Thursday, March 14, 2002        Edition: #2253
Da Bull & You Got Our Sheet Together!

Highlights from a Public Opinion Strategies poll on romantic breakups —
• 36% say women dump men more often, while 34% believe the reverse is true.
• 40% see themselves as ‘dumpsters’, having dumped more often than they have been dumped.
• 25% say they are usually the ‘dumpee’, getting the heave-ho more often than not.
• 22% say they have broken up with 6 to 10 romantic interests.
• 46% say they have been the victim 2 to 3 times in their lives.
BS LAMEST BREAKUP EXCUSES:
• “I’m holding you back from all the other lives you could be ruining.”
• “It’s not you, it’s me. Specifically, me would like to sleep with your sister [brother].”
• “Ow, I banged my head! Wait a sec, who are YOU?”
• “You’re too young for me, or maybe too old. We’re the same age? Well, that doesn’t work for me, either.”
• “Dear Jennifer: By the time you read this I’ll be a woman . . .”
• “You’re no longer the wealthy, gullible and desperately lonely man I fell in love with.”
• “I’m sorry, but there just isn’t room in my life right now for both you and my vibrator.”
• “We just don’t have anything in common anymore — you’re a morning person, and I want to see your severed head impaled on a flagpole.”
• “You’ve gone from ‘sponge-worthy’ to merely ‘spongy’.”
• “Let’s split up. We can do more damage that way.”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT on ABC-TV’s “Primetime”, Diane Sawyer’s ‘exclusive interview’ will reveal the shocking news that Rosie O’Donnell is a lesbian (no kidding, does the pope poop in the woods?) . . . The word on the Oscars is that many of the nominated actresses will wear pants instead of dresses (that way they can make a fashion statement and still run away from Russell Crowe) . . . Worried he’s about to go to that giant fire hydrant in the sky, Elizabeth Taylor commissioned a $15,000 oil painting of her ailing 12-year-old partially blind and deaf Maltese dog ‘Sugar’ sitting in her lap (reports say Sugar looks remarkably true-to-life in the portrait, while 70-year-old Liz mysteriously appears to be about 30) . . . Hugh Grant says the shirtless pix of Tom Cruise in “Vanity Fair” are ‘unmanly’ (scathing comments from one macho guy to another) . . . She’s baaack – the world’s least-talented actress Tori Spelling has a role in a new ensemble TV sit-com called “Way Downtown” about a bunch of female friends (get those Emmys ready!) . . . And both Mick Jagger and Lenny Kravitz have been spotted in Paris where it’s “Fashion Week” THIS WEEK, but they aren’t there for the clothes — they’ve been hustling models, sometimes two at a time.

MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
It’s been announced the 20th ‘James Bond’ film will be called — “Die Another Day” (lame, ain’t it?) and it will open NOVEMBER 22 (Pierce Brosnan’s 4th ‘007′ film — should it be his last?) . . . . Remember ‘Eddie the Eagle’, the skill-challenged Brit ski-jumper who became the talk of the 1988 Calgary Winter Olympics? – well, a bio-film on his life is in development (how come this guy’s getting ANOTHER 15 minutes?) . . . Goldie Hawn is co-producing a movie about the passengers of United Flight 93, the hijacked jetliner that crashed in a Pennsylvania field on 9/11 (betcha they call it “Let’s Roll!”).

EYE IN THE SKY IS BLIND:
Britain may be the most closely monitored country on the planet — it already has some 1.5 million closed-circuit cameras watching streets, office buildings, schools, shopping centers and roads and the government is planning to spend another $115 million on more TV eyes. The trouble is – it’s not working! Crime stats are way up. In fact, street robbery, the very crime that the CCTV system is supposed to be deterring, is reaching record levels.

THE GOODS ON GUYS:
What do women notice first when they look at a guy? According to a recent survey of women –
• Face (56%)
• Chest (21%)
• Eyes (12%)
• Butt (8%)
• Legs (3%)

IN PRAISE OF OLDER WOMEN:
Population stats show that by 2010, single men in their late 30s and early 40s will outnumber women who are 5 to 10 years younger by a 2-to-1 ratio. Since more than half of all men marry younger women, the pool of young women will shrink substantially. Dating services already report a surplus of men. A recent poll by online matchmaker Match.com finds its average male client is now willing to date a woman 3 years his senior. (Hint for bachelors — practise kissing your grandma.)

MONA THE HO:
German art historian Magdalena Soest claims to have discovered the identity of the ‘Mona Lisa’, the woman in the world’s most famous painting. Seems she was Countess Caterina
Sforza from Italy, a woman of ‘loose morals’ and one of the best known mistresses of the Renaissance who was married 3 times, had 11 children and countless lovers (no wonder she’s smiling). Ms Soest says she’s found a 2nd portrait of the countess at age 25 that proves the theory. When Leonardo da Vinci painted her in 1503, she was closer to 40. (With a lot more miles on her.)

ART TO GO:
Glendale CA artist Zadik Zadikian says his goal is to ‘liberate’ art from galleries and museums and bring it to the masses. In order to do that he’s currently completing a dozen 12-by-24 ft paintings of angels that will be mounted on — the sides of trucks. THIS FALL the 7 transport trucks will travel throughout California.

