heaton, Bay Village OH, TV actress (makes a reported $6 million-a-year playing Ray’s wife Debra Barone on “Everybody Loves Raymond”)

1960 [43] Mykelti Williamson, St Louis MO, TV actor (Detective ‘Fearless’ Bobby Smith-“Boomtown”)

1968 [35] Patsy Kensit, London ENG, movie actress (“The Last Don II”, “Lethal Weapon 2″)/ex-Mrs Liam Gallagher (Oasis)

1971 [32] Fergal Lawler, Dublin IRE, rock musician (Cranberries-“Linger”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Mardi Gras”, also known as “Fat Tuesday” and “Pancake Day”. Always 46 days before Easter, it’s the last chance for partying with parades, beads and masks before the austerity of Lent begins on “Ash Wednesday”. The 3 colors associated with Mardi Gras are purple (symbolizing justice), green (faith), and gold (power). Some highlights –
• In New Orleans, the annual Mardi Gras bash comes to a close with a whopping 14 parades.
NET: http://www.mardigrasneworleans.com/
• In Rio De Janeiro, Brazil some 70,000 will pay up to $700 to watch the final spectacle of “Carnival“ as samba schools dance down the 700-yard runway of the specially-built ‘Sambadrome’ until daybreak.
• In Olney UK & Liberal KS, the annual “Shrovetide Pancake Race” will be run, in which women decked out in aprons and bonnets cook a pancake, then complete a race course while flipping it 3 times in the air.

TODAY is “Unique Names Day”. Lots of directions to go with this besides unique personal names. Ask listeners for –
• Unusual Canadian Placenames (lots are listed by province here – http://www.coolquiz.com/trivia/canada/town.asp)
• Unusual US Placenames (lots are listed by state here – http://www.coolquiz.com/trivia/usa/towns.asp)
• Weird Affectionate Names (this name generator will manufacture some ‘slushy’ names based on yours or listeners’ – http://members.fortunecity.co.uk/nickname/valantines_day.html)
• Suggested Rock Star Names (make up pop, blues, hip-hop and alternative rock names using this name generator – http://www.mp3.com/rockstarname/)

TODAY is “Hug a GI Day”. (You might be saying goodbye.)

Here’s a quick little gimmick to run TODAY. Find a 5-second snippet of marching band music, then play it as an on-going gag every time you casually mention that TODAY is – “March Forth!” (March 4th).

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1793 [210] George Washington’s 2nd inauguration features shortest speech (133 words)

1877 [126] 1st ‘microphone’ (thanks to Emile Berliner, you have a job!)

1902 [101] ‘Triple-A’, the ‘American Automobile Association’, is founded

1952 [51] Hollywood stars [future prez] Ronald Reagan & Nancy Davis get hitched

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1943 [60] Actress Greer Garson takes 5.5 minutes to accept her Academy Award for “Mrs Miniver”, considered an Oscar acceptance speech record

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Mother-in-Law Day
[Wed] Ash Wednesday
[Thurs] Frozen Food Day
[Thurs] Stop Bad Service Day
[Sat] Plant a Flower Day
[Sun] Panic Day
This Week Is . . . Autograph Collecting Week (who’s the lamest ‘celebrity’ you ever asked for an autograph?) / National School Breakfast Week
This Month Is . . . International Listening Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SIGNS YOU’VE ENJOYED MARDI GRAS A LITTLE TOO MUCH:
• You wake up in court with your pants on backwards.
• You go to the bathroom and actually pee hurricanes.
• You pull beads out of places they never should be and don’t wanna know how they got there.
• You discover a tattoo of ‘Beignets Rule’ on your ass.
• The woman next to you in bed is named ‘Fat Tuesday’.

FIND THE FAKE PHOBIA:
Two of these are actual phobias, the other a fake. But which one?
1. Metrophobia – Fear or hatred of poetry.
2. Mnemophobia – Fear of office memos. (FAKE. Fear of memories.)
3. Neophobia – Fear of anything new.

BS PATENTED QUICK-PICK TRIVIA:
• What is the most abundant metallic element in Earth’s surface?
a) Iron
b) Aluminium
c) Metallica
[Aluminium, which accounts for an estimated 8% of the solid portion of Earth’s crust.]

• What’s the common term for when partners each pay their own way on a date?
a) ‘Going Dutch’
b) ‘Going Single‘
c) ‘Going Cheapo’
[It’s called ‘Going Dutch’.]

• Which yields the most beverage?
a) A pound of ground coffee.
b) A pound of tea.
c) A pound of beer.
[A pound of tea yields 200 cups. A pound of ground coffee will give you about 50 cups. A pound of beer is about a bottle and a half – perhaps 5 cups.]

• Which famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
a) Mississippi River
b) Niagara Falls
c) Ozark Mountains
[The rim of Niagara Falls is worn back about 2-and-a-half ft each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it each minute. Little known fact – to counteract this erosion, the falls are actually turned down to about 50% of full flow overnight.]

BS BLATANT JOKE:
They just celebrated “Chinese New Year”, the ‘Year of the Goat’. And here’s how dumb I am – I’m still writing ‘Year of the Pig’ on all my cheques!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Is there one thing about your mate that bugs you? 22% of surveyed wives say they wish they could change THIS about their husbands.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: His lack of style.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.