SILLY STUDIES:
• Scientists now believe that in the future we will be able to make houses out of Styrofoam. (The best feature about these homes will be that your beer will never get warm.)
• There is new research that suggests that drunk monkeys act similarly to drunk people. (Except most people don’t crap in their hands and throw it at bartenders. Well, unless it’s a bachelor party.)
• A new study shows that excessive coffee drinking can lead to — hemorrhoids. (Am I confused or are these people doing it wrong?)
• A University of California study shows that raising body temperature helps people lose weight. You can lose 5 pounds a year by raising your temperature just one-tenth of a degree. (I sneezed off 20 lbs of mucus on the ‘Allergy Diet’.)
• A new study shows that people who are found to be overly suspicious, cynical and hostile are more likely to die within a 15-year-period than those with more trusting dispositions. Chronic suspicion may produce stress that impairs the body’s ability to fight disease. (I don’t know, I really have trouble believing this.)

THE BULL SHEET 03.14.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [69] Quincy Jones, Chicago IL, pop/jazz artist/producer/composer with 25 Grammy Awards

1933 [69] Sir Michael Caine (Maurice Micklewhite), London ENG, film actor (2 Oscars-“The Cider House Rules”, “Hannah & Her Sisters”)  NEXT FILM: Plays ‘Captain Hendricks’/’Nigel Powers’ in “Austin Powers 3″, opening JULY 26

1947 [55] Billy Crystal, Long Beach NY, movie actor (“Monsters Inc”, “Analyze This”)/frequent Oscar host, but not this year/sports mogul (partial owner of World Series champ Arizona Diamondbacks)  NEXT FILM: Co-stars with Robert De Niro in the comedy sequel “Analyze That” opening DECEMBER 6

1958 [44] Prince Albert (Albert Alexandre Louis Pierre de Matignon-Grimaldi), Monte Carlo MON, rich guy/son of Prince Rainier III/heir to the throne of Monaco/Olympic bobsledder  NOTE: His roving hands have earned him the nickname ‘The Octopus’

1968 [34] Megan Follows, Uxbridge ON, TV actress (2 Gemini Awards-“Anne of Green Gables”, “Anne Of Avonlea”)

1972 [30] Antowain Smith, NFL RB (2002 Super Bowl champion New England Patriots)

1979 [23] Chris Klein, Hinsdale IL, movie actor (“We Were Soldiers”, “American Pie I & II”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Save a Spider Day”, a day to appreciate arachnids and the webs they weave.

TODAY is “National Potato Chip Day”, honoring North America’s favorite snack food, invented by chef George Crum in 1853 at Moon Lake Lodge resort in Saratoga Springs, New York. What’s the best flavored chip – jalapeno, sea salt & malt vinegar, steak & onion, dill pickle, all dressed?

TODAY is “National Pi Day” (as in 3.14 — get it?)

TODAY is “National Single Fathers Who Are Not Leeches on Society Day”, to honor all fathers who take responsibility for their children, an effort to reverse the typecasting of divorced fathers as ‘deadbeats’.

THIS MONTH is the 28th annual “Music In Our Schools Month” and TODAY over 8 million American students and teachers are expected to participate in what the National Association for Music Education calls the “World’s Largest Concert” at 1 pm EST. The half-hour simultaneous sing-along aims to bring attention to the value of school music programs.
NET: http://www.menc.org/guides/wlc2002/Front.html

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [04] “Nokia Presents The George Strait Chevy Truck Country Music Festival Brought To You By Wrangler” opens (likely setting some kind of record for sponsorship deals)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1860 [142] 1st ‘baseball cap’ designed (the next day, some idiot puts the 1st baseball cap on  backwards)

1923 [79] 1st hockey ‘play-by-play’ broadcast (Peter Parker-Edmonton vs Regina)

1992 [10] Researchers 1st announce that broccoli fights cancer (kids everywhere moan)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] True Confessions Day
[Sun] St Patrick’s Day
[Wed] 1st Day of Spring
[Mar 24] 74th Academy Awards
[Mar 31] Easter
[Apr 30] Canadian Income Tax deadline
[Apr 15] Tax Day USA
Irish-American Month
National Poison Prevention Week
Optimism Month
Improve Management Skills Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
WELL, DUH!
Actual AP wire headlines —
“Symphony to Feature Foreign Composers”
“Cold Front May Break Heat Wave”
“Teens May Be Lured by Sweet Booze”
“Copter Crash Victims To Be Buried”
“Heartache, Despair Thrive in Las Vegas”
“Pearl Harbor Veterans Tell Stories”
“Cuban Migrants Try to Reach Florida”
“Study: Truck Wrecks Deadly for Kids”
“Twentysomethings Leaving Wisconsin”

3 WORDS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR TOGETHER:
Ask listeners to suggest 3 words that will never be heard together. Some ideas —
• really understanding wife
• diarrhea feels good
• income tax discontinued
• Osama’s Bin captured
• inexpensive health care
• Britney Justin married
• sweet smelling diaper
• Tom Green Oscar
• it’s my round!

BS OSCAR QUIZ:
Q: Who was the first black woman to win a ‘Best Actress’ Oscar?
A: Hard to believe, but there’s never been one! Hattie McDaniel was the first black actress to win an Oscar way back in 1940 for “Gone With the Wind”, but that was the award for ‘Best Actress in a Supporting Role’. Halle Berry has a shot at becoming the first black ‘Best Actress’ THIS YEAR for her role in “Monster’s Ball” (she already won the “SAG Award” on the weekend).

Q: Who’s won the most personal Academy Awards?
A: The late Walt Disney with 32, including several Special Awards, the first of which was for the creation of ‘Mickey Mouse’ in 1931-32.

BS TAG LINE:
Judge people by what they are, not where they are.